All the dreams I've had have never come true.
The blood in my heart had always been blue.
Who I am and my aspirations I never knew.
Of this all changed when I met you.
My wrongs never became right.
I saw no colors only black and white.
I always had trouble falling asleep at night.
But this all changed when you entered my life.
When oppurtunities arose I would swing and miss. Ive never experienced the feeling of bliss.
Happiness wasnt a part of me I could only wish.
Baby this changed when we shared our first kiss.
Had no sense of direction no sense of time.
So very much oblivious, numb and blind.
Black heart.
Black soul.
Empty mind.
Everything changed when you became mine.
Love enters my heart.
Joy fills my mind.
Beauty beholds my eyes.
Faith holds my hand.
Darkness has turned to light.
You are the best thing I could ever ask for in life .

Oh have mercy
Have mercy on me please.
This deep incision youve made on my heart it bleeds
Uncontrollably bleeding
Have mercy please!
Im on my knees pleading!
You sick son of a b*tch!
Leave!
Leave!

I can sit here and stare at this wall for hours and not one thought will pass through my drug infested mind. Blank stare. Truth or dare. I dare you to breathe. Breathe in this air. Toxic poison air. Breathe ******* it. Are you scared? Are you fckng scared?!!...................................
My skin has become leather. my bones concrete. You may think you know everything, but you don't know me, I don't even know me.
Step one. Take two steps back and re access things. Step two. Try to love what you may feel is ugly in you. Step three. Realize you cant change the past. Now dont look back with regret, move forward and be one with forget. Time heals your open wounds, and all that will be left are scars . These scars are reminders that you have overcome. Have you any open wounds? If you do you are already dead. Be grateful and less selfish. You are alive. Life goes on.....

Cascading tears fall from my face.
Love has come and abruptly been erased.
So quickly you swept me off me feet.
And the same goes for how you discarded me.
What the fck I thought I meant something.
Told myself you were an angel without wings.
You burned my fortress that took so long to build.
Destroyed my home and crushed my will.
Love is such a masive risk.
****** cold touch and poisoned kiss.
Creation of my darkest dreams.
I wish you'd just fckng leave.
Youve scarred me enough to scare away.
I will never forget your evil waysssss.
Thanks alot you evil witch.
You ******* my life you fckng btch.

Twisting Turning im all tangeled up.
Hands tied mouth taped thrown and locked in a car trunk.
Crash.
I'm momentarily stunned.
Water fills its dark and cold.
I am drowning but i do not care.
Been here already...
sinking..
sinking...
sunk.
Forget everything everything i thought i knew.
Its all fake and so are you.
**** the world
**** the people.
Were so different so far from equal.
Gasp Gasp..
Im out of air.
The Water fills my lungs
Who fckng cares.
Will i be remembered.
Will you ever repeat my name.
Resting
Rotting
Rotted
At the bottom of this lake.
Forget
Forgetting
Forgotten.
No one will ever remember this day.

Why create me?
Do you love me or hate me.
Whats the purpose?
I feel fckng worthless.
Why so serious?
This addiction has me feeling delirious.
Im at the end
Cant comprehend
I'm a fake
I pretend to be a man
Just a phony
Faux
Spec of dust
Grain of sand.
But yet....
I understand.

Close eyes, deep breath
Sweaty palms, expanded chest
Racing thoughts, desperate to move on  
Rugged past that is contiuously touched upon  
You see im stuck
I feel so trapped
I can see the beauty in the distance
Need to chase it before I miss it  
Happiness is one more step foward
However, we all continue to take two more steps backwards  
Lets run with this feeling to explore
Run for the idea that there's something more
Forget your baggage
Drop that suitcase of bad memories
Explore the beauty  
Escape the quicksand
The more you struggle the more you sink
Its sad that its even difficult for us to think
Think clearly so cloudy
Ourrrr visionss aaarrrreee soo clllooudyy
yuor lllossinnggnn cotnrolll  
DONT LET IT TAKE YOU
You can make it be strong  
You need to run before your forever gone  
Run with this and fight
The more you think its wrong the more you'll understand its right  
Chase the stars you analyze at night
They are beautiful and so are you
Your beauty is defined by what you do
Helping yourself is where it all begins  
Remember the phrase "I love me"
As this message of hope goes on forever...

Just needed one look,
as I gazed into ur telling eyes
to know the fire is still burning,
obvious it's still alive.
And baby girl its heating up,
catching wind, it strives.
Stretching to the pearly white clouds,
it disperses through the sky.

