Stop taking my glances.
I swear they’re tearing me down.
I get caught in these trances,
And I lose more of myself.
I feel empty each time.
They aren’t just open chances
I hear the world’s whisper,
But I feel the heart’s scream.
Each pair of eyes are a sister.
I want a mind as clean as snow,
I want my heart to be someone’s home
But I fight these these feelings as my fists get blistered.

I’m gonna break a bone,
Through every single mental groan.
I tried to take the beauty, but I couldn’t hold on to the life that gave it meaning.
And through your colors, washing me with new things,
I could still only find darkness without agreeing.

I get so mad knowing you will never understand what I see.
You can’t see the pain,
the memories,
or the people who make up these images.

My mind works in such an otherworldly way,
I wish it wasn’t so far away.
I wish I could just share it with the world.
Even if the vulnerability hurt me, it’d be worth it to be less lonely.
All my thoughts could be appreciated,
and in their own light,
to the right people only.

I think in sentiment, so the clues of the portraits I create,
would communicate in clear secrecy, the truth they bear about me.
This unimaginable beauty,
that even I only see in glimpses,
would maybe a have a place,
could maybe be hung in a museum,
sold in an auction,
stolen for its value,
fought for to save.
It’s infinite.
the stream, the river, the trees, the forest,,,
the undetected particles in the air glowing in the ray of gold squeezed between the canopy from the sun,
the world of green and blue underneath the repetitive streaming and complicated designs that carry rainbow colored fish,
even just the emptiness of sound at the precipice before the greatest vastest canyons of our earth...
You can’t dare to frame a single one of these without spending every medium you can find.

And now I think I get it:
Art cannot contain the beauty we see and feel,
It is meant to be a crack of a window to the inside of what's real.
Art borrows a pinch of the beauty to show the others a glimpse to awe at,
And if successful, that small crack may bring one into the glory of it all someday.

You don’t light up the world, but you allow me to see.
The truth still hurts,
But everything is now warm and full of life.
All the beauty around me,
I can feel it and touch it,
It wraps me like fog hugs the mountains.
I can’t help but slip into dreams,
Even while it’s right in front of me.
The worlds that you create break my mind into rosy memories to fuel my sentiment and comfort every day.

Running through the dark,
like you’re not scared of losing your heart.
I watch as you embark,
set the sails to the wind and change this ***** part.

What deathly horrors attracts these thousands upon thousands of crows,
When they came there was something in the air that froze.
They veil the sky, drown out all noise, cutting through the vacancy of empty leafless trees,
Never do they fail to arrive, or come quietly one by one,
They come out of nowhere, but to tell the whole city there is no sun.
As they cross under clouds, the ****** increases, seemingly never ending like the dark skies that precede them.
All of Bothell seems to joke with its ever dark skies and black bird cries.

Why couldn’t I find home in you?
These parts of you I will never get back,
All the colors that rush through your head and eyes,
Your distinct and special parts that make you enough.
I wish my passion and desire for meaning weren’t so rough.
I feel like just
                          closing my eyes,
                                                    pluggin­g my ears,
                                                           ­                  covering my mouth.

I would rather shut out the reality of the pain you and I have been through,
and experience my heart of dreams

                                                          and places I’ll never go to again,

my home I may never find.

I hate that I couldn’t let you in?
I hate that I felt lost with you?
I hate that my mind won’t agree with my heart.

You are an artist and you create the most beautiful expressions,
You’re quite brilliant,
You light up the whole world with your honest kindness,

At times I know I didn’t deserve these godly reflections.
So WHY did you feel I was the right one?
WHY have you only captured my heart when I don’t have you within arms reach,
I know it’s Because My Mind is let loose and it finds ideals to grab onto and leach.

I have been everywhere,
…felt so so many things.
I feel so alone in my mental strain,
My fight with this special kind of empty pain,
but the thing that hurts worst is the realization that I may not be as alone or unique as I once thought.
I may have learned of the meaning and vastness behind my cavernous thoughts but that doesn’t mean that this world isn’t a lonely war I’ve fought.
Maybe it will hurt less the more I talk to the ones that share this world.
Maybe I will find out how important this lost place is.
Maybe they will someday understand me, this wonderland,
Because I know no one else feels how my dream of home has been perfectly pearled.

Some things hurt with such intensity, and I don’t know why,

Sounds, smells, scenes.

It’s like I’ve been here before and experienced the most significant emotional event or worse, that it reminds me of a place I’ll never be again.

I can’t understand why they tug at my heart like they do, but I have to hold on to the pain, the sentiment; I can’t waste the emotion, I need to save it and use it, hold it and fuse it,
With some other part of my life.
Whether I intentionally make memories to fill a void made by one of these unknown bursts of feeling,
Or plan my future to head towards them and fulfill them...

