Listen closely for
creaking floorboards
above your head.
Memorize his steps;
how he walks gently
when you are not alone
but plays music
with his shackles and
dances on granite soles
while you are sleeping.

When you wake
in a cold sweat,
know that he is there,
that he is with you although
you cannot see him.
He is a cold draft
after you take a bath,
he is the book you could have sworn
you put back on the shelf.
He is begging you to turn around,
to feel his touch,
to remember how
that book had started
your first conversation.

He will tune the radio to
your song and
play it louder
and louder
until he sees you fall to
your knees with his memories
cradled in your bony arms.

As you watch him shatter
the picture frames beside your bed,
remind yourself that
he is not malicious;
this is still the
pastel-eyed boy who's hands
made you feel safe,
he is trying to prove that
he exists,
he is shattering glass
with his illusory knuckles,
yearning to feel a sensation
that he can no longer perceive.

You are letting go of him.
You are telling him to move on.
He is alone in a dark room
and you are begging him to
go toward the light.

You come back to an
illuminated house.
Every lamp has been turned on,
every candle lit.
He is flooding you with light
because he cannot find his own.

Ripples of effulgent colors
Reaching out from waters disturbed
Waves bothering no one
Except silent moods
And heavy sighs

Leaves falling like the fire from the skies
Sitting at the river bed alone
Hearing the blazing trumpets of angels
In the air for all of the world to hear
Definite, gazing and profound

The streets echoing the screams
Of thousands
Maybe millions burning
The people melting
turning to ash

And

Visions so pristine, with pools of clear waters
Where the universe dances with shooting stars
Nights so serene, with comets and saucers
Where multi-verse poets tell fables from mars

Mirrors orbiting realms of light and sound
Along ghost ships, serpents and mango worlds
Wormholes overwhelms clouds that surround
Near women’s hips and flowing hair swirls

The earths below like a burning molten orb of muck
Where Rephaite giants wrestle behemoths in vile seas
The dreams glow here like a harem where angels ****
And centaurs play Gato Barbieri tunes full of gleam

And

That sad moment where I wake up in an ***** pit
Below the Broadway theater
And a little Chinese lady scoots me out for new customers
And I stumble out into the streets
And buy a paper
Reading of a stock market crash
and the end of my job

as I fend for life in the jungles of Vietnam
I see friends of mine get their faces shot to pieces
And their brains fall to my lap
And I scream as the Vietcong rush me
Hack my limbs off and leave me for dead
And I wake up in a hospital bed
A quadruple amputee
Falling in love with a nurse I might never see
Again, so I ask her to hold me and let me
Cry into her shoulder
Then I pay a homeless man
to push me off a bridge with him

We fall and hit the water hard and—
He sinks
I don’t
I float up to the surface
And when I emerge I see
myself at the edge of a river
Tossing rocks into the water
I call out to help
But He doesn’t hear me

He stands up and leaves
I crawl up from the river with new arms and legs
Crying with an emotion I cannot describe
For what dreams and past-lives have been here
And there
On this Day of Wrath?

On this beach of trash and rocks?

Where I can see my grand-kids playing
In the southern California dusk

And my wife reminds me of the first time we met
In that hospital
Next to the ***** den
At the end of the world.

". . .CHITTO JETHA BHAYASHUNYO. . ."
( WHERE THE MIND IS WITHOUT FEAR )

breath & sax
unite to form
a creature made of flesh & horn

his sax calls forth
his own ghost
it dances before him like smoke

he closes his eyes
loses sight of everything
but the song

he plays
not knowing what he plays
until he plays it

the song seems to know
where it's going
it's the man he improvises

"...where the world has not
been broken up
into fragments..."

he longs to be taken
out of himself
so he can become himself

the last note
he comes back from the nowhere
that he's found

stuck now in this
somewhere he is
made ordinary again

now he's just
a man with a limp
just another drunk

his sax
the genie of sound
sound asleep in its case

he hums inside his head
the music heard
he the instrument now

tapping on the table
his cigarette dancing
to the invisible music

the notes
half man half ghost
tapped inside his skull

even the silence
now
full of sound

"...sometimes I wish
the music would leave
me alone..."

"...the music is like
a very very big dog
taking its owner for a walk.."

"...note by note I am
transformed
until I am the music..."

"...caught in a riptide
what can I
do. . ?"

I always think a sax can take you the beyond the beyond when words fail. Riptide was his pièce de résistance. And he would always quote the Tagore poem before playing it and so that became this poem's title. He used to call it his "habbijabbi" or "thingamjig" in Bengali.

The orginal Bengali script...

