I could write erotica
Words flushed with heat
And lust
A bare trace of plot
Sliding through the lines
like soft skin on silk sheets.

I could paint pictures
with sultry poses,
long limbs entwined in a battle of flesh,
pictures to bring a tingle,
a shiver dancing across your skin.

I could whisper salacious stories
with my lips just above your ear,
hot breath and a teasing lilt,
testing the boundaries of self-control.

I could pass along this poem,
lay forth my cards,
exposed provocatively on the table,
making my intentions known.

New perfume in the air, sweeter than I normally like
the sweetness cannot erase the memory of that night.
Beer music bodies drink music night bodies music drink you
I can’t wear those clothes anymore, not the perfume, not the makeup.
I want to forget it all, the slideshow that starts playing on repeat.
I want to feel something, I feel numb.

I want to cut, rid my skin of your memory and replace it with my own
I want to stop eating, until the starvation clears me out, makes me new
I want to eat everything, so I feel some semblance of full.
I want to do something to forget that time with you.

Eyes follow me in the street, they’re not yours, but my body doesn’t care
heart quickens, breath shakes, I am afraid.
Anger replaces fear, bottled up until I just want to scream
LEAVE ME ALONE
I walk to the school, to the market, and I don’t dress up for you

My homework sits out but I can’t do it today, maybe tomorrow,
I said that yesterday but the numbness won’t go away,
I feel detached, uncaring.
I need to cry, to break things, to heal and yet I’m stuck in this chair,
this one room.
I feel dead inside, remind myself to eat, to drink water, to sleep, to move.
Sweet perfumes lingers in the air, begging me to start over, to forget, to walk away.
But with it on, I still think of you.

wine, in perfect measure,
is a bridge from tortured mind
to blank page.
Too little and the words
get stuck in my fingers.
Flowing too freely,
and I am heavy,
lost to the power of thought.
wine, my translator divine,
I am set free
to speak my truth and fall back,
satisfied.

Sometimes I feel poetic
when I’m really just in pain.
I write to get it out,
like a soothing fall of rain.
My words have been my safety
a way to keep things clear
to work through dark emotions
and drive away the fear.
Here is where I’m safe
where I can move through it all
and that’s how I make progress
no matter how small.

it’s a blatant lie,
deception in the smoothness of its texture,
empty of flavor,
a “substitute” for chocolate,
though it doesn’t come close.
It’s the cake of choice for romantics,
the red of passion
encased in sweetness.
red and white,
passion and purity,
a walking contradiction,
done up with sprinkles.

kiss me to draw out the poison
of those who came before.
Run your fingers on my skin
to erase greedy hands and stolen strokes.
Possess my body,
entrance me with your mouth,
with hungry lips and burning hands.
I’ll rise to meet you,
let my skin meld to yours,
until we’re bound together to meet
the ugliness of the world.

haughty and hateful or pitilessly played,
head freed from embroidered shoulders,
her heart beat, heavy, behind corseted layers.
Temptress or model maiden,
she fell just the same.
The jewel in a king’s crown,
cast away for the next shining stone.

You know what they say about bleeding hearts.
Should’ve walled it in,
stitched it up from the start.
Shouldn’t be such a basket case
carry worry and pain
in every line of your face.
Should’ve walked upright
line your eyes,
keep your smile light.
Lock your heart inside
and if it leaks,
be sure to pin a smile,
on your cheeks.

Some days I wake up from dreams
unsure,
if I am going to grow up to be
a warrior
or worrier.

The pain you cause is
a pinprick
on skin already
Ravaged
by scars and tattoos.

the books always say that
life is a journey,
complicated, messy, a wild ride.
You learn who you are as you’re tested
and self-growth is a valuable lesson.

But I’ve got imposter syndrome.
My face smiles while my heart cries
and my mind spins around
about a thousand times.

I’m changing, that’s for sure,
but self-growth? I’m not convinced.

I’m adapting.
Quick smiles, bright eyes,
conversation flows free
with charm uncorked,
but all the tests have shown
it’s a trick to make me last,
a self-defense to save my heart.

Protect and move on,
I’ve memorized the rules.
And now I’m here again,
content to walk alone.

pull out the knife,
from where you slid it in my side.
Let the blood,
rich and rosy,
drench your hands,
a reminder, a memento
to the times we passed
untainted, warm in the sun.
Avert your eyes,
from my prostrate pain,
out of sight,
you can raise your head,
pretending the role you played
didn’t bring me down.

