Psychological issues?

Sure.

I've got plenty.

I don't know exactly when it started
But some time ages ago
During elementary school
I just felt so worthless
Like I was numb
I wanted to feel
But I didn't know how
And it wasn't a sharp pain
I would welcome a sharp pain
It was dull ache that wouldn't leave me
I froze in my own icy thoughts
Maybe it was the loneliness
Or all the things those girls said to me
Maybe it was the insults or the whispers
Or maybe it was just my twisted mind
But whatever the cause
I tried to **** myself
When I was just a little 11 year old girl
When some girls were still playing with Barbies in secret
I was secretly playing with knives and ropes
I would take that blade
And scratch a cut into my wooden headboard
One slit in the wood for every moment that I wanted to die
Because I was too young back then to even think of my wrist
That came later
A few years later
And still
There are days where I just feel so horrible and sad and broken
For absolutely zero reason
It doesn't make sense
Nothing bad is even happening
But I feel shattered
I spent a year feeling so. hollow.
So f!cking hollow
I felt like I couldn't breathe
Like I wasn't alive
I spent entire days
Not speaking
I still miss the cuts sometimes, honestly
I like my scars
Which sounds terrible
But I trace them with my fingernails absentmindedly some days
During the darker nights
It comforts me
Because even though I’m not going to cut myself ever again
I can jolt myself into remembering the pain
And it is a form of relief in itself
I don’t know
Not something I can explain
Is that depression?
Probably not though, I feel bad suggesting it in front of people who actually for sure have depression when I haven't been analyzed
But still, it's not impossible I guess

I spent 5 years
From grade 5 through to grade 9
Which is pretty **** young
Feeling fat
Hating my body
Hating myself
I can see my ribs but I still feel fat
It’s okay I can fix that
Eating a little less
Skip a meal
Just skip lunch
Just eat a tiny breakfast, no lunch
No breakfast, no lunch but it’s okay because I have a good dinner
I think I’m losing weight
Is it bad that I’m in grade 5 and thinking like this?
This is great
I think it’s working
I’m in grade 6 now
Maybe I won’t be worthless if I become skinny
I can still see my ribs
I could from the beginning
But I still feel fat
Okay, less dinner now
Hide it well
Let’s switch
No lunch, a little dinner and a bit of breakfast
Just enough to stay alive
Although how much to I really want to stay alive?
Fat.
Look at my legs
Look at their legs
My thighs God I hate my thighs
Eat less
Eat less and less
Until I’m basically surviving on snacks and just the beginnings of each meal
Just enough to take a few bites before they leave the room for a minute
Just long enough for me to throw away my food
But I don’t think I’m losing weight
I will never be enough
7th grade
Just a little less
Don’t tell any of them
Losing pounds
Check my reflection
I still feel fat
I try to be less so I can feel like I’m more
But does the number on the scale even matter anymore?
I’m promising and promising I ate before I came
But these pretty little lies are driving even me insane
And they can’t see through my smile they can’t figure it out
I’m slowly killing myself
From the inside out
Pretty soon, “I don’t feel well” is my favorite phrase and an everyday thing
A justification for my small portions that I don’t finish
It’s true though
I don’t feel well
I feel worthless.
It continues into 8th and 9th grade
Worse and worse
Looking up the calories of different food
Surviving on water and tea
Just enough food to stay alive
Though I really don’t care that much about my own survival, really
Is that anorexia nervosa?
I doubt it
But it’s a possibility I guess

I look in the mirror
And I feel so f!cking ugly
I literally cannot find ONE thing I like about myself
I cannot leave the house without makeup
Because I am SO ashamed of my own face
I genuinely feel bad for the people who have to see my face
I cry sometimes, because I look in the mirror and see my own worthless hideousness
I remember that sleepover I was invited to with the popular girls and I wondered why
When I got locked in a closet, got soap sprayed in my mouth and locked outside in the freezing cold snow without pants on when I was just trying to change into my night clothes
That’s when I knew I had been invited just so they could torment me
I don’t like being the entertainment for the party
I tried to just go to sleep because if I called home I would look like a coward
And my mother who NEVER let me go to sleepovers would get to say “I told you so”
And when they thought I was asleep
But I wasn’t
I listened to them talk for a full hour
My eyes on the clock
My ears on their conversation
“Is she asleep”?
I didn’t know they were talking about me until I heard them mention my name
When they talked for a full f!cking hour
In detail
About why I was ugly
On what levels I was ugly
The degree of my ugliness
I didn’t cry
I didn’t sit up and tell them I could hear them
It would be too humiliating
I listened
And I know they are right
But now it’s getting bad
My face doesn’t even look human to me anymore
It looks like some sort of beastly troll’s face
It looks f!cking hideous
My mother is worried about me
Because I can’t even look myself in the mirror when I have no makeup on
Because I Freak. Out when it is suggested that I might have to be in public without hiding my ugly face in makeup
It literally affects my ability to function properly in everyday life.
The thing is, those girls said it
And they ALL agreed
So if I REALLY had dysmorphia
Then it would all be in my mind
And if they all agreed I was hideous
Then I must be
So how can it be imagined?
I don’t know
Anyway
My point is
I suppose
MAYBE
It is possible
I have dysmorphia

