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Oct 22 · 104
Enough
I've been trying so hard
But it's never enough,
I'm never enough
And it's so clear to see.
So I lie in the dark
But nothing ever comes,
No sleep, no death,
Just cold, empty, silence.
I just wish that I was good enough
For once
I would like someone to take my hand
And help me to feel alive.
Aug 20 · 51
Today I feel sad
Today I am sad.
Its the kind of sad when you don't know why
But you know it must be felt wholeheartedly.
The kind of sad where you don't realise
Until your face feels wet and you realise you've been crying.
The kind of sad that hits you from nowhere,
Where you find yourself lying in a dark room
Because it demands for you to acknowledge its existence.
The kind of sad where you know tomorrow you'll be fine
And be able to face the world again.
Today I am sad and will willingly let it consume me
Just for tonight in my lonely dark room.
But when I open my eyes tomorrow I will say goodbye to the sadness
And let it all go roaming free with the wind.
Aug 20 · 50
Your company
Right now I could usr your company,
Just to hear you tell me it'll be okay.
You're the only one who understood
The desperate want to give up the fight,
For the night just seems so cold right now.
How I miss you already and your warm embrace,
The one that always made me feel safe.
Like there was someone who cared if I made it out alive.
Right now I could use your company,
Just to hear you say it'll be okay tonight?
Aug 20 · 41
Defeated
I know life's supposed to be hard sometimes,
So why is it the pain won't subside?
I can't escape the ghosts of my past
When they all still linger round,
Trying to get better and fix myself
But I'm caught in a riptide,
A whirlpool of insanity.
Letting the tears spill tonight
I've kept locked away for some time...
Tonight I'm feeling defeated,
Going to let myself feel all the pain...
Try again when the morning comes.
Jun 28 · 64
Never mean anything
I know I may never be the first
Or maybe not the last
But I have feelings like all the rest
Not someone you can tear apart.
For I'm fed up of being used,
Only wanted when it's right for you
Abandoned plans lay scatterd on the floor.
Why am I never enough
For someone to stick to what they say?
Am I that easy to ignore?
Neglect?
Forget?
Or for you to just simply walk away.
It seems so easy for you
To ignore that I exist
I guess thats what you get
When you're nothing and never were....
Is it really so easy for you to pretend
That I was never really here
You know the right things to say
To keep me near
But only when it best suits you.
You couldn't give a ****
That you're the company I have
For you have everyone else around
And I could never mean anything to you!
Jun 28 · 55
Entrapped in a cage
Like a bird who has forgotten how to sing.
I too have forgotten my own melody.
Entrapped in a cage,
Imprisoned by my own insanity
Of starving, bleeding, crippling thoughts.

Numb to any touch.
Possesed by the cold like a corpse.
The epitome of nothingness,
Laying baron to this monstrous world
Realising you have no one to stay!

Like all the lost things
I too am lost, unable to be found.
Deserted by everyone
Left to fend off the demons alone once again
Not knowing if I will make it out of this one alive...
Carry me away on your
Silent moon beams
That grace the night skies
With gentle visions of peace.

Help me to drift away on
Nights so silent
Filled with dreams to come
And tears of things gone astray.

Wrap me up within the
Night skies somber embrace.
A lullaby of thoughts
Waiting to be dreamt or felt my the few
Jun 9 · 287
Do you?
Do you use me
When you only message me when you want something?

Do you use me
When you rant about your day but neglect to ask me mine?

Do you use me
When you get what you want and leave as quick as the seasons change?

Do you use me
When I only hear from you when it's convenient to you?

Do you use me
When you're always to busy to listen but quick to jump to others?

Do you use me
When I no longer feel like I mean anything, but you keep coming back as you please?
Tonight I just can't take it,
Muffling my cries,
Until there's a burning in my throat and an ache within my heart
That beckons me to just let go.
The tears that want to scream,
Scream out in a pain, torturous to the mind
Producing an overpowering headache.
Paralysing me,
Holding me hostage to my bed.
A prison I can rarely escape these days.
Those types of cries that would break
A heart if they dares to listen.
The cries of someone on the brink of death.
Tonight I just can't it,
Muffling my cries with a pillow pressed tight to my lips,
Whilst texting those words:
"I'll be fine, I always am"
Hoping you'll look past it this time.
I drag this blade
One last time
Tracing my veins like lines on a map
Hoping sometime tonight
I'll reach my last destination
And will never have to muffle
My cries again!
Jun 8 · 52
Alcoholic laced tears
Alcoholic laced tears.
Smeared mascara paintings on pillowcases.
A symphony of crying souls.
Cuts of feelings otherwise numb too.

