I thought the pain of not being respected by my peers was the worst
Until I met Social Media
She is a selfish dictator
Dictating who I should be,who I need to be
Telling me in every moment I am not good enough
Now if I get praise then I am elated,in such madness I feel accepted for my personal moment
Then the next day comes and I have to prove myself all over again
I am a blank slate,time for my begging
Social Media you have ****** my moisture dry in the deepest of my ligaments and bones
Who do you think you are?
How dare you tell me who I am?
You know nothing...nothing at all
To live ones life in constant expectation
left wanting to be liked,even appreciated for your work
Are you a photographer,writer,singer,lover of the Arts that have given you such joy
Artists of our past put out their work every 6 months to a year or even years
And we are expected to come up with something magical everyday,multiple times a day...again I scream,"Madness!"
I have been a people pleaser my whole life.
Beginning my life yelling at the adults,"Look at me,look at me!"
I grow tired of this impossible grind
Weariness is my comfort(how twisted)
Forget this,forget them all
I am going to go read a book now

Being sick, isn't it lovely,
Sore, scratchy, throat,
Body feels like I'm stuck in a moat.
Boy I feel great more chicken soup please,
No... I want popsicle's, why am I hurting in my knees?
Please take care of me I say with doe eyes,
Who was the Knuckle Head who gave me this dripping surprise?
You? Husband? Oh...by me you will meet your demise.
But before that rub my back and get a new revise.

I did not love you,
But I did care,
Told me I was beautiful and fair.
Pain was the weapon you wrought,
Wish I had been taught,
In the dark arts of pain,
then maybe I could have stayed sane.
You manipulated me and lied,
Man I remember how hard I cried.
And even in this time and date,
I can't believe I wonder about a different fate.

Do you know
Can you see
Would you hear,
would you take the time
I feel so weak,but I must hide
because if I open the vault
you would turn and run
you couldn't handle it,could you?
Yearning to be me
longing to be embraced for my feelings,my words
Remove the mask for good and be loved for my spirit
I have something beautiful to give
be patient and I will reveal it to you
just give me a chance
Give me a chance,I am more than smoke in a mirror
dew in the grass
wind through the sunflower
I can be more than the sunflower

Everybody falls sometimes
Gotta find the strength to rise
From the ashes
And make a new beginning

Anyone can feel the ache
think it's more than you can take
But your stronger
Stronger than you know

Don't give up now
The sun will soon be shining
You've gotta face the clouds
to find the silver lining

I've Seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn't ever end
Even when the sky is falling
I've seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That's What Faith Can Do

Not listening, you don't hear,
Hating this about you,in so much fear.
To make a relationship you must communicate,
Without it you'll meet an awful fate.
Will you understand, will you see,
You need this to really love me.
I know it's not just you,
Because I am to blame too.
We must work and work hard,
Talking to myself as this Bard.
It's going to take effort and lots of time,
But My Love, I am willing to do it for you to be mine.

Working on me,
So I can be,
more than I am.
Stronger not weaker,
Listen to my Heavenly Father, not the deceiver,
Destined to be amazing,
Always to be gazing,
At this beautiful life.
Be a Giver,
Be a Lover,
Fill my Spirit, my heart, with Faith,
Not the darkness should I bath,
But be clean in the Light,
Giving thanks, that I am not alone.

You thought you couldn't injure my heart
and that you could get away hurting me by your cheating dart
But you were so wrong cause I am ready for a fight
I am so much stronger with amazing might
Revenge is my name and I am ready to take you down
I am not crazy, my mind is incredible and sound
Cheating guys are all the same and you never change
with your dog like personality and your mange
You rack up your numbers saying this is what makes a man
I promise you Mr.Dog you will get yours,you will be ******
I will find a real man,I will be respected and greatly loved
Only thing you will find is your many diseases and your doctors hand gloved

Do you see me?
Explain myself again?
Why can't we have a resume for our Being?
No explanation necessary.
Reader do you understand?
I say hello, they say hi,
Then the beats of silence, can I hide?
Please Lord I am in need of a best friend.
I miss her, could she miss me?
She knew me when,
Probably would not recognize the old Friend.
Nobody can take her place,
I miss that funny face.
But I am in need,
Lost tears not seen.
Look forward?
My Father I am so discouraged,
Don't want to be alone.

