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refresh mesh Oct 2019
For many years I waded through waist-high grass
Balancing this wide, empty pail on my head
waiting patiently throughout
for the sparse clouds - at last!
Sprinkling their swollen dread
through my many arms, stretched out
They gathered and buffooned above me
To irrigate the ancient prairie.

Thousands of unturned acres
drank up my tendency to the land
from the reservoirs residing
within me like open hands.
I remember six annual cycles
of lonesome, diligent drought
when the heat of god's light
dried even my memories out.

This August arrived inconspicuously
as a thicket of stormy pillows
roared deeply into the scene
From just the apex of the peeling cliffs
Signaling that they could see.

And they rolled towards me.
The closer they got,
The smaller we seemed
as the fields gazed together
at what felt like a dream
Then, far too late,
I realized with dismay
That I could not hold so much
Not in this form; not all in one day

I'd have to dig wells into the earth
Just to taste for acidity
And without any support
I'd need to track our own fecundity
Because some grounds would be
Too thick with clay:
The gift would be pointless
If I just let it drain away.

So as the storm roared onto us,
I recited the prayer of healing
And coughed out that blissful laugh
As my body lost all its feeling,
boring into the ground,
spreading a hundred hectares
the widest I could manage
while my pace was hastened:
A young crater for new life.
Your great wasted basin.
refresh mesh Sep 2019
i write poems when im lonely
because they remind me
of what an animal i am

i walk into the street at night
in nothing but my ******
to greet my shining friend

i play stories in my head that i remember
of the people and places
that i will never see again

i stand like a tree and gaze into the mirror
relaxing my breath
and holding my own hands

i stay up late worrying for myself:
what will happen to me once
everyone's dead?

i wish i didnt love my family or my cat.
could i ever be happy
and alone in my bed?
refresh mesh Jul 2019
the clouds are not
something you can bully into a corner.
even though they appear
to flee from nothing
without cause or meaning,
they are huge coins
bellowed beneath space
cradling something
for earth's ***** organs
squeezing something
so precious and volatile
that even the breath of machines seem
as i become lost under the eye of light,
i realize i can no longer distinguish my need
to track your scent
from your desire to be pet.

before we can blink
the earth has already spun into silk.
we hurl along through time and space,
stuck on the end of a stringed cat toy
as she swirls
magnificent clouds around her head
propelled in her rotation
and strung along endlessly
by the very bright beast
that has always been
slowly, slowly
swallowing her.
these thoughts are torrential as a hurricane
and as cruel as a tornado
poking into monstrous existence
treating earth like a sandbox.

she calls through the roar.
You're in a classic trap.

That is only the quiet grasp of your mind,
the child of so much shouting,
recalling my story.
Your quiet mind, remembering
all at once
all the words which sounded
unwarranted or excessive.
Your quiet mind, leading you
to accept that it all was,
or could maybe have been,
necessary to say.
This is your acknowledgement of the jurassic times,
when diamonds and gold
still pierced my belly.
You must notice the dust settling
all around you for what seems to be the first
and final time:
just for today, when everything quakes
and rots
in a perfect rhythm.
refresh mesh Jan 2019
Got down on the ground to feel around
Daydreamed of Dragon in their cloud
Roared silently before I was no longer allowed
Meditated with darkness to make them feel proud

Forgot my dreams, smoked some ****
Remembered something more important
Used chemistry to cook fresh fruit
Played Sudoku on the toilet

Skipped school just to stay home
Believed I hadnt learned nothin good yet
Moved to the shower as the ghost of the hour
Grabbed my tongue then wiped off the quiet
refresh mesh Oct 2018
depends on me for sustenance,
companionship, and reassurance.
she's like every other partner I've ever had

She comes everywhere with me
she walks around the lake with me
and loves to visit the strange mountains.
she leaves when i ignore the truth.

Today I spent hours
watching thick peels of clouds
raking shadows on one another
without crying,
then I told my doctor exactly how I feel.

My body scars so easily
but has never been broken
it's pointless to despair
no matter how old you are.

My nerves are alive, behind my teeth, in my tear ducts
i'm a shivering rabbit ready to bolt
seeing everywhere with my wide ears
for a sign of Danger, dressed in disguise.
her angry love emerges from the humus
whispering like a father:
"Lie down before you hurt yourself."
"Why did you try to lift so much?"
it replays all the stupid, lazy, selfish
**** I've done in the past 6 months
"Why are you still ******* around with that?"

Hold the door open for your friends
then give them some misdirection as they pass.
you must be the first genius in the world to think of it:
avoiding vulnerability by any means necessary.
all attempts to justify my behavior fall short of conviction.
i align my ethics with my actions when it's most convenient.
(and, as I'm reminded, only amidst the most detailed instruction.)
Danger knows I almost believe it.

But we both know I'm a hypocrite
i may never have stopped stealing from animals
without all the recipes other people have written.
the militant voice would've insisted, "It's Impossible!
humans didn't evolve to limit their nutritional pool!
and you're already shuffling half-assed through work and school!
Just think of something else to make you frown,
cut your losses and leave this large-small town.
They are nature's slaves caught unawares."

So who notices? And even then, who cares?
refresh mesh Sep 2018
i love your versatility
you pair as charitably as a free agent
i want your bold bits and knobby
ends on my tongue mid-conversation
i like you soft or solidly
jealous green or dark hibernation
I admire your growth's autonomy
with capacity for toleration

i always cook it sloppily
blinded by the destination
i like to go for quantity
when i'm feeling most impatient
i know that it's an oddity
to get off on steamed inflation
i have considered that possibly
it's just about my own temptation

it's not worth the vagrant comedy
to divulge that hot equation
i'll cycle back to ecology
since i don't want medication
i can believe in botany
and your scents of motivation
i can't explain it audibly
just that it's instant gratification

i'm lucky that gastronomy
is so easy with your engagement
i think your critics are a monstrosity
to the spirit of entertainment
i don't think you need a recipe
you're good fuzzy, chunked or shaven
i'm a hungry wanton holly
firmly stalked in imagination
refresh mesh Jun 2018
wooden impressions in my thighs
aching lungs and deep, desperate feet

sweaty lake corners peeled my salty skin
flower weeds flew from my hands

entitled to this angry, unsatisfied throat
as though thirst won't soothe my soul
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