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Anna Skinner Feb 2017
I came across a BMW 528i today -- same make and model as yours, same rusty maroon clunk ******* you drove so proud. Could’ve been yours, with its cracked leather and yellow stuffing vomiting from seat to the floor, steering wheel worn from your callouses. High school football team kind of callouses, country boy livin' kind of callouses. Inverted smile, dimpled chin, kind brown eyes kind of callouses. Take a girl like me on a 4-wheeler and make her scream middle of a Sunday kind of callouses. Raise in surprise as headlights blind you in Charleston kind of callouses. Lay limp with pavement shot through your skull and bone shards in your leg kind of callouses. Some drunk kid driver says just some ****** drunk kid crossing the street, came out of ****** nowhere. You were some drunk kid, but you had the right of way, and how couldn’t he see you? You brought the light wherever you went, drunk kid, and now you're ICU comatose-kid, and thousands of us are thinking about you back home. Drunk kid, high school football star kind of kid, just out for a drink kind of kid. Likes his cars like his women – flashy, look past the maintenance kind of kid. But your girl’s back home projectile vomiting yellow body stuffing through leather ****** lips, and your 528i is somebody else’s, and they didn’t appreciate it like you did, kid. It's just sittin’ in the street, and you’re just lost. Some kind of hospital kid.
for my good friend, Ben. get better, bud
Anna Skinner Nov 2017
I want to bid farewell to the friends in Madrid I never met

The men and women and youths who slept next to me in the hostel I never visited
To the comfort I found when those strangers knit me into the patchwork quilt of their souls
And there, I slid into place.

I want to thank the cook for making the paellas that never touched my tongue
The bartender for mixing the sangria that they but never I drank  

I want to bid farewell to the man who taught me to tango as if I’d been there

I want to wave to the tourists with their cameras shielded against Spain’s loud sun, because they, in a way, could have been me but I, never them.

I want to send a letter to my brother and his wife

Tell them their house in Memphis was beautiful though I’ve never seen it
I want to engrave in pen the memories I never made, describing Tennessee’s fifth season in the flavors of barbeque and blues and bourbon.

I want to write an author’s acknowledgment to embed in the book I’ll never publish
Thanking the editor I’ll never meet, the agent I never begged to take me on

Instead, I give thanks to a kind husband and a house that jails me.
I give love to the kids I didn’t want but who are very real.
I make way for the family vacations to Disney World.
I push and pull a fighting Madrid into her timeout corner,
where her sun doesn’t blind us.

If only Madrid could know the way I love them,
which is enough to sacrifice my dreams for theirs,
then maybe she wouldn’t beat against the cage of my soul
where a family of four silhouettes shield themselves from her sunny streets
and sparkling nights,
with raised hands saying,
"It’s too loud for us here."
Anna Skinner Apr 2015
I am desperate –  
     for all the effortless things

just so my blood has a chance to
     sing for something
          again

but out of all the open air that
     has kissed my skin
          and all the people who
                were lucky to love me

the only easement I knew
     was you
           and before, during, after

well,
     I was never enough for myself –
          not once, not ever

so I find myself
     aching for the effortlessness
          but not aching for you in the way
       I used to

I can’t find it – my effortlessness –
     without you
          because I believe they
               are one in the same

so I wander –
     a drifting soul –
          from progression to progression

congratulations

you seem so happy

I am so proud

all these tangible things –
     they will never bring me the
          easement I knew from only you
Anna Skinner Nov 2014
I search for you in the late nights
at the bottom of the bottle.
I look for you in the embers striving to burn
at the end of a dying cigarette.
I ache for you in the arms of a stranger,
a man with different proportions,
a deeper voice, a rougher face.

I’m searching for you in all the places
you swore you’d never be
just like you swore you’d never leave.
But the pale hands caressing your satin skin,
pale hands that weren’t mine
burn in my mind and
I wonder how I’ll ever find you in the places
you swore you’d never be
just like you lost me,
when you swore you’d never leave.
Anna Skinner Apr 2015
I hate what follows September,
when you angel wings won’t
lift me anymore,
and I won’t get to explore
the golden corners of
your soul.

