I keep fighting voices in my head that say I'm not enough,
Am I the sum of all my failures, every time I never felt enough?
Sitting all alone, once again with tears down my cheeks,
I know I'm losing this fight, it is so plain to see.
If you do not hear from me again it will be too soon.
I'm sorry but by morning light, I won't be here to worry you much more!

I once thought that I would need you
and that no matter what I would do
You'd be here, even if it was just in my dreams.
But now you're gone and I still wonder why,
I was never enough for you to stay true?
It hurts far too much,
I wonder what was so wrong with me?

I wish all of you the best
wondering what it was that i did
to watch so many people walk out of my life
It caused more pain than you can imagine.
Now that they're gone, honestly
It's killing me more than you could ever believe
its plaguing my mind, I wonder why all the time?

Looking back on my life so far,
I see that I will never be good enough
I've watched too many people leave
ever the ones who I thought were supposed to stay!
I always wondered what was wrong with me
Until I saw it was the voice I had
Now I sit quietly, hoping I won't lose someone again!

Can I pretend that I'm worth something just this once?
Can I pretend to forget all the pain today?

Dear me,
This is a letter I never thought I'd write.
Things have changed not for the best
and you don't know where to turn.
I know it's hard and you're struggling to hold on,
with a blade in one hand and drink to numb the pain,
but there is a light at the end,
just hold on till then.

Dear me,
I know you cannot see the light,
and if it helps, cry yourself to sleep another night.
But don't give up just yet,
there must be something worth the fight,.
Don't give up just yet,
you're worth so much more then you'll ever know.
Just hold on a little more.

Dear me,
I know things are getting worse, or so it seems.
It's as if you can't find a light in these dark times.
I know you're scared, and feel like no-one can hear you screaming
but you're not alone, no matter what it says.
Dear me,
Things will start looking up one day,
It may not be very soon, but one day just wait and see
Promise me, that you will hang on till then.

Dear me,
This is something I never thought I'd have to write.
But tonight, I know it's one of the hardest you've had to face.
You may feel alone,
Just don't know where you have to turn
So scared to burden people who already have so much on.
Tonight will be hard, just make it through tonight!

Please do not look at me with those same pitying eyes
that you would look upon a wilted flower in the dead of winter.
When you see the tears in my eyes as I smile
and tell you through lies that I am fine and will be okay,
please know that most days I am afraid
and behind closed doors I am hurting
more than you can ever know;
emotionally and physically.

Please do not think I always want to put you down
with my sad little life and my depressing thoughts.
Sometimes I just need a presence because
I am so used to spending my days alone with my head.
Please understand that I know things can all become too much
but that is when I need someone the most.
Now most days I feel like nothing but a burden
and that people only stay for the good days and run when they are bad...

Am I that bad of a person, that I do not deserve someone who stays?
Am I not worth so much as a, I see through your lies, I'll stay for a while?
Am I this worthless, failure that I think and feel all the time?
Am I really not worth anything to anyone at all?

Is it okay if I tell you I'm scared
when the weight crushes my chest
and I feel like I can't breather?

Is it okay if I say need you here
just for a little while till my head stops
and no longer feel like I have to hurt to feel?

Is it okay if I ask you to look a little closer?
Because sometimes the depression takes a hold
and the words I long to say get held captive inside my chest.

Is it okay if I slip away this time instead
because I'm unbelievably tired
and can no longer keep fighting an isolating battle against myself

Another sleepless night of pain and misery
Laced with alcoholic tears;
Choking on silent sobs that threaten to spill
Only to be greeted by nothingness.
How did I end up in such a desolate state?
Only wanting to jump down the impending rabbit hole,
Lying to everyone around me
Intending to do as little harm to others,
Choosing to inflict it all upon myself

Longing for the darkness to consume me and this loneliness.
Always feeling defeated by thoughts of never being enough.
Chasing after broken promises and empty words,
Eventually giving up a fight I lost a long time ago,
Doubting anyone cares enough to stay!