The empty locket of my heart
Beats useless in my chest.
the gold has faded,
weathered by time and trial.
I could pawn it,
sell it to the highest bidder with
a sickly sweet smile
and the empty promise of tomorrow.
Still I trace it,
mind full of fanciful dreams
of far-off places and a
partner-in-crime.
A romantic at heart
beaten down by hardships of time,
place a ribbon on me now,
blue to match my eyes,
and I’m good as new.

“I have promises to keep,”
whispered sweetly in my ear.
I stretched myself to too thin,
‘til it seemed I would disappear.
Now I’ve got myself to thank
for every step I’ve walked away
towards the sun, far from you
into a promising new day.

Sponge away dark thoughts,
stow them behind ***** dishes,
hidden from guests
Dark thoughts aren’t for pretty girls,
with easy lives and paved roads
to success.
Depression is unbecoming,
lacking in fashion,
and difficult to match.
Bring in spring colors to brighten the mood,
a new palette to lighten thoughts
long gone grim.
A quick coat of color,
a patched-up job to stave off suspicion
that things have gone wrong.
Depression isn’t a thing
happy girls have,
so flash a quick smile
and pass along the mantra,
“I’m fine”

My face knew tears and trauma,
shadowing my eyes and tightening
my lips too thin to smile,
a walking mask, dedicated
to the moves and words
empty of emotion.

ice in need of a thaw,
it held me rigid and raw,
until the warmth of summer
heated me alive.

now I run beneath the sun,
feeling emotions I thought were gone.
Laughing with joy unbound,
I seem to soar and sing
no longer earthbound,
but like the sprites of
tales told in past times,
I meld with the nature,
and let loose my soul.

I gave my heart away,
little pieces at a time,
in exchange for warm smiles,
lingering touches, and eyes
of the clear sea.
I sealed them up each time,
postmarked and clearly written,
delivered safe to your hands
each time.
But in your careless state,
the pieces slipped through,
falling from your fingers
to smash on the ground,
an unforgiving rendez-vous.

Those fragments are lost to me,
trampled underfoot by those
uncaring souls who do not know
the torments and trials of my
worn-out heart.

In their place is barbed wire,
ominous and spiky with its
“go away” signs,
protecting the last of my heart,
an endangered species,
running out of time.

I thought him the sun,
warm to the touch,
a fiery force of strength
shining brighter than anyone.

I realize now he was a mirror,
a reflection of me,
the glint of sun on water,
beautiful bursts of color,
a rainbow, grown from
rain and pain,
sun and fun.
I am the one shining true
breaking up the sky,
slicing through the blue,
with all of the colors
in my soul,
glowing from the center out
to welcome the world
and set me free.

I won’t lose any sleep
over the people I can’t keep.
No tossing through the night,
staying up till the morning light.
Instead, my hair lays in a halo,
I’m not waiting for your say so,
a tangle-free bundle of peace,
a joy that may never cease,
I breathe easy now alone,
a queen upon my own throne.

Without the sun
the flower fails to bloom,
curled in with her sadness and gloom.
With no flowers out
the sun fails to rise,
to spread his rays across the sky
and bring his warmth and cheer,
Two beings on different times
leading to each of their demise,
stars lined up solemnly
as the moon bears witness
to this tragedy.

simplicity of mind seems so sweet
the ideal diet,
but I can’t help but cheat.
Gorge on anger and sip at pain,
ignore the guilt and stuff my face.
tomorrow is new,
a fresh start of hope and peace,
perfect portions to keep me pure,
though my mind dreams of more,
fingers curled in
to resist.

Captivate my senses,
draw me fully in beneath open skies
to be kissed by fresh wind.
Sprinkle me with love and hope,
build my desire strong.
Lay out my hands before me,
pale against grass so green.
As eyes dance
and sun soaked hair gleams,
set my mind free from me.

I put a smile on
till I faked it true.
In a world of weeds,
I’m a flower
with sun in my leaves,
rays of joy to give away,
I have abundance.
My stalk has grown thick
fed on the peace of rain,
warmth of sun,
and freedom of air.
I have grown strong.

