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ashley Oct 7
Here I am 5 years later.

I’m asleep but I dream about the stress of a job that I dreamed of years prior. I cry over a job that I once cried in passion for. I think about the job just as much as I did those years ago, but for different reasons.

Today is an exact reflection of what you were thinking five years ago, someone said to me. It was all a thought you had five years ago. It made me happy, yes- emotional, too. But I wonder how much of that emotion was indeed for my accomplishments in that time frame. Did I feel unsettled, like I had seen the accumulation of five years of seemingly wasted efforts?

But I love my job, I tell myself. This is who you were meant to be, others tell me.

Do I exaggerate as I write this? Surely.
but that small voice I’ve been burying seems to be finding some confidence as of late. Or maybe it has always been there, just growing concerned for me?

It’s okay, I’ll figure it out.
Feb 2019 · 257
through the mirror
ashley Feb 2019
looking back at my previous poems
published, deleted, drafts...
its become clear that i have forgotten part of my identity,
who i was before i left my poems in the dust.
observing the transformations in my words
reminds me of the words of my inner saboteur.

I remember the person who supported my writings,
my thoughts, my feelings...
someone on the other side
who wanted me not to succumb
but to compose and understand
why I felt such sorrow each day.

re-entering my world of poems,
the emotions i archived reflect
periods of my life.
One day i hope to recognize
the impact i made on myself
and the progress that has been achieved
throughout my year of words.
Been a long time since ive written anything :)
Oct 2018 · 392
Artists
ashley Oct 2018
What you have done for me
has saved my life
thank you

these dragons are no longer my terrors,
they are my friends
how grateful I am for you showing me
that I don't have to hide who I am
because of the wolves that stalk me
and taunt me

THANK YOU FOR HELPING ME SEE CLEARLY
To Imagine Dragons
Oct 2018 · 407
A Promise to Me
ashley Oct 2018
I sometimes forget that I do work hard.
I'm no Einstein heaven knows
I do put in the effort though
And when the results come back
I tell myself I deserved it
for not practicing enough

But when I reap what I sow
And life starts piecing itself together
I feel good
I don't hesitate to show my accomplishments
Because there are only so many aspects of life
that one can say they have conquered
I feel blessed to say that I will aspire to be greater
And I will continue to challenge my intellectual muse,
Mentally, Emotionally, Physically.
We all will study the music,
and one day we will harmonize.
Happiness takes time, sometimes its hard to remember.
Sep 2018 · 333
signals
ashley Sep 2018
its not a good sign when
you stop writing your words
for those that may be willing to lend an ear;
its not a good sign when
your computer doesn't recognize the hello poetry url
that used to be so deeply embedded into its system;
its not a good sign when
you feel your poems no longer have meaning
it is pointless to write anonymously to no one
its not a good sign when
you have to fluff your scripture
to make it more believable to readers,
or maybe yourself.
Sep 2018 · 488
loss
ashley Sep 2018
I feel chained to the couch
Mourning something bigger than me
And once I turned off the background noise of the tv
I felt my lungs collapse with it
never have i felt so hollow
and swarmed with silence
until this moment.
losing people in your life is hard.
Aug 2018 · 558
a thank you note
ashley Aug 2018
thank you,
for reading my words.
this community is so welcoming
and im never afraid to show what i feel.
every like, love, repost,
makes me feel proud
(not something i feel often)
and every comment
makes me cry
to know someone spent their own time
on my poems.
and those comments move me and my poetry forward.
we are all evolving together,
and we are working towards something greater,
and you poets are inspiring
individuals like me
to express ourselves
so thank you,
to all the poets before me,
remembered or forgotten,
I will always remember how you've embraced and lead
communities like us,
and still do to this day.
thank you,
to all the poets of the new century,
for opening our minds to something new,
nothing stagnant.
thank you for accepting yourselves and your words for
what they are.
continuously remember how much you influence our generation,
the students,
the teachers,
the parents,
the children.
Each.
word.
counts.
thank you
from the bottom of my heart.

