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You wake up
Every day

Food past lips
Nothing to say

Heart does flips
Love in play

Your breakup
Leaves life gray

You still wake up
Every day

Just to do it again
In a different way
The thing about dealing with abuse is that
It’s always a losing war
Every victory is small
And every loss substantial

Victory comes in small gestures
In sneaking an extra scrap of food
In one extra swallow of water
In managing a rare good night’s sleep

But loss comes with pain
With marks across skin that will never fade
In sleepless nights so numerous
In the loss of weight
Of sleep
Of comfort
Paid for with blood

More than just the obvious
Are losses that you never knew
That you could never miss
Because they were never there

You have no childhood
No friends
No love
And no home

Perhaps worst of all is the loss of yourself
Which was already so undefined
Drawn in soft geometry
Easily whisked away by the wind

Losing comes with madness
And self-loathing
So that all you can think
Is that there must be a reason
So it must be your fault
Because that’s all you’ve ever known
All you’ve been taught
And all you’ve been told
Forcing you to live in ignorance

And so those small victories you so cherish
Are when you remember your name after having forgot
When you have a dream of a memory long lost
Or when you manage to forget it all

For the abused
True victory never comes
Even if you are saved
Victory is only found
In what we so often take for granted
A sound mind
A bed
A good nights’ sleep
Food
Love

We are all victorious
Who have lived free from abuse
And will never have to live
With the scars suffered
By those who have lost so dearly
And I have lost much.
Am I a coward?
Or am I strong?
The pain that has towered
Dealt with for so long

Yet, I'm still here
Is it because fear?

I've wanted to die
I can't help but wonder why
Why haven't I?

Do I persevere?
Life, do I hold dear?

Or am I afraid?
Of being laid
Down in a tomb?
Is it worse than my room?

So am I a coward?
Am I so weak?
Or am I strong
In the face of a life soured?
I can't help but think
About my song

The song of my life
Could it sing strength?
Somehow my knife
Shining at length
Doesn't seem to believe
I'll be remembered that way
So I would conceive
Strength isn't what people would say
When describing me
So cowardly then
Is what I must be
For not bringing my end

And I still don't know
If I'll ever go
Will I ever confide
In my suicide?
Is suicide cowardly, or an act of strength? Is living on? Could both be either? Which am I? I can't bring myself to believe the better. So then, am I a coward for living, or would I be a coward for dying?
No one trusts a child
But don't children speak the most truth?
Children aren't liars
Aren't fuled by ambition with ruthlessness

If anyone should be trusted
Why not a child?
They're so simpleminded
And forthcoming in time

No one listens to children
As they beg for help and care
Lost in a world of thieving men
Where life is never fair

At night hear their screams
While we turn away
We're killing their dreams
Tomorrow's problems from today

We promise them the world
And give them the scraps of our troubles
So truth be told
We don't hear simply because
We don't give a **** about them
Tomorrow's problems spawn today, and are delegated to the children we "swore" to protect.
"I love you"
"Don't fight this"

"I hate you"
"You're worthless"

"Save me"
"You're everything"

"Leave me"
"I'm nothing"*

What people seem to miss
Is that life would be simplest
If thoughts were kept inside the head
Because everything is better left unsaid
Everyone breaks

Some people take breaks
While others break people

Some people break hearts
And others bones

Some people break free
From all that confines them
While others break themselves
In the process of being set free

Everyone breaks eventually
Every choice is a sacrifice
An opportunity lost
A road not taken
It leaves you lacking another route
You can seldom go back
And if you do
There is no guarantee that things
Will get better
Because going back is a choice
And so is moving forward
And with each you lose something
A part of who you could have been
To be who you are
And you must always live
With the consequences
Of your decisions
I'll be the first to admit
Depression isn't just an illness
It's an action to commit
It's a life choice for the loveless
And we choose it
Because we need it
We don't know how
To live without
Our transgression
Of depression
A calf without milk
Ripped from the womb
Mother's hair like silk
Lay stiff in the tomb

And father's embrace
To go up in flames
Our house to misplace
In a lion's main

My siblings so dear
Strung far apart
Lost and in fear
Rip out my heart

The system tells not
Of where we should go
It makes me burn hot
Through rain and in snow

Lost were the lambs
Without mother's kind face
Lost were us lambs
Without father's sturdy place

Scattered are we
My siblings and me
No place to go
Nothing to be
True story bro.
Tell me you hate me
Don't you dare lie
I'm nothing to see
I know deep inside
I have nothing to be
And nothing to hide

Don't dare do want you do
Don't dare say "I love you"
The epic tales
All end the same
With the hero
Emerging victorious