I’ll arise, phoenix and flame
and boy I won’t be calling out
your name.
You’ve crossed the line,
left ash behind,
and truly turn the tides.
Water won’t bring down my fire,
too strong am I
to fall down for you
once more.

coffee , oh coffee, how you taunt me so.
Heavenly breath and foam sloshing,
to and fro.
Tasty, so tasty, you lie in that cup
with sugar sweet, splash of cream.
You wake me up,
tempting, very tempting, with color so fine,
I know that every sip will be
divine.

I’ll ask and ask again
to keep upright through it all
I’ll raise my chin
and stand up tall.
I know I’ve got strength within
that I’m a warrior inside
try to tear me down and
see where you end.
I’ll be standing over you
hope in my hand.

black lines on my skin
to track this pain
resist the pull of the knife
sharp and sweet teeth
on the softness of skin,
a caress, ominous
a promise, of relief
and regret.
black lines to cloud it out
to reel it in
progress in pain.

I need a touch,
the soft of lips on skin
to ignite my long lost fire.
Golden warmth of love or
red hot rage of desire,
anything to burn strong
within this empty hearth.

toughen up chickee,
wipe the tears from your face
put a smile in their place.
stand tall and let them see
how strong you can choose to be.
shaded lips to stop them dead,
you’ll play a mantra in your head,
keep that **** far away
and square your shoulders,
to face a new day.

Here's a poem to celebrate poetry month!

Challenge by Jean Nette

Life, I challenge you to try me,
Doom me to unending pain;
Stay my hand, becloud my vision,
Break my heart and then-- again.

Shatter every dream I've cherished,
Fill my heart with ruthless fear;
Follow every smile that cheers me
With a bitter, blinding tear.

Thus I dare you; you can try me,
Seek to make me cringe and moan,
Still my unbound soul defies you,
I'll withstand you--and, alone!

I place the unpolished prose
on blank paper again.
Normally I’d suit it up,
ready it for the debut,
replay it in my head
to find the words,
perfect in their row,
but these days I’m all out
and this is what I have to show.

His touch, forced and hungry,
still echoes on my skin.
I’d hoped to tattoo that space
with your name,
your warmth to drive away the pain
and claim my skin again.
But now I’m left to stare
at the empty space
where the traces of his name
sit on top of yours.

with promises of forever,
I touched the love locks,
lit up by city sights and ocean views,
metal hearts hung, with faded names.
I touched the locks to bring some luck,
touched them with the promise of us.
That lock long since broken,
falls pathetic to the ground,
empty promises spill forth,
but no one is around
to see it fall.
I looked for love and found it lacking,
and you left, got to packing,
leaving broken metal on the ground,
the last mark of love,
of us,
underneath the bridge of locks,
forgotten tributes of love.

Pining is not a good look for me,
it clashes with my flowing shirts
and distracts from my lemon scarf.
Longing is just a few shades better,
occasionally matching my blue blouse.
Anger works okay, but it seems fake,
like my vibrant lips or 4-inch heels.
Love would work, it’d blend beautifully
with my color scheme,
make each plain top sparkle, but alas,
love is out of season, a terrible throwback
without being vintage,
what am I left with?

I climbed high for restoration,
for the rebirth of emotions,
for the cleansing of my soul
amid the chirp of birds,
the hum of water,
the freshness of the air.
I climbed high for strength,
to find myself again,
a me without you.
I climbed high for relief
from the smiles of the everyday,
I climbed high for me,
but still,
I thought of you.

colored M&Ms spill out of the box I made for you,
sweet with memories past,
coating my tongue,
unshakeable:
Brown for the comfort of your arms,
the warmth of your committed love,
Red for the anger,
driven by my stubborn heart,
Orange for our new adventures,
road trips with music and snacks in hand,
Blue for the tears we’ve cried together,
for the ones I’ve cried since,
Green for the hope,
the future we lay out ahead,
loose-made plans and dreams combined,
Violet for the stress,
for the uncertain plans and our fragile love,
and Yellow,
Yellow for the laughter,
tears slipping out, struggling-to-breathe-happiness,
Yellow, the light you brought to me.

you brought the sticks and i packed the flint.
we lit the fire,
stood by and watched it burn.
The smoke curled over our heads,
but we didn’t choke,
too in love to see it
burn away the freshness, leave its
dark ash on the green roots.
my lungs were clear,
eyes still bright.
your hand was warm in mine
as we stared up at the night.
it was beautiful until
we were drawn back to earth.
We brought the fire
then didn’t understand when the
world burned down
around us.

bright clothes, red lips, lined eyes
heavy, rigid, unbreakable
armor.

