in the deep i found a treasure
on the far side of never
never dared to venture
deeper than what's deemed safer
never been discovered
never been claimed
i didnt claim the treasure
it wasnt mine to own
so i swam back to the surface
back to the familiar
back to what is known

it was a dog eat dog world
so i became a cat
i'm clever like that

I am a diamond that fell off a ring
I am lost but I know my value
I am broken but I know my worth
I am a diamond that has never been worn
I am yet to be adored but I will never stop shining

I pondered the thought of insanity
Taking the time to weigh it all up
Feeling the pressure of all consequence
Should I slip up

I began to sift through old recordings
Stashed away in the hope of amnesia
I dusted them off, anticipating
But ready to begin

For in those broken hours formed a lady
Designed by an autistic artist
Those flaws seemed so beautifully *****
Bringing flowers and gifts to her room

I recognised her face in the photograph
Much more dusty than ever before
For the life of me I could not remember her name
She was gorgeous

I endeavoured to find out her meaning
Her purpose, her lifestyle, her goals
In reality, she never knew me
Oh, but I knew her!

Scratching below layer upon layer
Stumbling numb towards truth
Wanting so much, all those flowers
And gifts in her room

For in those broken hours formed a lady
A woman romantically perfumed
Weaving in and out of insanity
Yet, always in truth

Strength can come in many forms
Sometimes invisible
Sometimes tangible

Strength can be a phoenix feather
Strength can be a lotus flower
Growth from the ashes
Growth from the peaceful waters

Strength can come in many forms
A feather or a flower
Both lead you home

I am a female by birth
The same way that he is a male
Sometimes this ****** is a curse
When he thinks that my body is for sale

I am not a female by choice
That decision was made for me
He tries to oppress my voice
Yet I rise above the cruel inequality

I am a female by birth
I am learning to live with it
This male dominating world
Will never crush my spirit

I am a female with poetic prowess
I am a female crafted in stoic strength

You wanted to dance with me
With bare feet
On broken glass
With no music
When I was a paraplegic

You wanted to do the impossible
Just to laugh probability in the face
You wanted to dance with me
In the middle of the pouring rain
But I don't like your chances
I don't believe in fate

Turn the light off for I cannot bare to watch this scene
I never knew that romance could end up so **** ugly

I never asked to be your victim
You made me into one
Without asking for my permission

I never asked to be the subject
Of this endless torment
Of this ceaseless disrespect

I never asked but here I am
******* in your rancid *******
Following your putrid commands

I never asked to be your victim
You forced me into one
I promise myself that I will find a way out

The girl in blue is through with you
Through with your ****** gestures
Cleaning up your messes
I'm putting on a brand new dress
The girl in blue is changing her view

I didn't want him to die
If only he'd had a survival guide

If such a guide existed
He wouldn't have been so twisted

It's painful to hear the truth
That he died because of you

So you choose to hide
In your comfortable denial

Closure is something that I will never have
You did not think I deserved that
No explanation
No goodbye
Makes me think that our friendship was a lie

Closure is something that I rarely receive
It seems they do it just to spite me
I'm too much to deal with
Too much drama
Too demanding
It makes me question the point of my existence

Closure is an elusive myth
As invisible as a birthday wish
Closure is an old friend that I met in a dream
He taught me about acceptance
He taught me about inner peace
Now I realise that true closure is found from within

my deceit was so destructive
tearing a hole in our friendship

i know that you don't trust me
that harsh truth simply kills me

if friendship is built on trust
what will happen to us?

in my mind is a haunting picture
that i'll be unable to fix this

it cuts through my soul like a knife
to think of you leaving my life

i'm aware that i deserve this
for the decency that i relinquished

my deceit was so destructive
burning a hole in our friendship

maybe i should give up waiting
waiting on a call that will not come
people like you do not change
i have no more time to waste
i need to give up on this fantasy
that you are capable of love

You have not changed
I have to walk away
There is no shame in knowing your limitations

she is pointlessly running in circles
desperately searching for definite answers
she cannot help running in circles
knowing full well that she has run out of chances

Stop does not mean stop.
Stop means that I'll pretend I didn't hear it.

No does not mean no.
No means that I will have to make you say yes.

Accountability means I will hide all the evidence, conveniently leaving out anything incriminating

Stop does not mean stop.
It is a guideline for how far I will go.

Shame is a man that I know well
He lingers near my bedroom doorway
Watching me undress
Scanning my movements
He documents my every transgression
So when the time is right
My guilt can be displayed
Shame is cunning that way

Shame is a woman that I cannot relate to
She calls me a ****
Woman attacking woman
Mocking the concept of sisterhood
Spitting on the idea of love
Destroying the human in all of us

Shame is an infectious disease
That I caught as a child
Deadly, contagious
Telling me lies, brutally outrageous
Like I am ugly and worthless
Like I am not enough
Shame is a toxic addiction
That we should all try to give up

In the whole time I experienced you

It all comes down to this main truth

Fourteen-year-old girls

Should not feel the hell

That comes from getting in that car

Driven by that older man

Who knew better than to let it get that far


So then years later,

That girl can hate

Every single man

Who didn’t treat her right


It’s a painful sight

A beautiful woman,

Losing her pride

After accepting that ride

It was the biggest mistake of her life.



Let’s talk about the truth

I meant little if nothing to you


That was back then

But now

To me, you’re just a memory

I barely reminisce

To you, I don’t even exist



Let’s face the facts head on

The only reason that I haven’t

Cut your memory completely off


Is because

Some mistakes are just so huge

And my epic life mistake was you

You’re in a microscopic part of my mind

So I remember. Not. To. Repeat. You.



And to teach my future daughters

As well as women of today

To accept nothing less but kindness and love

As the only way



So if you must open his car door

At least enter guarded

At least enter strong

Wear your pride wherever you stride

And remember you are a woman…



So, you can never be wrong.

Keys between my knuckles
As I hurry to my car
This place still aint safe
At least not after dark

I've been female for thirty one years
My *** is abundantly clear
When I cannot walk outside at night
Without my friend called Fear

Keys between my knuckles
Pepper spray clutched in my hand
What can I say to these Testosterone Tyrants
To make them understand?

This place is still not equal
When half of us are afraid
I want to stay up late
Walk the streets and know I'm safe

Boys will be boys
They will rarely be men
The protectors became predators
It's a hard truth to accept

Keys between my knuckles
As I hurry to my car
This world is still not safe yet
At least not for us

her fingers traced
indistinguishable shapes
along my skin
leaving a lingering imprint
an exotic imprint of forbidden love
an imprint for me to remember
when my body is in his arms

her fingers held my once chained body
i find myself sobbing
from the pure intensity
it is downright terrifying
how much this woman affects me

her fingers traced
invisible shapes
along my skin
this is a fleeting affair
though it means the world to me

I was raised by a pack of male wolves

Who taught me their version of womanhood

They called me Little Red Riding Hood
Handed me a cape
They told me to run through the woods
So I did.

When I got to the house of safety
And found a wolf hiding there
I thought he was my family
So I was not scared
When his paws were on my body and I dissolved into nothingness

I was raised by a pack of wolves
Who never bothered to tell me
I was one myself