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Mar 2019 · 311
gray rain Mar 2019
Maybe this world is the fiery pit we all fear?
For our temptation is what makes everything wrong;
hell is a place of torment and punishment.
We cannot even love for this is sin.
We cannot even love for that is sin!
We cannot love because everything moral is immoral.
Every death is punishment,
every natural crisis a reflection of all wrongdoing
and yet it could all be worse.
We are supposed to believe it could all be worse.
We are supposed to be moral and repent when we are not!
But... we can never stop repenting because we never know when we will die!
We must repent of all sin.
We never know when we will receive our final punishment.
We never know morality because everything is immoral.
Love is immoral, love is the cause of pain, love is the reason for conflict, love is the reason for sin, love is the reason we are already in hell.
I've been thinking about the turmoil in the current world all conflict is based on passion and love except that love and passion is for different things. This world is a world of extremes nothing will ever be agreed upon and so there will be constant punishment and misery thrown at anyone, it seems to follow the same ideas of what I imagine hell to be like.
Oct 2018 · 209
gray rain Oct 2018
I wish I could do everything again
Be successful,
Be happy,
But I fail to see how going back in time could even make a difference.
The only think that could change things is more time
More time to learn,
Learn from the many mistakes I made,
More time to decide what's actually best
More time to learn how to be independent
More time to be happy
But there is no more time
Everything's happening now but I'm slowly falling behind, behind time, behind where I should be
Behind where I want to be
I wish everything could slow down
Oct 2018 · 286
In The Dark
gray rain Oct 2018
I feel hollow when I think about you
Turn out the lights
There's noone beside me
Knowing tommorow I'll see you
Does nothing

It does nothing because when you're around a weight is lifted
You know how it feels
From the other side of the class there's an air of calmness
When your not there sadness seeps in
I try to not look back but you're there, I need to know you're there

I feel hollow when I think about you
Turn out the lights
There's noone beside me
Knowing tommorow I'll see you
Does nothing

It does nothing because I saw you today
I know you're more relaxed around me now
You smile now
It's like we have something in common
It's like what I said, how I feel
Had some connection with you
I give you time but time can only last so long

I feel hollow when I think about the future
knowing the lights are fading
I won't see you tommorow, or next week or next month
It's been a while since I wrote anything, especially something that wasn't filled with anger. I guess it's sad but the same time the sadness is overruled by the possibility of it having a positive impact on the person it's about. Sometimes how you feel is better being shared.
Jun 2018 · 213
A paradox
gray rain Jun 2018
I hate as much as I love
Not neutral
I feel separated on single things
A paradox
I can't be 3 and 7
I have to be 5
May 2018 · 316
Everything's Superficial
gray rain May 2018
Everything's Superficial
They ask if I'm okay
If I say no
They don't want to know
When I try explain myself
They apply it to themselves
It's too difficult to understand something you don't know
Something you cannot be taught or feel

You have to accept you made a mess before you clean it up
Yeah I threw hot chocolate at you
Just like you tell me I'm having a break down
Just like you say I can "talk" to you
Just like you don't want to accept something's bothering you

Everything's Superficial
Until you find someone who cares
gray rain Mar 2018
A creative mind dies
When it's unable to express itself outside,
It's confused inside
And can't decide

Conflict on what you "should be"
and what you are
Indecision in what you want,
Bothered by things you don't care about;
Constant anxiety.
Jan 2018 · 515
Sooo not over it
gray rain Jan 2018
I'm over it I guess I could say
take her back
forgive her

It's been a week of haunted nights
take her back
Forgive her

You can't trust anyone else
take her back
Forgive her

You can't trust anyone
gray rain Jan 2018
How many lies does it take to find the truth?
How many excuses until you say I don't need you?
You're too ****** up to be around
Just get lost and find a new sound
Drop all your friends don't let them in
You hurt them because you are broken
Disappear with your hollow eyes
They don't belong in a place that shines
How many lies does it take to find the truth?
How many times can you say I don't need you?
I suppose the truth is what I wanted
Dec 2017 · 278
Confidence is many things
gray rain Dec 2017
Some people aren't confident without makeup on their face
Some people aren't confident standing on a stage
Some people aren't confident when it feels like life punched them in the face
Some people aren't confident when they lost a race