But
Depression
Anorexia Nervosa
Dysmorphia

Those possible diseases of the mind
I
Have multiple
Psychological issues

BUT OCD IS NOT F!CKING ONE OF THEM

How dare he suggest such a thing
Just because I
“Always seem to be working towards something”
Excuse me for not getting drunk and high and naked
Putting off work
Not caring about anything
It’s not OCD though
It’s just called going somewhere in life
Because I may as well
Since in my mind
I’m hopelessly lost

I wrote a f-cking poem for you.

You tell me how they broke your heart and how you wished for someone who would love all your broken parts.

You'd say "She treated me like dirt" followed by a shrug. Then you turn your back to me when I lean in for a hug?

I think you're in denial, my attempts are plain to see.

So now you won't remember all those hours in your room, where I let you break all over me?

You ungrateful little sh-t.

What about that time I covered you with blankets and let you make me sick?

Blah blah blah...

I imagine your eyes right now, rolling back. "Whatever Mel, boo hoo."

But I wrote a f-cking poem for you.

A whole new spiral,
Trees upon a coil,
Ink from leagues,
Written feathers,
Drizzled down as oil,
Evermore,
Nevermore,
Less is more,
All.
Reverse inside-out,
Springs before fall,
Trojan powered horses,
Mother Nature's fickle,
In life we really are all,
Trapped within a pickle...
Steal the base,
Capture the flag,
Always run the risk,
Chess played on a checker board,
Hands turned into fists...
The endless stairs,
Rise & fall,
Chutes & ladders,
Poles,
Elevated,
Reciprocated,
Orbital magnetic pull...
This way,
That way,
Three rights make a left,
Two of either,
Horizontal shift,
Four times,
Stuck in circles...
Full Moon,
Half Moon,
Crescent Moon,
**** cheeks...
Face cheeks,
Two lips,
Uranus,
**** facts...
The Owl asks "Who?"
Not how many licks,
Cracked.
Tongue twister,
Riddle fister,
******* fcking dcks...
Creation.
Destruction.
Under construction,
Living life,
Chasing death,
Don't forget to function...
Playing hooky,
Hooked on phonics,
Telephone,
Hello?
Lose the "O",
Cheerios,
Rolled away,
Hell.
Pacific Bell,
Pack Bell,
Liberty Bell,
Cracked.
Xs,
Os,
Hugs,
Kisses,
Followed crumbs,
Smacked...
Cacophony of words,
Magnified to deaf,
Pantomime,
Mr. Mime,
Jynx,
Hypnotic crest...
Abra,
Kadabra,
Apply directly to the forehead...
Water your brain,
Fertilize,
Extra fries,
Exercise...
A to Z,
1, 2, 3...
F*cking A,
We say...
Today is here,
The end is near,
All come here to stay...
Escape rope untethered,
Weather altered sky day.
Gaze at stars,
Hollywood floor,
Rich,
Poor,
More...
Life is great,
Life is crap,
You decide,
Not me...
Cause all I see,
Is cacophony...
No sense inside of "we"...
Here we are,
We've come so far,
RELAX...
Have fun at last...
Half full,
Half empty,
Shattered...
At least we have the glass......

