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Van Xuan Jun 2022
in just 30 mins
i hear her voice
see her face
touch her hands
the heat of her embrace
yet I feel nothing
we can now properly talk like normal people
and the best part of it is
i feel relieved
because I am now sure
that the woman I'm with right now
is the one that I want to be
for the rest of my life.
3 years since I made the poetry 40 minutes. Now I am sure that I already moved on from her.
Van Xuan Apr 2019
In just 40 mins I
hear your beautiful voice
see your glowing face
touch your hands
feel your embrace
revive my humanity
and the best of it is
we can now properly talk like we used to be
it's the best gift that I can ever have
Van Xuan Jun 2019
When I just became a stepping stone of what she become today sometimes makes me wonder...
Did I just born to witness this moment?
Van Xuan Jul 2023
When a man learns to love,
He must bear the risk of hatred.
But is anyone willing to risk being hated just to save him?

I guess not
Not when the person you're saving
Doesn't want to be saved.

Yet,

There are some foolish enough
To save that person.
I am one of those fools.
Better be fool than watching someone suffer.
Van Xuan Mar 2019
"Loving is never wrong, it is always right"

This line struck me to the core
My beliefs are starting to crumble
Doubt rises inside my head

"This is unfair! Why I feel wronged when I fall in love with her?!"

A question that burst inside my heart
Frustration, pain, anger and weakness goes with it
A typhoon that destroys everything in its path

"Then why invest when it's already a losing fight?"

I was lost, my voice doesn't seem to go out
Why did I love a person who in the first place does not love me back?
For once I truly loved a person who drag me in despair
A lesson that needs to be ingrain in my heart
Van Xuan Apr 2020
When was the last time we dance in the rain,
Laughing at simple things.
When was the last time we enjoy playing outside,
Not minding if we will end up sweating.

When was the last time we laughed so hard without thinking about the world,
Just us sharing horror stories at night.
When was the last time we live so happily,
Curious about the future, about how we will grow old.

And now here we are, stressing ourselves,
Adulthood at it's finest.
When some of our dreams fail, our efforts became useless,
And we can't do anything about it.

We thought we can do everything once we're older,
Yet here we are, hearts begin to break and smiles starts to falter.
How I wish we'll be like that again,
Once we fall we'll just stand up and kiss away the pain.

How I wish we can be that happy,
Dreaming about those fairytale stories.
How I wish we can bring back time,
And stay as kids where problems are small like figuring out how to climb.

Those times where I'm so eager to find the answers to my questions,
Feeling so exhilarating for the things unknown.
I miss being the kid I am in the past,
Where Christmas is still special and know lots of spells to cast.

I miss those times where I can be who I am,
And dream of what I want to be.
Where I can sleep all day and eat plenty,
No worries, no more responsibilities.
I wish I didn't grow up, and stuck as a child,
So I can be more bolder and wild —in spirit.
This is from my student ☺️

J.M Neko
Van Xuan Mar 2019
you might find my answer absurd
but i'll tell you
the reason why i try so hard
to fit in her world
is because i badly want to fix
that broken pieces of yours
hoping that you'll be whole again
from the woman you love the most
and from the woman the I hate the most
Van Xuan Mar 2019
why you try so hard
to fit in her world
when she can live her life
and you can live my life
long before you've met each other
a question in the middle of the night
Van Xuan Jan 2021
Convincing yourself to be happy
Is like being told to draw a smile
With a broken pencil
Van Xuan Aug 2019
Drinking ***** tonight
Smoking under the moonlight
Make out today
Party tomorrow
Enjoying every second of my life
Yet
When I became sober
When the last cigarette dies
When the day ends
When I reach the end
When fun becomes tiring
I always remember...
I am now alone
Since the day that I
Was betrayed by the friends
Whom I thought
My support in life.
For my friends who left me behind
Van Xuan Apr 2020
Can someone tell me
How to understand
The phrase she gave to me
'I'm sorry and good bye'
Van Xuan Nov 2020
I was skeptic when people says
'Loving too much will change you'
How can it change me when I only sincerely show her my heart? 

But

Now I believe in them.. 
You know why?
Because when she touch my heart
I never felt anything 
only indifference 

And it change me into someone I never knew
Van Xuan Sep 2020
Is the only thing I wish
Yet can never be granted

A foolish decision
Which I never regret

It is like driving on an empty road
Crazily speeding towards you

The thrill of my life
Rainy thoughts
Van Xuan Jan 2020
Even if I scream to the world
I HATE YOU
My heart secretly tells you
I LOVE YOU
Van Xuan Nov 2019
There are two things in my mind
Whenever I'm with you
In this busy streets of downtown

The feeling of being
The special person
In this crowded place for having you with me of all the people you know