Tell me, where did everybody go?
Eventually people no-longer care what you do to yourself
Avoiding the words of 'I need help'
Remembering the pain they caused so many before
Sometimes, one swift moment is all it takes.

Help Me!

A silent scream that cannot escape my lips,
hinted through the smallest of gestures
hoping someone will see the damage I have done to myself!
Tear stained cheeks and bloodied bitten lips,
broken nails and ripped up skin
a reality of my mental health,
a disheveled mess I know should be fixed.

Help me!

A plea for help getting quieter
knowing no-one cares to hear an empty shell,
a wilted flower, slowly fading out of existence.
Wanting so desperately for someone to see me,
waiting for the day I feel edging closer.
Hanging by a thread because it's all too much.
When I say things are okay, see the pleading for someone to stay.

Help!

I fear I maybe too far gone.
The begs for life are nothing more then a lump in my throat.
All that lays near is a broken and beaten down shadow,
an empty, hollow nothingness invisible to the eye.
No longer feeling like I deserve a place here.
Pushing everything and everyone away, no-longer caring.
It's okay if you go, I won't be here by tomorrow.

I wish someone could read my face sometimes,
see through the lies that say 'I'm fine'.
When all is said and done
we walk away and the door is shut;
that's when the tears start to come.
What people don't understand
is that my mind is like a barricade:
the panic is worse when I admit I'm not okay
so keep my mouth shut,
scared of a repeat from the past...
As the days go passing by
and all I seem to have done is cry,
behind closed doors i'm scared of myself,
knowing I'm too much
and never going to be good enough

Standing face-to-face,
Trying to understand
Why I have a tendency to break things down?
Turn away from you,
Unable to say a word
But I can already feel it now,
I'm pushing you too far away.

I won't let you stay,
Don't want to hurt you more
Then I already know I do, it's something i always do.
Nothing that I can do
Could ever live up to what you deserve.
So I don't think we can stay friends,
I hope you understand

One more step and I'm breaking.
One more and I hurt myself again.
The door is closing
And I just can't change it

Nothing more to say,
Nothing left to break.
Nothing more to give,
Nothing left to take.
I keep reaching out for you
But I can't tell you what it is.
I keep reaching out for you
Just wishing someone would stay
As I push you away!

Looking into my own eyes
knowing they don't hold the stars
emotionless, expressionless pits of darkness.
Unable to speak my own mind,
unable to speak my emotions
hoping my eyes could do the talking
but they have become as expressionless as their host.

Reaching down into the depths of my heart,
slowly turning as cold as ice
as the ability to speak my mind has slowly been erased.
Drowning in myself, from tears held inside
Drowning in the depths of my own turmoil
hoping someone could see the pain inside
but knowing no-one cares to look deep enough.

My inability to express my thoughts
holds me captive in a circle of never-ending heartache,
broken promises and disappearing friends.
A subject of disappointment in everyone's eyes
A subject of a worthless, failure of a girl.
Now there's nothing more to give of myself,
given all I can 'till it drained me completely.

Now all of the stars
Are fading away
As I watch the last ones burn out of existence
I feel myself falling to the same darkness.
Closed off from feelings of hope,
Now things have all become too unbearable for one person alone
I surrender to the dark abyss of my insanity.
Now all of the stars are fading away,
I will take my place amongst
The burnt out forgotten.

If I've ever put you through hell
And you feel like I've only called
When I've needed help...
Or lied to your face,
Shutting you out to protect you from myself
Then there's nothing left for me to say
But thank you for putting up with me.

Now I have trouble finding my way,
Believing that I'm all my mistakes
And the words that they spoke are coming true.
I lie in dark, lonely rooms
Unable to speak a word of how much I'm hurting.
I know all I'm doing is letting you all down
But I'm too tired to keep fighting myself!

How long do you have to keep holding on,
When you're so tired of fighting?
Scared of your own mind;
All the thoughts that remain of what's been and gone,
Now left forever haunting future moments.

Now all of the stars are fading away
And I can't take this much more,
Forever feeling lost and alone,
Unable to speak, rendered helpless by past neglect.
How am I supposed to keep going when there's no hope left?

