Some roads you shouldn't go down
Maps use to say that's where dragons would be found
Now they don't, but that doesn't mean
The dragons aren't still there, just unseen
So on some roads you shouldn't go down  
On some roads you should just turn around

Some roads you shouldn't go down
Maps use to say that's where dragons would be found
Now they don't, but that doesn't mean
The dragons aren't still there, just unseen
So on some roads you should just turn around

There's alway this glass, this screen, this wall
I can still feel the call
Fearful of the fall

Still I fight on, trying to break through
As bearers grew
I act the fool
With myself always in a dual

So no matter who wins
I will remain penned
I will remain dead
For my soul holds nothing but dread

What do you dream of when you close your eyes
What do you truly dream of when you take off your disguise

What is it that makes your heart quicken
What is it that will make you blood thicken

What gets you moving and going on you way
What helps you to survive another day



What do you do when all your dreams have died
What do you do when they no longer dance before your eyes

What can you do when there's no thoughts when you sleep
What can you do when the hole it left is to steep

If all your dreams die what motivates you then
If all your dreams end how do you get up time and again

Are all dreams ment to die
Are they ment to dissolve into the sky

Dreams die
When want and reality collide

Drink from the bottle,  trying to numb my mind
Forget the shot glass, for that there is no time
The agony it grows
In my face it shows
My phone should be locked away
No telling to who, or what I'll say
It's never good to drink alone
Woke up with a pitiful moan

Drink from the bottle, trying to numb my mind
Don't remeber what happened last night, hope I had a good time
Looks like my demons came out to play
Liquor always unlocks the way
Woke up this morning, mirror was shattered
But it don't really matter
I never liked what I seen
Guess I was feeling mean
Read my texts sent to my best friend
In my blacked out state I still knew how to hit send
Hope he forgives me, he knows how I am
Because all he replied was "****"

Drink from the bottle, trying to numb my mind
My demons had a wonderful time
Pills all over my bed
Razor by my head
Gun in my hand
Guess they where gonna make it my last stand
But I must of passed out instead
My eyes are blood shot red

Drink from the bottle, trying to numb my mind
I swear again, this is my last time
Of drinking by myself
As I gently place the gun back on the shelf
The voices in my head
Just laugh at what I said
For there's more liquor in my closet
I know there be a cause for it
For the darkness still covers me
Like a frozen wet blanket, it  covers me with ease

Have you ever woke up in the middle of the night
With panic gripping your heart tight

Have you ever seen the shadows walk the halls
Or seen the black marks they leave upon your walls

Have you ever heard their growls or hisses
Or felt on your skin their dark kisses

Have you ever shut your bedroom door tight
But they still pass through to give you a fright

Have you ever felt the fear dripping from the ceiling
Have you ever had that awful feeling

Have you ever had your demons play
Outside your head that way?

Have you ever woke up in the middle of the night
With panic gripping your heart tight

Have you ever seen the shadows walk the halls
Or seen the black marks they leave upon your walls

Have you ever heard their growls or hisses
Or felt on your skin their dark kisses

Have you ever shut your bedroom door tight
But they still pass through to give you a fright

Have you ever felt the fear dripping from the ceiling
Have you ever had that awful feeling

Have you ever had your demons play
Outside your head that way?

Misconstrued and thrown about
Of want and need there is no doubt
Pull me close within your folds
Save me from the great unknown

Make my mind float away
Hush all my voices and what they say
Let my body heave one big sigh
Let me taste how it is to die

Your glossy nails sink into my veins
Let nothing remain the same
You are mine, I am yours
To my memories you close the doors

You are my friend, my confidant
You leave me without a single want
Except for more of you
Oh the beautiful things you can do

Until the time I must turn away
My body is begging me to stay
With sweat pouring out of every
pore
All I need is more and more
You drive me mental
For at first you are so gentle
You wore a poker face, no tell
Then you left me in the depths of hell

Sifting through the ashes of my life
Trying hard to find something thats went right
I search and look, **** and poke
It's begaining to look like my life was a joke

How could this be
I tried so hard just to be me
I look back on my time line
On me was committed many a crime
It changed me to a sad little being
But I still managed to keep on singing

