I'm still waiting
In the snow
To be the one you love again
You’re different but, O’ the same
I want to hear you breathe my name
But it ended, didn't it?
I did this
I just want to restart
Stop doing drugs and give you my healthy heart
I think it hurt you before
Pericardial and falling apart
And Celine
Your eyes are a work of art,
What's left of fall, someone I could give my all.
And I still love you…
Which is to say
Something of a start
This is my Thousandth stage of grief and I wont get a break
Until I can finally admit i'm in a constant state of mistake
A stagnating intake
A self that I can't shake

You’re so different
But oh so same
Still the girl i fell in love with
I’m still stuck on that night,
I forget the verse, perhaps it was the fifth.
When they sang the flames into the night,
And lit a sacrificial light.
Leaning against you, against the wall
That night, that night,
I changed your mind
With O’
But a “Want”

Oh, Baby let me sing you french lullabies. I swear I can make them come out in clouds of lilac smoke.

because darling I love you and I'll hide it if your scared, just please remember that I'm always right here by your side, forever waiting for you to be alright.

my jolie fleur I'll always care so just know that a thousand suicides will never drive me from your side.

And lovely I will sit mute for you on this floor,

with open or closed door I don't care I'll never tell you that I want more. but sweetness if I could speak I'd tell you that I want to hold you Kate. your my universe tho so I'm down to give you space. now I'll leave you alone, I wont see you, hug you, kiss you, love you, not for a week or forever if that what you really want. and **** I know I've been selfish when your going through a lot, yet it spills from my head when your gone, like blood on the white carpet you left me to stain. how on earth did I do this without you here to make me laugh?

you're not laughing anymore

now it's only ticking, ticking do you miss me? because i really ******* miss you. I don't even know what I'm supposed to do, with these thoughts spilling from my mouth on to a page staining it like you stained my ******* hands when you touched me.

L E A V E M E A L O N E

please come back to me.

these thoughts are eating echother like lowly leaves on a thinking tree and it just keeps on thinking, thinking, why won't you speak to me?

im sitting right here outside the door we built together. and I listen to you scream those french lullabies we used to sing.

and if you let me dear, we can scream together.

so baby.

let me scream you french lullabies, I swear I can make them come out in clouds of lilac smoke.

If passion was injectable would you stay in this purple stuck cavern without saints or pain, left alone with only feeling together you and I, and as apache tears fall and cut my knees, will you take my hands and let me taint your skin with golden spikes? To run away with blinded lovers and gouged out eyes, will you silently yell my pure white lies like a pope to his god?
Don't be afraid, I won't let you leave. Not until i die in every breath you breathe
After all, all’s never fair in love and war

yes i know theyre older messagas that im crying so hard to veiw but im not down to jump to preasant cuz it ***** but thank you?
i miss all those mushroom pancakes we named online but thats fine you need a break from all the sugar intake that i seem to give, and ill live without you for now or forever i geuss, if living makes you happy that thats what ill do?
i miss you

sleeping sad and looking back at those 1 pictures of you and i, wondering where you learned to smile like that. I remember takeing that picture, you touched my hand and my blood ******* fluttered. you let it go and my skin broke like glass.

what the hell had happened to us? I miss you like a bottle misses wine.

finding and figuring just what I meant I really wish I could make myself understand why.

and that there are people you just can't trust who say they wont lie, that everyone suffers from a broken heart from here to their, and not even rain can forget all those times when you made me laugh and you took my hand the notes the feeling ill never feel that again. I miss you

you're not coming back, and I know that I should just let you go and leave on break, break up break my heart like a vinyl record when you first touch it, everyone gets yelled at when they first touch a vinyl

that's something you said, words of yours tend to do loops in my head, but you never did yell.

whats that really good or bad because i cant really tell you never seemed to cry.

Everyones all alone, silent for all but the sound of families hearing bad news.
Those are the real screams, the screams that ruin the joy you feel on the rollercoaster with but a memory, the screams that stop films with worry for someone no one worries for.
The screams that all def men fear, and the hearing will never truly hear. those screams, I pity those who have to hear almost as much as I pity the rain, the family, the winter.
I walk alone tip tapping through these drained white halls, with cold floors, closer doors and frigid screams sending chills through my mind.
And there she lies, alone on a bed that might as well be a wet floor,
It's so ***** with the bleached out stains of the lives it lost and the ones it took for more.
Those consistent beeps, all that's left of her voice that grows colder and colder, a cold ******* sholder And winter Winter grows closer, like a rabbit to its end.
Winter
A string with a single beep on a screen,all that she left was thoselong red streams of strings now they falter my wrists.
And oh, those screams.
Made by the rich yet poor, left in winter alone without a coat and they keep screaming and screaming until they run out of air. And even then when they cough up their lungs and they don't know what to do. They still scream a sound that only the blind can hear, all alone in the cold it grows closer to frost. And yet they make the sound that chases off autumn and frosts out the dents left behind by the maggots and hope that their sound will escape soon from winter.

