love does
not always
reciprocate
but never
replace it with
hate

painted smiles
today
will
soon
turn
into
silent
cries
tomorrow.

2015 left me with some good advice...

life is not nice
life is not fair
life does not care
life does not share
life does not love
life is a ***** and she's tough!!!

I just pray 2016 has mercy on me,*

because I've had *enough

smiles
reality
I sometimes fake.

sleep
death
always late.

hurt soul
her soul
he's pleased to take.

one of these
mornings
I won't awake.

if so...

my soul.
my soul.
please do take!

to heaven
to paradise
I hope to make.

A bath a day
Washes the sin away.
I scrub the skin,
But can't reach within.
A pill a night
Numbs my desire to fight
Hours are loan sharks
That pack a bite.
Sun shines; body grows older
Moonlight; heart grows colder.

tear down my wall
boldly stand tall
give me confidence
because I feel so small.

tie back my hands
and gag my mouth
no screams, no shouts
tell me the things you think about.

build up my heart
break down my will
beat me until I'm still,
show me how love feels.

looking in the mirror
waiting for bruises to appear
asking myself
"How did I get here?"

never been the one
to afflict pain upon myself.

but I have caused to much harm
I am no longer a help
I too, may as well hurt.

From the sky
I gaze down
trying my best not to cry
I am finally free!
I can finally fly!

From the clouds
I can hear screams sung aloud
I glance down to see
a woman,
a man,
a child.

The woman is heartbroken
the man's shirt is full of sweat and blood,
it's filthy and soaking
the child has tears on his cheeks
confusion and pain slowly running.

I begin to die, as the child starts choking
I too, was in abusive relationship with a man named Life
the sun nor showers would stop him from beating his wife.

He loved me when it began
but he could never get past my affair with sin
then one day God heard my prayer and let me in.
To hell went my husband and boyfriend
I knew it was over.
This was the end.

Today I was called sick,
I did not get mad,
didn't even flinch.

For it was true.

I am a sinner,
devilish from many angels
I never pleaded to be an angel
just a damaged poet
and most know it.

I sometimes indulge in deviant behaviors
like ***, drugs, and Rihanna
I hope for Heaven and not hell
but I accept my wrong, your honor!

I am sick, this is true
but those who judge,
who the **** are you?

I desire innocently to be a fly on your wall

Have you ever met a person
More broken than a million pieces?

I have, she's my mother.
Whom I love a billion reasons.

Addicted to love;
The sweetest high
Strangers walk past
Kisses blown by
Some catch,
Most miss
Hopeless romantic
Sprung out
Cupid’s abyss

why did I grow up so fast?
to have responsibilities beat my ***.
why did I skip class?
to only cheat life and still come in last.
why did I rush my youth?
only my childhood knows the truth.

for a brief
moment
a second of hope
a glimpse of happiness
life appears
simple, small, innocent,
& promising
like that of a child.
Then I grew up
and got lost
in it's
magnitute.

The cool bitter breeze
Rubs against my face
Head back, mouth open
I embrace the taste.

For somewhere in the world,
You are doing the same.
I close my eyes
To remember your name.

I recall the passion,
And regret the pain
You stole my tears, now I hate rain
Even still, you're not to blame.

Oh my Wicked flame
You let me burn
I'm not mad, because I had to learn
But now the tables have turned...and

Hell says you're wanted
*It's now your turn

As time crept by

I      s  l  o w l y

Began to die

my nostrils burn
with the scent of poison

poison that burns my lips
and my lungs...

I only want peace.
I only want fun.

I pray. I stretch...
all that inner peace mess,
still nothing.

Now my insides are burning,
burning from the smoke I inhale
cigarettes are a taste of hell.

I feel myself growing small
as my problems shrink into the
darkness of my pitiful soul,

drowning away s    l   o    w   l    y    by this alcohol.

like the sun
and the moon

I am gone to soon.

like the stars
and the sky

I am much to high.

Like the earth herself,
I am too unsteady.

I will soon die,
hope the universe is ready.

Came on a mission
But every aim I'm missing.

Laser focus on the target.
B A N G, I'm H
                   I
              T

Boom, that's it.   Level incomplete.

Human defeat.

Plan failed.
Condemned to Hell.