Confidence is subjective and not everyone feels the same
It may seem like someone's confident but sometimes they want to hide away
Nov 2017 · 320
gray rain Nov 2017
You say you did nothing wrong,
you weren't there.
The problem is you weren't there for me.
What do you mean when you say your my best friend?
Nov 2017 · 238
Why am I so angry?
gray rain Nov 2017
Pain is worth everything if you win
But it still ******* hurts
Now there's scars on my back
From when you stabbed me with your words
I'm lacking motivation and really don't know what to write I have 2 friends and am failing everything at school
Nov 2017 · 203
gray rain Nov 2017
You can be free to do whatever
As long as you don't break a bone
You can cry and cry for hours
As long as people see you smile
It doesn't matter how long you feel hollow as long as you eventually feel whole
Still making no sense
Nov 2017 · 174
gray rain Nov 2017
All that's left is a hollow soul with broken bones looking back at what I loved hoping that it never stopped.
Trying to get to the top but falling down a further drop.
Now the regret of what I lost cuts deeper than what I've got.
Aug 2017 · 270
gray rain Aug 2017
So full of doubt
Lost in the sound
Drown in the sunset
and follow the clouds
All the exam stress is over, I passed everything but have school in 4 days.
Here's some words
Jul 2017 · 258
gray rain Jul 2017
Why do you make me happy?
Why do I have to be distanced from happiness?
Jun 2017 · 596
I Finished School
gray rain Jun 2017
3 months of nothing
And 3 hours in I'm already bored
Jun 2017 · 348
gray rain Jun 2017
I might break before I see you
And see the world in black and white
But everytime I look at you
I see the colour through your eyes
Jun 2017 · 372
gray rain Jun 2017
Nothing's  wrong
But everything is.
I'm fine,
Everything's ****.
I can do this
When I've given up.
I'm trying
My confidence is failing
Maybe I need saving
Noone know until I'm crying
Jun 2017 · 378
Peak Has Two Meanings
gray rain Jun 2017
Cold. Alone.
I don't know.
We fight and make up
But that's not enough.
Everything crumbling.
Everything weakening.
Breaking, broken.
Cries for help can't be spoken.
I'm gonna **** up more exams than English
May 2017 · 233
gray rain May 2017
Some say they'll miss you as when you're gone.
They don't... Their lives just carry on.
I can't be bothered with my friend anymore
May 2017 · 554
We Survived
gray rain May 2017
We survived.
We survived five years.
Of heart ache and tears.
Of sleepless nights
And never ending fears.
We climbed the mountain,
Now on to the next.
A new environment,
with the same exam stress
So I finished 3 gcse's and today was the last official day of school. I survived. Just 10 exams left and prom and signing letters and I'm free
May 2017 · 2.1k
gray rain May 2017
I can wish you were here but it doesn't make me hear your voice or remember what you were like.
I just remember that I never felt connected to anyone like I did when I met you.
gray rain May 2017
They bring you down
Even when you're at your lowest
And continue to break an already shattered mirror
They try release your emotion
So you cry in secret
Apr 2017 · 212
gray rain Apr 2017
The last of your existence gone.
In the end all you were is a house.
And now you're gone.
Apr 2017 · 205
gray rain Apr 2017
Tears fall
The pain
A thousand agonies
Or one
Self-destructing thought
You feel
Apr 2017 · 178
gray rain Apr 2017
Looking at a photo
Wishing you were here
Counting the days to see you
Why is she so indecicive?
gray rain Apr 2017
Relieved or not
I'm happy you know
I don't have to hide that I like you

And you know my crazy friends
Who won't get your name right
but I tell them not too

If you don't, I'll let go?
but until you tell me
I'll be here talking to you
Literally makes as much sense as the conversation we just had.
Apr 2017 · 288
Me Gustas Pero Soy Tímido
gray rain Apr 2017
Your hair falls like autum leaves
and I miss you in the winter months
when everyone can laugh and smile
but theres a void in me which can't
because you're not there
but as winter rolls by and turns into spring
will I see you again or will I remain empty
can I see you in the summer?
and watch the sunlight reflect on your hair
And get the nerve to tell you
That you make me not want to prove my strength
and fight every guy I see
and remembering you reminds me not to fall into the traps I used to find myself in

Will I tell you Me gustas?
Mar 2017 · 306
The Star Song
gray rain Mar 2017
Your eyes shine in the dark of the moonlight.
Looking at the stars in the night sky.
You would point out the shooting ones.
But I never saw them as they passed by.

And I wanna know where the fire goes.
When the dying starlight fades.
All I know is the fire won't go.
When you feel this way.

Now when I look out on the stars.
They remind me of your face.
Memories in the dark.
And a heart I didn't chase.

And I wanna know where the fire goes.
When the dying starlight fades.
All I know is the fire won't go.
When you feel this way.

Now you left me empty handed.
Tears fall like the stars of night.
And I hope if this fires fading.
A new spark will alight.

And I wanna know where the fire goes.
When the dying starlight fades.
All I know is the fire won't go.
When you feel this way.
Just a song I wrote yesterday
Mar 2017 · 195
gray rain Mar 2017
And I don't know much about you
But your face is a work of art
And I wish that I could tell you
That you still have my heart
I'm in an unusually good mood.
So this is the bridge from a song I wrote
Mar 2017 · 289
gray rain Mar 2017
Hold me whilst I cry and let my tears stain your shirt

Let me show the side that is broken and hurt.

Let me show you the bloodshot eyes I leave behind closed doors.