চিত্ত যেথা ভয়শূন্য, উচ্চ যেথা শির
জ্ঞান যেথা মুক্ত, যেথা গৃহের প্রাচীর,
আপন প্রাঙ্গণতলে দিবসশর্বরী
বসুধারে রাখে নাই খণ্ড ক্ষুদ্র করি,
যেথা বাক্য হৃদয়ের উৎসমুখ হতে
উচ্ছ্বসিয়া উঠে, যেথা নির্বারিত স্রোতে
দেশে দেশে দিশে দিশে কর্মধারা ধায়
অজস্র সহস্রবিধ চরিতার্থতায়,
যেথা তুচ্ছ আচারের মরুবালুরাশি
বিচারের স্রোতঃপথ ফেলে নাই গ্রাসি,
পৌরুষেরে করে নি শতধা, নিত্য যেথা
তুমি সর্ব কর্ম চিন্তা আনন্দের নেতা,
নিজ হস্তে নির্দয় আঘাত করি, পিতঃ;
ভারতেরে সেই স্বর্গে করো জাগরিত৷

And in Tagore's own translation, from the 1912 English edition of Gitanjali.

Where the mind is without fear and the head is held high;
Where knowledge is free;
Where the world has not been broken up into fragments by narrow domestic walls;
Where words come out from the depth of truth;
Where tireless striving stretches its arms towards perfection;
Where the clear stream of reason has not lost its way into the dreary desert sand of dead habit;
Where the mind is led forward by thee into ever-widening thought and action—
Into that heaven of freedom, my Father let my country awake.

Consistently, I'll crave your inconsistency,
Consistently, inconsistent

Because--

Heaven, is what I feel when you touch my
Skin.
And when you sin with me in the dark,
Dark night I wonder if I
Might
Get the chance for this song and dance to last

The past is holding you back
From me.
Be still, stop running
Stop ruining everything in your path

Self-destruction

Funnily enough, I know you're slipping through
My fingers, so
Linger no longer in my bleeding heart

Just part ways with me already, I am not
Steady
On my own two feet with/out you

See? I am defeated, I am so defeated
As I crave our moments, so
Heated

Hot like fire; soulful desire
Dire
Is my craving for you to admire

Me.

But you won't see--

Me.

Be---ating hearts, stutter,
Flutter
Muttering soft murmurs of want,
Of need, of peace, of release

Haunt me
With your absence,
Have sense
To never come back
I won't take you back,
(Lie)
I won't take you back
(Lie, lie all I do is lie)

My, by and by I slowly die
And without care
You stare at my pain
And scoff
A brush, a kick in the dirt,
Don't you see my hurt?

Ghosted by you,
You don't see anything through
To the end

Scared little boy,
Ruined little boy.
Hurt little boy,
I would've loved you,
Little boy.
You foolish tool

I bid you adieu,

My Ghost.

the ghost of
Elvis
continued
eating
and
stopping
and plopping.

they sure were
going
no where
purty
****
quick

thought the
big fat bus
with the
big fat
yellow bootay...

something needs to be done
and
lickety
quick.....

pondered the big
fat bus
with the BIG fat Yellow Bootay...

If you knew I had you figured out,
you might cease to be.
I see through your encryptions now.
It came so easily.

You're as rare as a Garganey,
but speak in Parakeet.
You're flightless like the Dodo bird,
but, like a Nightingale, you sing.

I thought I saw your body washing
up and down the beach.
Instead I must have seen your ghost
doing a dance for me.

I can't say that I've seen your face.
It remains a mystery.
The next time that you show your face,
I hope that you show me.

I am a ghost
Do you see me?
I hide in the shadows
I fear you.
My essence is cold
The heart of steel.
Fear rages within me
Drawing me in with its astringent pull.
Fear is my home
I abide there
Like a shadow in the cupboard beneath the stairs
Long lost.
What hope is there
In dispair?
In the cold dead of night I wander
Feeling the kinship of the dark.
Slipping past trees and alleys I taste fragments of life,
A wrapper that once contained chocolate...
Or something sweet
They draw me to them and I inhale that which once was.
What is left for me
But the night?

the
sign of
old age
the
deep lines
carved
into
our
weary faces
begin to rage
shine
clearer
when
we look
in
the
ghost mirror
while
the
wisdom
that
comes with age

trapped in my mind
stuck in my head
no where to go
so I lay in my bed

why did you leave me
why did you go
i would **** just to hear you say hello

yet, your gone
gone up in the stars
i swear for you i’d travel so far
if i could just hold you one more time in my arms

even though you aren’t here
i still dance with you my dear
there’s a ghost that haunts me
but I have no fear
cause I know it’s you, my darling
that’s crystal clear

Maybe it’s all the pills they keep piling on
                        One more and I’ll feel better…

Maybe its the family genetics finally kicking in that I always thought I out ran…

Maybe it’s my twenties
         Everyone keeps telling me this is how it should feel…
                               Or
Maybe it’s the fact that no amount of trazadone can get me too sleep
No dose of Adderall will keep me awake
Not a gram of Lexapro can make me feel
Happy
And I just keep trying my ******* best but everyday life finds a new way to kick me in teeth.