You know what yes
I DO miss you
I miss our inside jokes
I miss laughing so hard I can’t breathe at the back table
I miss passing coded notes
Getting in trouble together
Playing the cup song in health class
Laughing at funny quotes on your phone
I miss accidentally breaking your whiteout
I miss texting every night way too late
I miss being able to trust you with any secret
I miss how you would never say an unkind word to me
I miss how we really truly believed our friendship was forever
I miss your dumb owl jewelry
I miss you always having to borrow money from me
I miss you always trying to convince me to put my hair up in a bun
I miss ordering the same Starbucks drink as you
I miss calling each other sisters
I miss YOU
But you died
I have already mourned your loss
I have grieved for your death
I still feel pangs of sorrow on lonely nights for you back when you were alive
But at some point
After a death
You need to move on with your life
It is just hard because there is this ***** with a capital B
The one who killed you
Who walks around ******* up everyone’s life under your name
She looks exactly like you and murdered you
Then decided to be a f!cking *****
She shattered us
She BROKE our sisterly bond of friendship
She pushed us away
Bit by bit isolating herself from us
We still thought it was you at first
We didn’t realize this horrible soulless ***** had replaced you
Because she looked exactly like you
Now I loathe f!cking owl jewelry
She sleeps in your bed every night
And no one else knows that you were killed by a ***** who took your place
I miss the old you
I really do
And sometimes I hear songs that remind me of You
And I cry
I’ve cried 6 different times in the last 7 days listening to a song that reminds me of you
But this murderous ***** who killed you
And goes by your name
And shattered me
SHE is not the same person as you
And I loathe her
I feel no love or attachment to that cold-blooded girl
I want to electrocute her
and light her on fire
and skin her alive
and cut off her limbs one by one
and then her head and display it on a pike
for killing you
and damaging me and those I love
I don’t miss her
I miss you
You are two different people who just happen to have both occupied the same body at different times
And go by the same name
You can’t come back from the dead
It has been over a year
I miss you badly
And I hate her horribly
But you died a long, long time ago.

Repost if you can relate at all.
Sorry for the violent bit, I just love very deeply as well as loathe very deeply and I am way too bloodily-minded... sorry....

you were the de(f)inition of
toxic.

yo(u) took control
and never let go,
with a (c)onstant
deathly grip on my soul.

could you have been
any more aggressive?
only god (k)nows.

but i know one thing.
i left (y)ou,
as soon as i c(o)uld,
and
i'm
f(u)cking glad i did.

A lively debate
that inside I create
A seemingly
simple state
But this state
of affairs
Is like a ****** affair
The details
I wish not to share
Please,
don’t stare
For inside
I’m scared
Am I prepared?
Do I have
the ***** to do
what I really care?
Or am I going
to stay on this ship
of self-despair
Where
I can scream
my lungs ******
into the air
But does anyone care?
Do I even f@cking care??

Maybe a life spared
but spare me the
retched bullsh@t
of self-pity
I’m self-giving
It wreaks up the air
It’s noxious scent
is not one I care
to ever encounter
or fair

Let’s “clear the air”
and take on
what I want
from now on
No longer a pawn
who is living the tired
joke
of some pathetic
love song

No, THIS
is my “Swan Song”
Where I belong
This sh@t is ON!

Climbing the mountain strong
Bellowing a chant
a song
That’s been so deep within
for so long
It can only come out
Right
Because “wrong”
does not belong
This virus
is airborne

No longer forlorn
All the darkness
is gone
You have been
forewarned
Are you ready?
Because it’s coming
Sounding the horn
Sacrificed
the firstborn
The “storm”
Once icy and cold
Now simmering warm
Going to bubble into
volcanic ash scorned
This Oath
hath been sworn
Tattered and torn
**** cloth
all that is worn

But forward my path
What’s behind me
My ***
The past
Worn out,
decayed,
and shriveling trash
All that
is gone
as I head
towards the dawn
Through the darkness
I’ve trekked
The Sun rises ahead
And with it
My song

My Swan Song
I am reborn
withered and worn
But still strong
I belong
I am one
with the Universe
The path before me
is brightly lit
with happiness and joy
No more patheticness
All the grit
and the spit
Broken teeth
All that sh@t
It all meant something
It was THIS

Every bruise
Every break
All the “wrongs”
and “mistakes”
Are what it takes
You can call it fate
or simply short of fatal
but since
neonatal
through this day till
Every day
I thankfully say
“Thank you”
for showing me the way
Because now I have
A love that stays
A true love
One that can’t
get away
Because I value Me
One ‘hopes’ or ‘prays’
But like a house
Each brick is laid
Onto the next
Foundation made
A sturdy house
Can’t blow away
Hard work put in
Made it this way
The same for me
The price I paid
But end result
A saving grace