I must do something,
To free myself from the thought,
That they may be nothing,
That my mind may be meaningless,
Even if it’s true,
I’d rather deceive myself,
And make it out of something that I drew.

Nothing can stop my mind’s emotion,
So I’ll just give it fuel to soak in.
I need a place to put them,
And burn until I’m deep in REM.
Dreams let my creativity thrive,
Because my waking self can’t give them all life.
I hold things you could never imagine,
Endless dreamscapes of comfort and strife.
Someday it will feel right,
The worst things that pain me will be greater in reality,
Someday it will all be in sight,
After years I will create more than I imagined in my ability.

At the pinnacles of right and wrong, where life is changed and paths are drawn,
When your thoughts are surrounded by the hardness of stone,
And intertwined with small traces of gold,
Don’t lay on the rock and feel the cold,
Burn away all that traps and treasure the gold.
Those small shining pieces are what holds the truth,
The solid fixtures of wisdom and proof,
The only part that may bring you through,
In the darkness and chaos of all the paths you drew.

You made me feel like I had to earn your love.
Like I didn’t deserve your attention
Your age played a factor in my worth or my voice.
But I couldn’t go to you for advice.
I wish I could go back a little to face some of these truths,
With the freshness of memories I no longer have.

How quickly can truth be changed?
Presumably fixed by fact,
Realistically loose in sway of speech.
How successful may our search be, for truth,
If society and popularity guide the masses' findings?
Our success will be lost in the denial of ignorant passionates.
Compassion, a straight line may be the fastest route to, but goodness isn’t just the destination,
It’s everything you cut through.

Drive away from here, there's another world,
Outside the bubble of the star killing light,
Lit instead by the milky way's night.
Skyscrapers covered in snow,
Windows covered by forests in alpine low,
Suburbs of wildflowers by dew softly pearled.

I can’t seem to understand,
how drifting dreams can pull my hand.
You won’t let my mind take leave,
Crushing me with cords of creativity
Your personality screaming in my ears,
and blinding me with yellow,
finding almost every way to make me feel low.

I’ve been falling.
I’ve been feeling the cold,
It breezes through my bones,
And the very moment it chills me,
Your warm embrace fulfills me.
All I can see are the colors falling through the air,
Each holding memories I can’t get back, it’s not fair.
It doesn’t matter how cold it gets,
Home won’t fail to heat me from the inside.

I could cast my gaze toward anyone,
but connection comes in small moments of understanding:
When we direct our attention long enough to contemplate the colors,
To regard the size of the darkness we see the world from.
Sometimes we only catch a hit-and-run,
But when it sticks, when souls connect, and we see the other for who they really are,
It leaves me with something I can't forget,
My mind has yet to find a greater but just as simple communication in adoration of another creation.
There's something powerful in the one-on-one,
Undeterred by surrounding crowds or events in motion all around,
Eyes still meet and lock, no passing thing can break their talk.
With every burning second the mirrored sensation of optical reception resembles the sweet weariness of a Nordic midnight sun.
And then it breaks as thoughts swirl in passion heated from skylights.
The warmth runs through the whole body, just seconds filling every cold spot.
As the windows close no one knows, but those dark spots and colors burn in the silence.
I think you may understand, relate in some way, but in reality these words aren't for everyone.

Is part of getting over you,
Disregarding my influenced interests?
Is it unhealthy to hold on to what made you the one that stuck in the back of my mind,
Even when my heart no longer pined,
For you.
I’m discovering new beauty,
Yes it’s great,
Should I set down some souvenirs,
Were they solely for you and me?
Golden light,
Will you still shine?
Maybe in a different time,
Strung by new threads of twine?
I’m ready to pursue,
Somewhere I have not yet flew,
Find something new of mine.

Is there a difference between being anxious and being careful,
The fear of not taking caution, when all you’ve taken in the past is lost in sin.
My streams of encouragement aren’t running dry, but they seem to be damming up at my mind.
You can’t understand the weight these feathers have on my heart,
Your scales work in reality,
Mine float along in a dreamscape endless fantasy,
Pulled down at one end where I see all future of peace and perfection.
All I can see is the undefined, the forgotten in time, only mine.
Help me drown and wake up back here, I won’t get far up here, looking for my dreamt of dear, all I need is one good hear,
Listening to your whispers of truth.

Why is there a certain pleasure in melancholy?
How come when something feels lost, or maybe its me
I savor the moment, like I seek the attention of my emotions.

