Desiring a child,
softness of skin
revealing the tenderness
of their hand in mine.
Stroking the beauty of innocence
that of yet is not tainted by
the sins of this present world.
Overtaken by the righteous indignation
of protection,
possessing the fierceness of the lioness of her cub,
not allowing any evil into there world.
Mother, breathing strength to encompass
the purity and virtue of her beautiful baby.
Rocking in the darkness of night,but it is
distinguished by the light of those eyes,
looking up at you while giving them warmth and
sustenance.
Please Lord,bless my womb so I may bear a child.
I want to be overwhelmed with love for them.
Compelled to mother their needs,
while being permeated by their love for me.
Please Lord bear me with a strong will,
while I wait for my Precious child.

Holding tears of pain in my hands
my hands weak by the magnitude
of its power
looking to your grace to uphold my frame
for weakness has been my meal of transgression
without you I cannot venture onward
be my fortress to hold my fear in place
to be encompassed in light and glory
caressing me in Your devoted affection
Be my love,be my love,always be my love

I the Poet,
Seeker of worlds,
Light and darkness,I possess both,
Looking to see,
Listening to be heard,
Feeling to be loved,
To understand the silence,
Maestro to my music
Ink liveth in my pen
I,the Poet

Alone,I am uneasy to be alone,
I need a true friend to help end this loneliness,
Can anyone truly understand my aching inside,
How I pine for someone to be close to.
Trusted enough to hold my heart,
Loving me so, they never part,
My Soul tells me to be brave,
But it is hard not to cave into the pressure.
I must think like my Heavenly Father thinks,
Hope,Faith,and Believing in my Father,
that He will never leave me or forsake me,
that He always hears and heeds my cry,
that He will wrap me in His infinite mercy,grace,and love,
Strength in that will get me through this night,through the darkness,
That in truth...I am never alone.

Weakness is my enemy
Control is my vice
the illusion of protection
guarding my heart for out of it flow the springs of life
How do I guard my heart?
I cannot take the pain hurting me,the little girl
I hide in my mind's eye in a room with the thickest door
sitting in the chair of fear,possessing the scratch marks of my pain
the spotlight showing my vulnerability
I am that little girl,how can I protect myself
Outward I show the skin so thick
nothing can penetrate,I am God-like you can't hurt me
But if you had special vision you would see the world that is my burden
tears like showers coming down like a summer Southern rain paint my face
I have lost count of the knives that have pierced my back
Where are the truthful,faithful,caring, and empathetic
Are they a rare species that is extinct,or have they never lived?
This is not truthful,for I possess those gifts
and when I love I love with all I have,all that I am
why can't I find someone like that
I don't want to be hard,I yearn to be soft and tender
Friend-foe, Lover-Ex, I just want to love
So are you out there,have I met you yet?
Giving my heart I want and I want you, you to keep and protect it
My Eternity,keep my heart

My Love,to understand is to listen
but you must first allow my heart to speak
We cannot hide anymore,it hurts to deeply
our smile has been the thread that sowed our love together
but we are unraveling and our smile is a fake lie
Truth must be our lantern to lighten our path,
if there is a path together,but I see a fork in the road
Do I choose you,or do I choose me choosing you
I feel so lonely in your embrace
what do I do My Love
do you still love me,want me
Too many questions and no answers

I do not want to hurt anymore,
I want to be free of this burden,
I want to tell my body what for,
To be healed all of a sudden.

I want to walk and run,
Complete and free,
To do more and then some,
I just want to be.

They do not understand,
How could they?
The pain there to stand,
Scared to what to say.

Wanting someone to care,
Feeling much with their heart,
Not alone to bear,
Ready to make a start.

To be there in my need,
Accept me where and who I may be,
Spirit to Spirit standing in my stead,
In never leaving or saying goodbye to me.

The reason for the season is my Lord,but
what makes my heart warm with love on Christmas
is your embracing love for me
I love you more than all the times you've caressed me added together
I listen to Christmas music while absorbing the crackle of the logs in the fire,dancing to the music we make to each heart beat

My Love you are my Christmas, without you their is no food,no song, no present that can take your place
I dreamed for so long to find someone like you or rather just you
to love me so deeply that I am filled and I no longer feel empty
You are and always will be my Christmas Wish

'

When did it happen
when was that moment
when you became my home
Your steadiness has kept me safe
it has warmed me from the chill of being alone
I am comforted by your embrace
When the spirit of fear tries to choke my peace
you are there to steady my hands and my gaze

