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Michaela Ferris Jun 2022
Time will say nothing but I told you so,
When the leaves fall down and begin to decay.
When the sun goes away and the rain clouds come out to play.

Time will say nothing but I told you so,
When the laughter drifts away and memories begin to fade.
When you haven't the chance to say hello before having to say goodbye.

Time will say nothing but I told you so,
When the music starts to come to an end before you've had the chance to listen.
When the poems all lose their meanings and lyrics become just jumbled words.

Time will say nothing but I told you so,
When you don't say the words I love you enough to all those that you hold day.
When the world starts to fade away and you've barely chosen to live.

Without so much as a thought,
Time will say nothing but I told you so!
Michaela Ferris Jun 2022
The hardest thing is picking up the phone
But having no-one to call when you're at your worst.

The hardest thing is screaming into your pillow
Because your crying so hard that your chest feels like it could cave in.

The hardest things is telling someone you're not okay
But having to comfort them because they don't know what to say...

The hardest thing is knowing you once had that person... Your person
But now they have gone without a look back, not daring to check in.

The hardest thing is pretending I am okay everyday
Because I am completely alone with no-one to call when I'm at my worst
Michaela Ferris Jun 2022
I was not good enough for that.

Happy to be someone's rebound,
But he that decent guy for them.
Use me to fill some kind of void,
Always taking something you could never give back.
I gave you everything that I had to offer
But you threw me away like yesterday's garbage.
So happy to be a decent guy for everyone else,
But I guess...

I was not good enough for that.
Michaela Ferris Jun 2022
You are the love that came
when I didn't expect it;
came without a warning.
I didn't get the chance to think it through.
I just woke up one morning and texted you,
When you replied it made me smile,
That is when I knew, I lost my heart to you.

From time-zone different coffee dates,
To late night-early morning calls.
From staying on the phone while we slept,
To movies and songs always shared.
You would tell me you wanted to be with me,
That you had feelings but weren't quite ready yet.
To suddenly changing your mind.
From inviting me for new years eve - to not remembering and freaking out...
You changed your mind about me so fast with new friends and a new job...

You say you didn't string me along.
So what exactly did you do?
Tell me you wanted to be with me
To barely taking the time to talk and always waiting for a better option to come along, that's why we can no longer make plans...
Michaela Ferris May 2021
Reliving memories of suffocating blankets,
Locked doors and
Raised voices.

Hiding behind doors, baracading ourselves in
Whilst glasses shatter and
Doors slam.

Being ran and shoved into brick walls,
Whilst being told you're a failure
And they wish you were alive.

Reliving memories in my dreams
So I choose to stay awake
Choosing deprivation of sleep over deprivation of sanity.
Michaela Ferris May 2021
There's a dark, empty feeling taking hold of me.
There is only so many times you can fake a smile.
Silent breakdowns in the dead of the night,
Just so no-one can see that I've become so weak.

I didn't think I would relapse this hard,
After a year or two I didn't want to fell back at the start,
But now I've become accustomed to starving myself
And hurting whatever part of me I can hide.

There's an unnerving tention inside of me
Feeling overwhelmed at almost everything around.
The only think that keeps me feeling alive
Is feeling the pain whilst watching everyone live a successful life...
Things have been getting really difficult the past week or so, it seems to have hit really bad out of nowhere. I feel like after a year of a wobbly recovery, I'm heading back to square one. Nothing has ever felt so scary...
Michaela Ferris May 2021
I feel so alone,
No-one blowing up my phone
Asking if I am okay.
No ones heard from me in days
Too busy in my own head anyway.
Not like anyone is calling
To see if I'm still around.

I'm so tired of always being
The first one to ask to if they're okay.
I'm so tired of being
The one that everyone can talk too.
I wish I no longer cared,
And I wish I had someone to do the same for me.

Right now I am all alone,
Wishing I had someone to call home.
Wishing I had someone I could call
When I'm feeling this way.
I feel so lost and confused,
Wondering where I went so wrong.
What must I have done
To have noone here at all...?
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