How long are you supposed to keep going
When there is nothing left to hold onto anymore?
Im running out of tears to cry,
Just feeling numb to the world around and too tired to fight.
Now I'm watching all of the stars fade away...

Who are these so called friends
Who are there when times are tough?
All I'm ever faced with is silence.
When I reach out and tell you I'm not okay,
Then faced with a night that is filled with loneliness
As tears stream down my face
And blood down my arm.
Yet you wonder why I don't speak the truth;
Because when I do,
Its greeted with nothing but silence and abandonment.

Tear this broken heart right from my chest,
grind it down into something worthless just like it's host.

This heart can no longer take the pain of a cold world
out to destroy the most beautiful of innocent things.

Rip all these feelings right out from my cold dead body,
as I no longer wish to feel a single thing.

So sick of being told how to be;
laugh and smile until they all believe
that everything is perfect
even if it's just for show.
You can't let anyone see the pain that's there.

For whats planted in my mind is
a family with their backs against the bedroom door,
the sounds of threats and screaming
Bouncing and echoing off the walls.
The first day I truly understood
that everything is not always good.
But you wear a smile and pretend it's all okay!

My memory is plagued with so much dark,
the voices of pleading children for it all to stop,
to be loved by a man who could never.
And the emptiness of promises
followed by spewing words of hatred
lead the violence to be seen as something deserved.
But you do your best to act normal and pretend it's all okay!

I thought with growing up, things would get easier,
but I guess things never will.
People like to try and take advantage
even if it destroys you inside.
When I close my eyes I feel it happening,
Their hands overpowering, taking away all my control.
But of course it must have been something I did, so just smile and get on with your life!

Maybe this is why i struggle to trust,
I'm so scared to be hurt and let down.
So before you get too close, I'll try and run.
I feel like this is all I can do to protect me from the violence,
or maybe this is all I am worth?!

Why am I so scared of your opinion?

I act as if I need no one around,
But secretly long for someone to see me.
The real me that I keep hidden away.
The real me that is so ashamed of who they are
That they lock the doors and cry silent tears,
But smile and laugh when you are around!

Why am I so afraid of my past escaping?

I pretend that I have it all together
When I'm terrified to be left alone,
For that is when the devil dressed in human disguises
Uproots the faith you once had in the world as a child.
For now I struggle to leave my bed, my house
Without a wave, or a shade of fear and dread.

Why am I terrified of this world I live in?

I'm terrified of the overwhelming, deprecating nature of humans
And their persistent need to hurt and destroy.
I feel as though, as I've grown, my body is no longer my own!
An overwhelming thought of this life never truly being my own.
When a man or woman can do so as they please to tare you apart,
Leads to hope of avoiding living a life I have no wish to live.

For you see...
Living a life of fear
Is to be barely living at all.
So what's the point in going on?

Listen,
To the silence of thousands
Screaming and singing a song of freedom.

Listen,
To the millions of hearts breaking
As their world is ripped apart, turned upside down.

Listen,
As someone begs for you to take their hand
And lead them away from this nightmare.

Listen,
Because the silence speaks volumes
If you care to listen close enough!

Listen,
To the voices of thousands who cannot speak up
But need someone now more than ever!

Listen,
Because maybe that is what can save a life.
Maybe that is what could have saved mine!

Take me...

Take me far away
Above the clouds
Where I no longer have to feel this sorrow.

Take me...

Take me where
The grass is green
And I no longer have to play theying game.

Take me...

Take me away
From this wretched would
Where I will no longer be subjected to the never ending nightmares.

Take me...

Take me far away
From this never ending torment
Where I no longer have to live a life I have no wish to live.

Do you know what it's like to long for a friend,
Long for them to see through all the lies,
To take one moment to be real with you
And say you can make it through the dark?

Do you know what it's like to feel completely alone,
Mouth sown shut so all that comes out is lies of I'm fine?
Too scared to speak the truth for fear of rejection,
Wondering lost till the day you give in...