The fear broke off my breath
My body frozen in weakness
Is this my time for death
Seeing my world with bleakness
With a screaming soul
I scream God’s Name
Needing to be whole
Rescue me and this pain
I can’t do this alone
Necessity is my thunder
Enrapture to your throne
To never be asunder
You come in like a flood
Loving me ever and ever
For sacrifice and your blood
Never Your Hand to sever
Healing to all my scars
Giving I my hand
Embraced by all the stars
For fear, now I can stand

Innocence, the glorious array we are born with.
Their is no impossible with our Innocence.
Want to fly? You can.
High in the sky,with the birds,and the clouds,
looking down at your world,but you want more...
Break the atmosphere,make the stars your friends,
the planets your domain,the universe is your backyard.
I am a superhero.I help the helpless and the hurting,
their is nothing that I can't do!
I want a pony,so my dog and I go on amazing adventures.
I must protect the human race against evil,
so I can move you with the powers of my mind.
I can dance,sing,build,draw,I am an Artist and I am so good.
My works are shown at the exhibit called,"The Fridge".
Santa does not just come for Christmas,I can ride in his
sleigh anytime of the year.
God is my best Friend and He loves me so much.
Their is nothing I can't do.
What about now?I am an adult,what happens to my Innocence?
I hold it close,and tell no one...
I am still a singer,dancer,Artist.
I can do anything I set my mind to.
My Innocence becomes hope and grows into faith.
I am still a superhero and God the Father is still my best friend,
and my Innocence...I hold close to my heart and I dream.

You walk in the room and my breath disappears
I can't help but watch your every move
Our song is everything we do together
Do you even notice me?
Does my beauty put you in a trance or is my beauty nothing to you?
I adore our conversations,I could listen to your voice for hours
and I have when we talk in the midnight hours to morning
falling asleep on the phone,I feel so close and so far from you
Am I ever in your mind's eye more than a friend?
Do you dream of me like I do of you,what do I have to do for you to notice me?
You are Man and I am Woman,what else must I do to gain your attention
Being your friend is the hardest thing I have to do
Because I can't imagine you not in my life,I need to just let you go
but I have no idea how

My inner self thirsts for the Living God
yet my spirit struggles with the darkness
Why are you cast down,O my inner self
you moan and weep over what you cannot change
the darkness tries without ceasing to cover my light
for it cannot darken my light,for my light comes from You
Weary my form is,it needs Your rest,calming my tears
Why are you cast down,O my broken heart
Hope in God,trust in faith,long for love
Wait expectantly for He Who is the help of my countenance
Who restores my inner self to the Everlasting to Everlasting Light

I am so afraid,so scared
How will I be able to bear
A lovely,sweet hearted child
Kind in disposition, loving and mild

A home and money to share
with a body weak and sick,it isn't fair
I just want to be a Mother
A Mother who loves Another

With all her heart
I am late to start
That is what the world professes
Not knowing how to get well,doctors keep me guessing

I just want to love...is this wrong
In my heart it beats it's own song
I want to love and my child love me
So my soul can finally be opened and I can see and be

A Mother.

I know every line of your glorious face
with an ever gentle touch I solemnly trace

I am so sorry I brought more than me to this marriage
Bringing all those years of tears and scars
Memories I wish I could burn in the heat of the sun
Never to feel those emotions control my heart
To have faith in you without the endless reassurance of your love,
year,month,day, and insecure moments

They said they loved me too
Never to leave me
Acceptance of me-past,present,future
I felt safe...for awhile.

Yet you say you will never leave me
That you really see me...
You tell me I am your home.
If I could just be loved like I have never been hurt
But I was.
I will trust,rely,and adhere to your love
I choose to honor you and our vows
Releasing my faith in my God that he chose the perfect puzzle
piece for me Spirit,Soul,and Body
I love you my Love
I put my faith in your eyes,your tender caress of my tears,your embraces when I'm afraid,and cheering me on
whether I succeed or fail.
And as each day passes your love heals my scars
and I don't need the sun anymore,
Your love made me forget.

Dreaming,dreaming,I dream of this ethereal place
where I do not merely exist,I live
All my tears are wiped away,
pain is no longer my companion
I am finally free,free to be who I was created to be
and I am loved for it
******* is no longer my name
free to walk without shackles
Peace is in the land of my heart,war no longer has a place
I smile at you and you smile back
our eyes no longer possess borders
finally we are connected,nothing can separate us
My clothing is my glory and I am embraced
with the song of Your love
Let the world become a dream I begin to forget because
I am finally awake
Do not weep for me Child for truly I am in a better place
I am home.