I lie here in my bed,
afraid of what I may do next
as I know that I am losing my fight
with a demon too much to bare
wanting a free ride into this thing called life.

My alcoholic laced tears
intoxicating my very being,
pushing me towards an inevitable end
but this time I will not stop them from falling,
I will not stop the blade that scars my skin,
I will lie here and let death take me
I will no longer be a burden to your existence.
Jun 8 · 45
Untitled
All I have is the ticking clock
and four plain white walls for company.
My eyes they beg for you to look within
and see the end I fear is in sight.
Please do not make me beg for you
as I stand here; body trembling, lost words,
and eyes that are gone from this world.

Instead I am greeted by long, cold silences
and distance all too sudden.
A shift in how you present yourself to me,
knowing I must have asked for too much of your time.
Now knowing that I must face these monsters
ALONE! Again!
Please do not make me beg for you to see I need someone tonight!
Sitting on the shower floor
feeling the water hit me,
pooling around my feet
like the tears from the night before.

Watching the droplets race to the bottom
knowing I hit there once again.
Drowning myself in a cocktail
of alcohol and pills to numb the pain.

Pain turning to nothingness
as I close my eyes to the night,
praying for the darkness to win this time
and subdue me into a never ending sleep.
May 27 · 293
Paint on a Smile
Too many nights I have lay here crying,
the tears pour down
and I can't tell if they're lying.
I feel an emptiness deep inside
knowing I should be doing alright.

There are days where I paint on a smile,
make it through the day
by laughing a little louder,
I know if I ever dare stop for a while
I will feel it in full force and I'll breakdown.

Too much noise filling my head all the time,
I try to scream
but it's buried deep inside.
I fear if I don't speak up soon
I'll be lost to the war no-one else can see.
May 27 · 137
Fading Away
I’ll just paint a smile on my face, I’ll keep myself busy
I’ll play make believe that I’m okay,
I’m breaking under the weight, of being not okay!
I feel myself fading away.

I feel like I’ve been gone for a long time now,
My body is present, but I seem to be lost inside.
I used to love feeling everything I ever could.
But now I feel like I’m fading away.

It hurts me to say that I am not okay.
Letting everyone down hurts me more than they know.
It’s been tearing me apart,
The fact that I will never be all that they want me to be.

I know that I can’t keep living this way,
I know what will come if I do not make a change.
I’m buried under the weight of all the shame I’ve brought upon myself
And I know there’s no one to blame but me.

I fear I’ve faded away.
May 25 · 105
Bloom into Wonderment
Just like rain drops
my tears fall
watering seeds sown
from my past.
Before too long
they will flower
into wonderful opportunities,
stunning all those who see,
never knowing the damaged roots that lay underneath.
For you see the colourful bloom reached for the sun,
Illuminating the world in a sea of colour,
ready to take on life's next adventure.
Just like rain drops
my tears fell
watering seeds sown
ready to bloom into wonderment.
May 25 · 52
I will not tell you
I will not tell you that I am weak
or that my tears threaten to spill
because I do not want you to know me like that.
I do not want you to look at me with eyes full of pity
for I am not as fragile and as broken as you think!

I will not tell you that I fear life
or that at night I feel a sullen emptiness inside
because I am afraid that if I do, the darkness will take over.
I do not want to let these demons win,
so I will pretend that all is okay and that I can not sense them.
May 25 · 716
Embrace of a friend
The soft sound of your beating heart
can soften even the biggest storms inside me.
The gentle sound of your voice
lulls me into a sense of hope and wonder
that maybe this world isn't always so bad.

The warm embrace of a friends arms
bringing back to a sense of reality
where I am not lost to the monsters inside my head,
but am someone much stronger,
able to defend the broken parts.