I can take a punch
an insult
a offense
but my life makes no sense.

I can handle heartbreak
but loneliness I can not take
7 billion humans on earth
and solitude is my fate.

my lovers left me
down and out
gave me something
to think about.
Like......
how it's not them,
but could it be me?
commitment is dangerous
and relationships are scary!

I always compromise when I’m lonely

In the beds of strangers,

hopeful that someone can love me.

Many see I'm broken beautifully.

Some think I’m art; crafted delicately.

Others say; dangerous, sad, and extreme!

but they'll willingly be that drug I so desperately need.

abandonment sleeps alone in my heart
but only a few inches away are we apart.

my heart beats sickly
it was ill from the very start.

with each breath it thumps
in my throat are lumps.

butterflies choke me as I try to speak
out the corner of my eye, I peek.

waiting for you to kiss me makes me want to hurl,
because I talk big, but I am still a shy little girl.

But bad boys, lust, and love,
are my only sins in this dark lonely world.

There are women.
And there are girls.

Then there are ladies in between
Who feel the wrath of a *** crazy world; a place so mean.

Usually not the one to lose confidence,
We stood on our feet.

Our eyes met,
I had an urge to take my seat.

I immediately felt
Shorter and less attractive.

Standing next to you,
Amazingly beautiful Amazon Woman.

When it was a matter of need

nobody noticed me

eyes did not see

a childhood of misery.


Now adult, I seek to be free

possibily engage in immoral activity

afterall debauchery created me

now I'm sure they're all watching

when I don't want them to be.

rihanna and lana del rey
please don't become her
one day

dorothy dandridge
whitney houston
marilyn monroe
anna nicole

their sadness I did know
beautiful and broken
the pain never let go
the men, the drugs,
the heartache followed
they were all a living example:
misery is captivating
and beauty is shallow

the world is sick
people are ill
emotions are viruses
that every human feels
hate is real.
evil kills.
smiling is contagious
affection lives.
then, I awoke from my coma
and realized
LOVE can actually HEAL!

she will always be gone,
by your side, but alone.

she will always stray,
always searching for a better day.

she will always leave
so cherish her now please.

she will remember you the most,
love her now, or haunted will be her ghost.

right out the tub
fresh and clean
ready to be seen

pretty lonely girl
perfumed body
ready to get naughty

ready for love
ready for pain
ready for anybody

all dressed up
stain glass windows
with nowhere to go

I went looking for the devil
and found me.

I went looking for freedom
and found captivity.

I went looking for love
and found misery.

I stopped searching,
and found everything!

without inspiration
I AM DEAD.

without admiration
I AM LONELY.

without art
I AM NUMB.

without love
I AM NOTHING.

with poetry
I AM EVERYTHING!

I've tried
tried, tried
and now
I'm tired.

my heart
is under attack
because no one
seems to love me back.

now I'm left with this
this youthful body
and this pretty sad face
in this empty place.

guess I'm left
to love myself
***** anyone else.

If poetry was a man

Id admit, im in love!

every time you leave me
I think I love you less

this neglect has caused me
devlopmental stress.

every time you stray
my heart screams please stay!

But you never listen
I never get my way.

anxiety makes me want to cry
fear of someone harming you

distrust proudly says hello
as you happily say goodbye.

at least you always come back
like you promise...

but one day, you'll lie
worse case scenario, you'll die.

reject me once
cool,
it was probably my fault.

reject me twice,
hold on,
something is not right.

reject me three/ times the charm
you'll regret it sugar.
I'll make you wish you were never born.

And the days have become long
Fast world
Fast talkers
A girl has become grown.

And the days have become long
Fragile body
Fragile mind
Soul has become strong.

And the days have become long
Need of a friend
Need of a savoir
Good people are gone.

And the days have become long
Please return brother
I’ve grown weary in doing right
This route called life has proven to be a turn wrong.

if the good die young,
why am I still here?

Maybe I am dead
just haven't accepted it,
must be fear.

if the good die young,
why do I feel old?
wrinkles in my face made of gold.

I was a queen before
a servant now,
life is one sick chore.

Bad for my health
Worse for my recovery
I beg you, never let go of me.

The hold of black smoke
Smothers me. I choke
Release me. Heart trapped.

I promise not to relapse.