Tick tock
Tick Tock
It's late
tock Tick  
tock Tick  
I'm wired
Tick
I'm tired
Tock
I'm wired I'm tired I'm tired I'm wired
Tick-tock tock-tick
Tick tock tickety tock  
tickety tick tickety tock
Shut up
Shut up
Shut up-shut up
shut the **** up
you stupid fu-cking clock
I'm tired
I'm wired
If I don't get some sleep I'll get fired
Tick-tock tock-tick
Tick tock tickety tock  
tickety tick tickety tock
Shut up
Shut up
Shut up-shut up
shut the **** up
you stupid fu-cking clock
Some sleep
Can't sleep
My mind
Just creeps
Just blind
Count sheep
Do'n't work
Each peep
Alert
Can't sleep
Create
Won't sleep
And think
Don't sleep
Excite
**** sleep
**** sleep!
**** SLEEP
Tick-tock tock-tick
Tock-tick tick-tock
Tick tock tickety tock  
tickety tick tickety tock
Shut up
Shut up
Shut up-shut up
shut the **** up
you stupid fu-cking clock
Alarm
Goes beep
Oh well
No sleep
Need sleep
**** work
I'll sleep

I’m so tired of that just friends ****.
How far can we take this? When do we stop labeling our love as a friendship and call it what it is?

I’m so tired of these one night stands, rushing to put my clothes on after ***, leaving no trace of myself but the sent of our lust filled passion on your sheets.

I’m so tired of hiding in the shadows, being your late-night *******, saying “I’m just not ready for a relationship.” Yet your ready to spread my legs, and i let you because of the trance you put me in when i look in your eyes.

I’m so tired of being that girl.

***** you know I'm not straight
but your friends didn't know so you still let them hate.
Obviously they're allowed their views I give it to them
but is not alright for my actions to be condemned.
They know it isn't contagious but talk as if I'm sick.
Well I'm not so tell them, they're being a ******* *****.
Friends are not friends when they treat their friends, friends like ****.
So please tell them to stop and think, maybe some girls just don't like *****.

You know why I'm obsessed with makeup?
You know why I literally BREAK. DOWN. when I see myself in the mirror on one of those REALLY ugly days that I have?
You know why I seem f!cking vain and beauty obsessed and attention seeking because of how self-deprecating I am?
You know why I am currently crying...alone...on my bedroom floor...kind of pathetically?

Because now I'm a little bit scared
That maybe I DO have a disease of the mind
Maybe I DO have something in my head that isn't right
It just seems so impossible
Because I mean
I look in the mirror
And all I see is this hideous shameful beastly girl
So ugly
In fact, I genuinely feel terrible for the people who have to look at me
and I don't know why
I just don't see how anybody could ever possibly think that I am pretty
And for some reasons I'm crying right now
And I feel really alone
But no no no
There is no way I really have dysmorphia
Is there?

I feel embarrassed
Like I come across shallow
And stupid
And makeup obsessed
Because I can't ever see myself as pretty
NOT EVEN ONCE
not even decent
Not even reasonable
I just. see. UGLY.
and ashamed of my face,
And ashamed of my obsession
With cosmetics
Because it is like the only medicine they made
To fix this affliction
Makeup can make up for how ugly I am
maybe it can fix me
maybe I won't hate myself anymore
but it never does
and I hate crying alone!

Hey, Superstar!

Yeah, you - Indie Kid! Sure you are. You strut around as though all

                                                            ­ ­                                                    it takes

                                                          ­      is

a few too many Wombats Badges,

Converse, Ripped Jeans (Add one addiction to New York, and, of course, the necessary)

          Stupid f#cking Nose Rings and a Drop-Dead-*** exterior. Name three songs the Ramones wrote and I might not rip that shirt right off your back.
You pretend to love festivals but really, you’re just Keeping Up Appearances; we all know that - like you’re some bad reality show. (Even MTV wouldn’t touch you. There. I said it.)

And then

               There is her: a carbon copy eyeliner addict in her

       Stupid stupid stupid! boyfriend’s

F#CKING C-H-E-C-K-E-R-E-D SHIRT

(And the tunnel she stole from the girl that started this.)

Don’t even chat to me about red-head and dip-dye.
And when did AC/DC become your social suicide?

          You harp on about individual, rap on about original, well excuse-me-SIR-ever-so-sorry-MISS-but-dress-yourself-in-sheepskin-­­because MY GOD IT SUITS YOU BETTER THAN ANY PAIR OF VANS.