I hate this beautiful earth
for ripping you from my
life.

I hope you enjoy those mountains
and think of me when you see the
depth of those canyons –
just as complex as my heart.
I hope you get the same rush
that I did when
your lips grazed my knuckles.
#a.c.s
Anna Skinner Feb 2019
When we all go to Memphis, we spread Ludington sand in Matt’s flower beds,  like somebody died, and a silence falls as we let the sand sift through our fingers like ashes.  It smells like Michigan, like seashells and ***** lake water,  and it drowns out the construction workers making new-money houses.
Instead of funeral hymns, we’re blanketed by sawdust and cigarette smoke.  We sip and savor Evan Williams and for once, none of us speaks.  
Our veins light on fire from the whiskey, and our souls share a collective ache,  like our bodies are made from some sort of symbiotic cell.  

After The Spreading Of The Sand, we go to a haunted bar where entry is a password, where there’s a frown of a front door, and the exposed brick walls reek of the dead girls upstairs. I think, This is Memphis, a very loud city with louder secrets –  the overpowering shadow spreading its fingers in all her corners, silent until she swallows you whole.  

Memphis realigns your center –  
a snap of the blues, a crack of whiskey and,  all of a sudden, things run much more smoothly.  

Memphis, she’s known as the City on the Bluff,  a place where summer storms split at the river,  don’t reconvene ‘til east of Arlington.  
Her protection, it’s always there.  
Like DNA shared among siblings,  blood is always thicker here in her quarters.  

Memphis, she tells me I should’ve kicked Worry to the curb all along.  

Memphis, she keeps her people safe.
Anna Skinner Apr 2015
I want you to inhale me
smoke my soul
and burn whatever you find left
that you may stumble across
along the way
Anna Skinner Feb 2017
you know just how to drive me wild*

requesting my favorite foreign gin
at a frequented bar;
running those fingertips over a label of dry red
the same way you traced road maps
on my hips last night.

i put some love into the poems you gave me,
can you tell by the creases in the corner?

10 a.m. tequila tastes like you
and those crystal eyes that unstitch me;
you unspool me
into an amaranthine ravel
of black thread --  
exploring dusty corners,
searching for what i've missed
Anna Skinner Feb 2019
men are sharks and weakness is blood  
circle in the shallow waters of my insecurity
eyes flashing with hunger  
bite off a piece of my heart, help yourself to seconds  
let the leftovers go stale  

there’s blood in the water
like hieroglyphics
like liquid hourglass
memories from a wolf pack that swallowed me whole
all that’s left is a jangling bunch of bones
calcium wind chimes
the ghost of my screams will be the trumpet
your beating will be the drums
Anna Skinner Apr 2015
I hate feeling like this
like there are so many beautiful things
and I can never breathe them in
because of the filter that screens
all things wonderful
from bringing oxygen
to my blood.
#a.c.s
Anna Skinner Nov 2014
I’ve gotta go home and clean,* you say.
Clean my scent from your sheets,
I want to tell you
Come closer, baby,
Untangle my limbs and
caress me down,
orchestrate my symphonies.
Didn’t you see the stars, too?


I remember your breath all
over me
and how I tasted my very existence
within it.
I remember seeing infinity
in the golden hazel of your eyes,
those **** bedroom eyes,
soothing me past my boundaries,
hands pushing past my hipbones
and into my infinity.

And I want to tell you that I still taste
your lips on my tongue
and I still feel your teeth grazing my skin but
I don’t tell you any of these things.
I look you dead in the eye
those bedroom eyes, boring into mine.
I wonder if you’re playing back the scene
you moving over me
and I say, Okay.

