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Caela Bay Aug 2020
I am what they call aggressively in love
my feelings punch me in the gut
             and beat me till I am blue.
I am what they call depressively  in love
it doesn’t make me happy to feel this much. What you call butterflies  
                   I feel as knives.
I’m anxious and I’m angry.
and I don’t want these feelings.
Caela Bay Jun 2020
My father taught me that I love you does not always have to be expressed through words
Or gifts
   or grand gestures.
But that I love you Is shown by simply showing up.
By understanding,
And sometimes, making me understand.
Even when I don’t want to.

“I love you”
is him seeing that,
I am him,
Yet he chooses to better me.
To teach me,
To give me the strength I need
When words are not enough to make it through hard times.
My father does not say I love you a lot,
Because his father never told him.
So my father learned not say I love you
But to show it.
Caela Bay Mar 2020
Today is one of those days
Where my body has to work twice as hard simply to make its way out of bed
  When the rain from the shower head feels as though thousands of small needles are tattooing my skin with invisible ink

Its not a bad day
Just a long day
             And it’s only 1pm
Caela Bay Jan 2020
I was sitting on the subway
And in love
With somebody else.

Until I smelled your cologne on a stranger
And every good moment we had came rushing back.
Like a sickness, your doctors are sure you are cured of
But you are convinced you still have.

That’s me,
With you.
You won’t leave,
Even when you have.

Even when it’s been years
and I have moved on
and I am happy now

But Jimmy Choo on anyone else
Makes me sick
With an illness
Lovesick and nauseous.

I’m drunk,
   and in love with someone else.
But this subway is another place
I will never go again without thinking of you.
Caela Bay Dec 2019
Seven years is long enough
    to change everything about one's self.

New hair,
   New clothes,
   New friends.

Your favorite movie probably isn't even the same.
But I remember what it was half a decade ago,
               and it's still my favorite.

Your voice is deeper now,
your words arent as sweet.
I have no clue what has happened to you
in the past seven years.

But I won't get over the fact
that your eyes are still kind,
and I imagined marrying you one day.
Caela Bay Nov 2019
It shakes me up.
   It tears me down.

It drowns me in the smell of rain and trees,
that drenches that beautiful sun-kissed skin of hers.

It keeps me up,
   It makes it difficult to sleep.
when I'd rather talk to her,
for one hour,
for eternity,
I'll take all I can get.

It's those eyes.
They sparkle like stars,
at 2 am
when the night sky is at its darkest,
and those stars shine brighter than anything else in the universe.

It's that smile.
so infectious,
I can't help but smile back.

Its the way she talks about leaving this town,
to move on to bigger and better things.

I believe her.
   she can do it.
      she will do it.

It's her.
She is sunshine wrapped in a thunderstorm.

A flower,
so pretty you want to pick it,
yet so poisonous,
you'll die trying.
She is deadly
    and she is beautiful.
And there is something about her, that reminds me of the sea.
  Nov 2019 Caela Bay
Please don’t fall in love with me
I’m not someone to trust with your heart
I don’t even trust me with mine

Please don’t find me attractive
There are storms raging beneath this surface
Evil things dancing in fire and brimstone

Please don’t desire me
I’ll only let you down just like I do everyone else
I’m not what you want or need

Just keep looking... okay?
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