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Beckie Davies Oct 2020
in 1996
when i was seven years old
my father introduced me to my first ever search engine
he told me i could
search
for anything i wanted
anything at all
so
i
typed
in
dolls
my first experience with a search engine
Beckie Davies Nov 2020
i was standing at the edge of a very long fall
only to find i never existed at all
Beckie Davies Oct 2020
In the whole time I experienced you

It all comes down to this main truth

Fourteen-year-old girls

Should not feel the hell

That comes from getting in that car

Driven by that older man

Who knew better than to let it get that far


So then years later,

That girl can hate

Every single man

Who didn’t treat her right


It’s a painful sight

A beautiful woman,

Losing her pride

After accepting that ride

It was the biggest mistake of her life.



Let’s talk about the truth

I meant little if nothing to you


That was back then

But now

To me, you’re just a memory

I barely reminisce

To you, I don’t even exist



Let’s face the facts head on

The only reason that I haven’t

Cut your memory completely off


Is because

Some mistakes are just so huge

And my epic life mistake was you

You’re in a microscopic part of my mind

So I remember. Not. To. Repeat. You.



And to teach my future daughters

As well as women of today

To accept nothing less but kindness and love

As the only way



So if you must open his car door

At least enter guarded

At least enter strong

Wear your pride wherever you stride

And remember you are a woman…



So, you can never be wrong.
say NO to ****** assault.
Beckie Davies Dec 2020
I needed you to agree
So that I could be free
Of you
Of them
Of it
I needed you to agree
Because arguments always look better that way
agree with me.
Beckie Davies Oct 2020
She was the most talented poet.
She wrote with such emotion.
Except no one liked poetry.
if no one liked poetry...
Beckie Davies Oct 2020
When I was eleven
My teacher asked me a question

What do you want to be when you grow up ?

I said,
I want to be a poet
I want to create words out of nothing

I was already a poet
I did not realise
That I had always been
i have always been a poet
Beckie Davies Oct 2020
you will always be here
like the moon that hovers
stoically independent

you will always be here
unequivocally present
luminously magnificent

you will always be here
like a God that loves abundantly
forever omnipresent

i may no longer see you
but you will always be here
death did not destroy you
Beckie Davies Oct 2020
I stare out across the Indian Ocean
I see God's face amongst the waves

My darling, He looks a lot like you.

An interestingly ironic image, considering you don't believe.
That's just what I see.
my two greatest loves
Beckie Davies Dec 2020
I don't know why they hate me
I was only trying to make
The world a better place

I don't know what makes
A man into a monster
A monster into a man
There is so much that I do not understand

The better place
The "superior" race
Is a lie I told myself every day
the birth of a monster
Beckie Davies Nov 2020
Her beauty is profound
Leaving me blinded and tongue tied

Her grace is majestic
Inspiring me to learn her secret language

Her intelligence is a sacrament
Enticing me to be baptised and take off my disguise

Her gaze is soul searching
Precipitating my inevitable spiritual rebirthing

Her beauty is profound
Leaving me enraptured and spell bound
she had the kind of beauty that was simply profound
Beckie Davies Dec 2020
I'm that girl with the Australian accent
I'm the poet who writes in the corner
When the party is getting boring
You'll find me with my journal writing scribbles with my blue pen

I get easily distracted
I tend to feel fat most of the time
Sometimes I seem to lose my passion
Until I hear Ani DiFranco and my heart is set on fire

I fall in love so ******* easily
I'll see your ocean eyes and fall upon my knees
Suddenly I'll see your face on every street
Secretly hoping that one day you'll want to marry me

I'm that girl that got bullied all through school
I think that being different is a fun activity to do
I might get rejected on a regular basis
Rejects tell the most interesting stories

I'm that girl whose got bipolar and anxiety
I've been hospitalised for both of these things
I lost my faith in the mental health system
I know that no one has the decency to fix it

I'm that girl with the Australian accent
I'll always love even if I don't receive it
My best friend has always been Jesus
When I die I'll leave behind the words I write with this blue pen
a little poem about me
Beckie Davies Oct 2020
she was an Australian beauty
with a European name
her accent was her birth right
but her olive complexion gave her away

he was her Australian saviour
he gave her a brand new name
her accent pronounces it clearly
but her complexion still gives her away

European blood
surges through her Australian veins
her accent was her birth right
her olive complexion gave her away
European blood surges through these Australian veins
Beckie Davies Dec 2020
Honesty is myth unless you pay for it
Beauty is a commodity that we confuse with superficiality
I am beautifully honest but you are unaware of it
beautifully honest is what i was
Beckie Davies Nov 2020
Your intelligence is divine
Oh, what a beautiful mind