Ashley Marie
I am so thankful to poetry and you artists for inspiring my daily life! An ode to you for listening to other's words, perspectives, and ambitions. I truly love you all and hope you can continue to write knowing that your words are heard. LUV U ALL
Each one counts.
Aug 2018 · 334
loneliness
ashley Aug 2018
its hard to fill loneliness
you cant find the solution if you dont know the problem
blindly searching for an object with no name
that may fix the unfixable
and knowing this keeps you up at night
makes you feel like you are the room itself,
not its occupant.

a liability,

is what they call it.
feel like I am stuck in a void. Poem came  from it.
Aug 2018 · 454
Wings
ashley Aug 2018
If I could fly
Freedom would guide my wings
Don’t we all want to escape
From the earth?
Be somewhere we cannot be found?

I dream of hemoglobin wings
That carry me across the bright eyed sky,
Reflecting the energy of the sun
That brings my freedom to life.
Their gloss makes them look wet,
doused in the glory of gore.
We stand with the rest of us,
world,
in peace after the war.
This was a gorgeous dream that I once had in February. I'm sad to say when I wrote the original form of this poem I lost it somehow, it was a full page long and one of my best creations. I spent weeks revising it and adding and it was so beautiful but shorter isn't so bad either.
Aug 2018 · 690
useless
ashley Aug 2018
I feel useless.
I feel trapped in a preciously dangerous box
but it seems that no one wants me out
Only restrained
By the fickle hope that maybe someday I will be normal.

Like other girls.

I want to be the smartest girl  
or maybe the prettiest girl for once?

l want to be the one that stands out
I desire your recognition of my accomplishments,
which aren't too many and much to be proud of.

I want to be someone's something
That maybe leaves them awestruck
And I can't help thinking that
maybe
I am it,
but how useless would that be,
to assume I am everyone's something?
Aug 2018 · 539
selfish
ashley Aug 2018
is it bad to think
you speak for me?

do you whisper for me,
are the puns in your poems
meant for me?

how unfair of me to think this,
when my mind is always on someone else
every three days.

is it wrong of me to think this?
to feel my chest warm up
to your homemade fireplace?

thoughts always rush through my mind,
if i am wrong or right,
are you wrong or right,
is this wrong or right?

how can i find these perfect places
between your words and writings?
can i rest on them,
the promises in your poems?
My heart changes its mind constantly.
Jul 2018 · 160
rain
ashley Jul 2018
rain has a way of welcoming all of us
seeking to give us comfort
lettings us know that we are not alone
others are out there feeling the same
turmoil underneath their own rain clouds
Jul 2018 · 556
soothing
ashley Jul 2018
a calm, celestial space of mind
where the piano key meets with
the still water
in its dark teal reflecting the silent heavens
and each droplet ripples smoothly
like lotion on skin
water beetles glide across the lake
as tiny dancers influenced by the piano
guiding the waves to the others
the mist dances too,
with the moonlight sonata
lead by the fingertips of the breeze
waltzing to the tranquility of the nightfall
Jul 2018 · 423
smile
ashley Jul 2018
how do you describe someone's smile
in poetic words?
how can i tell the person on the other side of the screen
that i crave to see his grin again
which i now only see in still moments in time

how selfless his smile is,
although he is no superman,
he rescues me from my darkness
and returns me to my safe place,
which resides in him.

do i have peace in mind
knowing that he may be seeing this
in someone else?

no, i do not have the right.
our time has come and gone,
like the shifting breeze
and the changing tide.

yes, i will still feel the caress from his hand
on my rosy cheek.
time brought his heart to me,
and i to it,
similar to how it guided me away.

this is part of the journey that i chose.
a thousand more years we may have to wait
for us to love again.
maybe then we will not hesitate,
but for now,
we wait.
About someone I love.
Jul 2018 · 304
forever
ashley Jul 2018
Searching through millions of years yet to come,
in all those dimensions you are my happy ending.
Forever doesn't exist,
but after this life I will find you in the next.
Forever isn't the truth,
but little white lies will not change us.
Soulmates will find each other in throughout time.
Jun 2018 · 407
space
ashley Jun 2018
the space between existence and nothingness
is where I linger,
wander,
absolute nothingness.
the breath between words,
the pause,
the tension,
the stillness,
empty.