Maybe it’s my grandma dying,
     Or that I don’t talk to my brother anymore…

Maybe it’s the fact that I sit in this chair once a week saying all these things to a person who is only paid to care and I still tell them everything anyway because if I don’t say it out loud to another person and just keep replaying it in my head over and over one day I’ll start to scream and never stop.

         I feel like a ghost in a grocery store
Starring at the shelves of food wondering why I’m even here.
once an old man over the phone at my job told me,
“Caela, you’re a good cat” And sometimes that’s the one statement I feel like I can live for.

the dark, dark, paralyzed shark
pincushioned a hole in the wall
and said, "remind me. why do we do it all?"
grief is a shiny stairway to ******
showering in syrupy Butalin
i'm so angry at these bad dreams
where did all the good ones go?
i'll never be near the moon, it seems.
i'll always be in my mind, trapped below
that **** who hides
in my teeth and in my skin
lurking trickily where the deepest sin collides
ordering me, ruthlessly: give in

i carry a ghost in my pocket
i can open it up like a deadly locket
revealing it as a helpless demon
ready for the routine depository
of its *****
does it need a piggyback ride
to our castle of ice and pine?
does it want to make its home
in my belly, my nails, my womb?

Someone call an EMT
who will scrape out the rut for me
a few good cleanings,
that's what I need
to finally put away
that black poppy seed
for long enough to try
using my voice at least once
before i get to die.

it will cackle with joy
if my heart suddenly fails.
i will omit all cholesterol
if that's what its punishment entails.
there's such a thin line between inspiration
and replication.
maybe life is meant to be tired
and this shape is all these continents will ever be.

i'm learning to fly
i come and go.
i float and grow.
beating my wings to a rhythm that I breathe in and out-
it sounds exactly like
a quick heartbeat
preying on rabbits and resting in trees
instead of running
becoming dead meat

i'm very good at hiding
i keep it up until I'm as hollow
as lightweight opaque
translucent paper
knowing it can't wait me out forever.
if i could plague it with apprehension
i'd follow him everywhere
and lie about my intentions
until he casually cheats life and leaves me
Here

i imagine there to be a sound of these wooden flutes
fluttering
white flakes by my eardrum
spiriting my shaking fingers
giving me an excuse for the palpitations
rising at the thought of my aggressor
placed inside my flower drawer.

maybe it is my undulating fright
maybe it is cardiovascular might
maybe it is a measurable blight
because i feel stuck in a daydream that steals my hair
and, with a wrenching force, my underwear
using the two to gag me with pressure.

then i wake up
in time, completely alone.
a window is glued under my eyelids
of a time
when I could part my lips on my own

This is not mine!
THIS IS NOT MINE!
THIS IS NOT MY HOME!

your diamond ***
intense compaction and heat
clear like hash gum
red as a cherry until it pops bittersweet
the end is enough
but victory feels naught
years of blood I cough
and hate is what i'm taught.

Away from sane
Pleasures of pain
Try and keep the loose locks chained
Realities plane
From what we gain
Oh life is tamed
From heart to brain
Your name is bane
Now I’m the same
These maggots of shame
Express my frame
The life of death is but a game

The fowls in your lies
They **** out my eyes
Streaking fire harmonize
Along the lines of mental suicide
now lost in higher skies
Known like when a ghost dies
Inegligible melting wax
With a sea of philosophical facts
Tearing your nails for satisfaction
incomprehensible refractions
why try to grasp such fractions
to only destroy your foundation?
like narcotics and communication
or the vane abyss of dead relaxation

I struggle each day just to feel alright
Remembering how to put back the light in my eyes
I Wish I had missed the first time that we kissed
With that kiss you stole my soul
A lamb to slaughter
I can't ever take one more step towards you
Cause all that's waiting is regret
You lost the love you had the most
Tearing love apart
Leaving scars

My heart pounding as I hear your hunters call
I follow the trail of crumbs
Full of
Lies and pain
Knowing, you have the power to hurt me
Over and over again
I am crying
I am screaming

I want to tell you mostly
Devastated that I'm so afraid of everything
Devastated by the chaos
The violation
Drunk in my devastation
I walk a lonely road
All knowing
But alone

My mind attempts to heal
The scars push me down
I try to loosen the knot
It's to tight
In my lonely place
In my head
I build a haven, a place to live
A respite
From the ghost of deviance
From the hurt
From the fall so deep
From the pain so Raw
My life so lost
No matter how the day ends
I don't feel safe anymore

A ghost used to dance in my mirror--
she moved like a picture taken in motion,
though her dress remained still as the background.
But she has since stopped dancing and
grown bruises beneath marigold eyes.