Haha. Baaaaaaaaaaaaaa. Baa baa, Indie Sheep, have you lost your mind?

‘Cause your personality at least seems to have gone for a wander.

          And come back, in a FASHION -

Tarred in fake love for Nirvana and feathered with the only fatefellshortthistimeblink-182yoursmilefadesinthesummer song you know.

*Feathers? Really? I just told you that you ought to be woolly!

No, I don't think you understand how rare it is for me to like you

To just find you attractive because that is fairly common for me

But actually like you like you

Because those are two very different things

Attraction and affection

No, I meant Affection

It should be capitalized

What I mean is

I don't like ALOT of things

Seriously

I’m freaking negative

I am the queen of all pessimism

I don't like:

Bad grammar

When people pronounce words wrong

People who say Pacifically instead of Specifically

Overly optimistic people Example:(Oh your family is in thousands of
dollars of debt your sister just killed herself and your boyfriend just
cheated on you with your mom and you're pregnant with the baby of
the guy who got you drunk and slept with you without your sober permission who happens to have just moved to Asia to escape having to care for you and his baby? Well, you have your health!) –stab-

The number 9 it sounds like it’s on the edge of something. I hate wishy-
washy numbers that don’t go all the way. Resolve to ten already!!!

Movies where there is a completely impossible happy ending thanks to spontaneous magic

Apple juice

Most flowers

Pink (the color)

The Sun

The month of April

Girls who don’t know how to wear pants. Or a shirt. Seriously. Those aren’t shorts. That’s just a belt that ***** at being a belt.

People who try to ****** me

People who freak out at me when I try to ****** them

Mondays

Tuesdays

Wednesdays

Thursdays

Fridays

Saturday­s

Sundays

F!CKING MONDAYS AND TUESDAYS

When people pronounce french words WRONG

PEOPLE who pronounce french words wrong

Reality TV

Holidays that don't even get you a day off from school

Ducks that are yellow. THEY DON’T EXIST the bath toy company is LYING TO YOU

Sticky hands

The color yellow

The color orange

Colors that just seem too… happy. It makes me want to light them on
fire. And impale them.

Obnoxious hair colors

Girls who wear jeans and skirts simultaneously

Overly colorful rainbows

When people talk into your ear and you can feel their warm breath.

Being drenched in water

Character or word limits

Signs

When I get all disappointed because I dreamed someone I hated got hit by lightning and it doesn’t come true

When I wish really REALLY ******* a star but it just doesn’t come true. Then I have to go and fill the grave I had all dug up for them.

Plastic hangers

Man, I HATE plastic hangers

Walking

Running

Standing

Any kind of action that doesn’t include limply lying around

When I look at someone with extreme loathing and they don’t spontaneously combust. It’s very sad.

Raisins

When you THINK it’s a chocolate chip cookie and it turns out to be
raisins. MAIN REASON I HAVE TRUST ISSUES!

But, I do like you.

That’s saying something.

I LIKE YOU.

Really.

Honest.

But you don’t realize how rare that is.

:P

…God, I’m so violent. I should have that looked at...

Well, there's your positivity for the day

I'm in a dark place right now.
Because everyone insists I live in your shadow.
I need to be more to the likeness of you,
apparently.
I don't like that idea.
But, who's there to listen?

I'm in a dark place right now.
Because everyone thinks I'm doing something wrong.
I need to be more to the likeness of everyone else to fit in,
apparently.
I scream because no one has the guts to stand up for them self.
But, who's there to listen?

I'm in a dark place right now.
Because there's too many people telling lies behind my back.
I need to stop doing drugs,
apparently.
I didn't know I was doing them; I'm trying to stand up for myself here.
But, who's there to listen?

I'm in a dark place right now.
Because everyone's taking up all the f*cking light.
I need the sun to survive,
apparently.
I'm trying to tell you that I don't know how long I can live without it.
But, who's there to listen?

I don't know
It's fine
No it's not fine
I'm not fine
No I'm okay
This doesn't even make any f!cking sense
I don't know
Why am I feeling like this
I need a distraction
I NEED A F!CKING DISTRACTION
why am I yelling
I'm okay
I'm okay
I'm (not) okay
Whatever
Someone stop me from texting him
Before I make an even bigger pathetic ***** of myself
I feel like an emotion-****
That doesn't even make sense
I think I need to find something else to get my mind off him
I think I need to find someone else to get my mind off him
I don't care whatever
Except that I do
Don't let me text him
PLEASE stop me from texting him
My mind is driving me insane
I give up.
No, I can't give up.
I'm going to stop
I won't text him
I think.