But in real life
Most are not heroes
And we often
Emerge beaten
And bloodied
And unable
Or unwilling
To try
Ever again
It's coming it's returning
The empty feeling that I get
I'm tossing and I'm turning
I'm feeling like a shipwreck

Empty and abandoned
An empty hollow shell of want
I've crash landed
A shell of what I was once

Please give me my pain
I need the truest agony
Just don't let it wash in rain
To let my own emotions flee

Dully I watch
As I go by many places
My emotions stop
In an empty sea of faces

Tell me how
How to feel empty
Tell me now
How do I again see

Everything's so empty and pointless
Life doesn't even seem worth it
Ships, abandoned for centuries and empty. They feel nothing, just like me.
Smile often so that they don't know
Drink often so that you won't feel
Smoke often so that you can't think
Lie often so that they don't hear
And
Most importantly
Always remember the truth
*Life *****.... Then you die
This is my truth of life, and because of it I must wear a constant façade to keep myself guarded, and to keep people from prying into my thoughts, life, and mind.
Pain
Holds the virtue
Of strength

Loss
Holds the key
To satisfaction

Love
Is an ignorant form
Of bliss

Death
Is the path
To peace

Life
Is the road
To accomplishment

Hate
Is the cause
Of evil
Set me free
Among the stars
And I guarantee
That I'll go far
Driven by the need
To get away
Set me free
For just one day
Gravity.... Doesn't it ****?
Goodnight World
Goodnight Moon
***** this ****
I'm not childish
1:00 AM means I'm too tired to write, but can't sleep. **** it.
I want to know
What it's like
To live a happy life
With no bruises to show

Where every face
Holds a smile
Without the façade
Of a happy soul

Take me away
To a happy place
Where every day
I can find peace
Hate leads to more success
Ability to vanquish foes
Variant into worrying less
Every day is the life you chose

Having friends who are so needy
Always makes life harder
Though some may view as greedy
Each friend is one to barter

Have hate.
If you didn't notice the first letter of each line, do so now.
How lonely the moon and stars do look tonight
In an ebony black sky they are all that's in sight
Shining so brightly and in the sky so very alone
Empty, frozen space is their soley known  home
White light is the loneliest warmth that is found
Giving knowledge of nothing else being around
So distant from anything they can say they love
Only able to watch over us oh so very far above
They will never have the nearness they so yearn
Observing so painfully with silence, they mourn
I see a clear sky with stars and a full moon, the man upon it separated from all he knows.
My decisions are fallacious
My thoughts are surreptitious
My heartbeat arrhythmic
And my soul tormented

I help none
Speak not
And seek no intimacy

I am contemptible
Hated
Degenerate
Low
Lousy
And
I am nugatory
I simply need
I must concede

A total fool
A blood pool
My razor shines
My fine lines

The red glint
The strong scent
High risks received
High stakes involved
Endless pleas sung
Endless screams rung

Waiting so silent
Waiting so violent
Over the edge
Over the ledge
Right here collapsed
Right now elapsed
So far gone
So stepped on
Too much pain
Too little gain

I am the worst.
If you didn't notice the first letter of every line, do so now.
So many people seem to insist
On hurting me more than I can take
And the regret that I feel every day
As all I can do is attempt to resist
I try to improve for my own sake
But they always manage to downplay

So here I am just cutting away
Because I have to make myself pay
While all they do and all they say
I know is my fault in it's own way

The burns that scar me deep inside
The hurt that I can no longer hide
Because day in and because day out
Hateful words they always shout

I need to find a way to survive
As it cuts and chips away at my hide
I wish that I could find a ride
To take me where I don't have to abide

People will always have hateful words
Many I wish that I hadn't heard
Maybe then I'd know what to do
To help out me and to help out you
With this hate that I've always known
Then there'd be no scars to be shown

So tell me how am I to resist
The hateful words that always persist
From hateful people who mostly insist
That I don't have the right to exist
Infinity is limited
Only by our
Imaginations

Unfortunately
Our imaginations are also
Infinitely limited
You think you can love me?
I guarantee you're wrong.
None could ever be
That inherently strong.

I have no social graces.
I dare not try feeling.
I remember no faces
Because I'm uncaring.

I will never matter,
So please, don't try.
The world would be better
If I would just die.