Our whole existence
narrowed into one word
and in that moment I think I hate you
but the thought of your hands on me
still makes my sun rise each day
and I wonder if maybe
I love you in spite of
all the things telling me not to.
Just something I kind of threw on paper.  Hope ya like it.
Anna Skinner Oct 2014
Bruises,
an amythest stain of spreading merlot
on white carpet,
the deep blue of the Belizean sea and
the hot weight of you beside me,
crimson blood and rising pain as I
scar myself because of you again,
the flat hazel of your eyes
the last time I saw you.  
Accusatory and pleading,
these bruises bleed fresh and tender
on the surface of my heart as I
will myself to forget you
for the last time.
Anna Skinner Nov 2014
Bruises—
an amethyst stain of merlot
spreading on white carpet.
The deep blue of the glistening Belizean sea
and the hot weight of you settled beside me.
Crimson blood and rising pain—
I scar myself because of you again.
The flat hazel of your eyes
the last time I saw you,
hollowed by suffering.  

Accusatory and pleading,
these bruises bleed fresh and tender
on the surface of my heart
as I will myself to forget you
for the last time.
This is an edited version of one of my more popular poems.  My creative writing professor suggested changing it a bit, so here it is. Let me know which one you think is better and why! Either comment on here or email me at annaskinner18@ymail.com
Anna Skinner Mar 2017
i accidentally threw my toothbrush away last night and had to use the spare i’ve been saving for you
my eyeglasses had a water droplet on them and i couldn’t see straight it wasn’t because i was drunk
or sad
or angry
it was the water droplet blurring everything and bringing an end to fine edges and clarity answers

in the end it is kindness that undoes me
my dog brings me toys when i'm sad or sick and nudges them into my elbow like some knock-off substitution for benadryl or lexapro
i still have sand in my eyes from the desert you drug me through
it isn’t because i haven’t slept  
or am hungover
or dehydrated
i swear it's the sand like diamonds

whenever i'm in the throes of a panic attack i wear the shirt my mom bought me because it makes me feel safe
the day after you i ask her if i'm allowed to tell her when i'm hungover or when i've made a mistake
but i can't because when you moved over me and my body responded
it wasn’t my mom's shirt anymore.
it was yours
Anna Skinner Feb 2017
a ceremonial silence fills the space next to me,
the exact width of your chest
a spectrum of sweat-stained sheets
and thick air
a heavy fan thrumming --
it can't replace the lack of breath sounds.

blast the hot water,
let the droplets sear my skin
marking countless valleys where your fingers should be
instead, i'm covered in minor burns,
heart chock-full of sadness

i search for you, but all i get is
a ceremonial silence
and a ****** fan
Anna Skinner Apr 2019
i know every corner in this place --
from house-made mocha
the pastel pastries and
speckled mugs

to the weight of the space you take
behind the counter

your fingers brush mine
steam on styrofoam
and a smile so soft --
all espresso eyes and smooth jazz
the grind of the beans and your laugh:
my soundtrack

it's the coffee bringing me to this place,
it's the caffeine that makes me shake,
it can't be your brown eyes
keeping me awake
Anna Skinner Feb 2015
Skeletal limbs,
Collapsed sky, illumine--there's
Beauty in breakdown
Anna Skinner Dec 2015
Country never felt like home to me.
Kansas open road stretches –
for forever, these empty badlands,
and you screaming next to me out an open patch
of freedom
through the blocked air of my sunroof,
letting your soul run free in the gun slate
of the elastic sky.
Acidic gas station coffee lingers on your lips,
a stained kiss for the magnetic sunset,
while Colorado mountains crest the distant horizon.
Country never felt like home to me,
before roads, before skyscrapers,
before my love of the city,
there was just land, just these mountains.
Country never felt like home to me.
Maybe that’s why I feel so free.
Anna Skinner Apr 2015
You never used to be good with words
when they always smoothed from my lips
like a soothing balm.
But now you’re the words
and hidden meanings
jumbled in a crossword puzzle
that I can’t seem to solve.
Anna Skinner Apr 2015
are you in a mood again?

i am monochromatic
all grays and blacks and whites
no color
not even your amber eyes

a vacant mind
not even fingertips playing symphonies
across hipbones
can sate this soul

dark
not dark like lack of light
but *Dark

like lack of life
and all i think of is
soothing words and bathroom tile,
stained by blood
from my own veins
maybe suicide should show
her beautiful face a bit more often, yeah?

i just want you to be happy
don’t we all?