But it didn't seem to be enough
Now life is calling my bluff
I'm sitting here with so much rust
Feeling mighty hollow, nothing but crust
So I'm just gonna sit right down
And in the ashes of my life I'll just drown

Sifting through the ashes of my life
Trying hard to find something thats went right
I search and look, **** and poke
It's begaining to look like my life was a joke

How could this be
I tried so hard just to be me
I look back on my time line
On me was committed many a crime
It changed me to a sad little being
But I still managed to keep on singing

But it didn't seem to be enough
Now life is calling my bluff
I'm sitting here with so much rust
Feeling mighty hollow, nothing but crust
So I'm just gonna sit right down
And in the ashes of my life I'll just drown

My life has been overwhelming to say the lest
I'm sure ready for deaths sweet release
The sorrow that has filled my cup
Has burst over and swallowed me up
Now in the belly of the beast
Waiting for deaths release
Drowning in all this bile
As problems just pile
Afraid to see one more day
Afraid of all that's coming my way
I want to close my eyes, never to open
I can't help it my mind is broken
My spirit is crushed
My life doesn't mean much
I pray for release
God can do that for me at lest

I drown in your tears every night
Nothing I can do will make it all right
Your scars are to deep
And you weep and weep

I drown in you tears every night
You believe you're just a blight
Every time I hear you put yourself down
Or I see on that gorgeous face a frown

I drown in my tears every night
Because unthinkable, thoughts leaves a fright
That one day you'll succeed
With that awful, horrible deed

I drown in my tears every night
Knowing one day your soul will take flight
You'll never see another day
And I too soon, would be on my way

I drown in your tears every night
Your just so tired of the fight
Even tho in me, love you've found
It might not be enough to keep you around

In you I've found my one true love
We fit togeather like a hand and glove
So I'll hold on to you with all my might
As I drown in your tears every night

When life gets to hard
And everything feels charred
And this world gives you nothing but ****.......
........
Dung beetle it

As I lie here dying.
Wonder if I should have kept trying.
maybe I should have held on a little longer.
Untill I grew stronger

But I could see
That there would never be
Any love in my life
Stabbed with a knife
In the heart was the strike
Now it's as dark as night

And my living corpse walked on
Walking in the perpetual dawn
Of all the things that have gone wrong
This is the wish that I will sound
I hope my body's never found
And I just melt back into the ground

I'm standing on the ledge again
How did it all begin
I was minding my own business
But it struck with such quickness
Where did that razor come from
I'm afraid I might succumb
It was like magic it just appeared
The temptation to pick it up is something to be feared
Because if I do I'll slice from ear to ear.

I'm standing on the ledge again
How did it all begin
I was minding my own business
But it struck with such quickness
Where did that razor come from
I'm afraid I might succumb
It was like magic it just appeared
The temptation to pick it up is something to be feared
Because if I do I'll slice from ear to ear.

Easter man
Can you loan me a gram
This is not the time to take a stand
Put some of that **** in my hand
With it I will sift through time's sands
Letting my mind expand
As I pace back and forth over these lands
Please don't misunderstand
It's only what the monster commands
This was completely unplanned
Now my ship is unmanned

To be held by someone that knows all my corners

Feed on your ego, gorge on your pride
till you swell all up inside
You'll be like an over filled balloon
But very very soon.........

Someone will take the sharp tip of truth, pop the bubble you live in
Because all your bolstering and self praise is a very deadly sin

Space and time is one and the same
Einstein sure knew the game
It's not gravity, but space that pushes you down
In time everything comes around
The space bending time
Holds your feet to the grind
The faster you go, the younger you stay
If you haven't noticed it's always been that way

Space and time is one and the same
Einstein sure knew the game
It's not gravitate, but space that pushes you down
In time everything comes around
The space bending time
Holds your feet to the grind
The faster you go, the younger you stay
If you haven't noticed it's always been that way

Emergency, emergency
Can't you see in my eyes the urgency
They pulled the thread
Then off they fled
My skin it spread
Out I bleed
Nothing more needs to be said

