You're my nicotine.

Why do I breathe you in

When I know you're no good for me?

I stopped at a red light
And heard

I waited in the checkout line
And heard

I walked the dog along a sidewalk with weeds in the cracks
And heard

I made tomorrow's lunch for work
And heard

I laid sprawled out on my bed
And heard

Sirens
Horns
Gunshots
Ringing
Screaming


One night of anger.

Open, overlooked,
Yet obliviously
I love.

"...Walking out of that place
With you, my friend, by my side,
I felt like a soldier after war:
I was void of my senses.
I lacked all feeling of physical pleasure
And pain.
I forgot what it meant to possess
Simplicity, joy, and contentment,
Like a billionaire who indulges his every whim
Then overdoses on ******* or ******
Or one too many bullets to the head..."

Pacify my war-torn soul
With your white-flag lips
And breath of sun.
My body needs peace
And it wants to surrender
To a gentler place
Where touches are tender.

Pacify my warring spirit
With your knock-out fists
And soldier's gun.
My body aches to ache
And pain in my sender
To a beautiful place
Where malice is mender.

Our eyes deceive us
Why don't they believe us?

Play pretend for a night
The sheets were ocean breeze

God, she was beautiful
I took a bullet to the head

If I could I would draw her
So I wasn't runner-up

But we were just temporary
My penciled-in girl

One is none
And two is one.
Survival is redundant
And so is love.

I find my finger tracing silhouettes of strangers

As I tap my foot and stare outside the glass pane in front of me

Onto the street where passersby greet the crisp morning air

With knit scarves and hats and boisterous jackets and saddlebags at the hip,

Ready to ride into town and run out the sheriffs in charge of the show

On West End and Broadway.
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Flurries of snow greet the ground with thunderous applause

As I sip my brew, intertwining fingers with my mug like lovers

And tracing silhouettes of strangers standing at the corner

With my free hand.
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The silent footsteps remind me of the cars at Piccadilly Circus on the first snow of the season,

And how all rhyme and reason belong to silhouettes of strangers that walk past the storefronts and stoplights and billboards and Barclay's

Instead of the steady sound of tires screeching and stopping traffic

In this picturesque place.
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A winter's day in New York is a lot like a winter's day in London;

Silhouettes of strangers are outlined by the fingers of fresh-faced people sipping coffee in a corner café.

They tap their feet and wait for a silhouette to escape the bellowing silence of the snow and the roar of the barren roads.

All they want is to intertwine their fingers with another,

Instead of a lukewarm mug.

Sleep is not to be dreaded,
Despised, nor feared,
For it is simply the
Means we were given
To feel the touch of
Intangible faces
And whimsical places.
What would life be like
Without a dream?

You beg to speak with me, but it is of your own accord that I sit in ignorance to the sound of your voice. The lies and slander never stopped until you needed me. It will be solitude in which I stand; I am here for you no more.

It's funny how you're my sun,
Warming my soul on the coldest of days
When the piercing stilettos of winter
Penetrate my body.
Yet on other days you burn my skin
Like a million untamed sparks
Lunging at the hand of the man
Who feeds the flames
Because he doesn't want to see them die.

If you weren't real, I'd make you up.
I'd spill my heart like rivers run.
I'd throw away your yesterdays
And write your name in outer space
With stars.

You're the sand in my pail
When I'm making a castle.
You're the wind in my sail
When I need to go faster.
You're the salt in the air,
You're the waves on the sea
You're surrounding my chest
Like the sand on my feet.

Why is life so amazing
When we build each other up,
When we push against boundaries
And never give up?
As we sit and laugh forever
On the dunes by the shore,
I see the life in your eyes that
You've never lived before.

White sand stuck to your lips
Hair in braids, hands on hips
Is this a hit or a miss?
Is this ignorant bliss?
Is it selfish to say
That I want you to stay,
Like the embers of sunset
Dancing out on the bay?

You're the sand and the wind,
The gulls circling in
Search my heart for the things
That are written in sin.
You're the salt and the waves,
You're the reason I pray.
You're the woman I breathe for
And I wanted to ask you to
Stay.

When I'm tired
I can never seem to sleep.
Crashing waves in my head,
Or crashing cars...?
Are my thoughts what I want
To wade knee-deep into
After a long day?
Or are they deadly self-portraits
Of my day made of
Brain matter and blood
And whatever else comes from
A body after instant death?
Sunny days are what hide the stars,
Not crashing waves and crashing cars.

"I'm full of holes and sinking fast," she said as she told me she needed new faces and a fresh start. She thought what we had between us was irreparable, and by human standards she was right.

In my naiveté, I tried to patch and fill them with imperfect hands and carnal substance.

With temporal eyes, we couldn't see that the many "holes" she thought she had was just a single void, and I was trying to do the job of the Carpenter.

I laid my ghosts to rest

You invited yours to bed

"You are beautiful.
You are gentle.
You are brilliant.
You are strong.
You have the most caring heart I've ever seen.
I've known you for well over a year.
We've had our ups and downs.
We always come out on top.
We've both been hurt.
We're better because of each other.
Nothing makes me happier than
Seeing a smile on your face.
Nothing hurts me more than
Seeing you cry.
Nobody is perfect
But you are flawless.
I want to fight for you
Because I believe in you.
I admire you,
I'm proud of you,
And I want you to know
I love you."

