The poison filled your mind
While sadness filled my heart.
The plant ruined your mind
While you ruined our chances.
The drugs corrupted your soul
While you broke my heart.

I was afraid I would lose you.                                                    And then I did

These wrists are unfinished,
Not torn
And not cut.
A slice here,
And a slice there,
Now decorated with blood.

I saw someone taking your picture today.
You looked amazing.
I'm glad someone saw your beauty and captured it,
because I've tried countless times in my words
and in my art,
but nothing I do can truly show how special you are.

I was just starting to get over you
When you jumped back into my life.
I tried to escape but no matter where I go you are everywhere.
It's like I'm trapped in a maze that only leads to you.

people often underestimate me,

i am either

to dumb,

or to unskilled.

i am

to weak,

or to busy.

i am

to fat,

or to sad.

when in reality all i am is

m i s u n d e r s t o o d

I didn't ask for this life.
I did not chose to be a woman.
But I am a woman, and I will not be shamed.
Us women did not ask to be treated different.
We did not chose to be judged.
But we are, and we will not let it effect us.
Women did not asked to be whistled at when walking down the street,
Or looked down on because our outfits are provocative.
But we are, and we are trying to fight back.
We women do not want to have *** with you,
no matter what were wearing or how drunk we are.
We women do not want to be attacked for saying no.
But we are being ***** and we are being hurt.
We will not take it any more, we will be heard.

Think of the stars
You may think of shimmering lights in the sky while I think of her.
In the darkest times she would give us light.
On the gloomiest nights she would be watching from afar only peeking out for a second to show she was there.
And when you needed her most, she would shine the brightest and lead you safety.

Some people might call it insanity
But I call it
Love

I was afraid of living

I would not even mind if I was killed today

Living with anxiety and depression isn't easy. Anxiety isn't being nervous about giving a speech or talking to a cute boy. Anxiety is being afraid of living. Anxiety is staying in bed for three days straight because you're terrified of what will happen when you  step out of your dark room. Anxiety is making up a thousand unpleasant situations and being petrified that at any moment one of the situations might happen. Anxiety is a mental disorder. Depression isn't just being sad. Depression is slitting your wrist just to try and feel something. Depression is being numb to all emotion including sadness. Depression is lying to your shrink so that she won't put you in a psych ward. Depression is feeling nothing but emptiness. Depression is a mental disorder.

I used to see only seas of black
                                    when I looked around
                                                       But now it's just shrinks offices
                                                                                              And hospital beds

It's the little things that remind me most of you
The girl who wore her hair in a bun,
Or the boy playing soccer in the  grass.
That song that everybody loves
And the way the sun peaks through the clouds after rain.
Those things bring back the memories of a time not so long ago.
A time when we were happy and free. When we were together.
But now things are different. The sounds of life seem so muted.
And the bright colors so dull.
The joy is fading and being replaced by the deep pit of misery I've fallen into.
There isn't a light at the end of the tunnel anymore. It's just darkness in here

I want to be the girl who's always happy. The one who is always smiling and laughing. I want to be to be the girl who falls in love with living.

Instead I am the girl who's always sad. The one who's always crying and at the shrinks office. I am the girl who wants to die.

When I was little I was afraid of the dark.
Who knew what was creeping around in the shadows.
But now that I'm older I am not afraid.
Because the darkness took me in
When I was alone

I'm  not asking for much,
not for money,
or for work.
I'm not in need on twenty four hour attention,
or for you to buy me lots of things.
All i'm asking for is a text back,
or maybe even to see each other.
All I want is to feel *wanted

They call this town home,
But it feels like jail.,

You said your last goodbye
the night you walked out on me.
I said mine about three months later
When I saw him looking at me.

It's 3am and I'm staring at the moon because I know you are too.
It's 12pm and I'm looking at the clouds because I know you are too.
It's 9pm and I'm trying to remember how we used to be
because I know you are too.

I remember when we met,
We talked
We laughed
We fell in love.
I remember our first date,
We smiled
We kissed
We fell in love.
I remember when you asked me
how long I'll love you
I said always and meant it.
I loved you yesterday
I love you today
I'll love you tomorrow.
I even love you now
as you pull the trigger
to the gun pointed at my head.