A mother sobbing,
a raging mob.
What we need is people
to do their job.
A cop stands still
amidst the crowd.
To **** or…be killed?
His head is bowed.
Lock the door and
set the alarm.
So simple a task
to keep some from harm.
Collecting a paycheck,
is easy to do.
But there’s a lot more
we expect of you.
By the time that you
become a grown up
you should have learned
it’s important to show up.

I actually know how this was going to end,
the great war ended badly for the both of us,
and it's just me in despair again,
so i drove my wheels faster than light
the road became a curve and i was in parallels
t'was a mess, i'm in my next getaway car

i was in my highest in those moments
you threw me, i was at my lowest of lows
maybe it was pathetic of me to think you were different

i know i left you in the blue,
never thought the right thing would be so wrong
you were sunshine, and i was definitely midnight rain

I hate your wit and how childish you are,
where my days were filled by your nonsensical jokes,
where i would swore by your calls,
i hate how i could not live without it
i hate how f*cking tall you are
'cause someday i'll be finding myself in the same crowd as you
and you're the first thing that i will sight
i hate how i remember every detail of your voice, style, and face
i guess the rumors were all true
tall, dark, and beautiful
he flies away and saves someone else

Warning: Bleeped out profanity. Read at your own risk

I would call you "dad"
But I would be ashamed to do so
You cannot stand up for anyone
Fooled into submission by her
That f·cking Satanic b·tch
Who is more irresponsible than I
I am ashamed you ever bed with her
I watch your offspring, wishing to be dead
Now I love your children
They even call me "Mama"
Isn't that alarming?
When they confuse their birthgiver with their sister?
But what would I know
I'm just a young girl
I don't know anything, says you
You overprotect me anyhow
As soon as I can leave, I'll be gone without a trace
Living with my mother, the woman that you hate
That you talk sh·t about, while I am within hearing range
Then act like nothing happened, do you think I am a bafoon?
At least I have the ****** courage
To tell someone to f·ck off
I'm glad I'm nothing like you
So, just f·ck off

i’m not coming for your eyes
or those sinful thighs

no.
the one thing i will always come for
the only thing when it comes to you

is the way you play my mind

the way ill comply
without wanting to
without knowing why
just 'cause it's you

it’s you.
it is.
i’m certain it's you.
you...
or is me?

because today i can't help but feel
that you somehow managed to make me your own

make me one of your fcking needs
when you needed a fcking jester
with you sitting on the throne.

but only when you needed me
and only then.

sometimes i catch myself wondering if it was true
if you really made me turn the one thing i love most
against me

me.

it's me.
it is me.
isn't it?

a ******* rose
nourished by the water of your filthy thoughts
kept alive by the damp ground of your words
you are just carefully surrounding my thorns

a chess figure in the masterpiece
you call your life

but you know what's worse?
i like it now
and i call it mine.

Reasonsonal

You had to see it to believe it in the call centre

How you had to queue up twice in the lines

To hand in your bag and phone

Mard **** fcking security guards thinking they're God


Elevated to a lofty status beyond you and me

Who the fck do these twoddles think they are?

Donald **** Fcking Trump?

At least he's a really rich *******
The fake guards bellow and strut and act all important


'Put your cellphones, ifones, laptops, computers and TVs here!'

Another plastic guard joins the litany:

'And form a separate line and place your bags here!'


Well fck me six times with three hookers

I don't wanna queue up two f*cking times!

I wanna go home and drink my warm ****** English beer!


'You there! Don't put your gadget in your bag. You must queue up twice. You can't buck the system. We're smart and know all the tricks!'


Off to the back of the second flaming line

I will never ever queue up here again

Nor ever give the smarmy guards another chance to feel like God


Bossing me about and being **** wannabes

They're manning the desk in Reasons Call Centre and are all plonkers


***** their little mind games and rules

I'm resigning from my crap job to be a tank driver

Then I'll ****** show them who's boss...

I drown myself in music
So that I cannot hear
My own mother beating my sisters
There's nothing I can do, and that is what I fear

I drown myself in music
Because if I don't I'll drown in anger
Why the fck do you hit my sisters?
DO YOU GET FCKING PEASURE?!