The serenity of peaceful silence,
where you are just there and nothing more
compliments my sullen tears,
building up a strength I never knew I had
Until I will no-longer fall prey to the demons of the past.
If you could erase the past, would you?
It’s a question I find myself asking all the time.
I know they say it makes you who you are today,
but I don’t want to be the way it’s made me;
so untrusting, so scared I’ll always get hurt,
running away from all the people who say they’re there.
So, if you could erase the past, would you?
Or would you rather remember the hurt of it all?

If you could stop time for a little just to breathe,
would you want to take that minute or keep going?
There are times when it all feels like it’s too much,
but I know if I stopped I wouldn’t keep going;
knowing that there’s still so much I don’t know.
This world is making my mind spin way too often.
So if you could stop time for a minute just to breathe,
would you want to take that minute or just keep going?
May 24 · 143
Played again
I must’ve tried a million times
tried so hard to get you to see I was here all along,
but you had a different plan and broke every promise we made.
I thought I knew you, so trusted your words
But now I know that couldn’t have been further from the truth
So I packed up everything I gave you and left
Now there are no more tears to cry.
I don’t have to try to say goodbye to your memory.

I could have actually cared about you
If you had ever given a **** about me
Now I’m sure I’ll have no trouble finding someone who loves me more than you,
but good luck finding someone who will love you as much as I ever did!
Although this was a good, goodbye and I felt free
You shoved a knife so far in my back
I can no longer trust whoever comes into my life
I’m so **** scared of being played all over again.
May 24 · 164
Trust you
I’ve learned to shut my mouth and smile,
keep all my thoughts to myself and hope they don’t see
all the broken and shattered pieces of the girl I now am.

I don’t want to get attached to anyone anymore
because I always end up the one getting destroyed.
So I’ll scream at you and push you away!

I will keep, keeping quiet until the day someone gives me a reason
and you may be doing that to me now
But my mind is on the defensive once again.

What if you show me it’s not all bad?
What if you set me free from the cage inside my mind?
If I do start to let you in, are you going to destroy me too?
May 24 · 404
Still hurting
After everything that we went through,
it's all now ashes on the ground.
I know I've said this is the last time,
many times before,
but this is the last time, I will let you hurt me again.

If I gave you up so easily,
why am I still hurting?
If I knew all along we were a lost cause,
why am I still searching?
If I made a lucky get away from the hell that was you,
then why do I still feel the same!

You were like a tornado,
tearing my world apart from the inside out.
You still haunt my dreams
turning them all to nightmare, all too easily...
So why do you still have me and when you shouldn't?
On the shore I stand staring out
into the waves of pure wonderment
and the dark sullen sky, filled with stars
knowing that you were once one of them,
shining within the night sky
before being picked for a life here with me.

The people laughing and playing
oblivious to the absent feeling lying within.
Children enjoying the soft warm sand beneath their feet,
now you never will know such simple joys.
These are the days where I feel as fragile as a china doll
Knowing that I lost someone I never really had.

Looking out across the sea, how it stretches for miles
wishing you the peace and serenity this scene gives me.
Hoping you may get a second chance at life,
back up there among the stars where you can dream.
My little star, someone I never really had at all
but knowing what could have been I still look up to see you shining!
May 21 · 254
(Not) Good Enough
Always wished I was taller, thinner,
walked a little taller for you.
Wished I kept quiet, kept my mouth shut,
never answered back now for you.
See I cried so many tears, wasted all my time
while I let you cast a shadow all over my life.
I only wanted to be good enough for you.

All I ever wanted was for you to see me,
Gave you everything I had to give.
Got swept up in a whirlwind, breakdown
Getting too caught up in trying to maintain your standards.
You always used to tell me to shut up,
to act a certain way when we were together...
Maybe I really was going crazy
May 21 · 190
Sea of Serenity
On the shore I stand staring out
into the waves of pure wonderment
and the dark sullen sky, filled with stars
knowing that you were once one of them,
shining within the night sky
before being picked for a life here with me.

The people laughing and playing
oblivious to the absent feeling lying within.
Children enjoying the soft warm sand beneath their feet,
now you never will know such simple joys.
These are the days where I feel as fragile as a china doll
Knowing that I lost something I never really had.

