Everything seems so shallow,
like my masculinity is my purpose,
like a shield to protect everyone around me,
but I'm only protecting myself.
when no one needs protecting.
I don't know who I am anymore
The past few months I have changed a lot, no longer scared to experience my femininity and while being masculine is a characteristic of my experience as a woman since for the past decade. Maybe it's having no female friends forcing me to look within for that side of myself maybe getting older makes me safe enough to express myself.
Sadness became a part of me
taking everything I know
making it all gray
That's what I am
Trying to think of a new way to live
falling into old traps
spitting fire on my old life
trying to forget how to go back
Looking for a way to love
find a way to pick myself back up
gray isn't all I was meant to be
Trying to move on from my past in a new environment, with new people. I am happier than I have ever been but plagued with insecurity and depression. Struggling to show how I really feel.