I drown myself so I cannot listen
To my sister's innocence being beaten out
They'll be as FCKED AS YOU!
Driven by anger, primal instinct and DOUBT!

I DON'T WANNA LISTEN
TO WHAT I WENT THROUGH AS A CHILD
SO I DROWN MYSELF IN MUSIC
AS IT KEEPS ME SANE!
UNLIKE YOU, YOU'RE FCKING WILD!!!!

Dear The Boy Who Is Wasting My Time and Emotion,

I can do so much better than you.

no you can't

You are hurting me, every time you speak to me, you break me a little more.

Get over it Princess. You deserve it. God, you're pathetic.

Stop texting me when you have a girlfriend

but you want him to, secretly

I am going to find someone someday who is so much better than you.
Someone who will treat me right instead of treating me like I'm his
Plan B. I'm going to find someone who doesn't drink and get high to
work out his problems when he can't even legally drive yet. That's not
called "being complicated and deep" as you seem to think, it's
called "being an alcoholic and a druggie". I'm going to find someone
who reads, who likes the same books I do and won't make fun of the
series I love that saved me from myself when I wanted to **** myself.
I'm going to find someone with a good heart, who CARES about me,
who will not be Broken but will be okay with me being Broken. Who
will fix me. Not someone who just wants an ego boost like you do.

you will never find anyone like that. You will never do better than
him.

You really aren't who you used to be

So? You should take what you can get, stupid girl. No boy has ever
liked you, and no boy ever will. No boy has even called you pretty
besides him.

You're bad for me.

You are not worth anything better

You say you are sorry and regret hurting me, but I don't believe you

believe him

I want to believe you. So badly

so then just believe him!

but I can't

you stupid ugly worthless *****...

And even if I did believe you, you don’t even like me. You haven’t
even spoken to me for a month. A MONTH you *******!

You’re not worth noticing or speaking to. Why would he care? Just
take it. Take how he treats you and deal with it. It’s what you deserve.
Get used to it, *****.

Even if we talked for a while, for a long while and you managed to
deceive me enough into getting close with you again, then if you asked
me out and we went back down the path we were on before you
dropped me so easily, I could never trust you. You text me flirty texts
while you’re WITH HER! You HAVE a girlfriend and NO girl deserves
to be treated like that. No girl deserves to have an unfaithful boy who
is in her life, but is not committed to her when he claims he is.

You deserve that.

Not even me.

Yes you do.

So I don’t deserve to be treated the way you treat me. I get a mini heart
attack every time you text me and I’d like you out of my life.

Don’t do that. You’ll regret it. You are so, so alone you stupid *****.
What are you thinking?

I can do better than you. I can find someone who likes me. Someone
who’s idea of a good time doesn’t involve ecstasy. Someone who
doesn’t need to be drunk to say something nice to me.

Oh please. You will never ever find anyone.

Please just stop now. I have bigger problems than a boy like you.

Your problems could be solved with a  boy like him though!

I told you that you didn’t hurt me. I am lying. I’m not going to let you
keep hurting me however.

But the pain is so addictive. Let him keep hurting you. It makes you
feel like maybe you’re worth something, if you have his approval. If he
tells you you’re pretty, it makes you wonder for a second if the mirror
is wrong. You will never be convinced, but it makes you wonder, for
just a split second. It hurts, but it’s a lovely split second. Listen to me!

I’m NOT YOUR F!CKING CONSILATION PRIZE okay?

Yeah. You’re right about that, at least. What kind of ******
consolation prize would you be? Who would want you? You’re not a consolation prize to him, you’re just a another girl for when he’s bored. That’s all you deserve to be. Take it, worthless. You’re ugly. Take what you can get.

Usually, this is where I’d say: I’m sorry. Goodbye. But I am not sorry
and I’ve apologized to you far too many times so far and I shouldn’t
have. I had nothing to be sorry about.

You always have something to be sorry about. Apologize that he has
to look at you and your ugly face. That you exist. That you are wasting
space on his phone with your picture and your contact and your texts.
Apologize for being so difficult and annoying and desperate and
pathetic and self-centered and self-deprecating and say you’re sorry
that you ever offended him by being so pompous as to believe for even
just half a second (or half a summer, as it were) that you could be
worthy of his interest. Because you are worth nothing. You are not
enough. You are inferior. You are a failure. A waste.

So goodbye.

-Ember.