Your lips were smirked,
coated a hint of chocolate brown.
Melted right through me,
knocked all my defenses down.
Became Lost in ur look,
like a pouting puppy in the pound.
Perched on ur throne,
defiant, just missing ur crown.

Then as quickly as you arrived,
you instantly left.
Had me stunned and shook,
drowning with regret.
Missing the photgraphed chokers,
softly fit, yet snug on ur neck.
Fell back on reminiscing of the night,
the magical night we first met.

A vine ridden house.
Just like my life.
The darkness has entangled me.
I swear to god I will never learn.
Because i keep making the same mistakes.
Forget it.
My biggest flaw was that I cared too much.
About everyone and everything besides myself.
Fck these vines!
Im breaking free.
Fck these lines!
Im letting go.
Im burning up.
Melting snow.
That flurried in my globe.
Shattered glass.
Im breaking free.
F*ck my past.
Im finding me.

Cataclysmic events that unravel in my head.
Still trying to distinquish if im living or I'm dead.
Why must I be so paranoid.
Sometimes I think id be better off an android.
A robot programmed not to think.
Its that im so stubborn so insanely adamant.
Im hoping to one day wake up and come to my senses.
Tear down the walls of all my emotional defenses.
Break through these shackles that have held me down.
No longer lost for I will be found.
Gracious lights that shine from above.
Penetrate my darkness and engulf me with love.
Im ready to live and im prepared to die.
Im a baby bird jumping from my nest and dared to fly.
The fortress that imprisoned me..
The one that ive been desperately trying to flea.
Im finally ready...
Finally ready to be free...

Sometimes I wonder
What life is all about
You think to yourself
What's the difference between everything I know I feel
I keep walking to the distance
Until I reach an empty place
Still without an answer
Still without a conclusion
Finally I have met my match
The answer has been with me all along......
There is no answer
Sweet and slow dissolution
It's so beautiful
The emptiness and questions
Is what keeps us going
There is no ending
It's so fascination to watch
And horrifying discovering the truth

Loving witness of my demise.
Crucial moment for you to see.
This crushes the feelings that make us cry.
Wish these people would just let me be.
I Unitntentionally push away the ones that mean good.
Ruin the relationships with a liftime of devotion.
Hopelessly thinking of what I could.
Lost sensation feelings and emotion.
This drug it burns it destorys lives.
Seeped into my inner soul and ruined.
Cut through me like the sharpest of knives.
The end in the distance is looming.
Please help build the strength to conquer.
My last chance to make amends.
Must keep pushing or im a goner.
Hear me god I need your help amen.

I started from scratch
Building up a self masterpiece
Before you know it I faced an epic collapse
Overpowered, everything was destroyed for me
Laid in silence for over a year
My room was empty besides a ****** mattress
Literally slept all day and night face covered in tears
Lost when I thought I had this
I couldn't do it
I told myself
Ready to end it
I told myself
Couldn't even look in a mirror
Couldn't have conversations
Besides with the voices in my head
Give up
The voices said
Only thing to look forward
Is to be dead
BOOM
I momentarily snapped out of it
It hit me
Seriously **** this feeling
Fight back
Realized I was in a coffin with a slight pulse
Scratched through my nails being ripped out
My hands bloodied
A last ditched effort
Dug through the soil
As the light glared through
I was buried alive
But never again
I finally appreciated the sun

Tears flow like a tsunami a tidal wave.
So powerful im wreaking havoc upon myself and others.
Destroying my awarness Im ill.
Flooding tears drown as they cascade.
  
Spinning twisting thoughts like a tornado.
Going crazy cant concentrate.
Wrecking my day to day life.
My Identity... Im finding it soo difficult to know...
  
Sweeping through like a hurricane.
Lifting me off of my feet.
Rain down with devastation.
Hurting an endless amount of names..
  
Seems this sickness is spreading like wildfire.
Burning through the innocent.
Why must this continue to happen.
Why must this madness continue to transpire.
  
Suddenly I explode like a volcanic eruption.
Realizing that this is all truly my fault.
Must put a stop to this.
Ceasing the contiuation of my destruction.
  
Dry eyes Im numb determined to put an end to this drought.
Heaven please rain down on me.
With help from god family and friends..
We can Move on move foward constantly committ to this route.
  