I’m lonely
aren’t we all?

haven’t you learned by now
that nothing solves this
satiation does not have a place here
and this life is good for nothing
when all you see
is gray and black and white
i am monochromatic  
and not even amber eyes
can bring me back to life
I don't know where this just came from, but it's on paper now.
Anna Skinner May 2015
The sun drowns,
sinking below the Pacific,
the horizon line aflame
with it's last dying declaration,
and she whispers,
her hand cold in his as she fades
into the ocean that consumes the sun,
*don't forget me
a.c.s
Anna Skinner Mar 2017
i’m wearing malbec lipstick at 330 in the afternoon, my own personal hue that stains lips and teeth, drips down my chin so a tongue flicks out to savor the drop. it leaves a maroon trace like i’ve been ******* blood.
when i swill the wine, it captivates me. like i'm swishing around my own blood, praying enough of it sloshes out to **** me.
i’m headed to catholic church in an hour, maybe i’ll light a candle for myself.
god knows i ******* need it.
i’m at that delicate lining, the in-between stage of the five stages of grief. the soft spot at the base of my skull. self-destruct button that’s so tempting, nestled between anger and depression. skip bargaining. take a trip around the sun.
i've lost my hair tie and i want it back.
i've lost my heart and i want it back. ******* give it back.
reapply mauve lipstick the flavor of malbec. go to church. rinse the good off when you get home.
i still feel him inside of me. taking everything. claiming it as his own, two hundred and fifty-eight hours later. like he’s stained me and now i'm tainted and unapproachable. undesirable.
piece of plastic wrap that used to keep his heart fresh, now i'm trash.
now i’m his.
Anna Skinner Oct 2014
Inhale,
exhale,
and inhale again.

Blood rises and quickens.
Rushing,
like the resin abducting my oxygen
and holding it hostage.
The smoke before me
that twists and dances and
duplicates,
making love to the air.

I look at these strands
past a foggy haze of uncertainty,
wondering how they fit together
even better than we did
when they are not
tangible bodies.

The strands, they don't hold a heart or listen
to each other breathe as they fall asleep.
And I wonder how this smoke,
how these **** dead wisps,
love each other better than
we did.
Anna Skinner May 2015
I saw you last evening, beauty,
ivory skin illuminated.
You tore me to ribbons,
          tore me to ribbons
I sewed you in my heart
     so you'd never go away
          you went away
Now my heart is in ribbons,
          in ribbons
And you blew me away,
     with smoke eyes you cast me into
          explosions in the sky
Me chasing all my mistakes,
     you calling me back
Here we are,
     running circles
          running circles
Swinging around each other
     in a trapeze
Just tying our pain into knots
     on top of knots
And we are unable to untangle
     ineffable
          ineffable
So keep your distance
instead of this waltz,
     running circles,
           running circles
around like prey
Fade away, a moon into the night  
      fade away
          fade away
A black hole into my life
Anna Skinner Nov 2014
There's never enough tea*, she said,
a single, cold finger tracing the lip
of an empty mug.
Adequate poem for this cold, November day in Indiana
Anna Skinner Apr 2017
i’m 13 and my first kiss is from a boy named nick behind ****’s sporting goods in stale street air. nick’s canadian and when i ask if he can speak french he says no but I can play hockey and that is the next best thing

a week prior when i tell lauren we’ve been dating seven months and haven’t kissed yet she can’t believe it but all i believe is i’m 13 and a first kiss was supposed to be so special
so special i am too scared to close my eyes so my first kiss is a waterfront view of spider-leg eyelashes, too much spit, and all nick.

two weeks later he calls me cherry and i call him kiwi because we think normal pet names are too mainstream.