Hold me whilst I show you my emotions so raw.
Who knew a part in me could write this?
I want to throw up
Mar 2017 · 238
gray rain Mar 2017
It's like reading a book that doesn't make sense until halfway through
But you don't connect with the words after years of studying them.
How do I connect?

It's being told you're this and you're that for sixteen years
but you don't connect with the words after years of being told them.
How do I connect?

Do I need to connect?
There's 2 things I struggle to talk about which is religion and sexuality. And I don't know which is more difficult telling my parents I don't know if there's a god or that I like girls. It's like everything I've been for 16 years is everything I haven't been.
Mar 2017 · 306
Quick Reflexes
gray rain Mar 2017
Quick reflexes aren't great
when they take over and
cause you to be destructive.
Mar 2017 · 268
gray rain Mar 2017
Your weak when you try to be strong
You try to fit in where you don't belong
no one's going to stop you when you lose control
no one's there to help you when you're most vulnerable
Feb 2017 · 208
Fight And Flight
gray rain Feb 2017
Everything is loud.
thought's are like cannons or bombs ready to explode at any moment.
You're a kamikaze pilot ready to cause damage to yourself and others.
you don't want to do it.
you don't want to fall into the trap.
you don't want to let your self lose control.
but as you're fist is raised ready to straighten his ******* teeth.
you stop.
you think.
The rage has gone.
you back down.
but no one will let you live it down.
you can't fight.
you're weak.
you're scared.
you're worthless.
For protecting yourself.
I don't know if I feel worse for backing down or losing control.
gray rain Feb 2017
Masculinity is fragile
A mask to hide the brokenness of the soul which lies beneath.
The strength that you're supposed to have but was just out of reach.

Masculinity is fragile
You have to pretend to be strong
The cracks are forming on your skin waiting to be fixed with the tears you have to hold on.

Masculinity is fragile
Because it's like glass in you're hands that you hold so tight it shatters.
Then you have to pickup the pieces and look at the broken reflection of yourself.
Everyone has a breaking point it's just harder to accept when you're expected to be strong.
Feb 2017 · 266
gray rain Feb 2017
Slowly letting colour seep back into my world, everything is getting darker.
4 hours of maths if I survive the boredom.
Feb 2017 · 327
For My Friends
gray rain Feb 2017
The ship won't sail
Because their friendship's real
I was ******* right she did like him.
gray rain Feb 2017
I see my flaws and help them grow
Follow them on their road
Their path to nowhere
Down a hole deep enough to not escape

No one sees them they are not there
To the visible eye
They are hidden
****- I got glasses now I look more like skrillex.
Feb 2017 · 718
Hollow Soul
gray rain Feb 2017
I can see the world flash by through my pupils.
Black holes reflecting all that I can never be.
Black holes of a soul so empty.
No hopes or dreams
Just heavy black holes
Watching the world pass before me
Feb 2017 · 175
gray rain Feb 2017
It takes one person to jump in the puddle and the rest will follow.

But noone wants to get stuck in deep water.
Feb 2017 · 268
I'm Here But I'm Not
gray rain Feb 2017
You're gone so far I cannot see,
Not even in dreams or memories.
Everything's changed; you've missed a lot.

Everything's grown like waves of light,
Everything became darker overnight.
Everything's changed; the world is starting to rot.

The world is there to touch, it's real
That doesn't change that I cannot feel.
Everything's changed; you haven't missed a lot.

The panic set in and with out a release
The fear built up and my emotion ran away with the breeze.
Everything's changed; I'm here but I'm not.
400th poem. I didn't even think I knew 400 words.
Feb 2017 · 244
gray rain Feb 2017
Everything that is real is in your head.
Philosophy is so much more interesting than religion. Just my view on the theory.
Feb 2017 · 276
gray rain Feb 2017
The good guy gets stabbed
And the world lives on.
Just something I'm annoyed about.
Feb 2017 · 226
gray rain Feb 2017
I want to leave;
I want to stay.
I thought I wanted to leave but its hard to change old habits.
Feb 2017 · 310
gray rain Feb 2017
Give up now and
nothing will go wrong.
Jan 2017 · 234
gray rain Jan 2017
Save me from myself
I'm losing a battle with my mind
Trying to escape it
But it finds me when I hide
I have to learn a 60 word paragraph in Spanish for tommorow and I can't do this and English and music and finish application forms. Everything's too much.
Jan 2017 · 237
A Prison Called Skin
gray rain Jan 2017
I'm free to be
who I want,
what I want;
I'm trapped
in myself
Jan 2017 · 881
gray rain Jan 2017
I let you down, you rise me up.
you take the blame,  you are good.
You can see red and hate and fear
in everything you hold dear.
Overall you are bizarre
but that's just part of who you are.
This is for my brother, Joshua I think I wrote something for everyone in my family except him.
Jan 2017 · 191
gray rain Jan 2017

I'm dead! I sat a music theory paper and my teacher was like 'the theory was alright but your English and maths isn't '
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