We can rebuild.
Dedicated to all the innocence that has been killed.
We will rise again with strength commitment and will

Slowly dripping.
Slowly ticking.
Quickly fading.
Quickly changing.
Continuously falling.
Continuously falling.
The sweat that perspires from my forehead.
The clock that lies right above my death bed.
My vison that was once crystal clear.
My twisted demonic thoughts through out my years. Me as I slipped.
Me as I tripped.
Im contiously falling.....
Bright lights from above.
Im momentarily blinded.
An angel.. the angel love.
A messanger for me to be reminded.
All is never lost.
There is always a way.
No excuses no denial.
There is always oppurtunties to stop from drifting away.
Memories can not harm you.
They are just reminders that you have overcome.
All the pain you have suffered.
Once you can move on.....
You have won.

Confused about my confusion.
Is life so real or just an illusion.
This pain that I feel.
Can it be my imagination?
Each layer of my heart that will peel.
Like a snake it will just slither away.
Life is so short but I want an end to my days.
Im breathing, but will you please take my breath?
So I'm no longer capable of dialating my chest.
Gasp gasp ...there's s nothing left.
My lungs have lost its air.
My heart has lost its blood.
I can not stomach this.
I cant not take this.
Been here so many times lets face it.
My thoughts have now become complacent.
Running tears from my eyes.
Trying to escape my inevitable demise.
You tried to save my life.
Threw a life jacket as I drowned.
Im so sorry but I've fallen down.
Down into the darkness.
Down into emptiness.
Down into eternity.
Just hope you remember me, the best of me.
I want you to know, I love you.
But there was no saving me.

Why create me?
Do you love me
or hate me.
Whats the purpose?
I feel fckng worthless.
Why so serious?
This addiction has me feeling delirious.
This seems so wrong
For I don't belong
Hopeless traveler
Ruthless scavenger
Lonely warrior
Fruitful courier
Im at the end
cant comprehend
im a fake
i pretend
to be a man
just a phony
faux
spec of dust
grain of sand.
But yet....
i understand.

Close eyes,
deep breath
Sweaty palms,
expanded chest
Racing thoughts,
desperate to move on  
Rugged past
that is contiuously touched upon  

You see im stuck
Or maybe out of luck
I can see the beauty in the distance
Yet there's a trend of "I missed it"
Happiness is one more step foward
However, the threshold has lowered
Hanging on to this feeling to explore
Running to the idea that I can reach that door
Drop my suitcase of memories
Befriend my dishonorable enemies
Escape the sinking quicksand
Grab on to your helping hand

The more you struggle
the more you sink

Its sad that its even difficult
for me to think
Think clearly
sooooooo cloudy
My visionss aaarrrreee soo clllooudyy

yuor lllossinnggnn cotnrolll  
DONT LET IT TAKE YOU
you can make it
be strong  
you need to go
before your gone  
Run with this and fight
The more you think its wrong
the more youll understand its right  
chase the stars you analyze at night
they are beautiful
and so are you
Deep inside you've always stayed true
Please, I beg
One more try
You need to understanding living
Before you die

Its funny how sometimes life can just take you away.
Like the ocean crashing waves.
Like the roads that have been paved.
Searching for the love that youve always craved.
Praying that one day you can be saved.
Can you save me?
Please I sometimes think Im crazy.
But I swear, I swear I saw you in my dreams baby.
You were so elegant.
The way that you danced.
The way you moved and twirled.
You spun me shook me
In a way I never have before
Together... together we danced around the world.
But why can I only see you when my eyes are at rest?
It kills me drains me, did I fail gods test?
Im crying out for help I need to reach you.
Here is my hand As I take a leap of faith.
will you please catch me?
Falling.
Falling deeper.
Please catch me..?
Its so dark
Im so scared
Im all alone..
Where are you?
Please save me
please save me
please save me...........
Then like an exploding star!
A supernova you shined so bright.
You grasped my hand and you saved my life.
Oh girl from my dreams did you hear my cries??
These are tears of joy that now flow from my eyes.
Its so amazing to finally meet you.
Your so much more beautiful then I ever knew.
I love you so much and can never do enough to thank you.

So easy to revert to drugs.
So simple to hit the bottle.
Too quickly I do whats wrong.
Too soon I lash out in anger.
Kills me knowing that my mind is weak.
Pains me thinking I cant overcome.
You have broken me to nothing.
I feel nothing.
I am nothing.
Why must I lose myself hate myself.
Why cant you love me?
Do you still think of me?
Hello?
Answer me please.
F*ck you!
I hate you!
I'm sorry.
I love you...........
Silence.
Numb. Cold. Dark. Empty. Scared. Alone.
Love is so powerful.
I shiver to the wrath of its loss.
Everyone looks for love thrives for love needs love. But no one is prepared to lose love.
Tears of acid run down my face.
The poison has consumed me.
Nothing left but a shell.
Nothing left but a shell.