I can't remember when I started falling out of love
with everything that I had once surrendered like a dove
And now the heaviness I bear replaces any wings
that I had ever used before to fly above what sings
I'm not among a people who can tell me where I am
consistently avoiding every thorn on which I stand
Put all of it behind me as I travel nowhere new
there's not a lot of knowledge I can gain outside of you
I'll light another candle and burn all of what I've known
the fire may be hot but I will reap what I have sown

Remembering the days I didn't have you in my life
is something of a struggle and a game unto my sight
My rapid moving eyes can see until the lids are closed
and everything that happens then is etched into my bones
But what about the pen that wrote your name so many times
along the very person I am being in my mind
I want another hand to wrap its fingers in my own
to tell me I am present and will never be alone
I thought I would have heard it but perhaps I wait in vain
your silence is a phantom that once danced around my brain

If I could slip away I'd choose to hold you 'til the end
and beg for your attention like the tragedy of men
There's something to be said about the effort we we put in
but it amounts to nothing when we realize our skin
The lessons come in pieces and the the puzzle always was
we put it back together or we make another one
I'd rather lay my cards among the weeds and let them choke
and call them as I see them, you're not all that I have known
So even if emotions and the thought of you remain
I'll take you in like winter, let the cold run through my vein*s

The hours pass and n o th ing moves my senses anymore
I sit inside my sleepless head behind a swinging door
The road is long, my feet are cold and breathing seems to be
The only thing that I can do to let you go of me
For what my words have done to us I may not ever know
But if I had to guess I'd say they turned you into snow
It will not melt again until I put you in the past
And hold myself above the things I didn't want to ask
Where there was once a human life there stands a figurine
An artist came and left me here to eulogize the scene

you've talked about the many things that plague your lonely heart
how someone came into your life and made you fall apart
And what a difference it had made, the process of the loss
that in its stage of infancy alone was winter's frost
and coming out of sleeping spells that claimed you for so long
you somehow found a way to write an ending to the song
I saw you here inside of me and watched you walk away
I wanted this, I wanted you, I hoped that you would *stay

the balms and palms and all of what you ever were to me
are only visible to those who thought they couldn't see
I want to tuck my life away in someone else's hands
but cannot bring myself to trust that yours could ever stand
the weighted breath, the solid sea of saltiness we lack
I left because I didn't know if you were coming back
and here I sit, a question mark made perfect in my pain
I want to ask if I can stay but I just feel insane
it takes no time to feel you here beside my lonely soul
I wish you well and myself too, I'll wait to let you go

if you look into a person
and ask to see their soul
they may not grant you access
but if they do, you'll know

the act of being earnest
will frame the way you ask
and if you are intrusive
you'll never stand a chance

my mother often told me
don't plan the words to say
but give them to The Maker
and trust them all away

you were not born to live there
in other peoples' minds
so wake with only purpose
to see with eyes of time  

let's gather up the curses
and scatter them to death
replace them with the beauty
in every single breath

in faith I find the meekness
to bring these words to life
let anyone who hears them
sleep soundly through the night

have I become
the the person life
could not compare
to anyone

or am I in
my solitude
the lonely ghost
of everything

I will not blame
the maps I see
for I have drawn
them all the same

there is no sense
to what I've done
and where I go
is but pretense

for what is truth
when facts exist
a bold design
that leads to you

I want to walk
the other way
but both my feet
have turned to chalk

and what I write
is right and wrong
the whitest black
the blackest white

cannot discern
which way is up
I'm out of here
a lesson learned

descending more
than I can take
to sleep it off
or stay awake

There're stories I want to remember
and others i hope to forget
And time has a way of unveiling
the faces of all our regrets
If there can be only one lesson
then life will have shown it to all
But many of those who have seen it
have chosen to put up a wall
And all of the weight it can carry
is nothing in presence of light
It falls like the snow in December
the water that freezes at night
You're not at the end of the road yet
there's grace in the seasons to come
So what you expect of tomorrow
will catch you if you do not run