We let the dancers dance,
The singers sing,
And The prayers pray.
We let the dreamers dream,
The hunters hunt,
And the fighters fight.
We let the sinners sin,
The painters paint,
And the players play.
So why don't we let the lovers love?

It's not about self respect.
I could be walking around naked
And still respect myself as much as when I'm fully dressed.
So what is it about? It is about distractions?
If so why do we have to cover our bodies while boys walk around with their pants around their knees?
Leggings being banned for being a distraction?
I'm not gonna apologize for wearing pants if boys don't apologize for objectifying me.
I'm not a dog, don't whistle at me.
And don't slap my *** as I walk down the halls.
I'm not your *** toy.
So don't make me apologize for being a girl when these boys won't apologize for sexualizing me.

ITS GOTTEN TO THE POINT THAT WHEN I LEAVE FOR COLLEGE I WON'T HAVE EMOTIONAL GOODBYES OR GOODBYE PARTIES WITH MY FRIENDS BECAUSE THERE WILL BE NO ONE THERE TO MISS ME. I PUSH AWAY ANYONE WHO COULD POSSIBLY CARE ABOUT ME BECAUSE I'M A SELFISH *****.

Because of you
My heart is cold,
My mouth is *****,
My body is trashed,
My words are hateful,
My mind is bitter,
And I am unhappy

You almost killed yourself tonight.







I'm so glad you didn't

My best friends used to be blonde haired girls with goofy laughs and bright eyes.
Those girls left and I replaced them with shiny pieces of metal that were sharp enough to draw blood, and that's exactly what they did

Recovery is like the light at the end of the tunnel.
Everyone talks about it but I have never see it myself.
Maybe it only happens to people who get close enough to death.
Maybe I have to try harder.

"She's so full of life" my teacher said.
So why do I wish I was dead.
"She's extremely bold"
My neighbor says, so why is my heart so cold.
"Her eyes are so pure" my mother says but I'm not quite sure.
I've seen evil and instead of fighting it, I became it.

Its four in the morning and I should be sleeping
But my mind  won't let go of the memories we shared

I asked when you will love me
you answered
"tomorrow"
Then I remembered
tomorrow never comes

So here I lay
Another bed
In another room
With another man
On another night.
And nothing feels
The same because
None of the men
Are you.

Thank you mom,
For the late night talks
And the bedtime stories.
For the soup when I'm sick
And the cake when I'm sad.
Thank you for the times you cares
And for how much you love me.

Everything starts to hurt after midnight

Without me
My parents would have money,
My friends would be happy,
My siblings would be closer,
And the world would still go on.

and as quickly as God gave you life, he took it away

I have this rage building up inside of me,
It's eating away at my mind,
And taunting my soul.
I am disaster waiting to happen.
Like a spark after a drought,
Or a bull in a china shop.
It's just a matter of time before I stop ticking and
**explode

It's been 18 months since I wrote about you.
But just because my words stopped flowing,
And my eyes stopped crying,
Doesn't mean I stopped loving you.

It's been 18 months since I saw you last.
But just because we stopped talking,
And we stopped existing,
Doesn't mean I stopped loving you.

It's been 18 months since you passed away.
It's been 18 months of missing you.

I'm trapped in a mental institute.
I've been here since birth.
Always screaming,
Always crying,
Always someone getting hurt.
Most patients call the man that causes the pain, doctor.
I call him *dad.

WE ARE THE KIDS YOUR PARENTS WARNED YOU ABOUT. THE ONES WITH THE DEAD EYES AND THE SHATTERED SOULS. WE HAVE OUR MUSIC AND NOTHING ELSE. WE ARE THE GHOSTS THAT HAUNT YOUR DREAMS AND THE DEMONS LIVING IN YOUR HEAD.

I wish I could be happy
Without pills
And without therapy
But I can't
And I never will be

The clock struck
                11:11
                       And I wished
                                         For you

As I stand here,
Above your open grave
I feel as though I should be in their with you,
Because a part of me died when you did.

All I remember from that night
is our kiss in the street,
Heartbroken memories,
And the blur of alcohol.

"Daddy" the little girl yells
As her father comes home from work and scoops her into a bear hug.
"Daddy" the teenager says as she's asking her father to loan her some money.
"Daddy" the girl screams as her father throws her to the floor and begins to beat her once more.

And I won't forget the times we shared, dancing In the streets to the silent lullabies.