I had a dream of clouds of white And alas, all i've ever heard were my own screams in the night I have too much sadness for my own body, even though I had to live with the label 'fat' Ironically, I have outgrown this marking Only to make more on my wrist I call myself selfish because I cry when people take a left turn when all I ever wanted was for things to go right for me
I had a dream I was in Paris With a love of mine I could never deny But I find myself halfway across the world Unable to talk to anybody without tripping over the manifestation of rejection, and fear, because it has grown too big to be kicked to the sidewalk like I have been
And still, these dreams are so far from reality, no matter how many I think of None are like the life I live now Not even close I don't know I don't know why my stories only have sad endings But at least I have nothing to lose Except the weight of the world on my shoulders.
You can continue to love somone even after they have hurt you deeply. But deep inside of yourself you know that things will never be the same again , at some point your going to have to leave this person . When is the right time? You will never know . You just have to walk to the edge of it all and Jump, learning to grow back the wings you once had.
Selfishness is hated by all I think to myself as the night crawls in But i want you to be selfish when it comes to me As i rest my head on my knees I want to be owned by you only But you walk pass by me with her in your arm and leave me here lonely
But I'm still there my darling. Hush, hush, hush lest you miss my hymns of melodic agony ringing from your heart. So love other woman, 10, 23, 100 and recite the things your heart once spoke to me but I do not let this make my heart pump doubt and worry fore I will always be there with you as you will always be there with me. Forever and always.
How beautiful you looked fixed on me The creases of your face fit so perfectly So many questions I had So many answers you gave The moment I turned to the right Lost in your chocolate soul I'm so sorry you didn't get to grow old The way you laugh bounces through my ear drums Spirals out of control My life without you
Background knowledge: Almost all of my writing is about this man, this deserved to have an explanation of how we met
I want to wrap my arms around you and hold you until I cry and until you cry. I'll kiss the tears off your face and hold you tighter and breathe in your scent and know I needed this. The scenes of our love will replay over and over again and I'll smile for the first time in years. I'll memorize every inch of you and see you every time I close my eyes and smile even harder. We'll gracefully dance, holding hands like they were always meant to be intwined with each other. We'll go out to dinner and I'll pay every single time because I would go bankrupt for you. we'll have cute little movie dates, and go home, cuddling every night. Even when you're asleep I'll say I love you because I know that that phrase finally belongs to someone, that it means something. We'll raise kids and tell them stories of the past and I'll smile hearing you read to our three year old daughter and our 7 year old son because I know now that it's worth something to live. We'll move into a house with a pool and swim with the kids and laugh, and never worry about fighting because we can't stand to hurt each other. We'll eat watermelon on a sunny summer afternoon and I'll giggle because you have it all over your face. You'll hold me close during thunderstorms and I'll stop you from shaking, and promise I'll protect you no matter the cost and I'll mean it. we'll look at the stars and I'll point to every one and tell a story and your eyes will twinkle in this beautiful light, and I'll fall in love with you all over again. We'll grow old together, visit grandkids and get lots of cats in our cozy forever home but still love to go on walks everyday because it makes you feel young and pretty, though you were always beautiful to me. I'll sit at the end of your hospital bed until you take your final breath and I won't cry but I'll be happy that I fulfilled your life as best as I could and that I protected you till the very end. I'll leave roses by your grave every birthday, and every Valentine's Day and I'll bring you presents for Christmas. I'll tell you how I'm doing and ask you how you are, if you're happy, I'll tell you how our grandkids are doing. I'll talk to you as if you never left. But none of this happened.
I've become a drunken horrible mess and I cry every night not because you betrayed me but because I can't speak to you without shaking. You won't even speak to me and even if you do its just the same monotonous responses I'm sick of hearing. I don't even sleep anymore because every time I close my eyes I think of you, I see you smile and it hurts because I'll never have that smile back, the one I thought was mine. Our song comes on the radio and I quickly change it before the wounds can become ****** again. I keep living in this fantasy and I just can't accept that you don't love me anymore. I don't love myself. I don't think I ever will,knowing that you were the one story that was ended abruptly and never told again.