And the feeling of being
A nobody
Knowing that I'm not special in your heart like everyone else in this crowd
Van Xuan Jan 2021
In that very moment
My fears are gone
Taking all the risk
I bring her close
As I put her lips to mine
With her startled eyes
I didn't dare to move for a second
For it's a pure bliss of happiness
Covered with face mask
Credits to the face mask that gave me courage to kiss her
Van Xuan Mar 2019
i would rather stay with you
till we both taste sour
than getting bitter looking
for an alternate you
which i know is impossible
Van Xuan Mar 2019
I used to stare at the stars
Where we both make plans for the future
Plans that I thought we could pull together
A future I used to looked forward

I used to stare at the moon
Thinking that we are in the same sky
Despite the distance between us
A consolation I used to cherish

You left me, without a single word
I was confuse, angry and helpless
I want to scream at you!
I have thousand of words to say to you

You are my friend
You are my shield
You are my pillar of staying sane
You are the only person that I care to stay

But, when I see you together with other person
I lost my voice
I lost my courage
Only a single tear tells how much you mean to me
Van Xuan May 2021
We all have our devils in us
But nobody want to admit it openly
Because one can be seen as a monster
To the eyes of the people around us
I'm nothing but a monster to the people around me
Van Xuan May 2020
I honestly don't know what to write

I just fill this with empty words
With no sense of direction at all

Is this the feeling of being stagnant
Or just the fact that losing someone
Means losing the the reason of writing

To make her immortal
In the world of literature
Van Xuan Apr 2020
Can she accept me
Even if the only thing I have
Is a single piece of my remaining heart
Van Xuan May 2022
I cared for you since day 1
You never knew me
Yet I gave everything I got
Just for you to be happy.

I am just waiting here
Ready to support you
Anytime you need me

But then you love someone else
An adversary that I'm helpless with
Time to give up

For the first time and the last time
I just want you to know
The only reminder I can give to you

"Usted siempre sera mi siempre"
"You will forever be my always"
Full version of the poetry Final words.
Van Xuan Nov 2020
I'm sorry if I may look rude to you
When I may be cold to you
When I don't show any warmth from me
But you know..

Even if I always act like this
Even if I always look angry from you
Even if you don't see any love from me
You will always be my dad
And I love and proud of you
Van Xuan Jun 2021
They say people come and go
It is the normal way of life
But for me that is not the case

Too many people rely on me
As their mental and moral support
As their final refuge of being sane

Being left behind feels suffocating
Where my world feels numb
Struggling to keep myself sane

They are my source of refuge
They are my only salvation
They are the ones who keep me sane

If one of them left because of me
If one of them lost because of me
The fault is on me

A trauma for the rest of my life
When I need to act normal for the people who still needs my help but I'm dying inside
Van Xuan May 2021
I feel the filth within myself
When I saw her fixing herself
From the damage that I've done

The emptiness that I gave to her
Is the same as the one who left me
I become the person I wish to avoid
When I become someone I hate I can feel the filth within myself
Van Xuan Jan 2020
Usted siempre sera mi siempre
You will forever be my always
My only message that I can never say to her because I missed that chance
Van Xuan Nov 2020
The only reminder I gave to her

"Usted siempre sera mi siempre"
"You will forever be my always"
Van Xuan Mar 2019
A storm is brewing
Breathing here is exhausting
A surprise exam

No one is prepared
To accept a zero score
The end is failure

Clutching our loose hope
Bracing for a strong impact
Preparing the worst

Yet we face nothing
Only a booming laughter
It's all a big joke
I experience this once and surely I almost cried because of his bad joke
Van Xuan Mar 2019
Heaviness of eyes
Unreadable sentences
Fighting drowsiness

Cold afternoon breeze
Drags wandering minds to sleep
So hard to resist

Yet the best part is...
The sound of a lullaby
Of prof's discussion

Oh how wonderful
To rest peacefully like I'm...
Sleeping on God's wings

Unfortunately...
When the prof caught us sleeping
Hell will seethe our soul
Van Xuan Jun 2023
As my mind slowly burns her out of my existence

My heart stubbornly protecting her with everything he got

Just to remind my mind that

She was once I called home
A home I used to find peace
One desperate attempt
Van Xuan Jun 2022
niingon ka ganahan ka sa adlaw
pero nagpalandong ka sa ilawm na punoan

niingon ka ganahan ka sa hangin
pero imong gi sirad an ang bintana pag agi sa hangin

niingon ka ganahan ka sa ulan
pero nag payong ka pag bunok sa uwan

nakulbaan ko pag ingon nimo
ganahan ka nako

mubiya naba ka nako?
An English piece that I heard from one of my friends and I just translate it to cebuano literature
Van Xuan Sep 2019
The only word I hate
Because it is always said
When a person leaves me behind
And never return.
Goodbye
Van Xuan Apr 2020
No matter how hard I try
Even if we are back to friends
I'm still a coward
To send her a message
Because I know in myself
It's better to be like this
Than making another relationship
That might tear us apart
Van Xuan Jun 2019
Ideally you're the person I want
Who can ideally make me perfect
Who can ideally bring the bliss of my youth
Who can ideally be my world.