Looking out across the sea, how it stretches for miles
wishing you the peace and serenity this scene gives me.
Hoping you may get a second chance at life,
back up there among the stars where you can dream.
My little star, something I never really had at all
but knowing what could have been I still look up to see you shining!
In denial from the moment I found out,
Knew if it were true I have to turn my life around.
Ignored the fact that you were there the whole time,
knowing I was never treating myself right,
maybe that's why you were taken too soon.

A little life I didn't know if I even wanted,
Coming to terms with you being there always.
Trying to fix how I walked through life
'cause I knew I had to do right by you.
A little star that I never got to meet.

Although you had barely began to grow,
you never got to hear my voice
I never got to feel you move...
Now a days I wonder if it was my fault you never made it here,
if it was my fault my little star was taken too soon?

A little life I didn't know if I even wanted,
Getting everything on track so I could meet you.
Without being born you managed to save me
from situations I should have never been in.
You were my little star that I never got to meet.
May 21 · 30
(Never) Good Enough
Always wished I was taller, thinner,
walked a little taller for you.
Wished I kept quiet, kept my mouth shut,
never answered back now for you.
See I cried so many tears, wasted all my time
while I let you cast a shadow all over my life.
I only wanted to be good enough for you.

If I was enough for you
would you have still cheated and never called back?
would you have told me I was acting crazy when you disappeared for days?
If I was enough for you,
would I of had to starve to shrink to the size you wanted?
would I of had to show you all my cards?

All I ever wanted was for you to see me,
Gave you everything I had to give.
Got swept up in a whirlwind, breakdown
Getting too caught up in trying to maintain your standards.
You always used to tell me to shut up,
to act a certain way when we were together...
Maybe I really was going crazy
May 20 · 152
If I Dodged a Bullet
It was us against the world some dark nights,
but you were hiding messed up secrets!
You took my breathe away, stole my light;
Made me feel like I was crazy for the longest while.
They say I got out just in time,
But honestly I'm not sure if they were right
because the scars have been embedded way too deep,
Now I don't know if there's much left of me...

If I dodged a bullet
then why am I still hurting?
I know things were a lost cause
so why am I searching for excuses?
If I made a getaway, from all your lies and your abuses
Why do I still feel the pain?
You still haunt me and you shouldn't
If i really dodged your bullet...
Apr 30 · 91
Tell Me
Tell me I am enough!
That is all I long to hear from the image staring back at me.

Tell me that I can make it,
but my reflection mouths otherwise.

All I hear are the words that are not my own;
spoken from the cruel mouths of others,
being etched into my skin
as an everlasting reminder that abandonment is all I will know.

A worthless, broken, failure of a girl
is all I am destined to see...
Apr 30 · 51
Longing
Overpowering waves of guilt,
Trying hard to ignore the fright
Longing to forget the past
And move on from what holds me back.
Apr 23 · 41
Just like that
And just like that I hurt another person...
Just like that I sabotaged a friendship beyond repair...
Just like that I destroyed myself all over again...
And just like that I let all the ******* who hurt me win all over again!
Apr 18 · 44
Another Pain like That
Staring at the ceiling again tonight
wondering why I feel so alone.
Another night of tears to endure;
I just can't seem to put my mind to sleep.
Feeling like I'm always in the way
so I keep distancing myself from you.
Trying not to show just how scared I am
that you'll disappear when you see how bad i can be.

Feeling tears well up in my eyes today,
burying them deep so nobody sees.
Worried that this is all pretend
So I'll slowly pull away until I'm no longer there.
Trying my hardest not to let you in
keeping all those thoughts locked away inside.
I've been hurt and used a few too many times.
I don't think I could handle another pain like that.
Apr 18 · 37
Fade Invisible
They always say you'll be okay,
give it time these things do pass
but with every new downfall
the darkness gets colder
and I can no longer escape its death defying grip.

It has been a while since I have taken this dip,
lost all myself control to the anger burning within.
I'm begging for someone to notice
that I am losing my grip on reality
Wanting to just slip away for good.

For right now, I'm done fighting these noises
I'll just let the shadows take a hold of me.
If they tear me to pieces
destroy all I've made.
Then at least I can fade invisible.
Someone asked if I was okay
but all I could muster was 'I'm fine'.
The way they looked into my eyes
I knew they could see that 'I'm fine' was all lies.