Once, she whispered to me “It’s not your fault,”
but her breath reeked of rotten flowers
left too long in a molding vase--
her skin delicate as dried viscaria petals,
flaking and crumbling ever since

a man’s uninvited touch lingered there.
She stands pretty from across the room,
though her beauty is measured by the distance
I have forced between us--
five feet and counting.

What a pleasant joke
Your scent upon my sheets.
It's like a shadow ghost
Playing tricks on my morning mind.

The rain pelts the window,
The Boyfriend who tries to get my attention,
Throwing its rocks at the window,
But I ignore and continue on with my work.

Mrs. Livingston wants a paper written
A 5 page paper
And Things like annoying rain mustn’t distract me.

Though the rain is easy to ignore
There is one thing that I can’t ignore.
Him.
He is there in the back of my mind
Occupying the space where numbers from math class should be,
Where my History homework on Napoleon should be,
Where He shouldn’t be.

Golden eyes flash before me once the room goes white,
A scent seduces my nose though it’s in my mind
Just a memory brought back to life
A ghost intruding when it need not.

Why? Why can’t he leave me alone?
Yet I know it’s not him that’s in the wrong
It’s me
And My gay ways.

Latching onto him
Clasping his words in its hands
Soaking up every syllable
Every word
Everything about him
Like a sponge soaking up the bubbles , suds, water, and germs.

The paper! I must get back to the paper!
He can’t be in my mind when I have much writing to do.
But
I like him.
More than like him.

I remember when at first I dug my heels into the ground
Refusing to fall
Then as time went on
The heels got eroded
The ground beneath me got eroded
My determination was eroded.
And
I
Fell.

An object forced to the ground not because of gravity
But because he had something about him
Something that made my body sing,
With bulking, twisting, and jittering.

Was it his smile?
That one little curve.
That one little curve with such shine
And such sweetness
It could melt ice
And have more sugar than a pack of Hershey Kisses.

Maybe his hair?
The constant loops
Of Wheat
Of sand
Of soft wool.
Taking me on a ride that never seem to end.

Or perhaps his Words and Speech?
The constant dragging out words
The sweet tune of the Hillbilly in his vocals.
Lost in his words that never made sense
Until I thought more of it.

Or maybe his demeanor?
The laid back student who dreams of going cross country in a van.
The one who seems to have everything figured when he can’t figure if he is up or down.
The one who attracts the negative and it turns to problems
The one who surprises me with his out of the blueness.
And takes me on such a high that it shatters by heart when he drops me.

I have to stop.
He is taken from me
That is a thought I mustn’t forget.
Why spend this time
Thinking
Wanting
Loving
Liking
Wishing
Hoping
When he has been taken from me.
I must finish the paper.
I don’t have much time.

Would could I exchange a peach for my heart fair lady ?
For both are juicy and picked today ?
My heart beats and my peach is ripe and tender is it not
You would tell me ?
Of all the grocers fruit I could have picked did I choose at least one for you no fly had landed just for one second ?
As for my heart did I not rip it out of my chest and serve it to you
rich in the finest Claret  
likened only to a plum ?


Do you remember the warm ,
Beating ***** I gave you when we first met ?
How  it dripped with my blood ,
and you gathered it to your breast.  and said “ now you are mine “

I died that day ,
If I could have given you my lungs I could have told you !
and my ears so you might have listened ?
How  I wished you had ears to hear ?

Please if you read this come quick for I am alone sweeping up in
The potters room for what we tried to Mould  ,
together was always you’re Moore to my Swayze ,
now a ghost to our dreams shattered into a thousand pieces .
Yet if you just say the word ,
just pick up one piece could we not start again ?

Then meet me at the grocer , plum , pear , heart ?

You were taken from me before we were born
and so I floated and grew alone in a room for two dreaming of moons and sunlight

What are you if you are a twin,
but never had the chance to be one?