What if November is different this year
and all of the pain in your eyes disappears
something about it seems possible now
the past comes to reckon the sorrow somehow
And all that once was is becoming the seed
to what we've been growing inside of our need
Like futile devices that anchored our souls
the only way out was to simply let go
The troubles that followed us into our thoughts
have nowhere to live when our bodies are not

Release the smoke inside my head
and I'll be on my way to bed
I will not dream enough tonight
awoken by the morning light
you're only here when I am gone
to keep the warmth we're built upon
But what is sleep when dark is day
and everything is not okay
I want to be alone with you
and watch the phases of the moon
The quiet sky can hear the beat
of broken hearts and tarried feet
I'll walk away from all of this
and find the home of nothingness
A body carries many things
but human's only part of it
So take my bones and bury them
a naked soul I can't defend
The more I think, the less I am
apologies become my hands
I'm sorry now, I always was
the sun is up for both of us

She raised her hands in hurry like the hackles on a dog
As everything repeated, disappeared into the fog
Another conversation turned to water with the air
And all of what she taught them wasn't present anywhere
She couldn't not remember when the past became today
The sum of what is hopeless and a place too far away
My sons will be my sons and even death cannot define
The battle I am fighting to restore their weary minds
And if I am alone inside a war I'll never win
I'll put my hands together and remain outside the skin
She'll never be forsaken by the thoughts that give her rest
The only thing a mother has, her sons to ever bless

**** the blood of envy
Boil it in pots
Tell me I am simple
tie me up in knots
Not another body
conquered by your cells
I will be tomorrows  
people never tell
Possible conclusions
you had never drawn
Where are all the colours?
everything is wrong
Bitten by a spider
gnawing at its web
We are not together
I could never tell

you're in my head, I let you in
as far as I have ever been
and what you seemed to recognize
was all a wall of lonely eyes
I never hid the way i am
but people seek a sleight of hand
and if they find a game to play
another lie becomes a day
create, destroy or let it be
as though you are a part of me
I can't forsake the thought of you
not even if I wanted to
so here it is, the edge of dawn
I wonder where we could've gone

I want to hear the voices you have harbored in your head
the very ones you talk to when the rest in you is dead
When sleeplessness's symptoms are the ones you want to share
with someone else's sorrows and the thoughts you cannot bear
But why is it so common for such things to fall apart
to make you then believe you could've never had a heart
I want to say the real is something different than we see
the cruelest of intentions we can lose upon our knees
And if you make the effort to unravel what was lost
you'll find the kind of solace you can place upon a cross  
Misunderstand the meaning and the battle is no more
you're left with only weakness that will drag you on the floor

the breeze in the trees hasn't found me today
and part of me wanted to keep it that way
I've hidden my body inside of myself
and all I can do is remain where I fell
but lying in ditches is tiring too
it causes my sadness to take me to you
I want to be certain before I give up
that what I am keeping is only enough
and pulling the wool over eyes I don't want
I'll gather apologies into my arms
I want to remember what you will forget
to change the beginning, we shouldn't have *met

you've written on my eyelids all the tendencies of time
And I was keeping track of it until it lost its rhyme
Today I go in circles just like every other day
And what was once connected cast a shadow in its place
Familiar was the crux to every moment I could see
A stranger to my senses but a lover come to be
And somewhere in your folly I could find a place to lie
Exist within its limits and believe I'd never die


But sooner than the thought could travel anywhere but here

I woke to find you sleeping and I had to disappear
I waited on the outside of the body you have known
In hopes that you would notice you could never be alone
I must've let the hours slip completely through my hands
I only made it back in time to watch you turn to sand

