A butterfly kiss like a smile in the wind

Artists are often
broken people
using the fragments of themselves
to create something new
and although
being healed
feels so complete
sometimes i want to be broken again
sometimes i want open wounds
so i can use the blood
to paint sunsets
so i can use the torn off pieces of skin as a canvas
so i can carve
masterpieces with the jagged bones left behind
but I can't bring myself to break my own heart in the name of Art

I stand in the back of the crowd
looking around
is anyone really here
or am i seeing shadows
because surely these people aren't real
With their smiling faces
in the midst of a war
With diamonds and pearls
hanging from their necks
in a time where money is rare
They must be shadows
I can promise you they aren't real

Sadness clung to you like a staticky old dryer sheet

She's treated like a princess
and I the troll
But they've got it all wrong
the evil she possesses is beyond compare
and once it's realized
they will beg
and beg
but I will say no
because she will give them
the hell they all deserve

The heat in the room is smoldering
sweat beads on my forehead
and the fan can't keep up with the rising heat of summer
Her arms are still covered though
and i start to wonder
Who hurt her so bad?
So bad that tears weren't enough
that only a blade could make her feel
Human again
So bad that the pain couldn't all be held in one place
So bad that the scars on the inside had to reveal themselves
to the outside worls

Maybe it's my fault
but
Maybe it's not

Maybe I care too much
but
Maybe you don't care enough

Maybe I trust too much
but
Maybe I don't trust enough

How sad it is
that we see people
with our eyes

We should
look at people
with our souls

The sun shone day in and day out
working all through the night
to keep the moons light alive

The sun became lonely all by himself in the sky
with only a few clouds floating by
Whilst the moon had stars a million
shining through the night to keep her company

The sun couldn't help but feel like maybe
she didn't need him
maybe all that effort he put in
was nothing more than wasted energy

Slowly he exited
each night giving her a little less light

She began to shrink
curling in on herself
until she faded completely

What the sun didn't realize
was that although there may be other stars around
he was the only one for her

My home happened to be a house
There were people
There was love
There was home made meals
And memories in the making
Each night as I went to bed
I felt content
and like I was where I needed to be

But as our family got torn apart
The laughter left our house
The liveliness fell away
leaving tears in its place
only some continued to stay there
But much of the once occupied space
was now empty

I no longer felt okay
in my own bed
I didn't care for my room
the building ceased to be more
than just a building
**It was a house
but not a home

The stars and the moon light my way
but you asked about those hazy days,
when you look up and there's nothing but darkness
Well those days have caught me in the most dreaded loneliness
Those are the days that hurt everywhere
The days that I can't bare to walk without each step feeling like a loss
those are the days I miss having someone

I'm so scared
not because I have never been through it
there are more knives in my back than I can count
my heart is in such small pieces I don't know how to put it back together anymore

I'm scared because I think I might actually like you
I'm scared because I've heard what happens when you really like someone
and its never good

please don't break my heart

I told you I would do anything for you, love
I would climb mountains
I would cross oceans
just to see a smile on your face
Because isn't that what love is

So you asked me for one thing
to be patient
oh how it would be easier to climb a mountain
patience is key
but patience is not something I have the key to

I will do my best to be what you need me to be
please just remember
I am human too
I make mistakes
that sometimes hurt you

that's the reason we didn't date.... right?
so that we could be friends
or were you just trying to let me down easy?
please don't ignore me

I knew what you wanted
And it wasn't love
It wasn't what I wanted
But I let you push the boundaries
In hopes that it would make you happy
But even with me giving more each time
You weren't satisfied

You knew there was someone who was...
More experienced
Could please you better
And make you happier
Too bad that girl happened to be my best friend

I knew that eventually you'd hurt me
I knew that I couldn't be friends with a girl
who wielded a knife so loosely
without getting cut a time or two
I assumed they'd be accidental
that you'd just get a little too close
and nick me in the side
but oh how I wish
Even a jab at my arm or stomach
wouldn't have hurt
the way it did
when you stabbed me in the back
disappointment and regret
flowing from me
as I am on my knees
and not even an apology
from the girl with a ****** knife

I love you
And that's the problem
I will eventually hurt you
I will disappoint you
I will make you cry
It's not that I mean to
It's truly an accident
Love causes pain
That's why I wanted to tell you
I'm Sorry
Even if I haven't hurt you yet
I eventually will

I got lost in her eyes
But I found the world there
I got taken by her brain
Stolen to a galaxy far away

Isn't so magnificent how everyone has a story?
Every single person has a lifetime
of memories and thoughts and knowledge
stored up, just waiting to be shared

Each part of their past shaping who they are today

Every time you talk to someone
you get to dip in to a little piece
of who they are
And I think that is just wonderful

I deserve someone
someone beautiful, inside and out
someone caring, toward me and others
someone loving, in all senses of the word
someone i care about to

You don't deserve someone
someone like me

We are all lost
Wandering through the maze of life
No compass to guide us
Only our thoughts to accompany us

We are all scared of the monsters
The noises in the dark
But we never ask other for help
Even though they might know the way out

We wander for years
Maybe even our whole lives
Getting deeper and deeper into the maze
Most never find the way out

You felt unloved
You hadn't learned how to love yourself
You sought out love
from those who were incapable of giving it

I thought that maybe I could change things
give you my love
Maybe if I filled you up with enough of my love
you would learn
to love yourself, and learn who was really there for you
You didn't though
My love only confused you, you felt unworthy

I gave you all my love
Assuming that the faster I gave it to you
the sooner you could give it back
But you stole all my love and then threw it away

I had forgotten to love myself
and you didn't love me
so I was left with nothing, I was hollow

