Dear 10 year old me.
You have the prettiest pigtails, and glowing brown eyes.
You're so sweet, and you care about everyone, they all bully you because you're different.
They think you're "too happy"
Eventually you'll start to fwel lonely.
And you'll sink into depression, you'll feel worthless, and you're just 10 and a half.
You'll start hating your own reflection.
At 11 you'll go on a diet, and at 12 you'll stop eating anything at all.
And with the starvation comes self mutilation.
You'll make scars, that'll stay for the rest of your life, but you'll learn to look at them as a part of you, and everyone else will too.
Your childhood friend, Emma, whom you never really talked to before, will become a very big part of your life.
She'll help you through your ****.
You'll relate to each other, cause she's in the exact same ****.
She'll find it a bit harder to get out though.
But just keep helping her please, and stay in contact with her for gods sake, please stay in contact with her..
People will stop talking to you, unless they need something, or want to call you ugly.
Don't help them, they'll all leave when they find someone better.
You're 13 years old and so ******* naive.
Two girls will help you through when your classmates lock the door and say that "they don't have room for a *****"
But you'll leave them, just like everyone else left you once.
Don't do that. Those giels are the kind of people you want to hold onto, the kind of people who pick you up when you're down.
You'll be diagnosed with social anxiety and schizoid personality disorder.
Hell.. Even bipolar disorder and anorexia..
You'll wanna die at points
But it'll be ok, i promise you.
You're 14 years old, and you've never had a boyfriend, but it doesn't matter, cause the one you get will be bad for you.
He'll tell you that you're ugly, and he'll try to touch you places you don't wanna be touched, even though you push him away.
Your weight is dangerously low. 40 kg, it'll get a bit lower, but please get better soon, cause your body will still not be stable when you're 15 and a half.
You'll say to yourself that you'll stop cutting, but you can't keep that, you'll be clean for 10 months, but you'll break it, but a good thing is, that you'll stop again.
Leave Kathrine alone, she'll try to ruin your life.
And even though you get in a new class, they'll still all think that you're a *****, a **** up, a ******.
People will still bully you, and stare at you in disgust.
People will still ask you for favors, and then just leave you.
That Ike guy.. Don't trust him, he'll leave you just like wveryone else, he'll ask for favors just like everyone else did, but he won't fight for you when he needs to.
And don't make that instagram, your parents will find out.
And you'll miss the friends you had on there.
You'll miss your 2K followers.
Jp.. I warn you, don't even talk to him.. He's a violent **** up..
He might seem nice for the first couple of weeks, but it'll change.. Drastically, he'll hit you, kick you, call you stuff.
On the other hand, you make a really good friend when you quit choir, and start japanese lessons instead.
He'll treat you like a princess. His princess.
He'll be one of the people you should keep around, and i really hope you do.
Cause now you're a lot smarter than you were back then.
He can even convince you that you actually do look alright.
He can make you want to recover by just saying three words "i love you"
Date him, and trust him.
It won't do you wrong.
And i promise, that everything might look dark right now, you're just a lonely 10 year old girl afterall, things will get worse.
A lot worse.
But they'll get better, and you'll feel loved.
I promise you.