Never mind the brokenness in which we fell apart
All of what you are to me, transcend my sorry heart
I'm laughing with the winter wind and moving in its cold
And everything is beautiful, a story being told
And whether there be listeners or even passers by
Let it be our seasons people see inside the sky
I have always been the way you thought that I would be
A little bit of flesh and blood but mostly in between
Forever is a process we're repeating every day
To seek you when the morning come and love you all the way

there's nothing more unusual than syllables and tones
the movements of the tongue that you can feel with all your bones
if we could be their master what a world we would create
a frequency identical to humans and their ways
where someone else's stories can be ones to call your own
the art of you believing you would never be alone
but even as you speak there is a purple on your words
the portrait of a shadow that should not have been disturbed
for while you're sleeping steady there's a face that's on the loose
with cadency unrivaled and a notion for the noose
the case is in the details, in the smallest of the small
and what is most important - we may never see it all
a feeling is a feeling but a purpose is the sea
so put it all together - it was real for you and me

my head has been expecting
something I cannot explain
a blending of the senses
to unsettle the mundane
and at the peak of madness
I will ask myself to leave
to tarry in the stillness
of my transient reprieve
I need to speak with someone
who would never do the same
a person with a body
that's forever His to claim  
I'll banter with my being
'til my words appear to be
a message to the people
of the soil and the sea
return to me the burden
that was light upon my back
I cannot be the human
I am ready to attack

Reality was simple 'til you made up one your own
And brought me into scenery I never would've known
A separate togetherness, a circle with an end
I'd call it all the bitterness if I could comprehend
But here I am in pieces mixed with everything we are
Still writing my conclusions on my body like a scar
I never burn the paper but my fingers feel the heat
The rage of this insanity beginning in our feet
I hear the only remedy is letting past be past
Undoing every string that ever answered when I asked
I'll leave it up to stories I can bury in myself
'Cause no one needs to hear about the one for whom I fell

I cannot see the temple I was given long ago
Was buried through the winter then it melted with the snow
But every single summer when the earth receives the rain
I let myself believe I can be falling with its pain
Collected are the fragments of the person I have been
The water that belongs inside my coriander skin
The scent is something stronger than my memory recalls
But what is more familiar now that I can feel at all
Wherever there are bridges there my body also be
Above the rivers running while containing all of me
I've moved with all the seasons but I always end up here
Between the world that knew me and the place I disappear

My desire exists
And it is what I say
I wanted affection
But not in this way

your face is a fire
I  cannot compare
To anyone present
For no one is there

And I am a shadow
Of figments like you
The sorry exposure
you will not undo

So come to the corner
And open the door
Let's be in the moment
We cannot ignore

The sadness won't collect
unless you settle in its path
And let it move around you
to remember where you sat
There's nothing but a story
you were hoping not to tell
your mouth begins to open
and the words become themselves
These little deaths are part of
what you need to understand
This life is but a moment
you will carry in your hand
The binding's in the middle
where your heart can keep it safe
And hold it all together
when your mind is far away
Before you see your body
fall apart until it dies
you'll find the only solace
is the sorrow that's inside

there's nothing but the traces of your person
of hands and feet that barely made it through
and sitting in your solitary sameness
you can't be bothered any less to move

the circles in the sun become your fingers
but rays of light they cannot be contained
to see the sky and all of its arrangements
you mustn't ever fight the pouring rain

the wind is only present if you feel it
it changes every shallow thread of flesh
you know it isn't over for a reason
the purpose for your life has never left

Remember disappearing, feeling smaller than I should
Suppressed my good intentions in the dark because I could
And when I looked inside at all the emptiness I kept
I fell apart completely, watched my being as it wept
But somewhere in the nothingness my face had reappeared
Began to change the present to a past I once revered
With all of my distractions having walked the other way
I opened up my heavy eyes to greet another day
I'm here to be a part of everything that can be seen
But that is only half of what the morning is to me
Wherever there is vision there is also something more
An eye around the sun you couldn't possibly ignore

Look at all the branches falling to your feet
Let them be a story for every heart that beats
Not about the breaking or laying on the ground
Rather more the tree that gave your life a sound
Stop with all the thinking in backward ticking clocks
Free the hands you're given and time will never stop
If you be a servant death will pass you by
Take you in the moment the world removes the sky
Parts of you are given, none of you impaired
Everything you're made of collected with you there
Chances are intruders if you fail to choose
Black and blue and broken, darker than a bruise
Fight the way it taught you, that little heart of yours
A Second Tree is waiting just as it was before