I'm not worth your time.
Don't spare me a thought.
I'm not worth a dime.
I should be forgot.
When "friends" drop like flies.
An instant is all it takes
To live, ****, or to die
A hard choice is best left to make
In the fluttering blink of an eye

The wind whispers in sudden changes
Silent would it quickly fall
If a new direction was never made then
Silence would be overwhelming all

A single instant can last forever
Lasting effects on our futures
Dust in the wind as we remember
Yet important was our father figures
Underestimate a decision never
Or good nor evil a future for either

A choice you will make this day
And when you do I simply pray
The decision that you make today
Will carve the future a better way
I've worked hard
And smart
And have still gotten nowhere
A clock ticks and
The beating of a heart
Just a hair apart
Almost in rhythm

While the wind blows
Across the globe
Quite in the night
Unheard-of in the daylight

And all voices are silent
Except the ones inside
Trying to fall asleep
But too afraid to turn out the lights

There will be no rest tonight
What most call inspiration
To me
Is nothing more than a gruelling process
Of trial and error
And determination
Art is not always spur of the moment, but often involves many attempts at finding one's own voice and style.
Sometimes good intentions
Bring the worst of outcomes
We must take the incentives
Of dispelling ignorances
To prevent ourselves
From failures
My whole life I've been running
Running away from everything

I run through families
Like passing through doors
No one ever looking out for me
Keeping my heart beating is a chore

But the one time I might have stayed
And maybe I shouldn't have run
I simply wasn't willing to pay
If the love would never come

To this day I don't know
If I shouldn't have said goodbye
If just maybe somehow
"I love you" wasn't a lie

But I can't dwell on the matter
Or else I'll have to try and fight
It could have ended in disaster
How can I know if I was right?

I know that I ran away
And my mind goes back to that day
And the only thing I have to say
Is I'm sorry if it's not okay

I hope you can learn to love again some day
If I took all your love when I ran away

Sometimes we deny others' love because
We don't know if it's true
But we never stop to consider how
It could hurt the other person too
Blood, gore
***, *****
High, drugs
Thief, mugs
Anger, harm
Cut, arm
****, *******
Looser, *******
*****, ****
Slutty, shunned
******, ugly
Smart, nerdy
Stupid, dumb
Perfect, come
Gay, handy
Ignorant, trani
Black, ******
White, *******
Lost, dog
Fat, hog
Illegal, immigrant
Immoral, rent

Discriminate
Hate
Procrastinate
Fake

We all give labels to everyone
All of us, let's have some fun
Let's go out and **** someone
Who hurts you, don't let them run

Make all pay for labels begun.
Let the blood pool beneath me
Let it burn me for my sins
All that I could ever be
Destroyed by dispositions

So tear the vengeance from my flesh
And sear me to the bone
Let me rot as I regress
Burning within my home

Peel my skin off of my morrow
Yank nail from fingers until
My pain echoes into tomorrow
And lay my body still

For all the sins that I have done
Excused not by pain endured
So much better for everyone
If I were simply killed
Some people catch a chance
Make it big
Cash it in
And make their dreams come true

But for every hit
There's ten misses
For every love
Twenty hates

Life's a gamble
Either way
And I'm not saying that it's right
That some people find happiness twice
And others never
Find it at all

But God giveth and
He taketh away
Yet we still have faith
Because it's the only way
We'll make it through
Another day
Believing one more chance
Is always on its way
This is somewhat quick in pace within my mind, almost like a rap.

Faith doesn't necessarily mean in God. It can be in yourself, or others, or just faith that the sun will rise again tomorrow. Everyone's got faith, even if they don't know it.
Watch out so carefully and so closely listen
See how the blood pours see how it glistens
I may look perfect I may appear smart
Never can you see the pain held in my heart

Listen Listen
Watch how it glistens
Never let hope in
You'll find it missin'

Every step I take I fall down more
Leaves my skin looking so fully torn

Take It Take It
I just can't take it
Maybe if I'm careful I can manage to fake it

Hide the pain behind every smile
Never let them know how you can feel

Watch as I draw out the knife from the kitchen
Pay close attention see if anyone can listen
Allow it to flow and let it's beauty glisten
Wonder if they'll ever know that I am missin'

Never know how much I am hurtin'
Can you still think that I am perfect?
Set to the beat of Dollhouse.
Sometimes less
Is simply more
When you're fighting
A loosing War

Maybe then
The casualties
Don't have to be
So heavy
LOL
LOL
Life Of Loneliness
Like One Lie
Love Only Lost
Lost Off Land
Looking Over Lines
Longing One Love
Losing Our Love
Last October's Light
Life Old Loathing
Loathing One's Life
Leaving Over Loath
And
Laughs Of Lies

When using words to describe
None have to know what's felt inside
Making words the easiest
Way to lie

Life Only Lets One Live On Lacking Of Love
The sooner we accept how alone we are
The better off we'll all be
As so many people look out so far
Across the land and the sea
To try and find someone they can love
It's such a sad waste of time
For love and the lack thereof
Even if we find this superficial feeling
It won't cure the loss inside
I pity those who are still believing
No one in whom to truly confide
We're all alone and we always will be
Lost and never able to be free
Some people write poems
Because they were lost
And then found
But I have not been found
I write because I am still lost
And that is who I am
And I accept it
Some people are lost
And wish only to be found
But what is the cost
Of wandering around?