I gave you the one thing you wanted
I don't understand why you aren't happy

I was tired of making up excuses for you
Each time, I told myself
He is just so busy
He didnt mean it
He just forgot to get to it
But all I asked was for ten minutes of your time
And some how you still managed
To get lost in the world of things more important than me
So I have accepted my status near the bottom of your list
I wont put any more energy into this
Because everytime I reach out
It seems my name gets pushed further down on the list

Sometimes
Choose
Peace

I had a dream about him again
I guess you could call it a nightmare

I stopped letting him haunt my thoughts
But somehow he manages to creep into my dreams

He tells me I am worthless
That I will never be enough

For him
Or anyone

And I believe him
Which is the worst part

Because when I wake up
I can't shake the feeling

**That maybe he is right

I wrote once that
love goes as easy as it comes
I don't remember the circumstance
in which I learnt that

I wish I would have remembered
because I know it now better than ever
and maybe had I remembered
I would have thought twice

I wouldn't have jumped off a bridge
into your arms
I would have sought out a staircase
and slowly made my way down to you

Our relationship took a bullet
It went strait for me
but it wasn't a fatal wound
I didn't get hit in the heart
I was shot in the stomach
You could have saved me
**but instead
you left me to bleed out

Some days I still have a hard time understanding
the boy who said he loved me,
broke my heart wide open
He said that no matter what
No matter how things went down
that even if we weren't destined to be together
That at least we had a friendship
to last a lifetime
But his messages became spotty
and his appearance in my life eventually ceased to exist

He stopped coming around
Stopped being there for me when I needed him
On the days I couldn't breathe because I was crying so hard
He told me I should go to someone else with my problems
Our friendship was demolished

So all I gained was a broken heart,
trust issues, and a life lesson?
that doesn't seem right

Now I have a hard time believing
the words that come out of lovers mouths
I assume they are beautiful lies
meant to keep up a charade
Is that not what love is?
An incredible lust and infatuation
turned game of pretending to care
in order to use someone for what you need?
At least that's what he showed me.

I wish I was still the hopeless romantic I once was
But now I have a bitter heart

smoke fills my lungs
as i walk through the halls
making it difficult for me to breathe
i navigate the house from memory
my eyes being blinded
by the bright light of the fire
mixed with ashes floating near by
i make it past the kitchen and living room
into the long hall
where i am finally able to take a deep breathe
i peer into my room
smoke lingers but fire has yet to destroy
the things i own
as i move to my brothers room
there is astonishingly little smoke
his room is untouched
but as i make my way toward my parents room
the smoke thickens
and i disappear into a haze of ash, smoke, and heat
i find my mom at the far end of the room
looking out the window
we stand there together and watch
as children play in the street
as neighbors walk past
seemingly unaware of the flames engulfing the house

Today I learned
That rocks are more likely
To break along preexisting fractures
Even if you fill the cracks
When under pressure
They fail along those same fracture lines

I think that is how heart breaks work
When your heart breaks
And leaves an empty space
You may be able to fill it in
But it doesn't take much
To open that hole again

I'm in love with words
because they are always there for me
when people fail me
                     I can write
when I get stressed
                     I can write
when I don't know how else to express my emotions
                    I can write

I put my heart into my words
everyone of them a tiny piece
of my mind, of my heart

I put my trust into words
words never leave me
words were never rude to me

But those were my words
Your words are different

When I put my trust in them
they failed me
When I let them in my mind and heart
they tore them apart
your words were mean
they were manipulative
they shattered me

I can no longer trust words
the way I used to

We built a beautiful relationship together
sturdy and effective but also appealing and bright

You watched the relationship
you had modeled ours after
crumble to the ground
and all the flaws revealed

We had both seen this before
but it was different this time
Maybe because our relationship
looked like theirs once had

But what we could have never seen
was all the cracks in their foundation
All the problems
they hid in the basement

relationships don't crumble in a day
they slowly erode away
each crack left unfilled
takes away the stability a little more

the rusted out center
of your parents relationship
left only an outside shell
a gust away from complete destruction

The outside doesn't matter
we aren't doomed for the same fate
just because we used the same bricks
its the upkeep that matters

To have a good relationship you have to fill those cracks
You have to work to make things stable
they don't always come naturally
but the results of working together are incredible

I would say I love you
to the moon and back
But that would be a lie
For my love cannot be measured
by miles or metrics of any kind

My love for you crosses oceans
My affection spans galaxy's
My adoration does not end at
a point decided by a ruler

My love for you is endless

I saw the tears swell in your eyes
they began to fall over
I tried to wipe them away
but your tears weren't made of salt water
they were made of acid
and everytime I wiped one away it burned me
I tried to forget the pain
but it got worse and worse everytime
so finally I stopped, and let your own tears burn you

I tore you apart
when all you needed
was building back up
I was trying to get to the bottom of it all
But when I did
There was nothing left of you
That's when I realized
I had lost the person
I loved the most
Soley because I didn't know how
To love him as a friend

Everyone is given a set of bricks
From a young age my parents built a pedestal
with those bricks
held me high above the others around
Bricks of compliments and loving gestures
layed beneath my feet

At a certain age
I became old enough
to lift up bricks on my own
Methodically I layed them all around me
My parents now too busy
it became a job of my own

But there was just one problem
I forgot to pick up  my feet
What I had been building was no pedestal
but instead a wall

By time I realized this though
others realized they had bricks too
instead of building themselves up
they hurled bricks
to knock others down

My walls now had a purpose
So I continued to build
the walls rising above my head
and ending at my arms length
I had built myself a prison
to protect myself from others

It was very lonely in my prison
just my thoughts and me
And although what layed beneath my feet was love
The wall around me was made of fear
and the outside world of **hate

The world was so small when I was little
And everything was so simple
The worst type of pain was when I got a paper cut