What did I do
what did I say
what could I have said
why did you go away

I loved you more than words can give
you were amazing to me
you were so beautiful
nurturing just enough to leave me wanting

You were my hero
you were so strong
you could make me laugh tears
I loved you more than words can give

Abandonment became my world
the pain nurtured my fears
people were there only to twist the knife deeper
and increase my baggage

Family is supposed to love
I have seen their world myself
Why was I unlovable
Why did you choose selfishness over blood

I needed you,I wanted you
but someone has found me
so I want to say goodbye to all my wounds
allowing his love to carry my baggage and heal my broken heart

Could you love me when I laugh,
Could you love me when I'm daft?
Could you love me when I cry,
Could you love me when you don't know why?
Could you love me when I don't feel pretty,
Could you love me when I want your pity?
Could you love me when I feel pain,
Could you love me when you feel the same?
Could you love me when I love you,
Could you love me and love me true?

Do you see me or do you see her?
She looks like me,
She moves like me,
Speaks like me,
But she is not me.
I hate her so much,
Hate the life she can touch.
She is the darkness,
Can I make a wish to make her go,
Day to day I must work to tell her no.
She is the old man and I am the new,
Living in the Light of God,that is the glue,
To keep centered,really centered on You.
This is not easy,for it is hard,
Speaking this to you, being the Bard.
Heart to heart to let you know,
you my friend are not alone.
We are all broken with two sides,
forever taken in the bye and bye,
I work on the one with the glimmer of Light,
And waiting for the other one to lose their might.

I am so lonely for your smile
No one can make me laugh like you
Loving your eyes sparkle with laughter
I am so lonely for you

I am lonely for your arms
They are my comfort through my blessings and trials
They are my refuge and my fortress
I am so lonely for you

I am lonely for your faith
You believe in me no matter my sins or failings
Your belief believes I can do all and no army can stop me
My Love,I am so lonely for you

Who is Husband?
Can I put him to the left or to the right,
no he is more than the fork in the road,
he is the road.
On the path I walk and see the most handsome trees
filled with such vibrant color and strength.
The color captures the eyes of my imagination,
the strength makes me feel safe in spite of the gale that blows.
I see all kinds of strange and wonderful things that is the compass of his soul,tears of joy dance across my face and make me forget my troubles.
His spirit has such grace and wisdom,he stands in understanding
and I know I can bring any problem to the chamber of comfort that is his embrace.
I walk my path and fall from exhaustion of breathing the breath of Woman,
and he comes in gentleness and surrounds me with the kindness and mercy of my Godly Father.
His words clothe me when I am naked and afraid,
and no judgement can wrap around me for he bends it to his loving will.
He came into my world inhabiting the presence of devotion, revealing to me true love.

I  need so to be...me.
But I can get more attention and love
with this mask.
I can mold myself to you,
to be what you need.
Never mind my misery.
You come first always,remember?
I bury myself deeper than any corpse,
yet my breath is shown in the coldness of your heart.
Loneliness is a cloak I would joyfully rip off and bury
in the depth of my memory,
and when it would try to surface, it would be
blinded by the light of the truest Spirit of Love.
The mask would burn,
then Loneliness would leave forever more,because
I was loved for an amazing reason... I was loved for Me.

Sadness you have been my cloak
and my dagger
dividing asunder the sadness from my hope
Hope I am wailing your name to save me
Wisdom show me the path of candlelight
delicate in it's way yet has the power
to give darkness it's own fear
I hate this heaviness,bringing me down through the waters
chains grapple my ankles and my arms fight with the very strength
God endowed me in birth with the breath of life
breath to fight with my sword and my shield
to cut the chains of Sadness and it's brother Depression
Lord,surround me with faith so I can move mountains
and the mountains can no longer crush my being
One day I pray soon to be freed of Sadness
and breathe the breath of Freedom

Man, why do you drive me crazy,
Decisions of your's are more than hazy,
In front of the tv again!
Dear God above... are you lazy?
I try so hard to figure you out,
No...no... not another bout.
Give me a map of your mind
and I promise in turn to be very kind.
Because I realize we are the smarter and better ***.
Please communicate for me to escape my vex.
Should I talk slower,use puppets or interpret dance,
Because in this battle of ours, you can never advance.
So I am Woman and hear me roar
I can nag and tell you the "What For"
With my mind I am a real "Know it All"
Have the answers and will never fall,
Why am I crying,I need chocolate,do you think I am fat?
Hormones? No there is nothing to that.
Battle of the Sexes, who will win,will we ever see?
At this point,don't care, Honey? Pay attention to me!