That night when I could not find you
I was amazed how quickly my world fell apart
feeling that you were hurt or the possibility
of your absence from my life
panic became my every inhale and exhale

Then I heard your voice
and my world was sane again
surprise over took me in my realization
of how intricate you are to my life
I am more than wanting you
I need you and that within itself scares me
I have to have you,because you are my home

Do you miss me...
I miss you more than the oceans would miss the moon.
I remember you,but more than memories,more than thoughts,
more than feelings,
I miss you with my spirit,
from everlasting to everlasting.
Your soft mother like eyes,your voice that soothed every heartache,
your soft thin skinned hands that were more gentle than a deer with its new born baby doe.
Through my child's heart I was overwhelmed with your beautiful,
treasure filled acceptance of me.
Who I was and who I was going to be...simply me.
You helped me feel true loving kindness,laughter, and awe
of the world and it's earth filled goodness.
You were my favorite book that came to life
and your story showed me how to treat and respect mankind with
an open hand of giving.
Please miss me even though you are covered in glory,
wait for me as I yearningly wait for you.
I love you...always have,always will.

Impossible.That is what it feels like.
How can darkness be this dark.
I can see the Light,but the enemy tells me I cannot reach it.
I feel this sinking feeling deep inside me.
I am so scared,can you understand?
Am I the only one who feels alone?
I feel weak,tired,hopeless...
My emotions swirl around my soul giving me a feeling
no words can describe.
But I still see the Light,I hear the Voice that says I am not alone,
I feel the pain, yet I know deep,deep, inside me their is a higher truth than my dark signings,there is Hope,Faith,Love.
Please show me how to get out of my own way.
I need Truth, I not only need that Light, I hunger and thirst for it.
I need that Light to envelop everything that I am
giving me what I have always yearned for, to fill the emptiness
and heal my scars.

Beloved,are you my Beloved?
I waited for you before our eyes met.
Unsure in my feelings,scared,fearful.
Will you Beloved keep my heart safe
connected to your heart?Or
will I be crushed by your unloving
breathing? I want to take a chance,
my foot hovers over the chasm.
Will faith sustain and nourish us?
Is that fragrant perfume in the air ours,
will it surround us and keep us?
Behold are you my Beloved?
I will take your hand My Love,
Hope will be our sunrise for life
and we will become Beloved.

Believe...
I want to...
Believe.
I yearn to dream,without the nightmares.
I want to experience color in all it's depth.
I desire to fly,to escape,
to be free.
I want to love and be loved back with more than was given.
I hope to sleep to sleep in peace where my pain can't touch me.
I cry to the expanse of the starry heavens for hope,for hope to be my skin wrapping me from within.
I yearn,dream,want,desire,hope,and cry... to Believe.
I must take a leap of Faith,so I can...Believe.

Closed down, for that Mom and Dad said they loved me
I wrapped myself in darkness with each star a dream that I could be loved
You the first made a point by poem no less,that you wanted me and wanted to love me
One of the stars shone brighter than the others so I allowed sunshine a certain place to shine.
Elated I was for I was loved.
The Wall I had built with childlike hands began to burst with hope and trust,opening my hands to hold yours my "Best Friend".

Then I felt with all my being the knife of deception and lies ****** in the light of that star which cascaded with hundreds causing such darkness in my soul.
You said you loved me,I dreamed with you,I made a door just for you in that encasement that surrounded that little girl...you said.

Since then I had others and I did not believe I could take the pain anymore,I would say goodbye
But You,You saved me from all of them to the beginning,to this moment
The little girl rests in Your lap listening to the loving music of Your heart
You never leave me nor forsake me
You have never lied
You simply hold me and tell me through You I am good enough
I don't need to be ashamed or alone anymore
Now my stars share the sky with the sun and the moon
and I see beauty on this earth for the first time
You love me,You said it...I believe it

Can I let you go
Can I let you be
Can I let you breathe without me
Do I trust you will fly home to become one with me
I can't stand the beat of my heart
It yearns for you even in my sleep
Do I hope,do I wait,do I wait
My Love please come back to me
Please come back to me