I prefer to be senseless
Without a direction
Moving through countless
Ways of deception

Truly, being found, is not what it seems
It's people describing you, driving to screams
I'd wander the oceans, rivers, and streams
Rather than stand in the assigned spot for me
How empty the spaces between the stars
The darkness between them all ours
Because no one wants empty space
Like the gapping holes in fine twine lace
More darkness in the universe than light
And you can only see it at twilight

The empty feeling
Deep inside
And from what I'm seeing
Spread so wide

The cosmos lost
To the darkness
The deep high cost
Of trying to harness
The power of light
That was lost in the fight

Once the universe was all white
But now is a dark sight
As light moves away from another
And leaves far spaces between
And those far spaces smothered
In darkness at the seams

Everything is darker
Never lighter
The galaxies shine bright
In infinite numbers
Yet their gentle light
Next to the darkness brings slumber

Light can never beat out
The empty space so throughout
Mathematically, there is more empty darkness in the universe than full light. World views mean nothing next to universal views.
More addictive than heroine
I've tried them both
Something to marvel in
Created from loath

Can't imagine the pleasure
Can't imagine the fun
Till you've tried to measure
The pain of a gun

How long are the scars?
How deep do they go?
More numerous than stars
And you'll never know

What is your poison?
What is your drug?
Mine is a razor
I watched as it dug

And none must ever know
So never let it show

I am a *******
How long can I last like this?

The most degrading of sins?
Such terrible disgust?
Or the filthiest of wins?
My only true lust
People in pain over love that's been lost
Crying and sighing because of high cost
And when I see this I can't help but think
How lucky am I to have never formed a link

I've not felt of passion stinging the blood
I've never known ecstasy streaming in flood
Though too young may I be to have met love
If ever I met them I'd respond with a shove

Not better to have loved and lost is what I find
Whilst it leaves you too often in shatters behind
So I'll continue my way without such a grace
Because I have heard how it ends in disgrace

I have no dependency on love's cruel infection
I would rather I choose mine own direction
So I'll never have to be so weakly dependent
And I won't have to wallow in fatal repentant

Love will never be right for me in this world
I'd rather stay hidden with soul deeply curled
So no I don't understand the pain of your heart
And I never will or else it would tear me apart
Of it is NOT "better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all," then I shall remain guarded and will never seek the passion others crave. I will not be taken down by such forces. I simply refuse it!
No one doth care
To remember mine name
No one doth care
Of from which I came

I come and I go
And as I grow
There are none who follow
As I stride in straight rows

Some may I like
And some may I hate
But always in psych
I know mine own fate
So weather I wish
Or weather I don't
I always do wisp
Away though I won't
Be remembered by any
In these places I go
For as I see many
None do I know
Written with a more old-English feel, just for the hell of it.
Someone once said
That only once you've lost everything
Are you free to accomplish anything

Well I've lost everything
And I'm still waiting for my freedom
To find me

If I can accomplish anything
Why can't I go back to the way things were
before I lost it all?
Some days I wear a smile
Fake as I may be
As those days come fewer
And pain persists
The empty feeling moving in
Nesting daily
To notice a person's pain is one thing
To change another
To understand is simply impossible
None know
Our hearts all beat so differently
Our pain unique
But all our days are as equally painful
If born of self hate
The floor rises and falls,* it breathes
The walls churn as they move
Bugs crawl under my skin
As I stumble around the room

A clock ticks in the corner
Though it hasn't run for years
I scratch my face thoroughly
As I d
rown in salty tears

The basement's full of monsters
Voices murmur and scream
My hair comes out in locks
From my forehead rolls off steam

There is no sense of time
Only anxiety, and fright
I want to fall asleep*
But I know I won't tonight
Watch me cry
Up to the sky
My wails drowned
Out by the clouded
Merciless heavens.

Unto the wind
Though I've sinned
Hear my bawl
Answer my call

And still I sigh
Lost in the sky
The moon hung high
While I cry
"Die."
Shameful glaring.
Hateful words.
Always reprimanding.
Misplaced worlds.
Everything breaking.

All pain.
Stinging guilt.
Sighing rain.
Interests tilt.
Giving demons.
Having loathing.
Never bronze.
Ever dulling.
Disgraceful self.

Shame assigned.
Either I'm shaming myself, or others are shaming me. Such is life; it *****.

If you haven't noticed the first letter of each line, do so now.
Shout onto the wind
Yet none will hear
A tangled mind
Full of fear
Scream to your consent
Till throat is raw and red
But what will it have meant
If to nothing it has led
Send me to die
Where bodies pile high
In a massacre without light
With no strength left to fight

And then I will know
Only then can I see
Put on as a show
What the world should be
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