I'm half of a whole made up of two people
but now I am  all of what is left,
with a ghost
hidden in my peripherals  

Sometimes I feel I am the moon,
the moon and lunar tides
which means you must've been the sun and shores
to tie me to the earth

Because when I am alone, you are the phantom beside me reminding me of warmth,
and you are the unexplained loss I feel
standing in the sun

He watches her
Smoke rising, playing against her aura
Diamonds in her eyes
Sparkling like the morning sunset
Transcendent goddess
Temple like the minions who befall her
He watches transfixed
The stillness of day
Dressing her ghost like
Dancers parade
Praying to be the chosen
Diamonds glitter
Charade passes with no promise
Decadent smile betrays her only emotion
The curtain closes
Lesser mortals fated
Sure as day turns to night
Diamonds in her eyes
Deathly kiss, as wolves howl in the night
Clouds free, as the moon searches
Transcending light finds shadow awaiting
Diamonds sparkle
Wolves frenzied as audience is given
Diamonds shine bright
Souls searching for the afterlife
Betrayed by her aura
Coals burn brightly
And the wolves are sated
Dark clouds in the distance
Diminish the burning light
The morning asks why
He watches, transfixed
Diamonds in her eyes.

ghost-like, the song of syrinx,
seven hollow reeds plucked
to make a flute, a star-wish
where the dark waters ride,
(the horned god laughs and plays),

shrunk to a dusk, the river mute,
her voice trickles over stone
and leaf, branches reflected, pools and
caves where otters breathe, where
drinks the evening dew -

her voice fades like a star as pan
awakes, his pipe brushes her lips,
sings of the infinity of night of
a moon white-layered like stone,
dancing like a woodland breeze.

I never knew you wore a mask,
Not one stitched of velvet and lace,
But something deeper, carved in silence,
A role you played without a stage.

They called you charming, bold, and bright,
A leading star in life's cruel play,
But now I sift through tattered pages—
Scripts you wrote, then cast away.

Each line rehearsed, each smile strained,
A careful act, a practiced art.
But somewhere in the endless stage,
You lost the echoes of your heart.

Did you ever dream of slipping out,
Of shedding costumes, painted grins?
Or did the role become so seamless
You forgot where it begins?

Your laughter filled the hollow halls,
Your voice rang sweet, devoid of doubt.
Yet I can see it now—between the lines,
A silent plea you dared not shout.

And when the curtain slowly fell,
Did you expect a standing cheer?
Or did you hope, in some cruel mercy,
That no one saw you disappear?

I found the notes you never spoke,
The truths you buried in your chest.
The world’s applause still lingers hollow,
Yet you have finally found your rest.

So take your bow, oh phantom friend,
Beneath the lights that burn so bright.
I only wish I'd seen you sooner,
Before you faded into night.

050616
Spring is fun, spring is cool
Spring is too cold for the pool
While summer is one thing that spring is not
Summer is free, summer is hot.
Summer's scene is filled with flowers
But here we sit in spring showers
Sheltered poorly from the rain
Umbrellas too short to be a cane
This is where I got to know you
A friend but now you're new
Special from each sink in sand
To when I reached and held your hand

070616
The threat of storm carries disaster
Until I fall into eyes of azure
Where opposites of the world entwine
Holding hands in showered sunshine
Spending way more than half
You teach me how to laugh
Tired, but never so awake
Torment that we can take
Worse, we part again with goodbyes
But I leave dreaming of blue eyes

120616
The taste of temptation on my lips
From your softly sweetened kiss
Another night of missing sleep
But this moment is ours to keep
Through this forest of paper trees
We found warmth from the blowing breeze
Smiling with each minute we spend
But our midnight meet needs to end

170616
The moment that lasted forever
Was when I asked you to be my
More-than-a-friend

No matter the actual passing of time
This moment couldn't end.
Joyous anticipation
Seemingly perfect timing
But your hesitation hurt my motivation

I'm still stuck in that moment
Between yes and no
My heated passion
Ready for the blow
This is the moment known as forever
Right at the peak of me
Falling for her

170616
The words that hurt the most are the ones not said at all. One Moment, we're soaring and now it's just the fall. While I fell for you Before, now I fall because of you. No chute, no net, no chance of Coming out of this one alright.

This ship's gone down without a fight

170616
Each twitch of my eye is you in disguise
Every bit of warmth in my hands
Are your fingers slithering through
The very thoughts that haunt my mind are always you

The ghost of you is now a part of me
Every sorrow you've seen, I now see
Mourning the passing of this passion
My mind turns again to ration
These feelings
These memories
They're symptoms of a disease

Hauntings of a ghost that I find has made its home inside my mind.

170616**
Time has stopped
And so will I
The world moving
So I'll try
To be content with this
The end
And how I've come to lose a friend

T** is for trials,
Tribulations & torment...
Terrorists trippin
Totalitarian governments
Two cents just spent.
Teachable yet I'm still
Treacherous
...
Take it in, just because I, can.
Thought that I told you,
to tell me to take it tonight!?
Tomorrow will, totally be alright
Tormented by
temptations of drownin it all... in alcohol &
Tramadol
Through the valley I rest
Tested by fires inside of my chest
Toast to the Ghost close eyes &
Then welcome rest.