I quickly turned away, for them not to see my tears
and tried my best to place a smile across my weary face.
I tried with all my might to whisper: 'I'll get through this,
I've made it this far. Maybe not tonight, it's just taking me a little while...'

I know they saw that I was hurting
and I knew that the pain was becoming too much to take;
but this burden is mine to keep,
it is mine to bare alone.

They reached out to hold me closer,
as they placed their hand on mine.
They said they would stay, and help if they can
but i have heard those lines spoken too many times before.
Lonely, darkened thoughts of what once was,
happy childhood memories of frolicking in autumn leaves,
dancing round in the summer sun rays
knowing nothing more than childhood innocence.
But how fast the seasons can change!

Nights of tears and wondering why.
Why was I the one you decided was not good enough?
Why was I the one you believed would amount to nothing?
Now in my head, a plague of demeaning phrases
Mimicking your voice of 'little girl, sit down and be silent'!

Echoes! Echoing torments of my life flash before me
as soon as another tries to help me see different,
But maybe I do not wish to be fixed,
Maybe the broken, empty, pain is what makes me, me.
But right now, all I see is an emptiness... beckoning me to an end!
Apr 18 · 44
Wanting to jump
Staring at myself in the mirror,
counting every tear that falls,
watching all the hurt play out
across my face, once again, when I'm all alone.

Lying through gritted teeth and fake smiles
that everything is fine and I'm okay -
Knowing that I spend nights begging and pleading with myself
just to keep fighting and holding on a little longer.

Wondering what I must do to stay,
feeling like I no longer have control.
Dragging myself to the edge of the pier...
Pushing and pulling, wanting to jump but not!
Mar 30 · 114
Inner Conflict
Inner voices of conflict;
should I stay or should I go.
Wondering if one step is all it takes
or if things are worth pushing through.
When tears spill in silent, desolate corners
like the rain falling over the sea.
If no-ones there, then no-one sees
and you can pretend its all a dream.

Scared up arms and broken hearts
wondering what is left to hang on to.
Blood that falls, stain your hands
leading you to believe that it can be all over;
no-one has to know just how you are hurting.
You can slowly slip away like a shadow on the wall
The lights go out and so you disappear,
lost to a world of why and how did this happen.
Some days it feels like I've lost all inspiration,
A prisoner within my own body and mind,
I sleep through the day and cry through the night,
Just caught in a downward fall...
Its taking too much effort to fight,
I just don't have the strength,
trying to hold on to whats still left of me.

When the life you had planned
slowly slips through your hands
when it feels like those plans you made are the only reason to stay.
When you can't find your way,
when each day is the same
when you've lost the fight inside of you
is there anything worth holding onto?

Its hard to stay strong, when weakness is overbearing.
I'm wondering if someone is there;
I'm not always good on my own,
I need someone I can rely on when things are rough.
There are dreams I've let die
that I've neglected to even try
I need to find out how to turn this darkness into light

When you feel so far from who you were
when you've lost all signs of hope
when you're searching for some peace but it feels too far away.
When your words have disappeared
and it feels there's nothing left inside of you,
is there anything worth holding onto?
In a lifetime, a thousand things can go left unsaid;
a touch is never felt when it needs to be felt,
a heart is never loved when it desperately longs to.
We walk around with unspoken feelings
weighing down upon our shoulders,
leading to desperate moments of regret,
promising that some day we will speak words of truth
but that someday never coming -
sometimes taken from us too soon.
In a lifetime, a thousand things can go unsaid or acted on.
Why cant we see
that while we have the chance in life,
we should speak when we can speak,
love when we can love,
and most importantly, touch when we can touch.

We go through our lifetime with a thousand words left unsaid,
but what if we chose to speak the truth of thoughts and feelings?
Mar 11 · 40
Enough
I keep fighting voices in my head that say I'm not enough,
Am I the sum of all my failures, every time I never felt enough?
Sitting all alone, once again with tears down my cheeks,
I know I'm losing this fight, it is so plain to see.
If you do not hear from me again it will be too soon.
I'm sorry but by morning light, I won't be here to worry you much more!
Mar 11 · 34
Pretend to Forget
I once thought that I would need you
and that no matter what I would do
You'd be here, even if it was just in my dreams.
But now you're gone and I still wonder why,
I was never enough for you to stay true?
It hurts far too much,
I wonder what was so wrong with me?