I am a princess
With a dress made of flowers
I'm going to dance in the rain till the whole world decays
And even after i'll dance for hours in my dress made of flowers

I am a princess
With a dress made from gold,
The women who melt at my touch have all their names in a jar
I sleep in the clouds and never have to awaken until my princess charming wakes me with a single honeydew kiss

I am a princess
With music in my dress
I hide from the king while making love with the jest
Thinking about pretty animals and love when i ride to the ball
To sing songs about the beginning and end of it all

I am a princess
With a dress made with love
With my steed rushing past lighting warm fires in the grass
Hooves click clacking on the ground that we run
Oh being a princess is such fun

So yes, I am a princess drinking lovely gold flowers in my room, cleopatra and i will be together again soon.

Lovely flowers shall wither much too soon for you my darling! I can sing in only runes near your broken corpse sewn effigy and I will steal the energy from that place that I was meant to burn.
So please my love do not rest for me.
And i will sew a  t h o u s a n d dolls only to bring to me your last lilac smile,
Yet only you whisper those ever dreaded words.
“Ars longa, vita brevis”
So i can fake a dandy laugh
At least I can give you that.
Oh! The last of my fears lie stainless and dormant, with the tears that would stain your neck
Yet “ad astra aspera”
And no matter how much your body will crack your sage blue lips, forever you'll be with your coal black eyes until our lullabye turns to a cry.
So I shall wait with deprived rest.
Dripping heads,
Frozen fingers,
P u r p l e l i p s!!
All the singing monitors and drippings bags turn pale and silent next to what your hands had told me by nightfall, oh baby hold me before i sleep despite all the holes in my feet. With faces and fingers that drip with salt
With jarring moans that echo not but
L I V E!!
And oh if it could be that these four walls could speak. They would stay in such mournful silence for all the death that they've been borne to hold.
OH! So I weep for these four battered walls!!
And i can still hear your cursed breaths jumping through the halls
And every single inhale delves in fear of being last.
I wonder if darling witch breath will halt to an end.
And dancing darling to your deathbed, I ask that slowly witch you dread.
For what are to be letters you'll sing when at last you are to end.
Then you breathe my name! You hold my hand and oh!!how it feels until i look at you with melting zeal!
...to see I was your last.

For darling, now that you are dead.

whats your name my dear the sickly scented voice asks my right ear
i dont know stop asking
you have a name sprinkled as snow so please my dear tell us so
P L E A S E stop asking
and who am i to stop asking this question that unnerves you yet?
its keslee
is that the truth? or a word you regret?
im mckay
and the last of your names that your father has stored
that comes last and it never lasts
yes but whats the name you use to move forward?
I DONT KNOW STOP ASKING!!
names oh sweet givent to the kin, yet all are disgraced in years of sin
stop asking im trying to listan
mendoza seems fitting for you my dear, wount you please say it im dying to hear?
no thats over now
then quintana, less vile it slides off the tounge a lovely mistress to whom you would run.
its at its end
are you afraid? hungered or shallow? what is the reason to live in such mallow?
stop it
stay up every night till the dusk turns to day screaming in lemons only to be not okay
stop it
burst your head against the wall till all the words stain the halls
stop it
whats your name?
stop it
WHATS YOUR NAME?
I WONT AWNSER
whats your name?
please
whats your name
just stop.