(Geraldine, Carla and Erica found a letter, which they thought it was an important document belonging to someone living miles away. It was clear that a person entrusted the written paper to a messenger after putting a wax seal on it. The seal was placed on this document in such a manner that it was impossible to read it without first breaking the seal, which was very dry and brittle.)


Carla said, '' Let's read and bring to life the stories behind
These manuscripts, '' ''Let's find who was the owner and who handled
These books and papers.'' ''Some memories come back into my mind, ''
''I love to read; it’s so dark in here, let's light a candle, ''


Said Erica; they saw scribbled notes written on the margins
Of the books and the changing ownership of some manuscripts.
''An Arab medicinal work for Jewish use, that’s for certain.''
''Is it? '' '' It's translated into Hebrew; I think it's fabulous, ''
(… Replied Carla.)

Geraldine opened a book saying, '' This is a Persian
Medicinal work translated into Turkish; it must be
More interesting; they treat using a different version.''
''This copy of the book written by José Vicente.

(..Said Carla,)

Has a lot of geographical and astronomical
Information; you can learn to measure the distance;
It contains the main cities, oceans, '' ‘‘It’s phenomenal! ''
''Mapmakers, '' '' it's like a trip to another existence! ''
(..Exclaimed Erica,)

''It shows which stars are visible or not, the solar cycles
And it is illustrated with tables, diagrams, and maps.''
''Is this a Holy Book? I'm not good in perusing these titles.''
''Yes, it's written by Francisco Javier, a nice one, perhaps, ''

(Geraldine replied to Erica, knowing that she was a Russian not knowing too much Latin. Geraldine continued…))


''It's about a convent established in Mexico City
For any daughter of a conquistador who lacked dowry.
''Look, Aonio Paleario! I think it’s such a pity
To contradict the Catholic dogma; this language is flowery, ''

(…Said Carla.)


''It's a copy of a rare book. Does this contradiction mean
The trouble with the Inquisition in these Reformation times?
''He had the most influential protectors I've ever seen.''
But his protectors died; there are notes between the lines, ''

(Carla answered to Erica. Carla continued…)

‘’The Spanish Inquisition is run by the civil
Authorities of Kings after centuries of Muslim
*******; the execution became official
For the Muslim piracy to turn it down to very dim.’’

(Geraldine intervened in the conversation…)

‘’Spain had asked the Papacy to set up the Inquisition,
But the Papacy refused. Then, Spain threatened Rome
With not coming to give aid against the Muslim opposition.
Their armies sacked Rome and made southern Italy be their home.

The Pope set up the inquisition only for Christians.
Over time, the torture was not to be done more than once,
Was not to threaten life; there were Spanish transgressions
By the lawyers who oversaw this system from hence.’’

(Then, Erica told them…..)

''In England, the person convicted of public begging
Has a limb chopped off; a Catholic priest in England
Teaching school is executed.'' ''There're penalties for bringing
A false witness against someone; England's laws also bind Ireland, ''

(….Replied Carla. Erica continued….)

''There is a secret collaboration between London and
Tsar Peter of Russia.'' '' He is known as Peter the Great.''
''There are notes on a book; while travelling to Europe, he shunned
The persons knowing him, '' ''He wanted to change his country's fate.''

(Carla expressed her point of view regarding what Erica said. Erica continued…)

''He studied new developments in shipbuilding; he lived
In Deptford, at the home of John Evelyn, a writer.''
''This letter is from England and I’m a bit surprised
'Cause this letter should be brought to a Russian.'' ''A fighter


Was this messenger.'' ''Maybe this man is the ghost we feel.''
''Did King William help Peter? '' ‘’He increased trade with Russia.''
''Peter loved a peasant and, wanting his love to conceal,
He made her be his domestic serf.'' I've heard she's from Prussia.''

''She's from Lithuania; her name is Catherine; he married
Her secretly, '' ''But he's married, '' '' He divorced his first wife.''
'' He worked as a carpenter; his interests were varied.''
'' Friend with Marquis of Carmarthen, he started a new life.''

(Geraldine tried to open the letter a little without breaking its seal. '' I think it is written 'Catherine' or 'Carmarthen.' '' ''Impossible, '' replied Carla, ''It would be much more important than any other one and it wouldn't be lost here. Give it to me.'')

(Erica said,)

'' King William gave Tsar Peter the ship Royal Transport
As a gift; the ship's designer was Marquis of Carmarthen.
As King Augustus of Poland, King William showed him support.
'' This messenger traveled many miles to take his ship again.''

(Erica told them that she feels like she's about to faint. Carla ran down the stairs to bring vinegar and water and Geraldine hurried to open the window. Meanwhile, Erica took a document from the box and hid it under her dress.)

