There's black and white and all the colours in between
Red, Blue, Orange, Green
but grey is the only one I've ever seen

I see your face
and all I see is the ***** behind it.

Memories of you never cross my mind
memories of you I cannot be bothered to find

You're the knife stabbing me
I'm the one holding it

Just the same old feeling
of bordem
of nothing
Everything drained
by life
by you
pushed out
over
and over
until there's nothing left
except
old feelings
I still have for you

I'm tearing myself
from inside to out
destroying myself
with fear and doubt

How can I run away if I never had a home to begin with?

I've grown distant.
I've grown appart.
I've separated
myself, my heart.

My identity hidden.
My soul is lost.
my heart was beating
but then it stopped.

I carried on without it,
slowly dying inside.
As my existence was descending,
I started to wither and hide.

In the shadows I lurked
and barely spoke a word.
My mind started to work.
I started to wonder,
my thoughts couldn't stop
I started to ponder.

What would life be
if my heart would just beat?
My identity seen.
The dudum dudum on repeat.

Where I wasn't distant,
still held together.
I could be myself,
truly forever.

I want you back
the feeling you give me.
I want you
to run right through me.
You give me something,
a feeling inside.
You make all the numbness
run and hide.
You change something
when you're around,
when we're alone
you sing your sound.
You seem to care
and are always there.
Happiness leaves, emptiness as well
but you are there. Constant. Eternal.

I've grown distant.
I've grown appart.
I've separated
myself, my heart.

My identity hidden.
My soul is lost.
my heart was beating
but then it stopped.

No meaning
in being

No identity
inside

no emotion
no feeling

just numbness
undefined

heavy
and full

life is
just dull

nothing
no thought

emptiness
it aught

to be
fullness

of nothingness
of nothing

Cutting yourself
to feel something
something inside
like you're not empty

as you see the blood
pour out the emptiness
remains and the pain
doesn't disappeared

it stays
heavy
weighing down
it stays

unable to leave

you drain yourself
emptying yourself
into the sink
but the pain

remains and
nothing changes
you can't go back
the cuts are there

the scars a reminder
of the emptiness
the meaningless
the nothingness

you once had, a reminder
of a feeling you couldn't
be rid of

Emptiness
feels like death
nothingness
in your chest

drowning emotion
space explosion
gaps unfilled
yet nothing spilled

enclosed
alone
no emotion
shown

just hollow
a shell
living in hell
you follow

*nothing
no interest
no meaning
just destress

unknowing
unidentified
emptiness
nothing inside

Time is an enemy
Time is a friend
Time is eternal
What you do with time
can increase or decrease
how long you live.

Stop acting
like you don't
give a ****;
I know you do.
stop bringing me d
                                o
                             ­   w
                                n
further than I already
am. Don't push me in
the hole I'm f
                         a
                            l
                              l
 ­                               i
                                ­  n
                                     g
in anyway, without your
help. Stop pretending
your life has no meaning
and trying to be like me.
you can smile and be
happy whilst I am still
empty. Nothing makes it
better and you trying to
understand doesn't help.
Just STOP!
You will never get it, you
just puncture; making
things                 worse.
letting                 me stand
with a                 hole in my
body                   and all the
pain but nothing leaving.

Emptiness
isn't loneliness
or sadness

it's not a feeling
feeling nothing
it's feeling something
that something's nothing

it's a pain
that drags you down
it's suffoca'in'
an attempt to drown

it controls how you feel
so controls nothing
yet somehow
controls everything

it's not a feeling
feeling nothing
it's feeling something
that something's nothing

it follows, it hollows
**no meaning, to being

In a white room
thirty people
empty and plain
yet full and lively
everyone different
everyone same
stuck in a system
for hours every day
preparing for a future
that may not exist
existence destroyed
by being uncreative

in a white room
thirty people
just numbers
in a system
different numbers
but no name

Is created in conversation

Hypnotised
by a system.
Drawn in
to become a victim.
controlled!
by the mind,
can't tap into the other side;
when hypnotised.

Full of people who tear us down.
Leave us broken on the ground.
Leave us alone to feel the pound.
Our Heads submerged as we drown.

This place allowed us to make a sound!
But this sound is silent when no one's around.

On this road
This journey
I'm walking
running
maybe
I wasn't planning on stopping
until I realised I was going in the wrong direction
to where I wanted to be

It's like an addiction
that keeps on recurring
once you've left
you just keep on returning

Go with the flow
live your life slow
watch people grow

time not t' waste
set a pace
not with haste

or urgency
it's not an emergency
life will last

watch people around
help them to be free
and lead them on this journey

**just by living free

Things get lost
words get lost

Until someone says something
and we suddenly remember where it went

it resurfaces then is lost again

The streets
The latest landfill site
created by us
to ruin us

Wake up
go back to sleep
wake up
don't have time to eat
get dressed
down coffee
brush teeth
chaotic morning
music loud
the no sound
music paused
out the door
morning chaos
an endeavour

I would say ink runs through my veins
but I prefer to write in pencil.

I'm lost
when I find myself
I'll come back for you

You may not think I care
'cause I act like I don't.
How I feel, I don't share
because I know you won't
understand how I feel
or why.
You think I'm 100% real
but you don't know I hide.

You're digging yourself a hole;
leading yourself on.  False hope.
They don't like you back,
they even told you so.
So when you're hanging over the edge
I won't care at all.
I tried to worn you. I ******' swear!
But you weren't there,
you were too busy digging a hole
and trying not to fall over the edge.

She looks into my eyes
but I look away.
I know they're full of lies
and I don't want more pain.

I am an alter ego
just a part of someone bigger.
The part that has a voice,
some sort of confidence.
The part that makes no noise,
and that isn't conscious.
I am an alter ego;
I takeover when it's right for me.
I will never be seen,
if you see the greater me.

You were a light in the dark
but you had to depart
now I'm alone
wishing you'd come home
before the house is attacked
and you can't bring the light back

Skin reddening
blood heating
chest closing
heart beating

I'm awake all night
I'm awake all day
the restlessness won't go away

They think I'm worried
but I'm not
my thoughts are just tied in knots

confusion lingers in early hours
and continues 'til it's late
As my body starts to abate

The inability to sleep is killing
So I sit and write with ink
And caffeine in my drink

Music playing loud
and I'm waiting to be found
and sleep in silent sound

ripping apart words
to read between the lines

every piece of punctuation
every comma and every rhyme

to understand words
we have to rip them apart
and see what's inside?

Silence
an eery sound
empty
yet fills and surrounds

Sometimes
it's cold
and terrifying

at other times
it's peaceful
and tranquilising

Silence
not a sound
sometimes it's lost
sometimes it's found

Stuck in these four walls
for hours every day
outside the rain falls
then it's sunny again
when I get to leave

******* sun
stop seeping through
the clouds are back
but so are you

The sun is back
and it shines
an attack
on my eyes

The sun was out
now my face is red
Take a different route
and don't go over Bradford

Where are the clouds?
I want them back
the sun is shining
but I want the clouds to attack

The sun is out,the sky is clear
something we're not used to  here.

I'm loosing blood
to this machine
it's ripping me apart
soon I'll be empty
It drains me dry
and I've lost my mind
It drains me dry
'til there's nothing inside

A bad day starts when another bad day ends.