three weeks later nick breaks up with me when i corner him by the west wing lockers in the middle school by english class. i confront him, lay out the facts, and that is that.
  
i’m 14 and my second kiss is by the bleachers at the high school football game – not behind because behind the bleachers is where kids go for second base and to form ****** lips around leaf sweet smoke.
i‘m 14 and my second kiss is still nick but it’s not all spit and i wonder who he’s been kissing
i’m 14 and my second kiss is to the melody of a collective crowd’s stamping feet and a boy named jared with no real teeth wolf-whistling at us from the corner  
i’m 14 and i remember to close my eyes  

i’m 15 and grind on levi who’s twice my height to a rihanna song at homecoming
his crotch is against my upper back when it should be against my ***
he doesn’t kiss me, drops me off, speeds away in his oldsmobile

i’m 17 and my first **** is with a man named dan who serves at the same restaurant i smile at and hand menus out for tips. i’m his twenty-third and for a while after 23 is my favorite number
i’m 17 and i’m bleeding on dan’s brother’s sheets
i’m 17 and afterwards dan sleeps with a girl named stephanie who probably ***** better than me. i got my ears pierced at claire's last year but stephanie has tattoos between her **** and a dermal.

i’m 20 and barely flinch when i see nick at the local community college. i ask if he still plays hockey and he asks me what good books i’ve read lately and i wonder if he’s any good in bed.

i’m 22 and i’ve laid with a dozen men, all nestled like eggs in my crate of shame

i’m 22 and i've learned to close my eyes until they've finished with me
Anna Skinner Apr 2015
The moon spills from your eyes,
be the light behind my life,
and if not
I'll love you just the same.
All these scars and their stories,
all these full hearts with their
empty rooms.
Where do we go from here?
My love,
tell me where this road
will take us.
feeling a little lost today
Anna Skinner Apr 2015
i like to draw with silver
tracing lines of red and
creating brilliant drops
of scarlet paint
and scarlet pain
on a pale canvas
halfway between hell and home

--a.s.
wrote this over a year ago and just now found it again.
Anna Skinner Feb 2017
I have a passion for graveyards,
          for ghosts and secrets lurking below overturned soil,
cracked headstones screaming haunted pledges,
          ripe grass fertilized by those we love.
The perfect place for a sunlit picnic.  

Jupiter hangs low in the pregnancy of midnight,
          lord of my eternity.
A sustenance to fuel my blood and feed my soul,
        we spend our nights swapping juniper berries and allegories.
You’re my albatross, my cemetery stone,
          a Cheshire catalyst embedded in my soul.
Anna Skinner May 2015
We are hurtling toward an unknown
dark matter,
I want to explore all your
dark places,
taste
your
secrets
and get lost
in all their crevices.
Our darks cancel each other,
and the sun will emerge
from the black night
of my eclipse,
and you will pull me
from my self-dug grave
and into the light.
Anna Skinner Feb 2019
We are Graveyard Family –
we each have something buried here
Six feet and two months under –
suffocating beneath words and
sweet dreams and
Tennessee
Time heals all wounds
Time heals all wounds
Time heals all wounds
And the rot sets in
And I keep your spare rib close by –
A glowing ember for when it gets dark
It gets dark a lot here –
hold
you
close
Let Him work His magic and
build me a body from your suffering –
cough a breath into my soul
This is how you bury your dead
Anna Skinner Feb 2017
the first thing people would say upon our engagement is show me the ring like some bling is an ode of your love to me. i am not a homemaker i am a homebody. i excel in colombian coffee and monday night pub specials and cheap wine with expensive labels. i excel at being one of the guys and by being one of the guys i mean not being your wife. i filled the crevices you scraped in me like some kind of sculptor smoothing over past mistakes like being your wife was some kind of placebo pill i can sweat out with half-empty pizza boxes and grease stains on a couch that was never mine. when i first tell people about us about what i've done they say
but you two fit so well
but i liked you together
but you were going to get married
but but but
but they don't see your knuckles almost shaking hands with my jawline or the time i stared at you deadpan i'm not scared of you and i think that's what scared you that i'm no battered wife that i'll take you all bleed you dry then smile from the corner.
i am no battered wife like the woman who raised you
whose christmas-gifted blanket i'm currently curled under but whose 4 a.m. whispered words i cherish more he can't make you forget what you felt like your lies would forge me into the bat **** crazy ***** you christened me but what i felt in your *****-stained breath amaretto-sweet words ice-diluted eyes was i am no battered wife
i am no laying next to you in bed at 30 with kids i couldn't convince myself to want and bruises that fit your fingers on my ribs. i'll take my tuesday tequila and too-loud laughs, my scrounging for quarters for just one more cup of coffee over your stability smirks.
Anna Skinner Jun 2019
bodies familiar in the hues
of a dying day
in the shadows, in the shade
blacks and grays,
indigos and jades

