I smiled;
Tears streaming down my cheeks,
As I tried to mask any hint of sadness within me,
Watching my old classmates play within the walls of the school that i used to walk
through and hide in the bathroom crying;
They look up at me from the balcony and briefly wave but I just close the curtains and try to forget.
laughing at petty things; finding comfort in small favors such
as a kind smile from the cashier as i handed her what was left
of my rusted change, A kind nod from the stranger beside me in the line, Someone on the internet who said I was worth something. The approvement means nothing; how could I possibly know you're sincere.
I could never believe anyone's words.
I only believe my own.

When I'm with you, my heart beats fast
I'm sorry our conversations don't usually last
I feel like this is going too fast, I never had
a relationship like this in the past, I've only been bashed
I've only crashed, With a razor i slashed, now I'm trashed
I'm waste, toothpaste, When I'm faced, My lips are laced,
That's the case, that's all that i need to say, Now go away
I'm about to have a panic attack every day, I'm just like this
you can't change me, Every time someone gets close to me, i just flee
Like a flea, You can't see me, I'm so small I can't be free, I wish i was
a tree, so no one could be with me, I'd be still until I'd decease, I'm a broken piece of glass, bet you never heard that, In grade 6 all i ever did was wear black, Yeah, i wear that, but it's not fair that, i was made fun of, made me feel suicidal, throwing my emotions in a tidal, tidal wave, I can't be brave, They say, I feel locked away, rocked away, fading, in decay, I can never stay, My heart melts to clay, when i see you everyday. Now I'm broken, trust issues, now I've spoken, can't you see the rhymes I've broke in, I want a cloak n some magic potion to send me away from this place, I'm such a disgrace, I hide my face, I pick up the pace, I tried to avoid them but it didn't work, they just made me hurt, I had a spurt, of confidence there, well that confidence's gone. I'm shattered in pieces. And yeah, you better believe it.

I stare at myself,
pieces of my cheek chipping off
i am slowly deteriorating
as broken dolls do
i sit in the corner, pondering when hope will come
pondering when i will be fixed
left in the dark, i see no light
my heart is empty, no longer bright
my light is a dim spark in the darkness of the room
i am a broken doll, slowly deteriorating, hoping one day
you'll reclaim me, and love me again

The "One" for you is:
The person that makes you Laugh
The person that makes you Happy
The person that makes you Confident
The person that makes you a Pretty Mess
The person that makes you *Think about them non-stop
The person that makes you **Want to be with them

The trees flow in the wind,
perfectly synchronized, dancing in waves
leaves shake as rain scatters onto the road
it is yet another windy, rainy day
i think to myself, standing
i can almost reach out to the rain on the window pane
thinking of my regrets, i reminisce
memories and thoughts flooding through my head
i feel it is my fault for everything
staring at the window pane, looking at my hand's reflection
it leaves a print on the glass, a short, sweet memory of the present
it is yet another windy, rainy day
and i wish you were here with me

She cannot find words
to describe this hollowness inside her
as if her heart was carved out
and put on display
but everyone didn't bother take a second look
as they walked past her carved out heart
and they still had their own in their chest,
Pumping rythmically whilst she had not felt a beat for awhile now
but she did not ask for it to be removed,
it was simply stolen from her
By a boy with dark hair and a pale face
She'll never forget those crystal blue eyes;
as she could stare at them for days
Yet she's hollow now and his eyes were like the arctic,
Cold and indifferent
And it seemed as if he had never cared in the first place,
He just wanted her heart.

Love, what a beautiful essence,
But now I'm anti-depressants
"Hey, are you okay?" they say.
They don't know what i have to go through every day.
Sometimes It's hard to stay, i want to fade away, run away, i feel like melting clay.
I wish there was a happy pill, to make all of your problems pour into a landfill, instead i have to take pills and get a daily fill. I'd ****, just to be happy, I always feel ******, my lungs just feel sappy, like they're gonna collapse. It's like looking for a needle in a haystack, is this god's pay-back, watching him lay back while i get all this pain, My heart's in vain, all the colour's gone, im going insane, I stare at a window pane as i watch the rain, Life used to be sweet, like a candy-cane. But now I'm in the depressed lane, I'm mentally insane.

Sometimes, thinking about life
going deep into thought, thinking about every aspect of it
every detail, every particular thing, but still i
cannot figure why we are here,
what we are supposed to do,
I'm dumbfounded by the complexity of the reason
i am in awe, speechless, as i search endlessly for an answer
All i do is pass time, doing things people do
but why on this earth, we belong
what sort of reason has brought us here, we will never know
time is a concept, as we can never truly tell
when this fantasy will end, we do not know
any day now, tomorrow may not come, is my fear of living

Porcelain face,
Scarlet dripping from your veins
too beautiful and vain
for this world it was pain
Porcelain eyes,
Make no disguise, Those glossy tears
they lie on your
porcelain cheeks
rosy red sheek
As you lay,
Like a porcelain dream

Cutting is like being behind bars,
You're struggling, trying to reach up to the star filled sky, you want to fly, to break free
but sad is all you'll ever be, "It'll get better, you'll see" they say
but you feel worse and worse every day.
the tension is building up, you're not good enough
That's what the voices say inside your head, all you look forward to is going to bed, "All has been said," you think. "All has been done." And the pain has just begun. Your vision's spun, this isn't fun anymore, as you drop to the floor. One last breathe you made, then it all starts to fade. The razor drops onto the floor. Your heart isn't pumping anymore. there's blood on the door. And your life is no more. "I'm sorry, mom and dad, I couldn't get through it. I'm sorry I blew it. I just knew it, I'd **** it all, I was always afraid to fall. But I was able to find peace in it all. So please don't cry, as you see me lying there, scattered in ridget places is my hair, distressing lair in my eyes, You never have seen through my disguise."