But I forgot a very important fact
And that is to be realistic

There's no such thing as ideal person
We can never force someone to change
For us to be perfect
For us to taste the bliss of our youth
And to be in our ideal world

Because this is the reality
We just need to make the best out of it
And be content with what the person gave to us.
Van Xuan Oct 2020
What if

What is she won't talk to me anymore
What if I'm just her past time
What if she will leave me

What if I just played her feelings
What if I'll left her behind
What if I'm tired of her

What if
What if

***** what ifs
I'm **** afraid
But I must face it IF it will happen
Van Xuan Oct 2020
The only reason
Why I can't sleep at night
Is because of you

The girl who left me behind
I feel restless everytime this mood hits me
Van Xuan Jul 2022
"It's so noisy"
I whispered as I watch my friends eat dinner in the table again.
the only family I cherish.
they gave me peace when I'm in pain
they saved me when I feel ******.
but things have changed
I fail to save them
they are the only thing I have
how come it comes down to this?
I whispered as I stare at an empty table.
"It's so noisy"
read it from bottom to top again
Van Xuan Nov 2019
To let go of the girl i love
Just for her to be happy
Is the most painful
And the most happiest
Memory of my life
Van Xuan Nov 2020
For once tell me you don't want me
So that this poor heart of mine
Will realise that we can't be together
And stop chasing you forever
Van Xuan Apr 2019
"sorry i lied to you"
a sharp intangible knife
came from my mouth.

"it's fine i understand"
a drop of tear rolling
down to her cheek.

i want to remove that **** tear
but i can't
for i don't feel worthy of being with her

because i am
a liar
Lie
Van Xuan Mar 2019
Lie
Nobody
want
to
spend
time
with
someone
who
throw
your
trust
like
a
____________________­________
\          d            g        t  ­              /
\         i             a        r             /
\        r          r           a           /
\       t         b            s        /
\                a          h      /
\               g               /
\          e                 /
___________________
Van Xuan Nov 2020
Today I let go of someone special
I tried to cling as hard as I can
Just for that person to stay

We argue
We fight
I plead

But when a person wants to leave
They leave with determination
Never looking back
Never in my dreams we end up like this breaking each other up
Van Xuan Nov 2020
"You are Lunatic"

A word they describe to me
For being in love to someone
Who might not be mine forever

But aren't we all in the same page?
For once in your lifetime
You also loved someone
who might not be yours forever

I'm not the only Lunatic here
We are all Lunatics
For those who experience loving someone who takes all the risk just to find true love
We are all Lunatics
Van Xuan Sep 2019
New Day starts
As the clock strikes at midnight
Yet my heart fails to start
As it lingers to a woman
Who remains in the past.

Why?

Why can't my heart move forward?
Trap in the past which won't last
Casting away the future
Embracing the torture
Stubbornness eats me alive

Yet..

Yet this kind of life never made me sad
Because for every second loving you
Gives me energy to love you more
Even if seeing you with someone else
Drags me to hell... Or not.
Van Xuan Oct 2019
Before meeting you I have
Hope for the future
Trust from the people
and love of the unknown

But after you left I have
Taste the emptiness of despair
Doubt the words of the people
And fear of the unknown
Van Xuan Apr 2020
When we talk about meteor shower
There are so many perspectives to look unto
But there is one perspective that I really like
And that is showing its brilliance
In a very short time
Yet it lingers to our hearts
Jumping our souls up
Deeply appreciating how beautiful night is

Be that kind of meteor shower in other people's lives
Give a tiny spark in their lives
In anyway you want
And I assure you
That person,
Will appreciate how beautiful life is
Just a quick realization while watching meteor shower
Van Xuan Jan 2020
They said that when one reaches midnight
They always express their deepest feelings
To someone they really love...

I'm really afraid of this time
Because whenever I reach midnight
The feeling of bitterness will show

The bitterness of being left behind
By the girl that USED to be my
EVERYTHING
Van Xuan Apr 2019
why i want to reach this state of life?
i spend my time
my effort
my attention
body and soul
and heart
just to reach this peak
but why?
what is the real purpose of all of this?
did i just chase an empty dream?
everyone congratulate me
but i feel nothing at all
nothing at all
One of my class in philosophy
Van Xuan Sep 2019
Late night talks
Unplanned road trips
Number one supporter
Enjoying our mutual relationship
Yes Mutual relationship
Nothing more
Nothing less
The only thing that is true between us
That we are just friends
Van Xuan Sep 2019
Twisting and turning all night
Staring at the phone
Scrolling up and down aimlessly
While thinking what went wrong
About leaving me behind
In this abandoned world of yours
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