The floor rises and falls,* it breathes
The walls churn as they move
Bugs crawl under my skin
As I stumble around the room

A clock ticks in the corner
Though it hasn't run for years
I scratch my face thoroughly
As I drown in salty tears

The basement's full of monsters
Voices murmur and scream
My hair comes out in locks
From my forehead rolls off steam

There is no sense of time
Only anxiety, and fright
I want to fall asleep*
But I know I won't tonight

Infinity is limited
Only by our
Imaginations

Unfortunately
Our imaginations are also
Infinitely limited

What most call inspiration
To me
Is nothing more than a gruelling process
Of trial and error
And determination

My decisions are fallacious
My thoughts are surreptitious
My heartbeat arrhythmic
And my soul tormented

I help none
Speak not
And seek no intimacy

I am contemptible
Hated
Degenerate
Low
Lousy
And
I am nugatory

The epic tales
All end the same
With the hero
Emerging victorious

But in real life
Most are not heroes
And we often
Emerge beaten
And bloodied
And unable
Or unwilling
To try
Ever again

I want to know
What it's like
To live a happy life
With no bruises to show

Where every face
Holds a smile
Without the façade
Of a happy soul

Take me away
To a happy place
Where every day
I can find peace

Smile often so that they don't know
Drink often so that you won't feel
Smoke often so that you can't think
Lie often so that they don't hear
And
Most importantly
Always remember the truth
*Life *****.... Then you die

Soaring high for escape
Best to fly to flee this place
Let wings carry towards fate
Better than living among the fake

If wings are what you would choose
Are you like me?
Wanting to flee?
What would wings do for you?

Someone once said
That only once you've lost everything
Are you free to accomplish anything

Well I've lost everything
And I'm still waiting for my freedom
To find me

If I can accomplish anything
Why can't I go back to the way things were
before I lost it all?

I've worked hard
And smart
And have still gotten nowhere

Thanks!
For nothing

I'm sorry!
But not really

How was your day?
I don't want to have a serious conversation

I'd love to!
I don't have a good enough reason to say no

That's good!
I don't care

I'm fine
Don't look at me
Ignore me
Believe me
**Leave me alone

Sometimes good intentions
Bring the worst of outcomes
We must take the incentives
Of dispelling ignorances
To prevent ourselves
From failures

"I love you"
"Don't fight this"

"I hate you"
"You're worthless"

"Save me"
"You're everything"

"Leave me"
"I'm nothing"*

What people seem to miss
Is that life would be simplest
If thoughts were kept inside the head
Because everything is better left unsaid

Shout onto the wind
Yet none will hear
A tangled mind
Full of fear
Scream to your consent
Till throat is raw and red
But what will it have meant
If to nothing it has led

You wake up
Every day

Food past lips
Nothing to say

Heart does flips
Love in play

Your breakup
Leaves life gray

You still wake up
Every day

Just to do it again
In a different way

The thing about dealing with abuse is that
It’s always a losing war
Every victory is small
And every loss substantial

Victory comes in small gestures
In sneaking an extra scrap of food
In one extra swallow of water
In managing a rare good night’s sleep

But loss comes with pain
With marks across skin that will never fade
In sleepless nights so numerous
In the loss of weight
Of sleep
Of comfort
Paid for with blood

More than just the obvious
Are losses that you never knew
That you could never miss
Because they were never there

You have no childhood
No friends
No love
And no home

Perhaps worst of all is the loss of yourself
Which was already so undefined
Drawn in soft geometry
Easily whisked away by the wind

Losing comes with madness
And self-loathing
So that all you can think
Is that there must be a reason
So it must be your fault
Because that’s all you’ve ever known
All you’ve been taught
And all you’ve been told
Forcing you to live in ignorance

And so those small victories you so cherish
Are when you remember your name after having forgot
When you have a dream of a memory long lost
Or when you manage to forget it all

For the abused
True victory never comes
Even if you are saved
Victory is only found
In what we so often take for granted
A sound mind
A bed
A good nights’ sleep
Food
Love

We are all victorious
Who have lived free from abuse
And will never have to live
With the scars suffered
By those who have lost so dearly

Life Of Loneliness
Like One Lie
Love Only Lost
Lost Off Land
Looking Over Lines
Longing One Love
Losing Our Love
Last October's Light
Life Old Loathing
Loathing One's Life
Leaving Over Loath
And
Laughs Of Lies

When using words to describe
None have to know what's felt inside
Making words the easiest
Way to lie

Life Only Lets One Live On Lacking Of Love