I wish all of you the best
wondering what it was that i did
to watch so many people walk out of my life
It caused more pain than you can imagine.
Now that they're gone, honestly
It's killing me more than you could ever believe
its plaguing my mind, I wonder why all the time?

Looking back on my life so far,
I see that I will never be good enough
I've watched too many people leave
ever the ones who I thought were supposed to stay!
I always wondered what was wrong with me
Until I saw it was the voice I had
Now I sit quietly, hoping I won't lose someone again!

Can I pretend that I'm worth something just this once?
Can I pretend to forget all the pain today?
Mar 11 · 39
Dear Me
Dear me,
This is a letter I never thought I'd write.
Things have changed not for the best
and you don't know where to turn.
I know it's hard and you're struggling to hold on,
with a blade in one hand and drink to numb the pain,
but there is a light at the end,
just hold on till then.

Dear me,
I know you cannot see the light,
and if it helps, cry yourself to sleep another night.
But don't give up just yet,
there must be something worth the fight,.
Don't give up just yet,
you're worth so much more then you'll ever know.
Just hold on a little more.

Dear me,
I know things are getting worse, or so it seems.
It's as if you can't find a light in these dark times.
I know you're scared, and feel like no-one can hear you screaming
but you're not alone, no matter what it says.
Dear me,
Things will start looking up one day,
It may not be very soon, but one day just wait and see
Promise me, that you will hang on till then.

Dear me,
This is something I never thought I'd have to write.
But tonight, I know it's one of the hardest you've had to face.
You may feel alone,
Just don't know where you have to turn
So scared to burden people who already have so much on.
Tonight will be hard, just make it through tonight!
Mar 11 · 35
Pitying eyes
Please do not look at me with those same pitying eyes
that you would look upon a wilted flower in the dead of winter.
When you see the tears in my eyes as I smile
and tell you through lies that I am fine and will be okay,
please know that most days I am afraid
and behind closed doors I am hurting
more than you can ever know;
emotionally and physically.

Please do not think I always want to put you down
with my sad little life and my depressing thoughts.
Sometimes I just need a presence because
I am so used to spending my days alone with my head.
Please understand that I know things can all become too much
but that is when I need someone the most.
Now most days I feel like nothing but a burden
and that people only stay for the good days and run when they are bad...

Am I that bad of a person, that I do not deserve someone who stays?
Am I not worth so much as a, I see through your lies, I'll stay for a while?
Am I this worthless, failure that I think and feel all the time?
Am I really not worth anything to anyone at all?
Mar 11 · 42
Is it okay?
Is it okay if I tell you I'm scared
when the weight crushes my chest
and I feel like I can't breather?

Is it okay if I say need you here
just for a little while till my head stops
and no longer feel like I have to hurt to feel?

Is it okay if I ask you to look a little closer?
Because sometimes the depression takes a hold
and the words I long to say get held captive inside my chest.

Is it okay if I slip away this time instead
because I'm unbelievably tired
and can no longer keep fighting an isolating battle against myself
Mar 11 · 37
Alcoholic Laced Tears
Another sleepless night of pain and misery
Laced with alcoholic tears;
Choking on silent sobs that threaten to spill
Only to be greeted by nothingness.
How did I end up in such a desolate state?
Only wanting to jump down the impending rabbit hole,
Lying to everyone around me
Intending to do as little harm to others,
Choosing to inflict it all upon myself

Longing for the darkness to consume me and this loneliness.
Always feeling defeated by thoughts of never being enough.
Chasing after broken promises and empty words,
Eventually giving up a fight I lost a long time ago,
Doubting anyone cares enough to stay!

Tell me, where did everybody go?
Eventually people no-longer care what you do to yourself
Avoiding the words of 'I need help'
Remembering the pain they caused so many before
Sometimes, one swift moment is all it takes.
Help Me!

A silent scream that cannot escape my lips,
hinted through the smallest of gestures
hoping someone will see the damage I have done to myself!
Tear stained cheeks and bloodied bitten lips,
broken nails and ripped up skin
a reality of my mental health,
a disheveled mess I know should be fixed.

