The space between who I am
And who you see me to be
Grows larger by the day
Every time we are together
I am so far away
The words you speak
Speak not of me
But rather, some person
You've conceived

In certain words you say
I hear the echos of the past
In certain words you say
It takes me way, way back

I don't want to be mad anymore
But your words follow me around
I don't want to be mad anymore
But in your words, I drown

Welcome to the world baby girl
We'll always hold you near
Except if we decide your existence
Is something that we fear

Welcome to the world young girl
Is that something different that we smell?
Make sure to ignore that
Or we'll no longer treat you swell

Welcome to pre-teens, girl
Quit questioning yourself so much
Read the societal guidelines
So the critics don't get in touch

Welcome to your teens, girl
I'm sure you're enjoying your stay
Don't let the fear of being ***** or murdered
Get in your merry way

Welcome to young adulthood, girl
We hear you are quite confused
Your gender and sexuality
Are something this society has refused

Welcome to adulthood
Except you aren't welcome at all
Society only lifts up some
And lets the others fall

I can feel my body breaking
in the tiredness of my bones
I can feel my body breaking
in the heaviness of my clothes

I can feel myself letting go
of what I used to dream
I can feel myself letting go
as the apathy rises around me

I can feel my mind shattering
as he tells me what he thinks
I can feel my mind shattering
as our friendship starts to sink

I can feel so much
but I still don't seem to care
I can feel so much
in the distance that is there

I can't let myself feel this way
in the long-range
I can't let myself feel this way
it's time to make some change

This body is not my home
The words you use for me are not my own
So, please don't presume to know me
As you see my passing by
What lies beneath the surface
Is more than what meets
Society's eye

Every single moment
Of every single day
Even when I'm happy
The madness won't stay away

For with every passing minute
I feel it all slip away
And instead of being sad
There's a numbness that stays

Dear 2022,

I will try to have hope for you.
I will try to hold you near.
I will try to love you.
And in return please be a dear.
Please don't let them hurt me.
Please hold me when my tears fall.
Please be there for me through it all.

And when it gets tough.
Let there be goodness.
Let there be love too.
And let hope blossom anew.
If you could do this.
We would all be extremely, entirely,
gratefully indebted to you.  

Sincerely,
Those hoping for something new

In the big red house
Lives a man of many words
Usually delightful
But with each bottle
The meaning and intentions blur

And once the bottles gone
No matter how polite
There's still a lingering memory
Of his words
From past
Drunken nights

On the floorboards
In the kitchen
One evening in the fall
Is where it all began to go wrong

As I stood there washing dishes
Beside me, he droned on
Each word, he nailed into me
Punctured deep into my skin
So forever and always
They would be lodged within

Water kept on flowing
From the facet
Drip, drip, drip
It wasn't until later
That the tears began to slip

A stranger came by after
Say hello, I did not do
And with that decision
More words were told anew

This time it was the father
Nailing words into my skin
Disrespectful, ungrateful
Might be packing up real soon

And so came the nights
Restless, tossing, turning
Scrolling through
Nearby homeless shelters
In case I got the boot

And even as the days passed by
And the days turned into months
I could never repair
The broken shards of my trust

So, even though I still live here
It will never be my home
When I still have to do dishes
In the room
Where it all began to go wrong

You say you can't be changed
That one's mind cannot be bent
So why is it
That my mind
Has learned
To accept that you will never
Begin to comprehend
Or accept
Who I am

We'll always be worlds apart
Every moment of the day
For even when you're beside me
Your mind is racing away

We'll always be two passing cars
On this ever-winding road
Until all that's left of you and me
Is distance long foretold

You'll always be my shooting star
I can see you streaking by
And in a blink, you're gone
Before I can even say goodbye

You'll always be my world
And I know that I'm yours too
But there's a universe out there
And we're explorers, me and you

Every word he said
Lives rent-free inside my mind
So when I lay awake
It's his words
Spilling from my eyes

Every word he said
Has been burned into my skin
So even when he's not around
He's still an itch
I must abide

Every word he said
Courses through my veins
So when my blood is spilt
It's his tainted words
That will leave a stain behind

Every month
Of every year
I still care

Every week
Of every month
I still miss you

Every day
Of every week
I still see you

Every hour
Of every day
I still need you

Every minute
Of every hour
I still cry for you

Every moment
Of every future day
I still love you

I lay awake
Cry for their sake
But not on the outside
My tears flow
From the inside
Numb thoughts fill my mind
As I wonder why
Why I cry
When I know
The worst day is behind

I love you
Even if you don't care
I love you
Even through my despair
I love you
Even if you're never there
But I mostly love you
For the times
You looked me in the eyes
And I saw your presence there

I smile...
      
     You make                                     I smile
      me smile                                    when we
     when you                                   breath the
        laugh                                        same air


I smile                                               when you're       
  here, or when                               you're there
     and ***' I see                  you everywhere.
       But then comes         despair. Because
            I love you so much. And you
                       don't even care

You held me                          
In your arms                    
Then let me go

You held me
In your arms
Then let me grow

You held me
In your arms
And I loved you more
Than you could ever know

Then I watched you fall apart
And held you close
Then I watched you fall apart
And had to let you go

You looked me in the eyes
And I felt myself
Words buckled behind my chin
As I tried to keep my feelings within

Weeks passed
And I tried to forget
Those hateful words forever locked in my head

You say you want respect
But isn't respect earned
And how can I respect the man
Who pointed me to the curb

And I get your trying
But don't you think I'm trying too
And if I'm unearthed
Don't you think there's something better you could try and do

Because even if the words weren't meant
To be heard that way
I still don't know
Why those words
Are the ones you chose to say

I'm not broken
Just hard to understand
And I often see my words unspoken
And feel the bitterness will never end

So, even if I wonder
How far my legs will stand
I still know
That I'm not broken
Just hard to understand

Words stop
Throat shouts
Head whirls
Reality curls

Tears could be shed
In front of their heads
And then they'd know
How deep the hole goes

So I hold it in
Only letting them reach brim
And I pause my head
Check reality instead

I love you more than words can say
More than actions could convey
And more than
Anyone could every say
They love you

You're not gone
But living through my veins
So when people ask where you are
I say nothing really changed

Though you're gone
Your memories fill us
With join and pain alike
But that's how we know
That you lived a successful life