A strong emotion.
But is only secondary.
Anger is never the first emotion you feel-
It goes deeper.
You are sad or scared
Which makes you angry.
Which makes you angry.
Anger. Is secondary.
So why do we allow it to consume us so badly?
And why is it **** near impossible to control?
Being sad leads to anger
Anger leads to sadness
Which leads to more anger
And transforms to depression.
I'm so angry at the thought of
I'm angry at being depressed.
But I'm so depressed I don't want to go on
Which makes me angry.
Cast rainbows After its over
Its mysteriously miraculous.
You just need to be at the right place to see.
You can find the beauty even in the darkest of places
Dont think about the bad things.
Just stay busy.
Just keep working.
Till you die.
Its hard to stay busy when work is slow
"Have you made the right ones?"
The greatest enemy to your mind is the forever existing question that remains and will never be answered.
Thoughts that will forever keep me up at night.
I've counted the days.
90 to be exact
I've clocked the hours.
2,160 if I'm correct.
I've times the minutes
129,600 if my math is right.
And I've recorded the seconds.
7,776,000 and rising.
That's how many times I've thought of you.
That's how many times I've beat myself up.
That's how many times I've let myself down.
That's how many times I've failed.
That's how many memories I've lost with you.
Cherish every second because it might be your last
As broken he was
A burning flame resided still
he smiled vaguely
Burning bridges momentarily wondering why.
Why were these built in the first place.
In this time in my life i was seeking to make ends and finish things with someone in my life. Sadly the bridge is on fire but still remains
Keep your eyes on the clear horizon.
For its just past the eye of the storm.
its okay to go through storms in life. Dont let yourself be consumed by them. You'll get past this.
Because they will always be misunderstood and misinterpreted. You'll just dig your own grave and bury yourself in your emotions.
Everyone has one.
But everyone has multiple.
I know many people
But I know only one.
Everyone puts on a face for you
and another when your gone.
Pretty self explanitory what this one means
How is it
after all that's happened
I still care about you.
Why is it hard to move on from love.
She was the sun.
And he was made of wax.
Each day she shined brightly
But he eroded away slowly.
Until the day he went to the sun.
A near puddle.
Sad days huzzah!
Once upon a time,
My mind was so clear
I had a perfect little life
With someone near and dear.
Fast forward to today,
Where my mind is now hazy
Its really sad to say
How my life got this crazy.
Its almost like a dream
Turned into a nightmare.
And i just want to scream
At the thought that you dont care.
The stories that we're told
When we were just young
Of happy little endings
Are a false slip of the tongue
See the stories we are told
Are a lot less happy
Theyve only been changed
To seem a little more sappy.
These stories in their prime
Were much more gruesome and dark
Because happily ever after
Is an unreal walk in the park.
I wish life was as easy as the new version fantasy books
I'm so proud of you.
I love the things that you do.
Keep up the good work.
Would you come to my funeral?
Would you be dressed in all black crying over me?
Would you have any regrets?
Would you wish youd done something sooner?
Would you mourn over me?
Would you even notice I was gone?
Would you even care?
Should I even ask?
do I dare?
If I were to die tomorrow
Would you even care?
Wrote this one in hopes someone wouldsee it. But i dont think she cares
you might not see much change.
But the person you were two years ago
Would be so proud of you.
Never stop improving yourself. Love yourself. Take time in healing.
I received the worst news today
I felt my life start to fade away.
I rushed in an instant over there
Breaking multiple laws without a care.
I saw the nurses
The confusion on their face
As a crazed man ran through their door
Everything in him beginning to race
"Where's my wife"
I asked in fear
Scared for my life
Of the news I'm about to hear.
They took too long
I saw her in her bed
I sprinted over to her
Thinking the worst in my head
She saw me
With a worried look in her eye
I held her in my arms
And began to uncontrollably cry.
So much has happened
The past few hours of my life
But it feels like forever
Since I last held my wife
And here I sit
Next to her bed
Holding her hand.
And kissing her head.
I'll sit here forever
If need be
Next to my wife
Till they let her free.
I'll let life unfold
And I shall sit right here
Putting my life
I hate hospitals. I've been around them too much in my life
You lay in that bed
With IVs and tubes
Wondering why I'm upset
When your boyfriend talks about your *****.