He was an emotional blackmailer
He'll always makes you feel like a failure
He lives off of emotion
He tosses you around like the ocean

He craves attention and pity
He's feelings are always gritty
He'll toss words around
He just loves his own sound
He is so ******* vain
And he loves to get inside your brain

He says he loves you then causes nothing but pain
The emotions he puts you through is so inhumane

He makes you feel sympathy because he's so sad
If you don't show enough empathy he gets very mad

He says he'll commit suicide
And you'll be sorry he died
Because it would be all of your fault
It's all just a part of his emotional assault
He loves to hear your plea
"Please don't do it babe" it fills him with glee

Emotional assault by every degree
He'll only love you if with him you agree
In every situation it's all about him
To think any diffrent would be the cardinal sin

With him by your side
It's a very bumpy ride
Love, hate, and pain
To him it's all the same
As long as he is the center of attention
None of your feelings can even be mentioned

A rollercoaster of feelings
Is what he is dealing
He's an emotional blackmailer because he has none of his own
He's empty and hollow just like a drone

So he lives off of yours
He'll break you till your on all fours
He just loves to see you broken on the floor
He'll pick you back up, just to knock you back down
In his little circus, you are his clown

And if you really love him
Your future is most grim

He was an emotional blackmailer
He'll always makes you feel like a failure
He lives off of emotion
He tosses you around like the ocean

He craves attention and pity
He's feelings are always gritty
He'll toss words around
He just loves his own sound
He is so ******* vain
And he loves to get inside your brain

He says he loves you then causes nothing but pain
The emotions he puts you through is so inhumane

He makes you feel sympathy because he's so sad
If you don't show enough empathy he gets very mad

He says he'll commit suicide
And you'll be sorry he died
Because it would be all of your fault
It's all just a part of his emotional assault
He loves to hear your plea
"Please don't do it babe" it fills him with glee

Emotional assault by every degree
He'll only love you if with him you agree
In every situation it's all about him
To think any diffrent would be the cardinal sin

With him by your side
It's a very bumpy ride
Love, hate, and pain
To him it's all the same
As long as he is the center of attention
None of your feelings can even be mentioned

A rollercoaster of feelings
Is what he is dealing
He's an emotional blackmailer because he has none of his own
He's empty and hollow just like a drone

So he lives off of yours
He'll break you till your on all fours
He just loves to see you broken on the floor
He'll pick you back up, just to knock you back down
In his little circus, you are his clown

And if you really love him
Your future is most grim

He was an emotional blackmailer
He'll always makes you feel like a failure
He lives off of emotion
He tosses you around like the ocean

He craves attention and pity
He's feelings are always gritty
He'll toss words around
He just loves his own sound
He is so ******* vain
And he loves to get inside your brain

He says he loves you then causes nothing but pain
The emotions he puts you through is so inhumane

He makes you feel sympathy because he's so sad
If you don't show enough empathy he gets very mad

He says he'll commit suicide
And you'll be sorry he died
Because it would be all of your fault
It's all just a part of his emotional assault
He loves to hear your plea
"Please don't do it babe" it fills him with glee

Emotional assault by every degree
He'll only love you if with him you agree
In every situation it's all about him
To think any diffrent would be the cardinal sin

With him by your side
It's a very bumpy ride
Love, hate, and pain
To him it's all the same
As long as he is the center of attention
None of your feelings can even be mentioned

A rollercoaster of feelings
Is what he is dealing
He's an emotional blackmailer because he has none of his own
He's empty and hollow just like a drone

So he lives off of yours
He'll break you till your on all fours
He just loves to see you broken on the floor
He'll pick you back up, just to knock you back down
In his little circus, you are his clown

And if you really love him
Your future is most grim

There is an emotional graveyard in my back yard
It's for all the feelings that die, and I discard

Innocence was the first to fall
But isn't it always that one for us all

Happiness fallowed soon after that
Because my life quickly turned to crap

Trust was the next to bite the dust
For self preservation it was a must

Ignorance was the very next one
I swiftly learned life's lessons
Under the gun

Love has entered and been dug up from the ground
But each time I bury it a little father down