You’ll regret it later. You will never find a boy as good as him. Ever.
You will never even find another guy. You don’t deserve him, let alone
anyone else. It was a fluke that he ever ended up with the misfortune
of knowing you. You will never do better than him.

Yes I will.

No you won’t, you stupid ugly worthless *****.

Yes. I will.

I don't even know what the hell is wrong with you anymore.
Just stop, okay?
Please.
Don't tell me how you got drunk, I don't actually care about how you defile your own body or any other girl's body in public or in private, I don't give a **** about how much **** or ecstasy you've messed up your body with. You are beyond under-aged. I don't even care about the law, really. I am not a particularly law abiding person, I don't care if you drink under-aged or sleep around or get high as hell or smoke like it's your last night alive, but don't tell me about it. It doesn't impress me.
It saddens me that you are so young and are already turning to substances. You are letting the drugs and the alcohol swallow you and turn you into someone you are not, losing who you are. It bothers me that you inhale smoke into your lungs before you can even legally drive. It hurts my heart that you seek only to satisfy your body, and you need it from more than one girl, you can't just commit to one person because you have no love in your heart so ***** you.
The problem is, I don't even care, okay?
I don't even care, but you are a cold and unkind person because you are *not faithful, you are so brutal, you know that you are hurting me and don't even f!cking care I wish I could cry but I swore to myself I would never ever cry over you as long as I lived and I don't care, I don't care I DON'T F!CKING CARE ....except I do.

Staring at a pale white canvas, his fingers twitch
Doesn’t see the point or understand it
Fifty shades of the very same color. Artistic?
He squints at the thought, thinks the joke is twisted

A woman walks his direction; this man is wearing a question mark
Seeing her coming, he’s sweating, not knowing where to start
Not being awkward, standing right beside him
He’s had it with the confusion staring at the item

“Do you see the white rabbit?”, she asks him.
The man looks again, takes a much more thorough pass at the image
Focus diminished, he’s staring blindly at it. Like a fool he tells her,
“Point him out to me, would you kindly?”

“Where’s the fun in that?” Now she makes him ponder.
But somehow, his frustration has since been turned to wonder
“The rabbit’s not in the art, but within you, so close your eyes
and let your heart tell you a story that you can listen to”

He closes his eyes, then inhales slowly,
While she mutters, “While you’re at it, don’t be afraid to show me.”

He exhales.

A cool snowflake kiss is very innocent
Murderous mind makes you question just who the menace is
7th place in a race, you want to win it
But the mission is holding on to your wits and hope you finish it

Hate to admit we live in a place of affliction
With war, famine and depravity - an endless tragedy
People praising rulers like prophets, men of profit
Looking down at each and every soul like drones for their shady goals

Toy soldiers in toy boxes, a boy in a boycott,
Strapped to a baby stroller, momma broke her shoulder
Screaming for peace and prosperity for her people,
Attacked for her beliefs as a human - thought we were equals

So hop, little bunny! Come and get your carrot
No, thanks! He doesn’t need it or your filthy merits
‘Cause he’s stronger than what you take him for, don’t need to chase him
Leaves your bait right at your f*cking door, and strikes you at your core

The harsh winds of winter are now behind him
Eyes open and happy she keeps him warm
A habit keeping his soul torn, she holds him
As he hops back to life just like a rabbit in a snowstorm.

Her eyes are soft they are ever so bright
What have I done to have fallen from grace?
So far away from her amazing gaze
A longest drive; a far journey of flight
Look up in the sky—stars in the dark night
In the faintest lights sparkling in deep space
Is written her name, time will not erase
Dancing stars; how she looks down in delight
We may not be near my sweet firefly
But the day grows nearer until we meet
See each other once again; hold you close
Look up see we share the same blue sky
Not as far apart as we feel my sweet
Eagerly awaiting my love, to propose

the only difference
between
you
and me

is that
you're a rich
b^tch

i'd give you that

you may also be
b e a u t i f u l

but sweetie
when you open
your damnf^ck
mouth

ALL your b e a u t y
flies out of it

when you
f^cking
talk

no doubt
everyone
would say
"The problem with the world
is that
intelligent people are full of doubts

while
the stupid ones are full of confidence."

you laugh
that scandalous laugh
all the while

looking like a f^cking druggie

you high b^tch?

you call yourself tripolar

Raava most high
forgive her

A b c d e f g
**** this poem
I wish it was more interesting....