Your words are verbal medicine
Oh, there is no comparison

The formation of your ideas
Create a scintillating souvenir

Your intelligence is divine
Oh, what a beautiful mind
your mind is pure beauty
Beckie Davies Oct 2020
I bottled your tears
Crystalline,
Luminous,
I kept it on a shelf for display
So strange,
How something so beautifully pure
Could have been borne from pain
the beauty in sadness
i am not ashamed of my failures
i use them to paint beauty from the ashes
each failure was a place of learning
each failure is a sign of growth
there is beauty in every single failure
they help me paint a picture from the ashes
they help me paint a picture of hope
painting beauty from the ashes
Beckie Davies Oct 2020
You begged me to stay
So I stayed

You begged me to change
So I changed

You begged me to smile
So I smiled

If I beg you to die
Will you die?
i beg you to stop begging me
Beckie Davies Nov 2020
I don't believe in best friends
But I believe in you
You paint my sky cerulean blue
You give me hope to hold onto
You make my broken heart feel brand new
I don't believe in best friends
But if I did my best friend would be you
i dont believe in best friends
Beckie Davies Oct 2020
i slammed on the brake
a second too late
and i crashed head first
into
my
biggest
mistake
the infidelity i regret
Beckie Davies Oct 2020
I won't say goodbye to you
Because I can't

You are part of my chemical make up

We are eternally bonded

I won't say goodbye to you

Instead I will make room for you

I am not ashamed of you

I won't let the stigma win

Bipolar, come and take a seat

We might as well be friends
I make friends with my crazy..
Beckie Davies Dec 2020
The bird took flight
She was frightened by the slamming door
She flew into an electric fence
The bird, it is no more
oh, what a slamming door can do
Betrayal comes in many colours
Betrayal comes in many forms
No betrayal quite matches yours

The knife you stabbed into my back
Twists and slices my flesh
A painfully bitter reminder that I won't trust you again
the bitterness of betrayal
Beckie Davies Nov 2020
The blade feels cool against my skin
This place is so dark but strangely familiar
I pray for the courage within
To press down hard
To commit that fatal sin

The blade feels like home
The most morbid honesty I've ever known
Pain is something I can understand
Blood is a friend that I could keep around

The blade feels cool against my skin
This place is so dark but it's my reality
The blade feels cool against my skin
The blade will set me free
pain is something i can understand
Beckie Davies Oct 2020
I was born in the eighties
I grew up in the nineties
I became an adult in the noughties
The
Rest
Is
History
~ established in 1989 ~
Beckie Davies Dec 2020
They bulldozed the bushland and put up a concrete building

They moved the bushland into the building so the building would look more inviting

I went to find the bushland because it's my favourite place to write

Only to find a building in which I was not allowed inside
she had to find another place to write
Beckie Davies Nov 2020
Is a cheater always a cheater?
Do you cheat then wear that brand forever?
What if you're remorseful and want to change?
What if you never cheat again?

Is a cheater always a cheater?
I've always been a fidelity believer
I also believe that leopards can change their spots
But I cheated so I'm a cheater forevermore
is a cheater always a cheater?
Beckie Davies Oct 2020
I am not Cinderella
There is no glass slipper on my feet
I don't need no Prince Charming
I am already complete

My story is no fairy tale
This does not end the way you think
Reality is harsher than fiction
Good guys don't always win

I am not Cinderella
I traded my ball gown for ripped jeans
I don't need no Prince Charming
I am already Queen
alternative fairy tale
Beckie Davies Dec 2020
Hold onto me and I'll disappear
Let go of me and I'll stay for years
your mistake was holding on
Beckie Davies Oct 2020
Dear ******,
I made this lovely coffin
Lined with beautiful red satin
I crafted it perfectly
Handmade especially for you
I know you didn't ask for it
But neither did I
So what do you say,
Fancy a nap?
revenge sometimes comes in the shape of a coffin
Beckie Davies Nov 2020
Cold was the winter air when you broke the news to me

Anger was the first emotion that I remember feeling

Grey was the colour that everything turned, like all the colours had been evaporated

Gone were all the dreams that we ever created

Cold was the winter air when you broke the news to me
breakup
Beckie Davies Oct 2020
What is the colour of love?
What is the price of pain?
The answer lay within the blood
Pumping through his veins
Beckie Davies Oct 2020
Pain comes in many colours,
Red.
Blue.
Green.

Red, the blood on the pavement
Blue, the deep well of depression
Green, the envy of knowing that I will never have what you have

Pain comes in many colours,
And you are colour blind.
you will never see my pain
Beckie Davies Dec 2020
The comfort you seek brings out the anger in me
The more that you speak
The less I know how to be
The comfort that you seek brings us no peace
the comfort you did seek
Beckie Davies Oct 2020
****.
You're already here and I need more time
Time, time
Time to write a very good alibi

Why?
Because you'd more than *****
Up the truth, if you heard it

Baby!