Do you know what it's like to so desperately want to die?
Not so much die, but not live this life.
I fear that I am losing the battle of what's me and what's not -
Losing it to the voices and noises in me head!

Do you know what it's like to want to heal?
But no body will listen to your words,
They tell you, you're okay and you're functioning just fine.
Do you know what it's like to feel yourself giving up?

I'm lost inside a labyrinth,
With its ever changing paths.
One minute you're near escaping,
The next it's altered all again.
A never ending nightmare
Thinking it knows what's best for you,
But it's lies are imbedded deep within
And there's nothing more that you can do.

My mind is like a tornado,
Destroying everything in its path.
One day I'm simply surviving
The next, I wish I was dying.
I'm terrified of my mind
For I fear it can make me do.
Self-destructive, hypocrite of pain and love
Beckoning me to hurt once more because that's all I deserve.

Hiding behind fake facades
of forced smiles and laughter.
Lying through gritted teeth
that I have not lay harm to myself once more,
whilst the sting from my skin is only just bearable.

Being alone is the scariest time
as I feel like there is no where to go
but down a swirling rabbit hole of never being enough.
I try and catch myself before its too late
but I have yet taken to hurting myself once more.

Shaking uncontrollably,
trying not to crack
and cry the tears that threaten to spill.
If only the words for help would fall so easily,
maybe I would no longer suffer in desolate silence.

Dear my cursed mind,
How I wish you would not torment so
When the darkness comes crawling
Unfurling its captivating shadows
Across the lonely, forgotten skies.

Dear my cursed mind,
May you please no longer hold me in your paralysing grip?
Let me go and succum to this state of fear.
Knowing that my thoughts and feelings are lost to a whirlpool of hypocrisy
Tormenting my very soul until it bleeds and screams out.

Dear my cursed mind,
May you please let me rest?
For you see I am so very weak and tired from fighting yoy
This never ending, passionate torment of heartbreak
Wreaks havoc across my days and nights.

Dear my cursed mind,
Please let me rest, even if it is just for a little while.
I have grown so weak
No longer able to stand your mockery!
I have destroyed everything you have asked me to,
Now I fear my own sanity is at steak.

Why can I not accept the hand
that you hold out so readily
when I am descending into a black void,
taking with it my incentive to go on?

Why is it I will fight with you,
push you away, and make you feel
as if I no longer want you to stand by my side
when truthfully I want nothing more than for you to stay?

Why, when I am all alone
and I'm longing to reach out
I stop, dead in my tracks to scared
for the rejection I have received too many times?

Why is it that I can lend myself to you
in your times of need so willingly,
knowing the benefits of having someone there,
but I cannot accept this help myself?

Is there something wrong with me,
or is the painful, blackness
just too enticing to some people...
some people like me?

Someone asked if I was okay,
but all I could muster was 'I'm fine'.
But the way they looked into my eyes
I know they could see that 'I'm fine' was all lies.

I quickly turned away, for them not to see my tears
and tried my best to place a smile across my weary face.
I tried with all my might to muster 'I'll get through this,
maybe not tonight, it's just taking me a little while'.

I know they saw that I was hurting,
and I knew the pain was becoming too much to take.
But this burden is mine to keep,
it is mine to bare alone.

They reached out to hold me closer,
as they placed their hand on mine.
They said they were there to help me in anyway they can,
but I have heard those lines to many times before.

What a match, oh what a pair,
my broken china doll and I.
Abandoned in dark corners, where no-one ever sees.
Cracks and broken pieces lay scattered on the floor
of a once cherished child and a once treasured toy.
Now you may never see it, but we weep, both her and I
for discarded things have feelings
if not always naked to the eye.
My broken china doll and me
don't understand what we have done.
For objects once dressed up in pretty things
became fragmented, tortured lumps.
It's not always understood,
why we throw away all broken things,
because sometimes they're most beautiful
if we only ever were to look within.
Now we may be broken and discarded,
never to be repaired again
but with a little helping hand, we could learn to grow.
For through our cracks the sunlight could seep,
making us feel whole again.
But my broken china doll and I
maybe too far gone to ever be saved.