Aching in the ocean of loneliness.
Does anyone truly understand?
Being stuck in time on a loop
in a sea of people, feeling
even more lonely in their presence.
How in the world on this planet earth
of billions, how do I feel so alone?
I long for an understanding look,
an embrace of friendship.I read and watch
stories unfold of a hand of friendship
always extended standing by their side through
all the bruises,pain, and tears,yet
their faithfulness is tested and they are
always there for their friends.
King Solomon wrote the proverb that
there is a friend who is closer than a brother...
I long for that closeness.
I long to celebrate true love in friendship,
where you walk together through hardship
and you see two set of foot prints walking
together in the sand.
I look to the Heavens to please answer my cry.
I need a true friend.

Who am I?
Inner most me I cry
I feel like I don't know.
So much of me I just can't show

Me the three part being
Recognize not the song I keep singing
Spirit,soul,body
Deeply feeling so shoddy

What a jest,me evolve
Difficult equation that I cannot solve
Yearning to change,never the same
Make the pain leave,stop the blame

Where's the Light, searching for hope
Need strength to loosen the rope
The waters have over taken me in it's mighty tide
Faith lead me on this roller coaster ride

So who am I,learning a step day by day
Being alone my choice don't have to be this way
Life and beauty can be a part of my path
Saying no to the war that has tried to claim me and it's terrible wrath

I wanted to die
desire almost came to pass.
Wanted to hide,
but the darkness was to vast.
I felt the spark of that piercing light,
felt smaller than my fear,
but it was stronger and it gave me might
even with the down pure of the individual tear.
I had to give my permission
to let the light grow
it was my new mission
opening up to the wisdom to let in the know,
that I was not alone
their was someone there,
it was not the world's tone
it was God and He did swear.
Never to leave me or forsake me,
surrounded by His overwhelming Love,
voicing that He could and would be
Loving me from right above.

Where can I go
Where can I hide
The fear is at my door
There is a crack of darkness
It desires to envelop me
Falling to my knees
I cry out my pain
I see a rushing wind of light
hides me in sight
Dear God its You
Take me Lord
Keep me Jesus
Hold me dear,heart and soul
For You alone are my hiding place

I chase her,but I need her to catch me
finish this dastardly deed
Hopelessness you work in the Art of killing faith
Naked my soul should be so I can bathe
looking to hope so she can set me free
the sun rising,mooning dancing,my heart allowed to be
One with creation,living my very best
not one with exhaustion driving me to my endless test
Where is my freedom, find and fight to hold on to peace
where my mind is open for any demon to lease
Find my armor,need my shield,wield my sword
losing even one drop of blood I cannot afford
Am I the player of this endless game
Just tired of the fighting,but I must,to breathe the breath of the sane

Weary of being broken
My wings are tired of flight
Weakening the soul for my fight

Drowning from being broken
The tears are more than I fear
Needing you to see my eyes and hear

Do I give up because I’m broken
My heart is overwhelmed and almost dark
But I must hold on to the lantern of my smallest spark

Smile though your heart is aching,
Smile even though it's breaking,
When their are clouds in the sky,you'll get by,
If you smile through your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You'll see the sun come shining through for you...

Storms of life weather in
You whisper in my ear
telling me I am loved
I'm Your Beloved

When fear overwhelms
You invite me in
saying I am needed
I'm Your Beloved

Insecurity burrows in
You embrace every tear
singing I am special
I'm Your Beloved

Your love envelops my heart
You captivate my spirit
saying I'm Your daughter
I'm Your Beloved

The reason for the season is my Lord,but
what makes my heart warm with love on Christmas
is your embracing love for me
I love you more than all the times you've caressed me added together
I listen to Christmas music while absorbing the crackle of the logs in the fire,dancing to the music we make to each heart beat