Help me!

A plea for help getting quieter
knowing no-one cares to hear an empty shell,
a wilted flower, slowly fading out of existence.
Wanting so desperately for someone to see me,
waiting for the day I feel edging closer.
Hanging by a thread because it's all too much.
When I say things are okay, see the pleading for someone to stay.

Help!

I fear I maybe too far gone.
The begs for life are nothing more then a lump in my throat.
All that lays near is a broken and beaten down shadow,
an empty, hollow nothingness invisible to the eye.
No longer feeling like I deserve a place here.
Pushing everything and everyone away, no-longer caring.
It's okay if you go, I won't be here by tomorrow.
Mar 11 · 33
Sometimes
I wish someone could read my face sometimes,
see through the lies that say 'I'm fine'.
When all is said and done
we walk away and the door is shut;
that's when the tears start to come.
What people don't understand
is that my mind is like a barricade:
the panic is worse when I admit I'm not okay
so keep my mouth shut,
scared of a repeat from the past...
As the days go passing by
and all I seem to have done is cry,
behind closed doors i'm scared of myself,
knowing I'm too much
and never going to be good enough
Mar 2 · 40
Pushing You Away
Standing face-to-face,
Trying to understand
Why I have a tendency to break things down?
Turn away from you,
Unable to say a word
But I can already feel it now,
I'm pushing you too far away.

I won't let you stay,
Don't want to hurt you more
Then I already know I do, it's something i always do.
Nothing that I can do
Could ever live up to what you deserve.
So I don't think we can stay friends,
I hope you understand

One more step and I'm breaking.
One more and I hurt myself again.
The door is closing
And I just can't change it

Nothing more to say,
Nothing left to break.
Nothing more to give,
Nothing left to take.
I keep reaching out for you
But I can't tell you what it is.
I keep reaching out for you
Just wishing someone would stay
As I push you away!
Mar 1 · 56
Expressionless
Looking into my own eyes
knowing they don't hold the stars
emotionless, expressionless pits of darkness.
Unable to speak my own mind,
unable to speak my emotions
hoping my eyes could do the talking
but they have become as expressionless as their host.

Reaching down into the depths of my heart,
slowly turning as cold as ice
as the ability to speak my mind has slowly been erased.
Drowning in myself, from tears held inside
Drowning in the depths of my own turmoil
hoping someone could see the pain inside
but knowing no-one cares to look deep enough.

My inability to express my thoughts
holds me captive in a circle of never-ending heartache,
broken promises and disappearing friends.
A subject of disappointment in everyone's eyes
A subject of a worthless, failure of a girl.
Now there's nothing more to give of myself,
given all I can 'till it drained me completely.
Mar 1 · 220
Cold as Stone
I need to feel the sun on my face,
Talk things through with myself
and maybe get things straight for once.
For all I know right now is
I can't breathe
and I'm waiting for this all to end.

I wish I was as cold as stone,
at least then I wouldn't feel a thing.
I wish I didn't have this heart,
at least then I wouldn't hurt like this;
standing in the rain burning my skin.
I would be strong enough to watch you hurt me in the end.

I feel so all alone
Now there is nothing more to give,
nothing left to take.
I thought by now that I'd be fine,
but these tears keep blurring my eyes as I reach out to you,
as you start to turn away from me just like they did.

I wish I was as cold as stone,
at least then I wouldn't be afraid,
of all this pain and sadness happening again.
I wish I didn't have this heart,
at least then I wouldn't hurt like this,
I would be strong enough to watch you hurt me in the end.

I wish I was cold as stone,
at least then I wouldn't be hurt again,
because I can feel it coming
from a thousand miles away.
I wish I was cold as stone,
at least then I could turn away before this all gets too much.

I'm just waiting for the day that this ends,
because I've never been very good at getting people to stay.
I just wish I was as cold as stone.
Now all of the stars
Are fading away
As I watch the last ones burn out of existence
I feel myself falling to the same darkness.
Closed off from feelings of hope,
Now things have all become too unbearable for one person alone
I surrender to the dark abyss of my insanity.
Now all of the stars are fading away,
I will take my place amongst
The burnt out forgotten.
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