whispers muted in the last
gasps of light
our language,
words knit into the night
our vision, monochromatic --
your breaths,
the moon,
my static
Anna Skinner Jan 2017
give me your sorrow, I'll turn it to stone
give me your scars, I'll turn them to stories

scald me with your molten steel sadness and
watch art bloom from your suffering

erase silver scratch thoughts and
drift away to the scrawl of my pen

watch your pain tattoo these lines, scalding my veins
and spilling onto these pages
Anna Skinner Mar 2019
Learn to lead from the rear,
a constant silhouette
against a steady sunset.
But back here,
there’s so much to fear,
and too much to feel.
So I sit, scared of the silence.
this is what depression feels like
Anna Skinner Apr 2015
This deep wander,
my soul -- it slumbers
and lets the darkness
overtake
consume
I am consumed
and
lost
I am losing
I am loose
my soul
it sways
like a loose, stray leaf
lost in the wind
left by your absence
Anna Skinner Jan 2016
Tile walled tear drops
And shower suicide thoughts
The humidity makes it
Hard to breathe
Or maybe that's sadness
And her hard hands slowly
Claiming me as her own
Again.
A lone soul has never felt
This suffocating
Anna Skinner Apr 2015
You ask me my thoughts,
but how do I tell you I've been considering all the different things I can break to create critical scars on beautiful veins ever since you took my favorite blade?
You remember when we drank strawberry milk out of wine glasses?
Or that time we walked in the rain,
slowing instead of speeding up because
rain doesn't wash anything away
not skin or scars or secrets
and how do I tell you that I don't love you,
and that I really wanted to run that day?
But instead I stare into ocean eyes, smile, and just tell you
I'm lost
took this down awhile ago but decided to put it back up.  thanks for reading.
Anna Skinner Mar 2017
your version of love is an algorithm more basic than take-aways. you're allowed to take as much as you give and you still get a solid number. a real result. but i don't work in binaries and black-and-whites.

love is my negative number and the missing letter to my typewriter i can't find no matter which dusty beasts i search through. it's the bruise on the heel of my palm as i collide with secrets -- swiping hands beneath your sofa searching for my missing key.  

love is your receipt.
here's what you bought, here's what it cost.

i'll register bankruptcy instead. take my seven years and start over instead of being your negative number and unknown variable. a declined credit card stamped on your list of positive transactions.
Anna Skinner Apr 2015
Breathe life into
the skeleton of my soul,
I want to taste
your smoke lips.

I like it here
in your ocean,
quench the flames of my pain
in the midnight
of your embrace
Anna Skinner May 2015
Your hands,
like moth’s wings,
pass over my cheekbones,
attracted to the light behind my eyes.
You leave a trail,
like dust from moth’s wings,
as you float off and away
from my life as soon as
the sun rises.
Anna Skinner Apr 2015
You are the first I've loved
with eyes the color
of the endless sky,
you're a
love
suicide
let me get lost in the
cloud of your soul
Anna Skinner Apr 2015
You thought of it as an interesting occurrence,
that raven sitting in the middle of
a busy cobblestone path that day,
a traitor at high noon.
But I saw it for what it truly was,
an omen,
or the irreparable split between us
and now at dusk,
both you and our raven are gone and I want
to call to that bird
and ask why it had to choose me
because I wasn’t quite ready
to lose you
just yet.
Anna Skinner Feb 2017
you taste saccharine
like the edge of sin
fermenting honey wine
on heady summer nights