Sympathy can also out there be found
It's right over there it's the biggest mound

Desire and all the stuff I crave
Is right here in this shallow grave

Lust that I mistook for love one to many times
Deep is it's hole it was such a vicious crime

Joy also has it's place among the markers
It couldn't be saved by the therapist or doctors

Anger was the last that went underground
I just couldn't take any more of it's horrific sound

You'll notice pain, agony, and strife
Very much still have lots of life
So also is fear and my darkness
I have placed their markers after all I'm heartless

And that last little plot way over there
Under the Weeping Willow dug with such care
It's stone only has dates and dashes
That's for my shell when it finally crashes
For it will be hollow void of all emotion
To lie in that grave will be such a promotion

There is an emotional graveyard in my back yard
It's for all the feelings that die, and I discard

Innocence was the first to fall
But isn't it always that one for us all

Happiness fallowed soon after that
Because my life quickly turned to crap

Trust was the next to bite the dust
For self preservation it was a must

Ignorance was the very next one
I swiftly learned life's lessons
Under the gun

Love has entered and been dug up from the ground
But each time I bury it a little father down

Sympathy can also out there be found
It's right over there it's the biggest mound

Desire and all the stuff I crave
Is right here in this shallow grave

Lust that I mistook for love one to many times
Deep is it's hole it was such a vicious crime

Joy also has it's place among the markers
It couldn't be saved by the therapist or doctors

Anger was the last that went underground
I just couldn't take any more of it's horrific sound

You'll notice pain, agony, and strife
Very much still have lots of life
So also is fear and my darkness
I have placed their markers after all I'm heartless

And that last little plot way over there
Under the Weeping Willow dug with such care
It's stone only has dates and dashes
That's for my shell when it finally crashes
For it will be hollow void of all emotion
To lie in that grave will be such a promotion

There is an emotional graveyard in my back yard
It's for all the feelings that die, and I discard

Innocence was the first to fall
But isn't it always that one for us all

Happiness fallowed soon after that
Because my life quickly turned to crap

Trust was the next to bite the dust
For self preservation it was a must

Ignorance was the very next one
I swiftly learned life's lessons
Under the gun

Love has entered and been dug up from the ground
But each time I bury it a little father down

Sympathy can also out there be found
It's right over there it's the biggest mound

Desire and all the stuff I crave
Is right here in this shallow grave

Lust that I mistook for love one to many times
Deep is it's hole it was such a vicious crime

Joy also has it's place among the markers
It couldn't be saved by the therapist or doctors

Anger was the last that went underground
I just couldn't take any more of it's horrific sound

You'll notice pain, agony, and strife
Very much still have lots of life
So also is fear and my darkness
I have placed their markers after all I'm heartless

And that last little plot way over there
Under the Weeping Willow dug with such care
It's stone only has dates and dashes
That's for my shell when it finally crashes
For it will be hollow void of all emotion
To lie in that grave will be such a promotion

She's an emotional vampire
She'll **** out what she desires
She preys on the lonely
Making them think they are her one and only

She lives off their emotion
Love or hate, just as long as it's commotion
She thrives on the drama
Leaving behind only trauma

She'll take you down slow
You won't even know
Till she releases her hold
Leaving behind only holes
Where she's ****** out your soul

She's an emotional vampire
She'll burn you like Hell's fire
She's quite the enchanter
Her whole life is a banter
It's only the emotion that matters
She sparkles like a sapphire
That emotional vampire

She's an emotional vampire
She'll **** out what she desires
She preys on the lonely
Making them think they are her one and only

She lives off their emotion
Love or hate, just as long as it's commotion
She thrives on the drama
Leaving behind only trauma

She'll take you down slow
You won't even know
Till she releases her hold
Leaving behind only holes
Where she's ****** out your soul

She's an emotional vampire
She'll burn you like Hell's fire
She's quite the enchanter
Her whole life is a banter
It's only the emotion that matters
She sparkles like a sapphire
That emotional vampire

She's an emotional vampire
She'll **** out what she desires
She preys on the lonely
Making them think they are her one and only