I'll lay my head upon the sky
And slowly let my thoughts untie
I've troubled one too many cells
It's time for me to walk and tell
I'll speak you what you want to hear
The truth will have us disappear
But only we can make it be
If I can go then you are free
We're in this heavy place again
Where nothing's really happening
It's all the past inside our bones
Committing us to what we've known
So hard to move these shoulders now
The ones you held without a doubt
A song has learned our story line
The final note: a slip in time

And suddenly I do not feel the need to speak again
To take you to my room tonight and try to play pretend
The only conversation that remains is silence now
So let it be in stillness that our bodies take a bow
I've wandered through this skin so long and finally returned
To some place I'd forgotten but completely reaffirmed
I'd like to settle in and watch the windows open wide
To listen to the wind as it renters my whole mind
It's something like a song a weathered spirit taught me young
I'll sing it with my spirit and the notes will carry on

what is fairness in the eyes of those who never see
a life outside of here and there where everything just bleeds
it's in the roots and fills the veins with water lacking air
and breaths are shortened all the more until there's nothing there

if what we had was only this imagine what you'd do
so realize it's been this way for many people who
have told themselves the world exists to burn up what they have
the end is often yesterday tomorrow musn't last

Enough with all the anger, enough with all the skin
I'm tired of the people that I've been letting in
This nothingness is lonely and more than I can take
I want to be remembered as nobody's mistake
To sing at every silence and hum at every word
Put all of it in poems that everybody's heard
I'd like to sit in thicket and let it swallow roots
That flourish into gardens and harvest many fruits
Without the fear of waiting or wanting to escape
Release the sense of longing for somebody someday
The thought of it is simple and easy on the eyes
A mess of little secrets I've come to recognize

How do I express this without taking it too far
I'll lend you both my eyes so I can show you what you are
We'll put our feet in places where the sun is always ours
And lay beneath the open sky to watch it fill with stars
The air that I am breathing through the lungs that you provide
Is something like the lightest breeze I want to keep inside
I'll listen to your stories as the melodies unfold
And put them in my pockets, they'll continue being told
Remember where you're going let me follow while I can
I'll meet you on the other side of everywhere I am

To move through genealogies
consider what it takes
The blood of those before
you filled with all of their mistakes
And what you've given into will uncover how you came
A sort of inquisition to eradicate your name
I called myself "the others" if I staggered or destroyed
Made everything inside of me
so purposely devoid
If not by my own doing
then by those whom I had known
To whom I was connected, thought, believed I could call home
Today's a separation
I have never known before
Or one that I'd forgotten
since I leveled with the floor
There's nothing on the bottom but I cannot seem to look
Much further than the dirt of earth, the silver that I took
The people are in pieces
and my head tries to compare
So often I can only find
the source of our despair
I go to bed in cycles
I can barely seem to keep
Awake so long I wait for dreams
to make me fall asleep
If anyone can see me or engage my busy head
I'll breathe before I speak again, let life be what is said

Kept looking on the bright side I got blinded by the sun
And now it doesn't matter 'cause I can't see anyone
I could've went about it a completely different way
Seen life for what it was instead of staring in its face
What sense I tried to make was just a waste of what I had
And even though I knew it I continued  turning back
The corners of my eyes became the wandering abyss
A place to put my body in a parallel to its
Wherever I was going never got me very far
Whatever I was seeing didn't show me who we are
So now I sit in darkness wait for something else to be
Illuminated somehow by the light I've left in me
I've nothing left to call it but my last attempt to say
The letters I was given when my person was a grave

I cant be bothered cant be moved
My head has swallowed many moons
And somewhere in the black of night
I cease to be, surrender sight
So this is what it means to lose
Your mind to everything you choose
And any steadiness you had
Is in a fist of ironclad
I want to see, I want to feel
But none of this is even *real