I can feel the darkness, beckoning me to jump,
Allowing it to envelop me in its cold winged, empty abyss.
A hollow, rigid weight pressing down upon my chest,
getting heavier and heavier, pushing me deeper to despair
until it crushes my lungs, allowing for no air to be gained.

I can feel the terror enticing me to play a game of Russian roulette.
Any minute now may be my last.
An empty coffin, surrounded by mourning faces of those that once turned their backs,
pleading that I had just spoken, but when I did they ran away,
telling me that the burden I have always carried, was mine to bare alone.

I can hear the last beckoning words of my once happy dreams,
'just hold on, it won't be this dark forever';
but then I remember that it is not the dark that I am afraid of, and maybe that is the problem.
I am afraid of the emptiness that unfurls before me,
leaving me alone to battel these faceless monsters that are too powerful to ever be beaten.

I can feel the cold, darkness enticing me to lie down and give in,
enveloping me in my last shred of sanity
before the darkness takes me up in it's hollowed out pity,
laughing in my face about the weak, feeble character I have become.
Broken and bruised by a world that could not see the damage it had caused a child;
offering only cold shoulders of the night to lay my head upon.

I guess I wanted you more,
that's why I let you hurt me the way you did.
Tore me down till I was worthless,
But in the pictures you don't see the tears I shed
The photos taken between tear stained nights
will never show the way you hurt me so.

I guess I wanted you more,
as I tried to overlook the way you spoke to me.
Degrading and demeaning - never worthy of your time.
But when I look back at our memories
no-one could have seen the way I was dying inside
Because these pictures are so good at hiding all the hurt!

I guess I wanted you more,
By the way I fought for you through all the pain.
Maybe it was a moment of weakness,
But I hated myself more with you, then on my own.
So while I fight for my freedom
At least now I know, I don't need you!
I don't need you anymore!

Life, is a beautiful messed up mystery
It can make you laugh, how it can make you weep.
Somedays you can feel like your floating on air,
others you can be crying staring at the moon,
feeling lost and broken, looking for a way out.

Sometimes you feel like you just can't lose,
other days you want to hit refresh.
But there are times when you know there's so much left.
So when life gets too much,
Never forget the beauty in sunsets, the late night kisses 'till the morning comes.

There are too many times when i feel so alone,
when i can't wait to close my eyes
but there are nights right now where i fear for my life
as i remember all that has happened.
So as days turn to nights and i watch the sunrise.
I can't help but wish i wasn't alive!

So tonight when i close my eyes
I'll beg for the nightmares to stay at bay,
but the nightmares they're always my memories,
of his hands all over me till I can't breathe.
I wake up in tears, wishing that this would all go away!

I remember the times that this happened,
wishing everything would just end.
I thought i was supposed to feel safe in myself,
but now i feel like i can't trust a soul.
Why is it men feel like they can have everything they want?
Now i'm left here so broken, afraid i can never move on.

My screams echo off stone cold walls,
the only voices that speak to me.
Trapped inside the darkness that now ensues
where the sun always used to shine through.
Days and nights getting longer
as I desperately grasp onto the crumbling walls of myself,
clawing my way out, always falling hitting the ground.
Alone and afraid of the abilities of my mind
to make oneself feel so alone and worthless.
The thoughts are back...

The ones that tear you apart!

The ones that make you wish you were never born!

The ones that promise to uproot your life!

Or promise to end it, whichever comes first.

Yes! They are back with vengeance since the day I tried to walk away and set myself free.

Now, I am terrified of the repercussion.
The repercussions of believing in myself for so long!

Lost...

All I ever seem to be is lost,
lost inside my own head.
Overcrowded bundle's of yes and no's
what's and whys,
To and Throws

Lost inside myself.
trapped in a labyrinth that is my own thoughts
unable to escape
the more I turn
the further there is to go.

Will I ever find my way out of this black hole?
Swallowing me, holding me hostage in the night
chained to the very thought that I am abandoned,
lost to the darkness, forever unknowing.
Tormented and bruised from the pain of the past.