The pet name that you called me years ago
Now it's what I call the ugly thing in my belly

Ohh...
Every single pair of eyes linger on my face now
My face, my body, my name
And now you are here way too early
Or maybe too late

Yes.
I know you never knew the truth
I know I never told you
Perhaps I believed I was bullet proof
Or really I just didn't want to cause you hassle

No.
I don't hate or blame or want to **** you
I just don't want you here
You make it hard for me to dissapear
You also make it hard for me to fool myself

Empty.
The bottle, the threats, the excuses
And the supply of fluids that we used
To support my tears

What?
Don't ask me what we are doing
The last time I checked it was "I" not "We"
And my face wasn't pretty
It was *****

****.
You're actually here and you're actually not going
It looks like you really want answers
Answers of the substantial kind
I'd better brew a kettle of peppermint tea
The awkward, emotional meeting of two people with a history.
Beckie Davies Oct 2020
I don't hate men
No, not at all

I am simply aware
Of what they are capable of

I don't hate men
That would not be fair

But neither is the act
Of *** without consent
i don't hate men
Beckie Davies Nov 2020
This thing was beautiful
This thing was magnificent
This thing was magical
A magical mess

This thing broke his heart
This thing damaged our trust
This thing almost tore us apart
I'm trying to fix this up

This thing has hurt my self confidence
This thing has made me so selfish
This thing stole my innocence
Actions have consequences
our actions have consequences
Beckie Davies Nov 2020
I tasted the money in my mouth
A bitter transaction
A disgusting sensation
All problems can be solved with cash
What is your price?
What a sordid question
I tasted the money in my mouth
The sour taste of consumerism
the taste of consumerism
Beckie Davies Nov 2020
I lost years to you
Submitted my soul from the start
I bowed down to you
I served you till my fingers bled
I followed you everywhere you went

I lost years to you
Thinking this is all I'd ever get
Thinking that without you I'd be be worthless
Until the day I gathered up my courage and left
having the courage to leave
Beckie Davies Oct 2020
i will never forget the year 2020
when one little disease turned the world into a frenzy

i saw people fight over toilet paper
it seemed like my life had been changed forever

i will never forget the year 2020
it was the wake up call we had never been expecting
it's about time i wrote about it
Beckie Davies Oct 2020
the more you bleed
the deeper the passion
so
i
severed
your
jugular
and soaked myself in our crimson romance
this is how much i love you
Beckie Davies Nov 2020
He crossed the line
Entering my life
He ignored my resistance signs
Avoiding all my female land mines
There were no explosions
There was no protection
He crossed the line
Desecrating my sacred shrine
crossing lines into desecration
Beckie Davies Dec 2020
the
choices
had
been
laid
out
for
me
all i had to do                          was choose
what choice will i make?
Beckie Davies Nov 2020
Crucify me
You know that you want to

Hang me up
Next to all of my mistakes

While you hammer in those nails
I wonder

Will they crucify you with me?
our crucifixion
Beckie Davies Oct 2020
He lathered me up so well
I didn't know the soap was lies
So even though I felt clean
It was all a cruel disguise
lathered in lies
Beckie Davies Nov 2020
this universe is too small for the both of us
no matter how far i run
you are still too close

this destruction is too devastating
it permeates through to my core
so forgive me as i cut this poisonous cord
Beckie Davies Dec 2020
take this snow white daisy chain
a handmade token of my faith
my faith in love
my faith in love
take this and please don't give up
daisy chain  of faith
💜💜💜
Beckie Davies Nov 2020
You wanted to dance with me
With bare feet
On broken glass
With no music
When I was a paraplegic

You wanted to do the impossible
Just to laugh probability in the face
You wanted to dance with me
In the middle of the pouring rain
But I don't like your chances
I don't believe in fate
he wanted to dance with fate
Beckie Davies Oct 2020
I get scared of death

So I decided to write it down

So maybe I could move on

Bold and brave and strong



I can't comprehend death

It's too hard to understand

The unknown is like the dark

A primal fear to man



So here I mention death

Put it in front of the mirror

Hold it up to the light

So we can see it a little clearer



Maybe death is just like life

Perhaps just another version

Maybe it's a circle instead of a line

Maybe it doesn't even matter



I get scared of death

So I decided to write it down

And now I'm moving on

Bold and brave and strong
the relationship between life and death
my deceit was so destructive
tearing a hole in our friendship

i know that you don't trust me
that harsh truth simply kills me

if friendship is built on trust
what will happen to us?

in my mind is a haunting picture
that i'll be unable to fix this

it cuts through my soul like a knife
to think of you leaving my life

i'm aware that i deserve this
for the decency that i relinquished

my deceit was so destructive
burning a hole in our friendship
my deceit was so destructive
Beckie Davies Oct 2020
I am a diamond that fell off a ring
I am lost but I know my value
I am broken but I know my worth
I am a diamond that has never been worn
I am yet to be adored but I will never stop shining
I will never stop shining...
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