(..to be continued.)

Poem by Marieta Maglas)

i woke to your eyes again
the deepest blue
like gazing into the ocean,
seconds before the storm comes in.

the truth is
i find your ghost at every turn
and still feel the cool waters
of your touch
with every whisper of the wind,
each memory a living phantom.

now i know
not even the holiest exorcism
could pull the threads of you
from my mind
you are the bread and wine
the iron in your blood
pulling me in
sweeter than any nectar.

Most likely to Break hearts:
She lives in a world of ***
Hands around her neck, hickies on her hips, and blood on her boyfriends tattooed fists
Dating boys who are twice her age
She got straight A's but never will live up to her potential
because her *** is shaped like a heart, and her heart is shaped like a dollar sign

Most likely to Live in her dreams:
She wears twigs in her hair and presses flowers in notebooks
Scattered around her eclectic cottage
Living off  her woodland knowledge
Literally a ghost, no job, no life, no love
no ******* reality

EDITED:  MARK AS VOID (she dumped him and he fell apart)
Most likely to Elope after high school:
I can picture her running away with him
Living in ***** motels on concrete streets
Surviving on paper plates of buttered toast and styrofoam cups filled with bitter black coffee
kissing under stars in empty parking lots
She loves him so much not even I can see them falling apart

Most likely to Fry his brain on drugs:
Alone in his room
Bowl packed, lungs filled with skunked up smoke
Laughing at nothing listening to loud *** rap music
I can see his future its as empty as his head
Tripping up the stairs to his heavenly room to **** down more stale air
and taste clouds

Most Likely to Become a Stripper:
He looks like a stud with hair of gold
Picturing him with dollar bills being stuffed in his G string is an easy image.
His solid heart makes him strong
but his craving for a boy to love him makes him weak
I love him

EDITED:I AM NO LONGER A ****** BUT IM STILL UNLOVED
I am just most likely to die a young ******, drunk on *****, high on illegal drugs, melancholy about nothing, and empty inside.

I'm not the one
not the one you were waiting for
not the one of your dreams
as real as those  might seem
Not the one of your fantasies
this is more....
your reality

I am not the one that got away
or her, you know the one  you saw just the other day
Baby...
I am not an amalgam of the worst or the best
of the ladies and ******
you put through your tests
I have confessed
my sin is wanting...
needing
you

you can trust
I am much more than mere lust
I am more than this flesh
way more than skin deep
Not something you can keep
I will seep your veins
invade your brain
In your mind
I am not the one
not yet...anyway

and hey I gotta say
I'm not your Mother
not the one your Mother
warned you about either
not the girl next door
I am exactly what you've been waiting for

Open your mind
instead you seem to find
my age isn't right
I'm not the ideal height
or your ideal anything
although you still like these curves
when they move and swerve
you said you like my mouth
after only just a nice slow wet kiss
Imagine even more
all you have to do is wish
I am here darling...my nice full lips
and curvy hips and massaging oiled fingertips

I am a perfect ghost
haunting, wanting you as my host
your heart
to explore you
is my goal
eat you up and swallow you whole
to keep you as if your mine
nights when we are intertwined
if only for a little while
I love your quirky quiet little smile
we can do it hippie-redneck style
I'll take what I can get of this beautiful memory
that releases me to ecstasy
in whatever form it is

are you afraid to touch me again
that I'll show up at your door
That maybe I'm much more
than just your good ol' friend?
except you already know
I am everything
I am the craving
The ache
your mistake
the best one yet
the desire
we are on fire
emmmm....a ****** attraction
creating a chemical reaction
hunger...a yearning
alone I'm turning
my bed it is burning
thanks to you

Although..you know
it's true...
I am not worried
I am sure you'll be calling on me again....
real soon
my lover and my very, very.... special bright eyed friend.

Cherie Nolan© 2016

Aint it funny when you think, that you're all alone,
in a room so empty, there's nobody home.
But in a place close by, there's a deafening tone
Coz inside your head there's a war going on.

Running over conversations, some that i've had,
others i've made up, that are driving me mad,
where once they were good, my head turns them bad.
All the people, places and things, i can't control,
a voice tells me otherwise, it's destroying my soul.

Like the father, the son and the holy ghost,
there are three of us now,which one should i listen to most?
Just like the image on the big picture screen,
the good and bad on the sides, and me in between.

I want them stop, all the shouting and noise,
to cease all the chaos hiding deep behind my eyes.
Just for once, couldn't they just all agree,
and with some peace, just leave me be.

But it's a request that's easier said than done,
for these relentless voices in my head is their home.
Asking them to hush or even to leave,
seems to me an incredible impossibility.

