"je t'aime à la folie,"

that's what you told me;
and honestly

it's stuck with me,
tell me it is just platonic
or else
I might develop
feelings

that shouldn't be
for you

Harold Coffin once said that,
"Envy is the art of counting of other
people's blessing instead of your own"

No wonder I am not a masterpiece,
and only a white canvas.

I'll let go of this pencil
that continues to draw this
head filled with imagination

"behead me,"
and bring the endless ache of being
an insufficient being;
in this ideal world

'filled with feelings, pens & paint,'

.
.
.
I love you's,
I love you
Let me tell you something new,
I've been saying this to everyone
So that they'd do the same too.

Yet, despite doing nothing,
just being a chirpy little creature
They wanted to say, "I love you."
Which makes me doubtful;
uncertain if it's true.

the scent of strawberry lingers,
but I didn't like how smoke
crowds your room

I want to let go of something I hold endeared,
it pains me so,
but it'll hurt me more
if I don't...
let go

The best pain of today
Is the hope you had yesterday,
Loosing to the regrets
of what is passed;

Now, pick up,
Pick up,
Pick up the shards

And wound yourself;
Wound yourself hard

turn it up,
like music within a crowd
dance like those people in the club

cloud the thoughts
with noises

...so loud

-Br.

each note is a touch
that vibrates the mind
strands of hair stands
a whisper to both ears
amidst the silence.

if i
could be
everything i
wanted to
be,

surely I'd
be happy.

I sat there talking with people,
but I seem like an invisible figure.

No one listened, so I still sat there, with a happy smile;
Pushing back tears while filling my head with lies,
Whelving those feelings away as I put on;

A pitiful disguise.

Write it down;
in my dictionary

maybe I'll magically do it
...someday

I don't remember
many memories of comfort,
or maybe I'm just biased

since I forget how it is,
the time it ends

It's exhausting.

I've sung my heart out,
and now it's empty.

we've been over this
and I know that you're
tired of it

I can't change so fast,
my pace is **** slow
I don't deserve you,
I'm sorry, I know that
I'm disappointing

I wanted to help you,
but I still feel like a burden

you deserve someone better,
and maybe someone like her

I'm trying to change,
but I'm too hesitant to speak

was it always like this?

I'll wait for a few years,
to go out in the world
People are preparing me,
I know they need to

The world is confusing 'n such;
Many can be bad and harsh
But, now I prefer to stay in a big square box
fractions of solitude experienced in the dark
but uncertainty seeps through the heart
of an immature child that is yet to start

I yearn for things
that I desire,
and to these thoughts
at the end of the night,
it forever keeps me up
beneath the clouded
and desolate sky

I can't help but,
to grasp
the glimmering
dewdrops of the sky

in the end,
we're all alone tonight

.
.
what I feel is,
confusing, fragile,
and rapidly changing

I am no Shakespeare;
not good in words but,
just a person who chained themselves
and lost the key

I write to feel, to procrastinate,
and maybe to blow off steam;
Hoping that each work bleeds
the feelings I want you to feel

being a crybaby is hard,
when you can't cry;
being emotional is frustrating,
when everything is too much

you bleed inside,
when you want to
act on those feelings,
[Not everything; can be expressed freely.]
That feeling is clawing
from the very depths of your being

They want to be free, do they not?
Despite that, they'll call you crazy
for feeling such things

Better to be rational
yet, they'll call you heartless
maybe something balanced would do

overwhelming feelings is a crime,
I guess dad told me why.

Society and its reality is relentless
a few several mistakes and
everything is in flames,
before you know it

.
.
what I feel is,
confusing, fragile,
and rapidly changing

I am no Shakespeare;
not good in words but,
just a person who chained themselves
and lost the key

I write to feel, to procrastinate,
and maybe to blow off steam;
Hoping that each work bleeds
the feelings I want you to feel

being a crybaby is hard,
when you can't cry;
being emotional is frustrating,
when everything is too much

you bleed inside,
when you want to
act on those feelings,
[Not everything; can be expressed freely.]
That feeling is clawing
from the very depths of your being

They want to be free, do they not?
Despite that, they'll call you crazy
for feeling such things

Better to be rational
yet, they'll call you heartless.
maybe, something balanced would do

overwhelming feelings is a crime,
I guess dad told me why.

Society and its reality is relentless
a few several mistakes and
everything is in flames,
before you know it

I once believed
that I was unique,
now
a fool

The cold seeps through the beggar's hands,
Clinging for warmth, slowly fading.
The sun is far from him right now,
He cannot chase it.

His sun shined away from him;
For he is no use,
For he is not special,
For he is but a dog.

Obligated to stay and be abandoned;
Abruptly and forced to wait,
With no warmth and sunlight.

The man can be replaced but not the sun.

These tears shan't fall,
my feelings are better as a rock

Try as I might,
when I break these moss-covered walls,
it'll just spew out a fruit salad of words,
along with the wretched dam,
that I've tried so hard to seal off.