Lateness of night,the earliness of morning
where the twine meet between stars and dawn
I feel the ******* of fear and anxiety that won't
leave willingly.
Where is my armor and my weapons to fight,
even being girded,I feel so lost to the Art of War.
The heart beats,the blood flows,eyes are dry
my body is at peace...
then a big bang of creation of ******* of peace to panic
and terror begins to lord over me...soul and body to become
my Master.
Control lost,dignity shattered,the Master takes over,
my body overtaken with fits of puppetry,the fear ravages my psyche,
I am losing myself.
God Almighty hear the piercing cry of the violent silence,
help me for I am helpless,hopeless to return my sanity,
the peace I had possessed.
Fear cuts me and I bleeding out hope...
Stop this chaos of flinging limbs without knowledge of it's humanity.
Dear Jesus hear my pain for it speaks from the grave that should be empty because You took my place.
Fear and its legion try to resurrect the old man and it's sins that are gone by your love.
Fear was my name but You gave me a new name
speak it over me so I can fight one more battle,this one,
the war I leave to You.
Permeate my being with Light to illuminate all the fear torn darkness.
As I shiver down to my bones,I wait in hope and childlike tears to be redeemed and saved by your loving hand just one more time.

It's just you and me,
No family to be,
We catch up and we laugh,
I have really missed that.
Husband, best friend,
Always there to lend,
a shoulder a loving word,
In my personality, never have to curb,
I can just be me,
And you also be.
We just fit hand in hand,
Music we make,our funny little band.
I love you more than words can say,
For you and me, so Thankful for today.

In waiting for you
You made my dream come true
Alone would no longer be my label
Happy forever would be our fable
With every rotation of the earth,I would be loved
Answered prayers floating high above
Till you decimated our joined glory
Once upon a time was no longer our story
I loved you more and more everyday
Stilling my voice and I had so much to say
Pain was your weapon and you had much skill
Articulating my misery increases what I feel
Please Lord stop my suffering so I can sleep
And may they feel the fullness of torture so deep
Knowing they held something true from above
And now they have lost,nevermore to feel love

Your soul,that choice
how could you steal my voice
The trust I folded from the beat of my heart
in my mind's eye,we'd never part
We gave each other our word
it was rooted deeply,never to possess flight of a bird
Never would I think of the word betray
blinded was I to the secrets of your true way
The promise we made with our soul
it was true,honest,lovely,concreted with my whole

Now I leer and gaze at someone that might be honest and true
but I am overwhelmingly careful,never to be that fool
My heart taking so long to heal
so afraid to allow myself to feel
will I ever give out trust in my once childlike manner
flying now is distrust and doubt,color change this is my banner

Can you see me?
Can you hear me?
                           What do I have to do?
They say be yourself,but what if I am still figuring that out?
Could I not be the wind,powerful,able to embrace who I want
and blow away the ones that curse my gale.
I want to be cared for and loved...
No more pleading with my eyes and body.
Aching inside (it hurts,tears fall).
Maybe I am destined to be alone...
but that is to cruel.
Can anyone see my potential and my goodness?
I have so much to give,is it wrong that I want to receive also.
I thirst and hunger for love.
Just wish they could see me,
the real me.

Yearning for his attention
I sing my beautiful song
revealing some of my vibrant colors
not all them because he is not mine yet

Why does he use her?
For his own loneliness or to make me jealous,or both
Why?
Longing for his touch

It is not my nature to play these games
I just want the two of us to become one
Live our loves together
Stop the cold & be warm with me

Make life simple,admit your love for me
Her hand does not fit your hand
But mine fits perfectly
My song & your song makes a lovely melody

How long can I wait,it is growing in time to fly to warmer shores
Behold you are creating wounds where hope had it's home
Indeed it is time to make a choice
Choose your doubt or your faith with mine

I stand on the top branch
I sing the last of my melody
I set off to take flight
One last look at you I await your answer...

Invisible,is that what I am?
Can you really see me, my smiles, my tears?
Why can't you love me, am I unlovable?
I want to care,I want to love,I want to feel...
but feel no more pain,no more empty, no more aching,
aching to see a light of empathy in your eyes.
I hold my heart...tight, I have to protect it.
I can't be vulnerable, though I long for it.
Can't I take the masks off and be me and loved?
What do I have to do?
Who do I need to be?
Dear God...please,please...I just want to be loved.

Longing to be a Writer,
a wordsmith of the spirit,
the possibility within my soul,
can I see the ability to really do it.
Aching to grow to become more,
yet so afraid to open my door,
Others will see and make their choice,
Whether or not to hear my voice.

When we are happy,
We live in the Light,
So why would we leave,
when we are hurting,
and make home in the darkness.
When we are aching and longing
for the Light.