"WHY THE HELL DO YOU DO THIS?!"
I love it.
I love biteing my bold red, silent white fingertips till they snap off like hot glass, and baby this might scare the **** outta you but I love the feeling of my blood when it melts into the floor, I'm not gonna stop just because your pounding on my door.
The feeling of my heart tearing it apart is the only thing that I feel to live and live to feel.
And no, I don't love you, but I love the feeling you give me when I'm forced to cut my hair because you think it's ******* ugly.
Yeah baby tell me I'm ugly!!
Let's go to the store and i'll walk into the street, to get that half smoked cigarette I saw thrown out of a car window. And you can pull me away but that won't do ****, i'll fall into you and we'll both tumble off a bridge.... right into the snow, you saved me you know?
I'll tear out my eyes so I don't have to watch you go.
i love this feeling of sinking in sorrow, as **** spews from my mouth to make Room for tomorrow.
Sit in bed late at night, get bored, start a fight.
Break a window punch a wall just say **** it to it all.
I'll hit my head on the stone till I'm hella ******.
When someone tries to help make them hate you till they leave you alone.
I hate me too, yeah its self destructive, but that ***** just what I love so who gives a ****?
Oh look, now I'm alone, in the pool at my home, I made of glass on the floor, whail ghosts are pounding on my fuking door
GET THE HELL AWAY FROM THAT DOOR!! LL JUST BLOW THAT **** UP!!!
**** it all, my family,my friends, my school, my love i dont care just **** it all
I JUST WANNA BE ALONE, LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE. IN A room full of static that I call my home.
Just leave me alone, I deserve to be alone.

I love to make you mad, crash your car into my head, because I'm not afraid of you, do everything you need to do to blow off a couple fuses. I'll stay here laying silent on the ground only moving with the kicks that you send into my ribs. I'm not scared of blood and getting hurt throw sticks and stones and mounds of dirt on me, lock me into a coffin of glass and watch as my body gives you panic attacks.
You can yell and insult me and tell me to die, Leave fun notes in my locker, I won't put up a fight you hope, I cry and I cry until yesterdays gone, but really, I don't care about all your strange deeds. Lemons in Papercuts don't change the skin and the circles on my arms will heal with the wind I'm not scared of the way that you force me to dance, for you can try your hardest to bring me pain, but through the burning and biting the only hands that really love me enough to touch my pale skin are yours.

silky soft lemon honey under my tip tapping feet, jaywalking like a rebel and singing off beat.

**** these are the days, the darling, feather collecting, breathing in that melody of what your all telling me.

these are the days biyatch!

setting fires in the street , living just for that beat, scars on my feet, oh yeah baby hope these days never end.

( just don't consider the creeping feeling of time ticking, stealing all the youth all the time the beauty of life just take some flakka to forget that your soon going to die why w h y W H Y?)

oh yeah hon these are the days getting down with those gays living life just for praise, yeah we'll live never sleep feel like the wind run until you can't feel your legs skip math class, **** in the bathroom, watching your laugh. Oh god I hope to hell this never ends oh sugar this **** aint gonna end!

(ignore those little whispers in your head don't let your eyes betray you or you may end up dead) ****!!

these days are never gonna end when we're screaming in the halls about broken amends. cherry stained fingertips, sour candy, lovely lips. yeah thease are the days living just for the plays drinking 1600 grams of caffeine a second.

we smoke that grass on the stairs, getting 16 cigarette burns and trying to cut each others hair.

and all the dead cells we seemingly earn is another lesson we refuse to learn.

oh baby these are the days that we live forever burning paper men like witches baby these are the days!!

(oh please just forget about those crying nights, when I hit you with the belt. smokeing our lungs out, oh this ******* H U R T S. you havent escaped this yet with every breath of nigotine 22 seconds disspear)

yeah lets live forever darling, together on this rooftop loving, smootching with the vynl playing, speeding high as god down the abandoned freeway givin society zero leeway. let's be together and i'll never leave you behind, sneaking down the fire escape and running far far away, from this old ***** tonky town to a forest by the sea, broken quartz in the ground and spiders cobwebs tumble down, loving all alone together just you and I. sleeping in flower fields and staring at the sky.

(until we're hunted down by blue men with guns, shot like a deer burned at the stake. for freedom is punishable by death, stay afraid and hollow until you have literally nothing left, but the free realise of death)

we're gonna live forever and never be alone. dewdrops on my eyelids, stained glass on your toes. stay with me please don't be scared there's nothing looming over our sweet heads together we can take on the nothing we face, together face to face. and no matter how bleak the world seems to get lets live in the moment and love our regrets, don't think just live!

I love you

(I love you)

Earth has a broken family,
Mother nature left to drink and play in Vegas.
Father Earth couldn't take the life he was left with. He hung himself with lilac vines.
Earth is all alone, even with the millions of bad people living on her skin she feels like she doesn't really fit in.
Earth smokes with the stars and sleeps with the moon.
What a lonely existence with the rain in the room.