So, being numb might be the best for me,
because I cannot pour these feelings out
without being mixed.

"Please... Help me escape this reality and take me away;
So far away, send me to the world of fantasy. "

"Give me a door to the world of illusion, please..."

"Send me there, in hopes that I  find something that could fill that dissatisfied void inside of me,"

I'm such a coward. Who knew I had such feeble feelings?

Things like this aren't so necessary, right;?

Daydreaming is all I had;
And there's something I wanted to reach so bad.

I clutch onto the bars that keep me isolated. I see that ray of light;
it was merely inches away, yet it feels like miles apart from me.

Should I go and grasp for it?

Escape this prison of my mind and live in a life full of satisfaction?

Or will this thinking even get me far?

What if I failed?

Who will come to my rescue?

Who will save me from drowning in an ocean with no water as air stopped flowing down my lungs?

Can this heaviness be lifted?
This void within my chest?

If I was set free, who will accompany me in a vast world like this?

With this coop of thought that I have;
I'm no better than that person who was in a room with no doors, just four corners.

I hear the subtle sky call my name,
as my head stoops down in shame

My tears pour like rain
while I try to numb this
non-existent pain

I caught sight of things I wanted to be
yet standing still fills me with jealousy

Here comes ye ignorance
caused by unease and a halt of time

Even one's sentiment
ye words failed to define

If one
is to see
with smoke,

the farthest
they can go is
at the surface

If one
is to see
with mirrors,

the labyrinth
of the inside
can never be harnessed

"you're so pretty,"

I was never the hopeless romantic,
but being in a state of this,
makes me panic

Echoes of that lying indulgence
for the ideal world left out in the open;
calls to you.

And due to the loneliest somber room
you've kept yourself as a prisoner,
all you do is try and grip the walls

Forever looking into the lens
with a filter of that serene land in your head,
a dream that you continue...
to live through.

i wish i was a dinosaur
free with broad lands to soar
dead but has the world to adore

yet here i am sitting on the floor
with thoughts stored
like a wooden box

i am at war with myself
such a chore

tears hide behind the door
i can't take it anymore

Rich, powerful,
with stunning beauty of a goddess,
That's you.

Yet, I do not hold any permanent loyalty.
I give them to anyone I see fit,
and you---are not worthy of that luxury;

"Not anymore."

Deadlines
Procrastination
Anxiety
and Doubt

That is the reason I never change now
Yet, I smile from the pressure.
I surely don't enjoy this,
it doesn't really change with time

In a small cardboard box,
sparks the creativity of a child;

As they paint with colors,
they will soon learn
how to paint with words
and understand how the world
does it with blood.

They'll know that the world
isn't always sunshine n' rainbows,
there is rain too.

But, you are here
To shelter them for a while
and help them see the colors;

The colors of life.

the time that you told me to die
was painful that I didn't even try
slapping you

I don't know if you lied
but all I knew was it was possible
that you wished I did

I tried to make it up to you;
avoiding hurting you
with the fist,
and temper of mine

I just wished you noticed that I tried;

Yes, I've grown distant,
trying to find one's self;
I was occupied, sad, and alone.

Too busy to find friends,
that won't discard me when I needed someone

I guess that I pushed you away
so that you won't be like me.
An envious, gullible fool
but
as I did,
the more you become
a little more
like me.

We're the opposite of each other
but undeniably similar.

uoy ot gnis I
seuh derettahs fo yballul a
htrow dna ytilaudividni fo snoitcarfer

kni gniyrc neeb ev'uoy
em revo lla deraems
ynnuf s'ti, das os gnikool

mecivni teripsa rotpircs tis

                            ?ew dluohS
                 ;era ydaerla ew
          tniap ew rehto hcaE
eeht morf doolb

nothing was enough,
I really tried
maybe not much

as it is not sufficient
I do nothing
and tried

Everything.
everything, was it?

i sat idly on the floor
with headphones to
drown the thoughts and all

for my actions failed to express,
and so does my words.

uoy ot gnis I
seuh derettahs fo yballul a
htrow dna ytilaudividni fo snoitcarfer

kni gniyrc neeb ev'uoy
em revo lla deraems
ynnuf s'ti, das os gnikool


                           
I sing to you
a lullaby of shattered hues
refractions of individuality and worth

you've been crying ink
smeared all over me
looking so sad, it's funny

'sit scriptor aspiret invicem'

       Should we?
              we already are.
                     Each other we paint;
                                  "blood from thee."

Love can't be the solution for all,
I'm alright dancing alone,
waltzing with echos in the halls

It might be lonely,
but I am enough to keep me company

Stay away from me,
If love would hurt, I'd love myself first
Shut the door; needing it isn't a necessity.

I'll have the red string untied,
free from the boundaries of love
Taking a meaningless joyride,
from dawn to midnight
taking in the world so wide
It's enough having a friend by my side.

-Br.

too lonely,
too alone,

here I copy,
you're already gone.