She lives off their emotion
Love or hate, just as long as it's commotion
She thrives on the drama
Leaving behind only trauma

She'll take you down slow
You won't even know
Till she releases her hold
Leaving behind only holes
Where she's ****** out your soul

She's an emotional vampire
She'll burn you like Hell's fire
She's quite the enchanter
Her whole life is a banter
It's only the emotion that matters
She sparkles like a sapphire
That emotional vampire

One empty surfboard out on the water
One empty board no soul survivor
Just floating out there
A silent reminder

One empty surfboard out on the water
One empty board no soul survivor
Just floating out there
A silent reminder

Like a mighty hurricane
Your memories play about my brain
Bringing forth both happiness and pain

This is what follows
When pulled under by the sorrow
My mind your absence trys to grasp
Breath quickens, to short little rasp
Heart beating at such a rate
It threatens to beat through my breastplate
Butterfly feelings, makes my stomach twirl
Like millions of delicate wings in a swirl
Sleep refuses to invade
All the memories with you I've made

Then the tears start to slide
Slow at first, like they're trying to hide
The shoulders that shake
Till my whole body quakes
Trying to keep the whimpering moans inside
But the wail breaks forth, with the pooling tears coincide

Every feeling for you is amplified
Every moment magnified
To your memory forever chained and enslaved
You left my heart engraved

Everyday we're dying
So why are we still trying

Everyday we're closer to the end
From where we all begain

Everyday we lose
Less things we can choose

Everyday that slips on by
Leaves us closer to the day we die

My birth certificate has expired
It's time to burn me in the fire
Send me off to the crematorium
My life is a moratorium

Her eye's cast down like a beaten pup
She didn't dare bother looking up
She watched the ground, her every step
The anguish over her face just crept
The wind from her lips swept
The agonizing moans as she wept
What woeful sounds of regret
Her closet is bulging where the skeletons are kept

She had years ago, locked it up tight
Really late in the black of night
For even she couldn't stand the sight
She had already paid the price
So she figured she had the right
With those skeletons she could no longer fight

So every day she can be found
With her head firmly pointed down
Eyes forever fixated on the ground
Wearing her darkness like a shroud

Her eye's cast down like a beaten pup
She didn't dare bother looking up
She watched the ground, her every step
The anguish over her face just crept
The wind from her lips swept
The agonizing moans as she wept
What woeful sounds of regret
Her closet is bulging where the skeletons are kept

She had years ago, locked it up tight
Really late in the black of night
For even she couldn't stand the sight
She had already paid the price
So she figured she had the right
With those skeletons she could no longer fight

So every day she can be found
With her head firmly pointed down
Eyes forever fixated on the ground
Wearing her darkness like a shroud

I'm facing down the beast
It's constant assault will never cease
It's ridged, but everything to it's will bends
Beyond this earth it transcends

It eventually leaves everything to rust and ruin
On and on it keeps on chewing
There is no stopping it, I'm only human
It's always there, always looming

In it's clutches there is nothing but change
It just loves to rearrange
Mountains it will not let stand
Oceans it will turn to sand

Every single thing, it touches and rapes
Even in the coffin there is no escape
It still munches and shapes

Dead and dying dreams, it leaves in it's wake
Everything it will forsake
It's always there to leave it's mark
In the light or in the dark

So while we're here ring the bells, let them chime
While there's still a mountain, climb
After all, you can't change time

I'm facing down the beast
It's constant assault will never cease
It's ridged, but everything to it's will bends
Beyond this earth it transcends

It eventually leaves everything to rust and ruin
On and on it keeps on chewing
There is no stopping it, I'm only human
It's always there, always looming

In it's clutches there is nothing but change
It just loves to rearrange
Mountains it will not let stand
Oceans it will turn to sand

Every single thing, it touches and rapes
Even in the coffin there is no escape
It still munches and shapes

Dead and dying dreams, it leaves in it's wake
Everything it will forsake
It's always there to leave it's mark
In the light or in the dark

So while we're here ring the bells, let them chime
While there's still a mountain, climb
After all, you can't change time