I'm crying in my room at 2 AM.
Again.
Don't take frizzy hair and midnight cuddles for granted, they leave when you least expect.
When I'm not thinking I get lost in your sweet cottin candy eyes.
And I know it's not for me, those cottin candy eyes and midnight curls.
Still I'll wish for starry kisses and porkipine nights.
Still I'll miss the Cold soda filled drinking from the hose and laughing till Sunday.
Im not the religion filled lightshow, that you said I was one day. I can't help but wish I could be me how you see me.
You have a strawberry swirl sundae and I'm happy you can keep it.
My mint chocolate chip still breaks my teeth every night I try to lick it off the floor
I'm happy for you and him
For him and you.
So don't look back at my flickering lights just walk away with your strawberry banana sundae, I'll be okay.

I hate hamburgers. The meat seems purpluent and frankly, the whole entourage is terribly disdaining.
Although I know it's wrong of me to choose my slimey, unhealthy version of the food mixture, I adore it so. The beautiful, white thick and firm yet light and fluffy vanilla waffle bun, with holes that could tear your very soul out (and your drive to lose weight) and lead it to a creamfilled neverland of euphoric bliss.
The raspberries and they're very mucilaginous texture, ever tempting me alike sweet filled ***** tempts up your stomach and out of your mouth because the habit and this strangely erodic hamburger that you can't seem to keep away from yourself.
Under those sticky temptations that humans named raspberries. Lies an evil not to be released unto this innocently skinny world. The gluttonous rice, the red bean paste. And. the. Unholy amount of S U G A R… yes, my fellow small waist golden cricket. For the good of hell and heaven I will warn you of the gluttonous evil called the mochi patty. We've all heard of mochi. That beautiful ice cream filled tragedy. Only my vividly destructive hell that i call an imagination could conjure this terrible fat producer as a patty in this baneful “hamburger” this mochi patty creates an all ailing armageddon in your calorie count. And a suburb genesis for your tastebuds, for the smooth, powdered sweet beauty is the bane of all. The fall of man was brought by mochi, because mochigome is an angelic harm.
The next ingredient in this burger of allure is a safe ingredient. F i n a l l y.
Honey
Mustard.
It's but in normal food and it's not too sweet, there must be SOME health benefits of it surely? That small amount of spice in the creamy oasis. Mixes gracefully with the rest of its poisonous peers.
Now back to my torture of pain and of chocolate *****, next is something hard to save you from all this soft. But don't be fooled just yet, this slab of hard is N O T a salvation. For a slab of hershey's milk chocolate is not ideal for hale. The brits can't even handle how much sugar is in this bar of pure D I S A S T E R. your immune system can't take this angelic evil, eat a carrot instead.
Strawberry ice cream is next made with sugar, vanilla, strawberry flavoring, and E V I L.
Filling your large intestine with sin, strawberry ice creams smooth, creamy flavor. With tiny chunks of cheesecake that squish between your teeth and travel down your throat like columbus, come to enslave the naitive americans that is your pride. Be warned strawberry ice cream might smell like the top of a baby's head going in, but going out it smells like artificial strawberry ***** and shame.
Popped like little tuberculosis bubbles in the saten ice cream. Is what people call bursting boba. I call them orbs of joy, the smooth surface in your mouth is always a surprise, it feels like a cyanide pill. Until it goes P O P in your mouth releasing sweet calcium lactate and artificial flavoring into your soul. They never fail to make you happy. But of course, as all happiness seems to do it eventually makes you want to throw your fat self off a cliffside and that bursting boba will be the cause of your head B U R S T I N G. on the sement.
And last but certainly not least you get to taste the savory evil that is the vanilla waffle bun, once again. And O H H this old friend is not very fun to see once again. The thick bun might be expansive on its own, but i promise it will E X P A N D in your poor stomach. And tasting all of this heinous resplendent horror together will probably **** you from an aneurysm or obesity, or diabetes, or disappointment. But all together it's perfect. And a disaster.
A perfect disaster.

My bones are hollow, others have bones filled with honey and feather. Im afraid of dying. But I'm not afraid of not living. Thinking is harder than being, for a fool can only be but an artist learns to think. These are all things that she said, spilling syrupy honey in my broken glass head.
She broke that glass. That night when the sky looked like painted on wax and she asked me if I was really there. We had alot of alcohol that night and the ***** felt just not quite right. I wish I drank apple juice instead of whiskey. Inhaled incense instead of ****.
Many things would look different when I looked in the mirror only to see those stiches on glass that only cause more to shatter. Not that the stiches ever really matter.
It's like she's trapped in my head. And she'll scream and dream her doubt. But all she has to do is say let me out and she's free. How hard can that be? At least stop filling up my fragile head with memories of things that happened on a beach at midnight in this dark new moon moonlight. That night those pictures flew away into a sea to never see her or me, that night is over so get out of my head, please. I'm begging you, I'll break it open and let blood and hope spill out if you'd just leave me too, please. Stop yelling things that break my feet and fights we had about things I dont eat and just please leave. I need to get out and fly as far as heaven flys then wait until the sun goodbyes and watch the banks and borders by that midnight dark new moonlight sea. With champagne flutes full on honey, no alcohol because after all I asked her to stay sober.

