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The fog is like a locked door
Without any key.
The candle is at the end
With little wick to burn
There is no longer a light at the end of the tunnel
Just a moving train, hurtling at full speed.
The night is never ending
Longer with each passing hour
And the cold, it lingers
Like a never ending winter.
My mind, soul and body has succumbed
To the dark thoughts it held dear long ago
Michaela Ferris Nov 2020
The softest raindrops hit my window pane,
They help me feel the peace I long forgot,
Their graceful dances fill my mind with hope
That I'm not alone in this dark fight.
I watch the raindrops tangle into one
And hope that my day will come,
When I can trust someone who's good and true,
Who won't forget what the darkness brings.
Oh I don't want to be alone
So I'll sit and watch the raindrops dance,
A graceful harmony of sorts
Helping me feel a little less alone.
Michaela Ferris Nov 2020
Why am I always the one to apologise?
Even though you hurt me first...
Said you'd be there,
Then chuck me aside.
So when is it I retaliate,
Push you away so I won't get hurt,
Do you say I'm the one who's hurting you,
But not acknowledge what you did first?
Michaela Ferris Nov 2020
I want to scream,
Like no one's listening
But I need your hand to hold,
So why is it I choke?
When you ask me what is wrong
The words seem to escape me
And instead I sit with tears in my eyes.

I trust you with every fibre of my being
So why is it,
I'm so **** scared you'll leave my side?
When you ask me what is wrong
I don't want you to only see the broken
So I hide it all inside
But you stay and help it feel okay.
Michaela Ferris Nov 2020
Right now my body feels out of sorts.
Unable to string together a few words
Of eloquent pros, and sophisticated rhymes
Expressing that deep down inside
I feel...
Broken?

My brain seems to be firing on overdrive
But I can't make my feet move.
Staying in one place because
I must fix you and I must make sure everyone else is okay first,
Then I can move on to me.

So for now I have myself on the back burner.
I have placed my dreams and plans in a box
And given them up until my family is all okay.

I will take their insults and snide remarks
Because they are struggling, right?
I will take the never being or doing enough
When I have given up my plans to stay and support them
No matter what I do they don't see it...

So for now my body feels out of sorts.
Surpressing emotions and thoughts I thought were long gone,
Unable to express myself through words once again.
Feeling lost to the words of never doing or being enough...
Michaela Ferris Oct 2020
I've been trying so hard
But it's never enough,
I'm never enough
And it's so clear to see.
So I lie in the dark
But nothing ever comes,
No sleep, no death,
Just cold, empty, silence.
I just wish that I was good enough
For once
I would like someone to take my hand
And help me to feel alive.
Michaela Ferris Aug 2020
Today I am sad.
Its the kind of sad when you don't know why
But you know it must be felt wholeheartedly.
The kind of sad where you don't realise
Until your face feels wet and you realise you've been crying.
The kind of sad that hits you from nowhere,
Where you find yourself lying in a dark room
Because it demands for you to acknowledge its existence.
The kind of sad where you know tomorrow you'll be fine
And be able to face the world again.
Today I am sad and will willingly let it consume me
Just for tonight in my lonely dark room.
But when I open my eyes tomorrow I will say goodbye to the sadness
And let it all go roaming free with the wind.
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