Walk with me through the storms of my pain
for it is your love that keeps me sane.
The enemy lies and says
abandonment will be your cause
because I am to damaged with all my flaws.
In my heart I beg you not to leave
give me a chance, promise you 'll see,
hard I am working, past their brutal abuse I will be free.
Vows I will no longer question for I will believe.
My Beloved I will honor our love
knowing our love will be blessed from the heavens above.
Your love heals me everyday.

A divine insanity consumes my soul
Showing colors I can barely behold
My eyes see the seas of possibility
Yet fighting master of doubt in its own committee
My thoughts are not my own
I look to a higher throne
Yet my darkness lingers
Fire destroy leaving nothing but cinders
Freedom and ******* has its fight
Crying for sanctuary in the light
Images swirl around my head
Looking at the scars and how they bled
The fire burns in a depth of a blackhole
Days and years dance and how they toll
The insanity speaks the only truth
Confessing,revealing,the only proof

Where do I go to get more of you,my dreams or my reality?
In my dreams I,me,you,we can be anything,go anywhere
Alas,in reality your touch overwhelms my senses,
my soul and what makes up my soul; my mind,will,and my emotions
When we have no provisions and we are impoverished of our wishes and whims
We dream and travel through reflection to go to our beautiful Ireland,where the music
plays on the wind and the water crashes against the glorious bluffs
With reality we can dance on love's tender air,where I float and go nowhere because your strong chiseled arms keep me close
Oh,my Love I cannot choose,just like I have no choice whether or not to love you
I will just be your joyful Bride to live my life with you in my awesome reality and my faith filled dreams

Who will comfort me
You say you,but I can't find you
even when your next to me
Why did you stand so stern next to me in
our beginning
What has changed
My soul,spirit,and tears are the same
just filled with more years and experience
You encourage me and say you will never leave me or forsake me,
but God promised that
And I have been bruised with such pain of your absence
Being alone and together is a slow death of the heart
No more empty promises
I want your word,your personal truth
Because I need our love to be built on trust
And I can't believe without truth
I have learned you can't be my everything,
no matter how bad I yearn,ache,and desire
But you have a part to play and you must practice
It all depends on if you really love me,
if you do...show me.
Loving is more than the good or even the bad
it is about building a life together.
So show me...who will comfort me

Being alone.
Loneliness longer than a breath.
Crying without sound.
Tis' a slow death for thine soul.

Spirit of Wisdom I call out your name
will you sing your song to me and soothe my fears
Fear, alas he knows me,from seed to tree
working hard to confound my limbs
to break down my branches
O Great Spirit I wept a melody only You can comprehend
The wind blows through my leaves
and I am barely holding on
I feel myself falling,falling to the ground
I look to the Heavens to restore my grandeur
or at least a moment, a quiet moment for my end
But my spirit would not die
I became apart of that ground
my blood going through the veins of Father Earth
creating me,molding me,becoming apart of that tree again
Another chance to breath each season in,to hang on
and drink the mighty brook that flows next to my trunk
Wisdom I hear her now,now I am ready
Fear now he has a proper foe
being the mighty oak, I am my own defense

I was afraid and scared and alone.
No one their to comfort me,I
was only a little girl with no one to look up to.
Then the one that broke up my family also
brought me light,Your Light.
Your Word said You loved me,
created me to fellowship with you.
I was bad,ugly,sinful not worth anybody's time
especially not God's...I was unworthy.
But you spoke truth in my heart,my soul,my spirit.
I had not cried for so long,then You broke the gates.
You loved me...me.
I did not have to earn Your Love,You gave it so freely.
You wanted me,I never felt like anybody wanted me,but You did.
The pain,the abuse was so deep Lord some how You could penetrate
the walls I built by heartbreak and such unspeakable pain,
and You began loving me,healing me.
You made me feel special.
That I was worth the breath that lived inside of me.
Jesus You saved my life,I would have took it and looking back what
a waste that would have been.
It is not always easy,but You are so worth it.
Thank you for loving me,when no one saw me.
You are my heart...I love you.

Feeble in this heartbreak,unable to move
My limbs paralyzed by my fear
I need help,but cannot raise my hand
Darkness is a king I never crowned
I scream in such perfect silence
Homeless in search of a home in you
Breathless longing of a glimmer of peace
Can you save me from the mire and the clay
Of the buried remains of an innocence stolen
There,I can see a flame in the storm of my spirit
My emotions swirling in the power of your hands
Can you save me? Please I pray thee,save me

Light... I need some light,
Smile, a child's smile,
Joy, to possess my entire being,
Peace, to make negative thoughts stop racing,
Faith, to keep me chasing Hope,
Hope, to keep me chasing life,
And Love to be Loved.