Sad
Underestimated
Irrational
Crying
Ignoring
Death
Excuses

It's the first day of school, Everything's going to be good.
It's the first day of school, I just want to stay home.

I wonder if my friends are still going to be by my side when I'm older.
I wonder if my friends are just going to abandon me when I'm older.

Sometimes, i look back at the past and think of how strong i was.
Sometimes, i look back at the past and think of how weak i was.

when I'm down, i think of all the good things I've done
when I'm down, i think of all the good things i haven't done.

Heart racing,
Constant fidgeting
Chest hurting
Gaping hole in my stomach
Feelings of unwarranted guilt
Hating myself for everything
I'm not good enough
I'm not pretty enough
I'm not smart enough
These thoughts ring in my head
Anxiety, I try my hardest to get rid of you
But you're incurable, You're stuck with me
Please just shut off the constant hate in my brain,
get rid of the emptiness and the pain,
Anxiety, You poke at me constantly
But i cannot stop you, you are a part of me
A part of me i regret.
Anxiety.

You seem saddened, They say
they don't have a clue
I tell them my feelings and they don't know what to do
If my emotion had a colour it'd be greyish blue
I only feel happy when I'm with you
and through all of the lies this is true
But I'm antique, and you wanted someone new

A paintbrush makes lines
thin and long, connecting
it's almost like a song
a melody of art, as the paintbrush whisks away
people crowd around her, asking what it is
she ignores them, just carrying on with her art, making beautiful colors from her fingertips
nobody else can feel the way she does, when painting,
you feel in another world, a land of imagination
when it is finished, they are in shock, awe
as all the lines exploded into one amazing piece, she is now a work of art

The sunrise peeks over the mountains,
rising up, it is filled with colours
Red, orange, purple, blue, yellow
Mixed into the sky
A beautiful precious memory, I'll never forget
it rises with dignity, it has no regrets
Confidently flooding the sky with its' light
I wish i could be like the sun, not afraid
to rise everyday
giving people love, laughter, and light

I watch from the outside;
disconnected,
A spiraling circle of insanity;
Clouding my mind, putting my hands down my pocket,
desperately fishing for whatever's left;
Yet the pocket is empty.
I sigh.
A gaping hole in my chest;
much like a bullet wound that i'd just acquired,
when someone said they didn't know me anymore.
Yet they're right;
I'd become a riddle; impossible to solve,
the puzzle piece that never seemed to fit;
The imperfections in the world.
I'd become everything I didn't want to be;
my superficial expectations overclouding my weary eyes;
I didn't notice I was slipping further and further down the rabbit-hole
Every step my legs becoming harder like dried concrete;
Stuck.

To be a poet, you have to experience:
Love
Pain
Sadness
Happiness
Joy
Anxiousness
Almost every emotion, to be able to feel
them in your poems,
you need to reach into your soul, and create things from your heart
to be a poet

half fake love
but it's half real
my mind is dizzy, don't know what to feel
sad waves come back to the shore
and when i leave you i come back wanting more
try not to think of you all of the time
but more often than not you slip into my mind

I opened the door to the freezer and just stood there
staring in at all of the food until it began to thaw
and with the cold air billowing out into a warm room
I thought about calling out into an empty house
to ask if you wanted to do something easy for dinner

"How are you" is the only thing that you ask
every day on the phone
and i tell you "I'm fine"
but I'm alone
I yearn for warmth
in the cold of night
and hugging my pillow tight
Drinking tea at 3 am because
The panic attacks were too much
for me to lay my exhausted body on
my pillow full of tears

I count the minutes that pass by on the clock,
smiling at how stupid I was,
for letting you in, when you were false
after all, I'm young
and can't make decisions;
I can't even decide what to wear on the first day back,
to a hell hole that makes me depressed
And it's not like anyone will care
but i still want your approval anyway

Superficial beauty is everywhere
And so is summer love affairs
Nobody even stops to care
or even realize that they teared
someone else's heart apart
Humans don't even know where to start
We should be kind to one another, treat each other all
as if we're sister and brother
And nobody has to be in starvation or sadness
if we just remove all the badness
that's in our hearts and in our mind
Then i think that we'd be fine

You said you were done
with me and my friends
and left me in the dead of the night
And i wish i had a time machine,
so i could go back to the first time you said
"I love you"
even though those words were hollow
it still made me feel whole

It's 3 AM, again.
I'm staring at my phone.
I'm hoping that you'll text me, sitting all alone.
My hands are shaking badly
Waiting for your reply
we haven't talked in a while, not for a few days
Then you decided you didn't want to stay
Well, It doesn't matter now
you're gone anyway
I'm always hurt in some cruel kind of way.
but I'm still hoping
and I'll still wait
until you come back, some day.

It's 3 AM, Again.
I'm staring at my phone.
I'm crying, I'm hurting and I'm wishing you were home.

It's 3 AM, I need to go to bed
But you're still stuck inside my head
Your face is an ocean, And I'm swimming in it
And you leaving me just doesnt fit it
You can't stop playing with me, like I'm a toy
Who ever knew Id fall for a boy
Whose heart is gold, It gets harder and harder
To breathe under my desires
But i wanna know you better, You've got my heart
You just don't know where to start