you lose focus often
in their phrases
that it's hard to find your space
if you never stop to breathe

a world filled with everything,
a world filled with nothing.
it is important to give yourself space rather than crowd yourself with meaningless conversation...
Jun 2018 · 271
roses
ashley Jun 2018
plastic petals live longer than roses
roses will die
but plastic petals will not
they were not alive in the first place
a facade of what they are
supposed to be
sometimes it feels easier to not show emotion, to be someone else. Being a fake version of you is not authentic, only plastic.
Jun 2018 · 552
anything
ashley Jun 2018
what makes me human
is my desire

to taste the drifts of winter
to smell the waves of summer

to guide the breeze of autumn
to grow with the flowers of spring

if i could manipulate the world
to paint the perfect portrait

the seasons would be beautiful;
and life would be simple.

if i could do anything
and everything,

you would bloom with the blossoms
and fall with the foliage

you would graze in the green
and sway with the snow

paintings portraits and pictures
of the life i need
want
and love
sometimes we wish for everything we don't have, but we have to grow to accept the reason we came to this world.
Jun 2018 · 319
Scarlet Heart
ashley Jun 2018
The last time I felt the touch of your frail fingers
Was the dawn of your dynasty.
Doubts, questions, confessions.
"No,
you, my love,
do not have to say anything."
"I was able to love you more,"
You say,
And that was enough.

Do not wake the lady from her sleep,
I say.

Shall your lips tremble again,
Mine will quiver a million times more.
Shall your eyelids flicker open,
Mine will forget to blink.
Let the riverbank gather.
Let the moss amass.
Let the trees collect frost.
Let the snow glaze past.
And let their leaves starve and die.



This moment of stillness,
Where I carry emptiness,
Shall never be forgotten.
The weight of my lover’s last breath upon my shoulders,
This is where your dynasty begins.
Apr 2018 · 368
Heartbeat
ashley Apr 2018
The heaviest weight drags the heart
and hooks on strongly,
piercing the chambers,
prolonging through all hells of the body
in the name of sanity.
Mar 2018 · 660
The Universe as she is
ashley Mar 2018
Her freckles are the stars
fallen as dust
pressed upon her cheek
Her eyes carry the universe
which the stars descended from
and somehow they are not so distant

Black holes will engulf my existence
I beg to her,
make me nothing.
But the eclipse brings me to life
and Osiris is delighted this eve.

we are left astonished
Feb 2018 · 658
Four Walls
ashley Feb 2018
little alice feels so small in the corner of the room
The walls are quite empty
The room is quite boring.
Air becomes thick within layers
overthinking shackles little alice
little alice cannot think anymore.

sometimes little alice can hear
a rabbit running outside
she so desperately wants to follow him
the little rabbit's watch ticks
the clock ticks slower
ticktickticktick
tick      tick                           ­ tick

the room
can't breathe
                                                                ­              tick
Feb 2018 · 374
Sing
ashley Feb 2018
Sing, Sing, Sing,
Ruffle, trees, in the sound of the wind
Let not the cry bother you.
Dance, Dance, Dance,
Let not your father’s scent be lost for direction,
Sing praise, homeless bird, that the great vulture
Shall not tear off your wings.
Entomb your soul, and sing.
Return your being, and sing.
Flutter to the skies, and sing.
Bow your head to the noble talon and sing.
If you may fall, let me fall with you.
If you may fly, let me fly with you.
If you may die, let me die with you.
Jan 2018 · 365
Name
ashley Jan 2018
We are one of a kind,
You and i.

Creatures of a similar feather,
Similar face,
Similar mind.

But we become named
Becomed blind.

The name and the nameless
At best beauty and the               .

The truth is for only yourself to find,

The true names of the blind
Jan 2018 · 491
Woman
ashley Jan 2018
Inspired from la bella notte,
She shall be wed.
Look at her not,
Budding blossom.
Gardenia encounters her majesty
And wears herself upon her majesty’s crown.
Queen of royals where she belongs,
O’er the death of them all
Sing, Oberon, sing
Shallow eyes nay be prepared
Thy future shall quiver
In the deep eyes of the siren’s iron gaze.
Close thy naivety,
Shut the gates.
Another tomorrow awaits.
Do not look at the Queen.
Do not wait for fate.
The Queen of the Night approaches,
The Queen of the Night too late.
Gardenia, flower, return to the earth.
Remain, and be noble,
As her majesty’s rebirth.

— The End —