i like it when
your name and my name
meet in the unlikeliest of places;
falling off someone's lips like twin dew drops
in a stray conversation, or appearing
together as partners in crime
when our vices are the
topic of conversation.

the rush of the illicit
while exhilarating.
is temporary.

i
slash my wrist
and
wait to die.

your musky metallic tang
on my bittersweet tongue,
(i'm thirsty);
oh honey,
*let's meet.

waking up
enveloped by your
warm breathing body,
cocooned in this
warm cosy bed;
with hazy late-night dreams
filtered by the morning rays
smoke in our hair and
memories in our eyes,
goodmorning kisses and a
reluctance to break this
embrace
you, me, us, this -
the perfect *morning fix.

never will it cease to amaze me
how little it takes to spark
so all-consuming a flame.

see?
all you need to undo
me,
is one word;
you.

meandering,*
i'm the lightweight
(see through) ghost light
shining through the crevices of
the coloured rays.

my sadness is tired of being sad,
it doesn't know happy;
it wants to go to sleep
and never wake up -
(like me).

and with
every other word I write
(about you,
about me)
i feel
parts of me break away,
*fading.

let's get used to each other
slowly, sublimely
wrap ourselves in blankets of
conversations,
communicate.
let's slink in
slowly, deliciously
into this cloud called love.

i have questions to ask to
those who believe they have
every right to leave trails of
mass destruction blossoming
(like the fresh blood of a flesh wound)
as they trod across a landscape
of broken hearts -
tell me, does it delight you
to watch an entire generation
go down in flames?

i write this
|for you,
for me|
but really
i write this
about you,
from me.

i like how
the corners of your lips twist upwards
when your eyes settle on my bare thighs
peeking through torn jeans.
one look
two smiles
three words;
i come undone.

i only needed this cloud of worries to ascend -
then, it got so easy
**to tell it all to you.

"Can w-"
you sewed my lips shut with
a piercing glare and
from then on,
i bled in
words.

right now,
parts of me
want to tell
parts of you
things that some other parts of you
*aren't ready to hear.

trapped between
what I see
and
what I want to see,
I blink.

*and there you stand.

trapped
in a
room full of
mirrors that reflect my
blank face back at me.

'So what do you want to do?'
I'd tell you that I, friend, want to do
whatever it is that you want to do
but can I be honest for a change?
I want to take the longest hottest coldest shower
in a bathtub where I can drown myself
And when I'm done rubbing my skin raw;
I want to break everything that I've ever loved
the way everything I've ever loved has broken me
(into so many pieces that I can't quite find myself anymore)
and then
I want to cry like the world is coming to a ******* end
because my world really is
I want to mourn the loss of my past and the decay of my present
cry waterfalls for all the pain I've been damming up inside of me
turn my arms into a canvas of red
each slash a reminder of the
many losses
many mistakes
many insecurities
that I can't seem to absolve myself of
and when I am finally done with all of that...
I want to be no more.