I am your Bride,you are my groom
without you I cannot face our bed room
it is the place we laugh,love,and fight
Walking hand in hand it feels so right
The sunshine warms my skin and your lips
across my neck I love your finger tips
Shall we run across the summer meadow
even out of breath my heart feels so mellow
They way you look at me that way
you my Love have nothing to say
Yet your voice is music to my ears
and when I am anxious you embrace me against my fears
We will grow older together
being able to hold against any weather
Be my Love and I will always be yours
can we dance one more time on our floors
I will not live this life without you
you hold me to this earth like glue
One day the dirt will hold our form
this I ask and nothing more
To be hand and hand in the eternal flame
Always so thankful that I took your name

Seeing you and those butterflies arrive
they only come when I see your eyes
your words make me laugh and smile
your accidental touch transports me for awhile
How to make you mine
seeing you warming your charms to another
this rips me in two
Can't you see me more than a friend
You admire my beauty,I make you laugh and engage you
What else must I do?
These butterflies won't leave me alone
now it is a torment my heart moans
Heart beats fast and I feel faint
The butterflies no longer bring me joy,but sorrow
Day by day hoping the butterflies finally leave  
And I can finally take a new breath for tomorrow

My eyes long for your embrace
Your eyes speak they may know
I must quiet my body
So it cannot share another thought
Dreaming of you and I and the perfect night
The stars shone brightly and illuminate
Your curved lips and your strong hands
Could I dare tell you what my heart whispers
I shall be silent and long in pain
Forever I will long in pain

Is it possible,can it be?
Wholeness,all...of...me.
Spirit and Soul,
Can the Light really make me whole?
The darkness feels like it possesses me,
Can Your Light really set me free?
Pain has been a resented friend,
Delusion speaking that their is no end.
In the distance, the still small Voice of Hope
Lovingly speaks,"You can do more than just cope."
Can I hope, can I believe, can I pray,
Just a seed being sown today,
Allowing sunlight to expand it's ray.
Rain comes to water my ground,
Impatient in my wanting to be safe and sound.
Finally it is my Harvest day,
Reaping my destination that Wholeness is on it's way.

Listen. Why can't you hear me?
I am right here.
You speak,
I speak,
and yet a misunderstanding?
You are Man I am Woman,
I know we fit,my hand in yours,
My head your chest.
At times speaking is as breathing,
This moment it is like torture...I
don't understand.
What do we do?
Work, that's what.
It's hard, it hurts.
What is the "Why" in this?
Because I Love You.

We are one
we are complete,I am complete,I was complete

Anguish blackens my soul
pain inhabits every tear
alone I am no longer whole
the shadows fill me with fear

I use to like wearing black
but not today,I long for a joyful shade
I stand immobile with the wailing at my back
staring at this casket,hoping my memory will fade

How can my lungs breathe
all these questions,more than a few
anger keeping me alive,how I seethe
when I long to be with you

Freezing hand of dirt,a thrown rose
shadows of yesterday etched in a thought
how do I get through this,I don't know
laying on the ground with you,I can't be fought

Why do you look at me that way?
You know I can no longer stay.
You thought you could simply lie
and I wouldn't question the why's.
You played the Actor who did care
and with my heart you were not fair.
You would leave her then come to me,
Acting like it was just me and you and you were free.
How could you look me straight in my eyes,
knowledge of your misleading disguise.
You broke my heart, almost broke me.
At first I did not feel free,
At the end I'm glad I stood my ground,
And still to this day I found,that to my heart you are still bound.

One day I found my mirror of old
the girl stood now as woman
Memories swirled in time past
Adorning my face,excitement in my heart
mindful of the night,would I meet my soulmate
Dreaming in the mirror,time was a tool in my hand
seeing my wedding day and a future of mirth
but truth did not mirror dreams
life harder creating fears
Torment in my present and my sinking regret
some of my dreams did not beget
Found love and so much pain
Looking in the mirror,do I dare to dream once more
Holding on to my faith and what life could be
Reflect love to those you adore
To fight for that life and so much more

Hold me and I will be held
Embrace me and I will be embraced
Kiss me and I am softly kissed

He could not do what you do
even when I pressed
I wanted him to hold me
I needed him to embrace me
Wonder was reared when his kisses felt wrong

You and I fit
my hand in yours
How is it so perfect,
you are my answered prayer

You and I are just...everything.