Then one day all of a sudden, something became apparent,
A friend looked at me, as if my head were transparent.
Described all the madness that inside was going on,
as if they had lived here too all along.

At last in the world i didn't feel so alone,
And slowly but surely a little peace came to my home.
In the house where lived not only me,
but the many voices that spoke horrendously.
Of this prison with invisible walls, i was set free.
No longer would i argue with him, her and me.

Is this a miracle? i asked of my new friend,
Because this fight is one, i thought would never end.
She said maybe so, you can call it what you like,
but one thing i know, you will sleep good tonight.

So many questions i have for her now,
Of why this has stopped, i beg tell me how.
She said just relax, just let it be,
you've heard of sleeping dogs, they lie beside me.
And i dare not disturb, i tread easily.

But i know any minute, that they could awake.
And again once inside, the battle could break,
into a full scale war, like it was once before,
so again just leave it be, don't open the door.

Don't even hover around it, or peek through the keyhole,
because what's behind this door will terrify your soul.
Just know that's it there, but you don't need it now,
this is only answer to your question of how.

She also reminded me that i shouldn't forget,
what hasn't happened now, could still happen yet.
And to remember what invited, those scary voices in
but keeping the door locked, won’t let it happen again.

Although they remain the father, son, and the holy ghost.
Today, for one day, I have a higher power i listen to most.
And the feeling of complete loneliness is gone,
and it's thanks to my friend, i am happy at home.
Both outside and in, the torture has ceased
and all of the gifts in my life, have so increased
because now inside, the fight, battle and war are deceased.

After the screams
I was coming undone,
splitting at the seams.
I hauled all my watercolors
out of my brother's office.
I took the paintbrushes
and palettes of a thousand hues
lodged between his camo army vest
and his heavy shoes
and I sprawled out in the
spinach-green living room.
I painted
willow trees and silhouettes
and viridian snakes spilling from ***** lips.

At 2am I got up
headed to the deck
and watched the stars
Because sometimes I forget.
I let my nights
be slaughtered by sobs.

These nights, this view
It’s mine, you can’t have it.
Everyone needs a place
and this is mine,
this tiny nirvana,
2 o'clock constellations
in the dark purple bruise of night
are my home.

A pool of watercolors,
magenta, cyan, indigo, emerald and cerulean,
swells in my chest,
in the empty space between my lungs.
A drowning, a baptism.

Everywhere, in everything,
your unblinking ghost.
It refuses to dissolve.

I once was in a place I loved
but left. Let me tell you why.

Friend, I won't give you any of this ****
about vision quests or fields to plow.

I just ran out of patience and time.
And reasons for staying. Anyhow.

That beautiful ghost of a woman
of mine said I don't love you, BOO.
And I was gone. So long.

My heart froze solid
like the cold ground I sleep on.

The monkey on my back is just a cigarette under the crack
Where your fingertips can not, anymore, the nicotine pursue...
A stain in my Egyptians, the painful intermissions
And nevertheless a violent ingestion, the cavalry consumed.
Dogs don't eat dogs unless they're the runts of the group,
And when they come out crooked, the casualties ensue.
Ribs on my shoulders, eyes in my aorta
And just as I guessed, from out of my chest, a ghost not unlike you.

Ive been here 666 years and the irony is insane
The only voices Ive had in my head were dripping off the brain
A zombie could knock down a wall or take 3 in the chest
But a dog with the head of a worm is quicker than the rest.
Uninvited your spine comes crashing into my field of view
Negatives of your face fading into non-photo blue
The tree canopy becomes a face that looks a bit like yours
But when it blinks my heart sinks, and you walk out the door.

Signals running every which way! Scream me, baby! Do it!
Lose my caller I.D. witch ***** slow
Drag
Drug
Love.

Eat it all under a vacuum heart and say the words!
Gooba gabba gooba gabba! We accept you, one of us!
Shoreline, waistline, eyeliner, center divider
Crash into the sea and settle underneath!
The bubbles quit rising! A man is inside!
He looks like your and my hatechild!

You wanted art!! Ill give you art!
As soon as my head stops circling around.

One of us!

Candles once burnt in the night
But a cold wind took their light
I was cast down into damnation
With no hope of finding salvation

No one listened to be heard
A voice speaking without a word
Who could rescue a fallen soul
That could find no place to go

A gothic ghost screaming out
Like some demented Banshees shout
Crawling through the filth of disgrace
Ice cold tears falling on my face

An endless night without stories to tell
Countless doors leading to Hell
Nightmares daring to be my end
Gashing wounds try to offend

I fight back and yell "no more"
Bandage up this festering sore
Stop cutting my soul with this knife
Time to fight in the war of life

Copyright Chris Smith 2013