You laugh with them
And seem happy
But when you look at me
I see only sappy
You give me this look
Like as if you're blue
For having your *******
In the ICU next to you
Stop the ******* pity
I dont want any of it
I'm tired of this stupid game
I'm sick of this ****.
You're already making plans
When you leave this forsaken place
But when I ask to take you out
You give me a certain face
You only say maybe
And give me a fake smile
But plans with him
Doesn't seem to take a while.
Lord please forgive me
For the sins I will make
But this whole ******* game
Is starting to seem fake.
I wish I could've seen it sooner
Even Just a little bit
That the way that I loved you
Just didn't quite fit.
I learned my love young
The love of physical touch
That feeling of someone near
I knew they loved me very much
And you learned yours too
early on in life
That the time spent together
Was your needs as a wife.
I tried to love you
With my only known way
Not knowing that you
Just wanted me to stay.
And you tried to love me
With what you only knew
Not seeing what I needed
Was physically you.
Our love was honest
And our love was true
But we couldn't see
What the other person knew.
But now that I know
What you truly desire.
I will strive for our time
And set you much higher
And once you see
What I truly need
Is just a hug and a kiss
My burdens will be freed.
I dont feel like it's over
Just a mere bump in the road
And With time this will heal
And will lighten the load
This is a blessing in disguise
Because Its let me see
A new perspective
On how you needed me.
So if another chance is given
till the end of my days.
my time will be with you
Forever and always.
I love you.
Hes got the car.
Hes got the bike.
He can give you every little thing
That you love to think you like.
But theres something he can't give
Something I'll forever provide
Can he grant you true happiness?
Cause thats a thing I have supplied.
The smile on your face
Is nothing more than a mask.
To hide your sadness within
And its more than an easy task.
He can provide you a house
But never provide a home.
It will make your heart heavy.
And make your heart roam.
Can you find yourself happy
Knowing the honest truth?
That youll be forever truly sad
Without someone to grant you youth.
They say home is where the heart is
And i bet youre feeling homeless
Because the roof you live under
Is making you feel heartless.
But thats okay.
Im homeless too
Because my heart desires one thing
And that one thing
Honest truth about my situation
I remember when you first spoke and the euphoria that swelled through me like a person that just won the lottery.
I remember the look on your face when i first played a song for you. How you already fell in love.
I remember hearing your voice in person for the first time. I turned around and felt my first weakness when I layed my eyes on you.
I remember kissing you on the lake for the first time and then getting bit by a million fire ants.
I remember how cold it was that night on your trampoline like a wave of ice hit us. But my heart kept me warm with the thought of you beside me.
I remember the nights we spent in my room talking and laughing over silly nonsense and creating memories that will last forever in my brain.
I remember showing your mother the ring I got for you.
I remember how I kept telling you to get your nails done for no specific reason.
I remember the day perfectly when I took you to the zoo.
I remember speaking to my friends as I walked over to you saying i dont know what to say.
I remember grabbing your hand and getting on one knee to tell you "I know I havent known you long, but I know i want to spend the rest of my life with you, so genna, will you marry me."
I remember how fast you replied yes to which I asked "are you sure?" And then you said it again.
I remember how you wouldnt let go of hugging me like you wanted this moment to not go by. To savour that moment like a fine wine.
I remember when you wore my uniform and you looked so adorable in it.
I remember the hours before our wedding felt like years. But I couldnt have been more excited.
I remember turning around and feeling that same weakness I felt when I first met you.
I remember the red lipstick you wore.
I remember the train that interrupted our wedding and we laughed.
I remember sweeping you off your feet and carrying you away.
I remember when we bought our first apartment and it fell apart on us.
I remember bringing our cats home.
I remember the night I cried and held you in my arms with the thought I was going to lose you to cancer.
I remember I didnt want to let go.
I remember when you made your first piece of clothing.
I remember the day you recorded me flipping a bottle onto a ledge over and over.
I remember how you used to try and catch me singing.
I remember the day I had to leave you for Afghanistan.
I remember how you snuck into the side of the building to kiss me goodbye one more time.
I remember the last time i looked at our home before i flew away.
I remember when I broke your heart.
I remember when I lied to you.