you tend to linger
forbidden fog and shadow mirrors
midnight smoke trailing in your wake
London thunder and hurricane waves

a pair of clubs
the taste of sorrow in my blood
you're magnetic
pragmatic
soul tendrils entangle with mine
beyond crystal eyes

i crave someone with your unconditional flavor
something i can savor
in the high tide of your
luminosity
Anna Skinner Apr 2015
the smell of iron,
and spreading blood
across my palm
let me tell you my own future
from the ****** hand prints on
bathroom tile and
the taste of beer and *****
that still lingers.

the door slams,
you heave me into your arms
and we sit on toilet porcelain,
this is me in my most honest hour--
the warmth of skin on your neck
mixing with the warmth of the blood on my palm,
and I can't tell which I want more now.
you're not dying tonight
but if this is what dying gets me,
let me fade away in your arms.
listen to the sound of heartbreak
as my facade shatters like glass,
and I sob against your velvet skin.

soft words, gentle hands,
as you clean my blood
when all I can say is don't
your voice--deep and sure
I can still hear it
just like I can still taste the blood
from my own veins.

now I am left with a nasty scar
that tells the story
of our friendship
let me read you my own future
from these blood-free palm lines,
and I still can't see you in it.
repost again because i took this down a bit ago.  decided to put it back up.
Anna Skinner Feb 2015
Life through bloodshot eyes
where lovers and needles
intertwine
into railway veins on tile floors
where hands curl around the glass
swan necks
of everlasting empty bottles,
victims of
a red wine lullaby
Anna Skinner Oct 2019
What if we as women quit the
“what if’s” and “but when’s” and “except he’s”
and left him the first time we felt a rock drop in our bellies?

I whipped the trash bag into its receptacle today,
worthlessness disguised as anger, and
reapplied my make up three times because
being late is the same as saying you don’t want me

Or I’m not good enough to race against the type of woman
you’re used to.

I think of the ways I used to shame myself when this happened before, when a boy I loved didn’t mind enough
to love me back the same way,
or at all,
but this time, I don’t reach for a blade
I sip a drink -- a daughter takes after her father.

I use essential oils with scents of
emotions I pray to feel --
scents like “uplifting” and “serene” and “relax”

Is there an essential oil the flavor of “*******”?
Because that seems to be the only way I feel lately –
roiling and ready for a fight,
jaw clenched tight
against the taste of your name.
Anna Skinner Dec 2014
Addiction
     never ends,
          temptation and sin.

Consumption,
     and then I’m lost.

Drowning,
     floundering,
          gasping for air.

Count the days
     until I feel alright again.

But my addiction
     betrays me
          and with one glance
               at a shard of glass
                    I relapse.
23 times—
     a redemption to make up for
          time lost.
Something old I found in my journal.  Funny how feelings seem to go through a cycle...
Anna Skinner Apr 2015
The sun always intrigues me,
the way it sets after a long day –
a giant, burning orb,
a heavy heart settled somewhere between the
sky and the horizon.
Yet it still rises each day,
no matter what preceded the present,
it still glows in the east every morning –
peeking toward a new beginning.
I want a heart resilient like that,
rising no matter what obstacles
caused me to set the day before.
And resulting in an explosion so powerful,
that all the universe ends.
Anna Skinner Nov 2014
You hang low in my sky,
     like the moon before the morning—
          an intruder amongst the burning, beating,
               rising sun of my heart.

You make my tides roll,
     and you’re too hot to hold—
          blistering my fingertips
               and branding the melting core
                    of my soul.
email me at annaskinner18@ymail.com to let me know what you think :)
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