I should cut my hair,
hair heavy with the memory of
your fingers running through it.
I should change my clothes,
so as not to think of you
taking them off
slowly while I lay
           on your bed.
I should buy new sheets,
ones without the trace of you.
I should change my music,
new sounds without the power
of bittersweet nostalgia
         sitting in the car with you.
I should replace the space in my heart,
the one that’s been reserved for you.
I should,
             I should,
                           I won’t.

I am heartless,
watch my hips sway, calling you closer,
upturned eyes blue seas that can pull you in
then turn to gray storms.
Drown in my warmth, my embrace.
Let my siren’s voice beckon you
closer to the waterfall,
let you crash among the rocks and spray
as you fall in love
with me.

I didn’t know stubborn until I saw it
in the lines of my face,
reflected in the mirror.
The dark smudges under my eyes
boast of restless nights spent
chasing you,
always waking before the moment when
our hands touch.

sometimes I willingly seek out pain,
so as not to forget the memories that are tagged with
your name.

the wine in my cup flows freely into my veins.
it slows me down, turns me sluggish,
and takes control of
my thoughts.
they turn to you,
and more wine follows to
drown it out.
Sickly sweet, like the kisses you dropped on
my cheeks, or
the cheesy notes to mark a passing holiday.
my mind is full of thoughts of you
despite my use of the best bleach
as I try to scrub it free
of you.

sometimes i wonder how my poetry would sound coming off
your lips.
you’d pair it with the strum of a guitar,
slung low, like your voice.
i want your mouth to hold each word close,
tongue tracing the emotion,
and releasing it all to the world.

you took away the light
that gave her reason to rise.
you took away the oxygen
that sat strong in her lungs.
you took away her muse,
the one that made her believe,
made her hopeful.
it’s all gone and still they ask
her to smile.

my soul is branded,
your name etched in.
The iron cools in the corner,
name partially fading.
I’m no blacksmith,
but I know better than to
let the iron cool before our business
is finished.

I’m a ******* queen,
get down on your knees,
strain to look me in the eyes,
the ones that you made cry.
You’ve gotta realize now that
             I’m gone,
you’ve got no one else to
             lean on.

You show up in my dreams,
walk through them with ease,
and I fall in love all over again.

The call of your heart to mine
stretches across distance and time.
The touch of your hand, the brush of your kiss
are not the only things I miss.

Your warm embrace and the way you talk,
eating delicious food and long sunset walks.
You are a piece of me,
your name on every breath I breathe.

The tears always come down.
…you’re in a different town.
There’s no one to hug me close,
and kiss me, gently, on the nose.

Come back to me, you are my home.
it aches and pains,
my heart wants to moan.
I reach out to you with all that I have,
and yet, I still always seem sad.

At the hands of men, I learned the lessons of life.

I first learned fear with your towering figure, explosive temper, shaking hands, and abrasive voice. The older I got, the more the words cut me, a double blow of volume and weight. The tremors of my body visible for all to see, they angered you, but I could see nothing through my blurred eyes. My head spun as my lungs forgot how to breathe and I lost myself in your anger.

Another taught me vulnerability. In the shadows of your room with your girlfriend next door, I was your puppet and you my master. You tarnished me, made me unclean. You stole from me my vulnerability, killed the me that breathed easy. At your hands, I lost myself.

And then I learned pain-at the hands of a different tutor, but at this point it’s all the same. I learned pain in the comfort of my room, cloaked in that fuzzy green blanket. I learned the kind of pain that tears through the heart and childishly demands attention at every given moment; an obnoxious nagging pain with its grating voice and quick jabs in the ribs. I learned the pain of regret, of indecision, of betrayal. Tears marked the torment of my mind, songs didn’t hit me the same. My heart was an open wound at the mercy of the elements around. I sought healing and peace, wound stitched closed, but such things leave scars. I still remember that lesson well, in your warmth and in your piercing blue eyes, I learned pain of the truest kind.

At the hands of men, I learned the lessons of life. But in my hands, that life blooms.