I remember when I said wed fix this.
I remember when I failed.
I remember when you cut your hair and i hated it but still supported it.
I remember when I came home from deployment and I heard your voice in the distance running to me.
I remember your hug and kiss.
I remember how happy we felt.
I remember that everything felt fine.
But I remember the day you said you cant do this anynore.
And I remember when I gave up..
I remember how much you begged for me to stay but I didnt listen.
I remember the day I kicked you out.
I remember when I realized I failed again.
I remember how damaged you were.
I remember how scared you were.
I remember how empty my apartment feels
I remember how empty my heart feels
How empty I Feel.
I remember the days, the weeks, the months, the years.
And I will remember today.
Memories that are forever embedded and scarred into my brain and body.
I cant forget.
The most personal poem ive written. If anyone reads this youll basically see my marriage fall apart with me.
Years have passed since me and you
And yet, your abuse still claims my mind.
I think its about time I leave my past behind.
To live a life thats honest and true.
Because of what you did to me
I've sheltered myself in fear
I've never let anyone near
Never allowed myself to be free.
Your abuse caused so much hate,
I've lost so much time in this life
Dwelling on all the pain and strife
Thinking this is my only fate.
Well no longer!
You see this man?
He's got a plan!
And is so much stronger!
Far too long, from myself ive been gone
I forgive you for being so unkind
But no longer do you haunt my mind.
I, am moving on.
first poem in years. Be kind to yourselves. Don't let your past control your present. You are loved.
You'd think a grown giant wouldn't be intimidated by someone like you but its true. It's you.
All it takes is one glance at you and the kingdom I've built comes crashing down.
You have the power to rock me to my core and bring me to my knees.
And you'd think after knowing that,
I'd leave my greatest weakness-
For I need my weakness to find my strength.
Im very tall. And shes very small.
Our heavenly father
Who art thou up above
Please send this prayer
To the one that I love.
Please send a message
Let her know I still care
Also please remind her
If she needs you, you'll be there.
Let her know that I'm sorry
For the things I hath done.
I regret my decisions.
All except one.
I do not regret meeting her.
It was the greatest gift you gave.
I know now I ruined that
And my marriage, only you can save.
But if it's not ment to be
I will no longer be sad
For a sign has been given
I know you'll make me glad.
And if it's not meant to be
I ask one thing more
Please watch over her
And guide her to your shore
I know I've lost faith
Aswell as my hope too.
But both can be fixed
Only, by only you
My life if in your hands
Do with it what you will
I will trust in you forever
To guide me and be still.
These flavors I will ask
Again and again
Till my prayers have been answered
In jesus name,
Prayers that will need to be answered.
Is our time up?
Are you finished with me?
Was i not the right cup?
Was i not the right tea?
I feel like you've been through
And im holding on to thin air.
I dont know what to do
But just know ill be there
When you need me.
When your falling apart
Thats when youll need me.
And we can go back to the start..
But if you dont need me.
I ask for one more chance
If you believe me.
I just want one more dance.
The most difficult part of divorce is knowing the last thing you did with them wasnt enough
Melody and harmony work
To make something beautiful.
They won't always be happy
Sometimes it will be sad
But as long as the two follow through
Music is made.
Dont get ahead of your harmony. Work together
A wise person once said
Patience is not measured by your ability to wait. But by your actions and your behavior while you wait-
How great is your paitence to wait for the fruit of your tree to become ripe?
In this day and age people say they have patience but cant wait 5 minutes to hear back from someone.
In todays society theres a demand to get everything now but how great is your patience?
Are you willing to wait a year for success? Let alone a few weeks.
And as the quote says above how will you be waiting?
Will you be waiting patiently? Or will the thoughts and fears that poison your mind saying what if it doesnt work out? Will you walk away?
Patience greatest enemy is that cursed two words. "What if".
But "what if things do work out" and everything falls according to plan and the stars align did your patience follow through?
See i can say all i want about patience but the true meaning is no words at all. Just silence. And peace.
How great is your patience.
How great IS your patience?
I look at you
Laying in that bed
And I honestly wonder
What's going on in your head
24 hours ago
You attempted suicide
And now here I am
Sitting by your side
And while you seem oh so happy
But look at me so still
I think you've forgotten
Who's going to pay this bill.
