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Encased in iron
How will I move?
My will is held.
"Save me from this fate
You who hear and can help.
Save me from this misery of non-being,
Non contact,
Non life..."

...I walk within
To the shadow lands...
What do I find?

"Shhhh, shhh go to sleep...
We will rip out your heart
And you will feel nothing.
Like a gloved hand you will feel nothing.
Numb to existence
You will be safe!
Encased
Inert
This will be my gift to you."

"But I do not want this gift!
The price is too high
What safety is this, free from life?
I do not choose it.
Perhaps some time ago it was chosen
But now not.
I wish for life,
For feeling and emotion
For contact and depth.
Yes, it is not safe
But it is life
And I wish for it
I have a new idea,
It's called...
"D O  A N Y T H I N G"
The concept is simple.
Any task is worthy.
Just do it.
Then do something else.
I will start it now....
****.
I'm locked in again
Not paralysed but stuck.
Not sure what to do.
Each task appears barbed
Like it will pierce my heart.
I could make a piece of jewellery
Write my story
Make an animation
Or tidy up?
Any would do...
But instead I sit here
Not sure how to proceed.
It's like the other things that I woudn't do
Stop me doing any of the other things that I could do.
D-E-C-I-D-E from the latin
"Decidere"
To cut off!
To seperate!

Okay, jewellery it is,
I will check the van...
Beings of light how shall I make this day?
Oblivion calls me
But i do not wish for it.
Can you free me from its grasp?
What ways shall I find that will spare me from it?
What can I do to sway its force?
Can you give me a sign?
Or a means?
That I might stay whole this day...
The westerly gale blows
Deep into my soul.
Lifting the slates
And rubbing the trees
Against the walls of my mind.
A seagull flies by
Against the undulating horizon,
Indelicately buffeted by the wind.
Every thing is in balance
I dance with her,
She moves through me,
Merging in movement, in spirit,
A creative offering.
On this land sacred for the Native Americans,
I recollect old memories, nature secrets
Written on an arizona road trip
Wandering hither and thither,
Here and there,
What is it you seek?
What do you hope to find
Under the stones you upturn?
Have you found it yet?
Or anything that seems like it?

My question is simple....
What was it that gave you the thought
That you were looking in the right way?
In the right place?
Did you not just follow all the others
Who although not finding, were turning stones too?
I wrote this in February. February was a tough month but has led to a lot of soul  searching.
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