A picture perfect serenity
of waves crashing at the shore.
The reflections of stars so bright
giving a new lease of light (life).
You see the wonder of the world lay out in front of you;
how I wish I could see the world through your eyes, even if just for tonight?

We are nothing but marks in the sand
waiting to be washed away with the tide.
The black abys of nothingness the sea offers up,
tempting fate between life and death.
Do I dare to risk being washed away in wishful thinking?
Or, do I let the cripplingly cold waves take me under?

A picture perfect serenity
of waves washing troubles away.
The reflections of a million dreams illuminating the night
providing quintessential peace never experienced before.
You see life as if it were a painting unique to us all;
everyone sees the beauty, even if not always understood.

We all leave our marks across the sand,
basking in its never ending beautiful optimism.
The unknowing views of opportunity amiss,
the most sacred, forgotten hearts finding salvation.
Do we dare to try taking risks into the unknown, no-matter the price?
Or, do we hold onto what we know, always playing it safe?

I'm starting to believe
That I don't have a choice,
Living in a world where I don't have a voice.
So I'll build up my defence;
Running away from a world
Where you know you'll end up alone.

Now I am going,
Imagining the biggest adventure unknown.
Wondering how to make it home to the clouds.
Now I am wanting to grow,
Trapped in a world that's so undecided and cold.

The world could be your playground,
Just listen to the child inside calling your name;
She's lost and so scared.
So let down your defences.
Stop running away; maybe disappear for a little while.
Just take your time to find the reasons.

Just give me time,
I'm the worst and deciding my choices.
Wondering if I can find a reason to carry on.
I feel like I don't belong here,
No longer wanting to stay trapped inside my own dark mind.

Now I will be going.

Like an old house that stands alone and forgotten,
I to feel like abandonment is all I will know.
Like the waves that crash upon the sand at all hours,
I to feel a little broken and beaten down.
You see I always believed that on cloudy days,
The sun can seep through but not anymore

Like a child running scared from the monsters,
All my darkest fears are coming true.
Like an outcast at the freak show,
I’m mocked and forced to act like it’s okay.

Like the mountains that have been worn to crumbing stone work,
I too feel like I have been worn down.
Like the dead man made path upon the forest floor,
I too have been walked over till I feel nothing at al.

I’m sure you never mean the things you do
Or at least you claim to know how much it hurts.
Yet you never make attempts to amend it,
You just expect me to allow this bad treatment all the same

Why can you never find the time for me anymore?
Always something you would rather do.
You tell me you love, tell me you care
But your actions speaking of a different truth.

So for one more night
I’ll let these tears fall because of you.
And for one more night,
I’ll tell you I’m tired and you’ll misjudge the meaning.
Make me feel unwanted so much of the time
Then you’ll turn around say you’re sorry but nothing will change.

Tell me, tell me now
Is this all worth it?
Tell me why you speak of a future
But can’t even give me today?
Ask me why these tears keep on falling.
It’s because I feel like you dont want me to stay;
But don’t have the nerve to say...

Goodbye!

I don’t think you’ll ever know,
How it feels to be all alone.
Just holding on to anything,
Just to keep these tears at bay.

My shoulders feel heavy
And my chest is tight.
I just want to make it through the night,
Hoping that you don’t see
I’m fighting not to give it.

I don’t know how I got into this,
Been fighting with myself just to hang on,
I know you can’t see what’s killing me...
But never mind, you’ll never know.

My mind is a battle field.
I’m just stood in no-mans land,
Don’t care if I’m hit.
I won’t open up just in case you run
My mind is a dark place, just shutting down...

Busy!
A frivolous concept meaning I don't have time for you.
But what happens when that time runs out?
You wake up alone
Wondering where all that time went.
Regret!
That is what "busy" means!

I can feel you pull away from me
Like the waves do on the shore.
What was once I love yous
Turned into are we even sure?
Now I can feel it trembling,
Like the earth's about to break
Because you were supposed to be my forever
But I can feel you pulling away.