Can I just know im not being used?
Can you grant me the satisfaction for my mind that im not wasting my time?
Can I please have the feeling that im not still in your life for the benefits that are reaped through me?
I just want to know if you still care.
And if you do care, is it enough to try again?
They say time heals all wounds but i feel mine growing as time goes by because im left with questions unanswered.
Can we just be on the same page for once in this struggle?
Can my mind just shut its ******* mouth with the anxiety and fear it feeds to me?
Thoughts that you say you need space to heal but in reality its because you dont want to deal with any of this.
You dont want to deal with me.
Can i be treated like a human and not a waste of time?
Can i be seen as a human and not old memories?
Can my mind be put at ease? For these questions unanswered are starting to eat me alive.
Can these questions be answered, please.
Again another personal poem that i hope she reads. My mind is starting to eat me alive
Stop making me believe theres a chance to live a happy life again.
Stop feeding me some false hope that you'll come back some day.
If youre doing this as some sick punishment to break me down
I cant do this anymore
I did not come prepared with an umbrella on this sunny day.
But alas, i shall dance in the rain.
During this time in my life i was trying to find happiness in my sorrows
I should've done that differently
I could've saved them if only I did this.
If only i would've known this. It wouldn't have played out the way it did.
Oh how I dread these sleepless nights
Where my own mind is drunk on its thoughts that prey on my existence.
Thoughts of fear, hate, loneliness, and sorrow.
I fear my existence is too short to live the life i want and i fear my choices have been unwise and with no gain.
I hate the thoughts of hate
but hate provokes me
in ways i never knew.
I hate not knowing my future.
Not even in the slightest
and i hate that its because of my own self.
The thoughts of loneliness are by far the worst because they show my true reality of today. And for tomorrow.
And sorrow is a lonesome thought that passes by and it scares me to think of how much I hate it.
Its sad to say how much i hate
These sleepless nights
I dont get much sleep anyway
What does that mean to you-
Ill give you some time to think about it.
But its time to explain what it means to me.
Nothing more than a construct of man to give men timelines and deadlines.
A phrase often used "I need a little more time" but what are you waiting for?
The creation of destruction, like a ticking time bomb, everything fades through time.
There once was a time i thought differently about this. But as time goes by im left with different visions and opinions.
Some times days go by slower- and other times they rush by in an instant. In no, time.
There are times when you wish time would stop and you could enjoy the picture perfect moment you are in.
But alas, time is a cruel one created by man- you cannot stop time.
But can say its time to stop.
People ask me what time is it-
to which i will reply the time is now,
But still there are times I wish I could go back in time.
To reshake that hand correctly-
To to help that elderly woman across the street- To give that homeless man my last 5 dollars- To forgive an old friend- To fix an old love.
But time is cruel.
There is never enough time.
Thank you for your Time to explain my thoughts.
For real thought what are your thoughts on the word?
My world is cold
These days are old
I've aged so much
From the loss of your touch.
Over a hundred days past
It feels forever will last
I cant go on any more
It's time to close the door.
Seal me away from today
Lay me in my coffin and pray
That god will forgive me of my sins
That I will be reminded of my wins.
I'm cutting too deep
And this blood is starting to seep
Dont cry dont weep
Good memories, please keep.
Sad days are to come
False hope resounded by some
That everything's okay
And I will be ok..
Please end this pain
That no man can sustain
These days are a stain
That pours down like rain.
Every second that goes by
Is another tear that wont dry
I'm drowning in sorrow
At the thought of no tomorrow.
I cant live a life
Without my beautiful wife
I cant enjoy the ride
Without you by my side.
God forgive me
I pray you will see
My own mind
Is my greatest enemy.
When you get a cut
You need to treat it.
And tend to it
Until it heals.
Ignore the fact it exists
And it becomes infected
And begins to spread
until that body part
Needs to be removed.
Ive left my wounds untreated
Far too long.
Now look at me.
Im a living zombie.
With a few bandages on me.
Because of these wounds.
But as long as i get treatment
These scars will be a reminder
Never to cut myself again.
Never to make the same mistake twice.
But they need to heal first.
So lets treat
Dont cut too deep
The clear horizon.
Just past the eye of the storm.
— The End —