She's champagne.
She's pretty.
And she makes you feel good, but she's just temporary.
It's a temporary high, you can't stay drunk forever, sooner or later you wake up with a hangover and no money on the streets of LA.
What im saying is that she won't last I, however.
Im poisen.
Poisen that tastes like blackberries.
And once you drink my blackberry poison there is no going back, it goes down and takes you with it  The effects are a permanent sleep, a vacation away from your body that you can't come back from. The only hurt you feel when you have me feels like magic champagne is pretty but poisen is beautiful.
Champagne is overrated, wouldn't you prefer to live in a dangerous beauty and die in a dangerous beauty. Champagne will make your mind fuzzy and dull, how do you stay alert with all that achohol? Poison makes your mind shap enough to understand the beauty in everything. But... You look happy with your champagne. For now. But soon the high will end and you will come crawling back to me. Until then... I'll be waiting dear

Hi, I'm really lonely and kinda sad...again. and I really miss you... again. Wow, jeeze I sound so desperate for attention I wish I had attention. I wish I wasn't so lonely all the time. Did you leave me? Did you finally decide the best way to get rid of me was to ignore me all together?Did you finally get out of the pit and decided to walk away and leave me all alone with no way of coming out of the pit myself? I'm all alone now. Staring at the spot you used to sit shamelessly wishing you were there. We're you ever there tho? Did you ever love me? Or was it just another game? Is that why you left? Because I became boring? Were you lying every single time? It broke me you know, tore me to shreds, do you know what the worst part is? I have hope. False hope that I gave myself.
"Remember when we carved are name in the stars, it was special. I hope you feel that way too" cute, huh? It's probably for another girl, another game, another dream. I'm dramatic, I'm in love, without you, it kinda *****. I wish more than anything that you would call me right now. Or text. Or email. Or signal. Or write. Summon? But you won't. Because your gone. You left and I have to deal with it, you got over me and I sat there helping you leave It's so funny to me how you would always try so hard to get out of love, I would help you but you never noticed that I was still there I just stayed there and would not move I still don't want to get out of love with you because once im out it's only a matter of time before I fall in love with someone else and my heart gets broken again, I can handle a little bit of pain and lonelyness and heartache and everything that comes with it but I really can't handle more hope and more love and then losing it again just like that. Being hopeless is the best way to stay okay

A nun rests her head against the broken headstone, wishing to transfer all cracks in this headstone to her own small heaven clad head.
She prays "darling I wish you could belong in this world of glass water and walk among the land that looks of spilled grains, I wish I could have prayed away your pain, but alas your golden lights gone and it's all in pure vain, the gold frames kept me in the stone house as you roamed the glass cave just out of my silver gaze, Now you swim in butter lakes and live among the crimson dolls" The nun pulled out of what was left in her small pocket, an item of love and fear "I had to borrow this, my dear. I apologize" the nun said with a voice made from an ugly green As the nun walked from the broken headstone, tearing up a porclin doll. She kissed goodbye to the no longer beating heart of her colbat blue daughter and never looked back.

Laying on my gurny and I can't see my hands my tongue tastes like salt and with every heartbeat White Walls scream it's my fault.
I'm sorry,
I'm so so sorry. For the dripping lime Forest I forced down your throat, you can cough it up now and I'll leave you alone.

I missed her constantly like the porkipine stars miss the far away sun and from the first stutterd "hi" my heart turned to clouds and I breathed it to you in my first whisperd "I love you"
I loved you
And when petal-less roses fall to the ground Apache tears drop in that tradgic-like sound

Muted colors dancing in the rain
Pictures
Bring memories
But memories bring pain

Im back
Physically
Eating chocolate cheetos on your couch
I'm here
To invade
Your happy ending like the villan I've always been
But what
Are you gonna do
Cuz I'm never leaving you alone again
I'm here
I'm hurt
Get ready to sin

Is it wrong?
To be so sad
About something so happy?
Why can't I understand?
That things end
That I'm less and she's more

A lie,
A look,
That's all it took.
Gone,
Moved on,
And what did you expect?
The rope
Lost hope
The scars on my neck.