God made her

The perfect puzzle.

I could never make her whole

Because she gave away

All her pretty pieces

To someone else.

The wind whispered softly along
As if not to bother the sleeping child in its cradle,
The angry trees about to lose their beauty,
And the neighborhood paperboy on his bicycle with his scarf wrapped tightly around his face.

The wind caressed the crystal flakes that fell from the heavens
As if to console the father whose son was sacrificed in distant war,
The daughter who was destined to walk the aisle without a father,
And the excited mother-to-be whose child was stillborn after months of tender love and care.

The wind calmly strolled down 8th Street
Where the early workers stood in line for a bagel and brew,
Where children gathered near the corner filled with vigor and youth,
Where tall giants of steel and stone shone with haughty pride and modern couth.

The wind whispered softly along
The curves and wrinkles of my face
As my life forever changed,
But it was just another day
To the wind.

Like the seasons, people change...sometimes for the better, sometimes for worse. Whatever the case, don't say "people never change." Change is the only constant in life, my son.

It's time to drop the score and move on, not settle it. Don't **** yourself under the weight of a grudge, time does that on its own.

Loyalty is the fastest eroding trait of your generation. Don't stop being someone's high ground when the tide sweeps in. Be dependable, my son; more people look up to you than you know.

You made me run
When I couldn't walk.
You made me plead
When I couldn't talk.
You made me bleed
And thought it was fun.
You made me freeze
But you were my sun.

I was in the middle of writing
Then you called and we started fighting.
Words on the tip of my pen were flowing with
The unspoken affection my mouth could never speak.
Your blue eyes and smile...God why did you dial my number this late anyway?
You say you're concerned and I just can't understand why I fan the flames that are out to burn and destroy what took so long for us to create together.

Together.

Together we're better than this.
Together we laugh at things normal people find boring, and we listen to the sounds normal people ignore.
Together we go places normal people fear to tread, and we keep each other's heads above the waves.
And here we are, sinking the same ship we built together.

If only the same words that trickle from the tip of my pen late at night would reach my lips
I would be able to tell you I can't think of anyone else I'd rather plan out the perfect crime with,
I can't think of another person I'd rather spend nights building forts and making faces with like we're kids, and
I can't imagine knowing another girl the way I know you.

When my feet touch the grass

In the place I call home,

My reception will not be that at all,

But a valediction.

I'm reaching for stars
With my head in the sand
And I'm swimming in currents
While I'm standing on land
If you're hearing this now
And you think I'm confused
Then it's pretty apparent
You've never been used

Tracing lines on the pavement
Of this bustling town
And he only sound that I hear
Is my soul screaming out
Now I'm stuck here in a place
Where no one else cares
So I'm launching my rocket
And blowing up in mid-air

You say you're a dreamer
At least that's what I heard
From the haze in your eyes
That's as good as your word
Please wake up, my dear
Don't be playing with knives
If you call yourself a dreamer
You'll be sleeping all your life

I stare at walls and see her there

A flower-printed love affair

Her azure-striped and plastered hair

Are cracked but perfect, everywhere.

Her skin of beige, it ripples soft

Across my palms when I get lost

I feel her smooth and supple skin

When I can't think and need to sin.

But here is now, and now is then

I'm staring at my walls again

Each one reminds me of the face

Of fallen angels barred from grace.

I gave you your eyes,
Showed you the blue in the sky,
Why in the hell did I bother to try?
You make her laugh when she wants to cry,
You never let go when you say your goodbyes,
When you ****, your body's her lullaby.
And when you both wake up, it's not luck that binds you together:
It's the lies that you told me
And the ties here that hold me
And your false promises that sting me so coldly.

A river runs
While a lake stands still
And the mountains eclipse and make dwarves of the hills.
The meadow blooms,
The flowers swoon
As the sunlight of day paves a path for the moon.
As I lie here alone in a desolate state
Immersed in my senses but unfit to relate,
I can't help but notice I'm incredibly small
Surrounded by beauty and grandeur and all.
No friends to console me except the whistling pines,
No one to reach out and hold me
But the wheatgrass feels fine.
When I speak
My words fall like anchors in the sea;
The little waves of the lake that hear them
Shake their heads in disbelief.
The only truth I now hold to heart
Is that oftentimes life takes us back to the start.
A river runs
While a lake stands still
And the mountains are eclipsed by
My power of will.

If you want to go fast, go alone.
If you want to go far, go together.

-African Proverb*

I can't visualize what life would be like
Without you.
I will never awaken to such an aimless love
Without you.
I will never show the buttercup's glow
Without you.

I cannot love
Without you,
But I will never love you.

The first time I saw your radiant glow
It came from those globes you call eyes.
They took me around the world, to places
Neither discovered nor explored.
Through hell and back,
I slashed and hacked my way
Through vine and brush
To see your light
Because it was more beautiful
Than the glistening river that ran
Through the valley below me
And the sparkling snow
That fluttered and blowed
At the summit above.
Your light was warmer than the breeze
After I dipped my body in the
Crystal clear tides of the sea
And it was more brilliant
Than the silhouette of galaxies
I saw in the sky before I slept.
When I finally closed my eyes
I couldn't see any darkness
Because I dreamt of you.