My Love you are my Christmas, without you their is no food,no song, no present that can take your place
I dreamed for so long to find someone like you or rather just you
to love me so deeply that I am filled and I no longer feel empty
You are and always will be my Christmas Wish

'

Regret has been the bane of my existence,
It has guarded me with a gilded fence.
Looking back into my past,
Wishing I would have been in a cast,
As the leading lady of my story,
Where I could show my enlightened glory,
And not the constant darkness of my mistakes,
Making the right choices would I make.
There would be no wrong,
In my Life Song.
But Mankind has a melody of good and bad,
Happy and sad,
And if I live in my past, I will miss out living in the moment,
And I am not willing to continue being my own opponent.
I will learn and I will try,
Beginning to learn about the Why.

The darkness of the void seemed seamless
Loneliness was the best friend I did not pursue,
he chased me down enclosing me in his *******
I screamed,wept,and wailed
Loneliness leave me be and let me breathe
impossible to find one who is perfect for me
Looking to look yet I do not see
Find me my love,find me
and death to loneliness,forever leave me be

Your words cut like a double edge sword
Forgiveness comes like rain,that I cannot afford
Draining me of my love because of the pain
Making me crazy, making me insane
You my Love are becoming a bane
I know your angry and you want your due
But I was not the One that hurt you
So I don't deserve your boiling point
I want us again to be a counterpoint
I miss you,I miss us
I don't want to fuss
I just want the two to be one
Crying lasts only the night,but joy comes with the morning sun

What am I thinking?
Nothing good only bad
put myself down,these are the weapons I have.

I am so weary,so tired
must fight,fight for me
why should I,what could I turn out to be

Let the mirror be my dictator
people are my judge and jury
if they could only see the shame of my fury

They believe they know me
I feel I have something to give
if I could just get a chance to breath,to live

Wisdom says don't listen to their doubt
Revelation speaks strength and hope
Knowledge can give me power against them so I can cope

I know I am not alone,you feel it too
We can rip their lies and deception at the seam
Beholding the Light and learning to dream

Tonight I need something...
something more.
I need to dance in the starlight,
I need the stars to put the light back in my eyes.
I need the sky to clothe my bare skin,
giving warmth to my body yet showing
the deep blue in my green eyes.
I want the stars to help me fly again
giving flight to my reborn innocence
seeing the world only in the reflection
of the North Star to always be my compass.
It does not fall or fade
always burning bright just for me.
Tonight I see the stars in God's hand,
the Artist of my favorite Masterpiece.
I need the stars to give me just one more breath,
so I can feel...something.

The feelings of light and dark in my soul
Swirling thoughts that have stole
The beautiful stars hidden in the twilight
hiding the powerful light
that could illuminate my silence
a prisoner no more behind the enemies fence
A virtuous Power bestowed upon me an anointed pen
Giving me an understanding of my goodness and sin
to light the clouded looking glass to see the depth of my nature honoring my anointed pen to begin the healing in my venture
This pen opens the hurts,wounds,and pain
helping me from ashes to beauty,never staying the same
Behold I see more of this looking glass,I don't have to live in the fear
I just have to be brave,of great courage and stand and fight right here

There is a Story in my soul
but I have no idea where to go
The story fights against my will
so much to think,to feel
Heart's desire is to write
but with fear and anxiety do I fight
Comes down to who I am
feeling like my will is out on the lamb
I need Someone to be my lead
so I can rest and think in the mead
Story let me know you and you me
so my will and soul can finally be free

Lord,I am so tired.
Body aches from the pain of disappointment and fear.
I wish I could be there with You and not here.
Last year, was so close,so close to touch,
But You wanted me here,for me here their was so much.
I don't want to drown anymore in the pain of my doubt,
Just tell me please what my life is about.
I want to be loved,
with hands of purity that are gloved.
I pray O' Father heal my heart,
from the hands that abused me,yes heal me for their part.
I need You now,I have to have Your healing Hand
to heal me of that word "victim," heal me of that burned brand.
Redeem me Lord of my life and it's scar,
reminding me You are so close,and never,ever,very far.

Your hand in mine
Heart beats with time
Sunlight encompasses your eyes
Curvature of your muscles,the perfect size
Embracing my vulnerability
You the Poet,a romantic ability
Lingering in your kiss
When your gone,your presence I miss
So blessed to be in love with you
You & I Darling forever & always true