Like a glass falling
I will shatter into a thousand tiny shards,
Cutting and grazing the skin I hate most.

Like the time we cast away,
I too will disappear and fade away.
No one noticing that it could have been worth something...

Like the ocean on a stormy night
My ship sets sail into the dark abyss
And I pray I do not return from this journey.

Like the mountains that crumble, the ground that trembles,
I am just as unstable...
Do not tell me your lies...

Just like this world, I will die out from hate...

I’m drowning in this darkness,
Slowly sinking in the pain
I’m beginning to doubt that
I can live with myself.
Time kills what I thought I had
Ripping my world in two.

If you could see me now
I know you wouldn’t be proud.
I try find ways to numb this pain
Whether that be by alcohol or blade,
But you wouldn’t understand.
I can’t live with myself.

Time consumes the things we hold dear
It seems to know what drives us mad,
Makes the loneliness last longer,
The pain more unbearable.
I lost who I was some time ago,
Now I’m nothing more than an empty shell.

There’s no way I can doubt that
I can’t live with myself.

A long day of forced, faked smiles
But you can't see behind a computer screen...
Just my bitter words.

Words I've now said
Which could lay us to rest
Because I can't say I'm feeling insecure,
Just in a bad place.

Breaking down on either end.
Distance holding us back from those three words
Which I've never said to anyone but you.
Now what do I regret?

Why does this always get the better of me?
Tear me down till I lose everything I've ever held close
Because "you're a worthless failure" haunts me,
Tortures me till I stop in my tracks...
Numb... because I can't say I'm really not okay!

You promised...
You broke that promise...
How can I trust again?

The nights were so long.
I was tormented by the bitter cold
Of a man who wanted nothing more than to hurt me!

The nights I couldn't sleep,
Instead I wept with the rain
Causing flooding within my very soul.

The days I thought would be brighter
But instead I was entangled in the thorns
Of the flowers that blossomed wonderfully.

The days I hoped would be safer
But your hand still struck
Shattering a girl as easily as shattering glass...

You promised
The day I was conceived
To protect me!

You promised,
You broke that promise!
How can I trust again?

Counting the stars in the night sky,
I'm wondering where I went wrong?
A little girl who grew up
To be nothing like she planned.
A broken hearted girl
With no hope of feeling okay.

I've been sitting here talking to myself once again,
Staring at the moon
Wishing I could be up there too.
There's nothing down here for me
As I know I can never do right by them,
I wish there was a way to start again.

How I wish that little girl could see
A light there at the end
But her world crashed when they taught her that
No one would ever care
About the failure she was
And how worthless her presence was to them.

Maybe one day while I'm looking at the stars
Or even just talking to the moon
I can find a better place to be.
Maybe one day I will find
Someone who can show me that this big old world
Isn't as bad as it has been made out to be.

Nothing more then slamming doors
A family war
I see when I close my eyes.

I hear their voices raising,
The rest are crying
Why won't these memories leave my mind?

I remember it all so clearly,
The nights that they both left.
Three little girls with no farther and their mother how she wept.

I long for the days that I can finally feel safe
But then again, they're all the same.
Tell you they care, but eventually walk away.

All I remember is the screaming voice
The glass how shattered with the slamming of the doors
And then they're gone.

Everyday it seems you're slipping further away,
We're losing touch, you do nothing but push me away
And you don't seem to care at all that I'm fighting for this...
No matter how many times I try,
I just can't break through to you.

If you don't want this anymore then please tell me
'Cause I'm tired of drowning in these tears almost every night.
I'm sick of feeling like I'm fighting a losing battle
Over and over again
And you think saying sorry every time is going to work!

Tell me why you never seem to have the time anymore,
Tell me if this is even worth the fight?
I'm sick of feeling like I'm the only one trying in this.
I feel lonelier each time even though
It's supposed to be me and you!

If you're going to make me feel lonely
Please tell me you don't want me anymore,
Because I would rather be lonely alone
Then feel like I'm in this all alone.
Won't you please just talk to me again...?