In time I feel something new
The peace of life, life renewed
I see a glow of light it sees me and brings me sight
I am guided by natures call
oceans roar or rain’s fall
I fear separation from this feeling
I fear the cage of a forced life
Give me a hope a feeling that I can hang onto,
a great awakening so I can do what I want to,
No, so I can do what you want to.
Peace is greater than fear and yet I find the greatest peace mixed with the latter.
Oh, all of my creativity,
Why does it seem to give me anonymity?

I want to be there for you even when it doesn’t make sense.
You don’t own me anything,
I don’t need you.
But there’s something I find in you that’s true.
I used to be bothered by our less than parallel tracks.
You see I’m a perfectionist but it’s funny cause perfect is something we all lack.
So as I continue to give and readily receive from you, I will look away from your deaf choices,
I can’t speak sign with your hands.
But I won’t stop listening to your voice.
Maybe there’s just a certain beauty in friendship
Cause I can remember the crazy of a skinny dip,
I can still listen to your struggles, stresses, slips, and misses,
And I won’t have to carry the unpredictability of your life’s every twist and turn,
But instead remain in a certain tranquility and sit back watch and learn.

You brought me to my lowest low,
You said, "I sent them so you wouldn’t go."
And I know you were looking for something,
I'm sorry I caved, and gave into your lusting.
I wish I could’ve been forever,
but you know now that life wasn't meant for us to be together.

These emotions fuel fires,
I get excited watching them burn.
Every time I look it has a new flare,
So bright I don’t want to look away,
It spreads and I don’t care,
I let it destroy just to watch it go.
I sit here tossing more gasoline,
just to smell the evergreen,
It only lasts as long as it burns.
you’d think the arsonist would be the one who learns,
but mistakes don’t make lessons if they feel good,
when you think you can fix them on your own,
you only get so far till you get what you’ve sown.

Have all the instigations of my heart issues
dawned insinuations of my used tissues,
Or am I the one to blame?
Can I trust a mind that never stays the same?
How are there no answers,
in the windows of your eyes?
Why aren’t my instincts strong enough to overcome these lies
I make up in my mind,
the ones that bring peace,
but only for a time in between my insanity?
For the very next moment I’m wise enough, I wish I was always wise enough, to come back to reality.

Covered by leafy canopy
No one knows where the light comes from
Led by a vague presence of direction
Look at the green,
That’s all you see.
Lost in melancholy,
Lost in being lost
Looking for a reason to be found,
Looking for an idea of who could find.

I can’t stand it,
It’s like a constant pressure,
A destiny that may never measure up.
Why do I feel this,
Where does it come from?
Does my mind make it greater than it truly is for a reason?
Because that would be the greatest treason.
You run, you hide, you follow me, and hurt me.
Nothing but the end, if it even exists, can stop the burning.

Its a moment in time,
it finds me ever so often.
Like a vague dream that lingers throughout the day,
Or like a childhood home that isn’t gone but isn’t the same.
I miss it with so much of my heart,
And I go back to it often,
It reminds me where I came from, why I am me,
It reminds me of true friends who deeply care.
The moment seems passed,
but the friend I think of often,
I can’t think of a better person than the one of this moment,
I wouldn’t wish any life without them in it.
Its funny because they’re here,
But consistency doesn’t come often,
I see a future in their eyes that I can’t forget,
It’s home and I feel I am always chasing it.
They’re not the one,
at least now,
But their character stays with me often,
Like your deep passion that leads you to a life career,
Like those postcards of paradise that lead you to your own .
I don’t know why she’s stuck around so long,
I don’t know why it comes back so often,
The peacefulness is kind of melancholy and lonely,
But the kind of lonely that you share with another.
Its almost taunting its place in my life,
How it follows between friends so often,
It never seems to fit, like a daisy taken with the weeds,
Like a singer in the shower, with no audience to listen.
I want my friend close,
But how with pain so often?
I can’t seem to bring the past to the present,
I just want to acclimate to the change without loss.
I could go on forever,
My heart cries often,
This may just be a guide for one to come along,
It may just lead me to a home with similar peculiarity.
I will carry this flower,
I will smell it often,
I won’t forget the past with all the good it brings,
I will take what I’ve learned and trek to my home out there.

I get roped in,
I get caught every time.
The smell of bait is always attracting like a word’s next rhyme.
And I can’t seem to get out of this trap I find myself in so often,
All I need is a glance, a smile, a touch, and I find myself in this coffin.

You see, I write about these things so routinely.
It takes up all my emotion,
And my thoughts are formed obscenely.

I am either running
From the things I dream at night
Or dwelling in my sleep
Until I can't stand my waking self.
My character seems to hang by a thread’s might,
And I now see it lacks in wealth.