Just as things are coming together, it falls all apart
It starts in the mind, but ends with the  heart
At the end of the rainbow, what is found wasn't sought
When the beginning becomes the end, simply restart

©Pauline Russell

The road I was placed on was ***** and dark
No human kindness, not even a spark

The monsters are always pursuing
They are my lifes undoing

So now I'm trying to fly with out wings
Without a voice I'm trying to sing

Those monsters wont leave me alone
Oh, what horrors to me they've shown

I wish for someone that can console me
When the putrid memories start flowing

I wish for someone to hold me tight
When I'm in the middle of the fight

But monsters are all that have a hold
It's left me bone tired and cold

How useless to wish upon a falling star
That on the ground only leaves another scar

Father Time, look what's become of me
Slowly you stripped away all the possibilities
Now I'm fragile and old
I'm growing cold

This live of mine is incomplete
Look a cliff,  I think I'll leap
Better to take the plunge
Than live a life on the run

For time has swept away
All the joys of the day
As silent as a thief in the night
You came and stole my sight

Now I see only shades of gray
Standing in the rains of decay
Gone are the years of yesterday

All I have are memories of a life survived
Of a life where happiness was deprived
So Father Time please make my time on this earth short
I'm tired of the way you distort

I welcome your friend, the reaper
The very first  keeper

Taught of fear in my youth
Never to be told the truth

Fear of the night
Fear of the sight
Fear of a turn on the light

Taught the wrong side of love
Never anything but the shove

Fear of the abuse
Fear of the accuse
Fear of forever being used

Taught of anger in my childhood
Never again would I be understood

Anger of the touch
Anger of the clutch
Anger that it was to much

Taught the wrong side of love
Never anything but the shove

Anger of the madman
Anger of the evil plan
Anger that I will never again stand

Taught darkness in my young years
Never thought I'd live my life in tears

Darkness of the need
Darkness of the deed
Darkness that is where I bleed

Taught the wrong side of love
Never anything but the shove

Darkness of the ****
Darkness of the numb
Darkness that is what I've become

The rain is pouring down
Those poor worms are sure to drown
They're looking for a dry spot to be found

They crawl to that one small spot of concrete
They found what they seek
The birds are waiting with sharpened beaks

To the birds it's a rain fueled feast
With death the worms they greet
Like me, the worms are just ment to feed the beast

The rain is pouring down
Those poor worms are sure to drown
They're looking for a dry spot to be found

They crawl to that one small spot of concrete
They found what they seek
The birds are waiting with sharpened beaks

To the birds it's a rain fueled feast
With death the worms they greet
Like me, the worms are just ment to feed the beast

The rain is pouring down
Those poor worms are sure to drown
They're looking for a dry spot to be found

They crawl to that one small spot of concrete
They found what they seek
The birds are waiting with sharpened beaks

To the birds it's a rain fueled feast
With death the worms they greet
Like me, the worms are just ment to feed the beast

Another morning I wake up with dread
Another day demanding to be fed

Off to work I must go
And put on another show
Boss tells me smile, that's all they want to see
I'm just a worker, just a flea
And humanity is inhumane
That's what drives people like me insane

Can't wait for the work day to end, and I'm home
Tucked way safely in my room alone

I'll turn the air up, so under my covers I huddle
I curl up and snuggle
I'm just missing someone to cuddle
Oh well I'll make do
With a stuffed animal or two

Watch the tv
Until way past three
For you see I can't sleep
My thoughts get to deep

Then get up early in the morn
When a new day is born
To feed another day, I hope doesn't feed on me
I hope it just lets me be

Kick me over like a stone again
Stand in judgment of all my sin
Never knowing where I have been

Flip my pages, then tear them out
Never pausing for a single doubt
Defended to my roaring shouts

Take your aim and shoot me down
Make me spiral to the cold hard ground
Souls dying gasp the only sound

Standing over me, take your prize
My bleeding heart in quick demise
Not even once did you agonize

Not once were you concerned
About the leasons I had learned
Thrown in the fire to watch me burn

Your actions were more than brash
Got me feeling lower than Johnny Cash
As under you gaze I turn to ash