You could say that my sanity dissipates with the moonlight,
slowly being covered by the sun.

You could say that my anger dissipates with the moonlight,
being drained from my soul with the overwhelming shadows.

You could say that my heart becomes inflamed with the moonlight,
aching and wanting and hurting

You could say my soul is bound with the moonlight,
and without its beams I am not whole.

(i.r)

I wonder what your eyes saw,
When they were glassed over with tears,
Bloodshot and pain filled,
Staring at me with hope and loss.

The eyes that once were lit by starlight in my dark bedroom, illuminating a part of my soul once undiscovered.  Were now shattered and filled with sorrow.

You held me, and kissed me with your chapped and broken lips.

You embraced me, your hands dry and your fingertips blistered from the rusted strings you played all night.

I felt you in my arms.

I slid my nails along your spine, an action that always comforted you as a child.

I pet your hair and in each lock, I twirled my fingers in your deepest thoughts.

And I wanted to run away with you.

But as I kissed you for the very last time,

I felt you crack, just like the plaster on my ceiling.

Darling won't you lay with me,
On this bed of grass and white daisy.
Come link your flower chain with mine,
Come sing songs of love to pass the time.

Lay on me any worries or fears and
I will do my best to make them disappear  
Give to me your sadness and sorrow,
And I'll kiss them away from tomorrow.

And if you come with me, to this daisy field
One by one we'll  slowly build, a little home for both our hearts and a meeting ground for our lips to part.

And there inside our little world, we'll discover;
How to make hands curl, tounge upon tounge, lips upon neck, we'll recreate that night we cannot forget.

So again I'll ask darling, won't  you please stay?
And link upon link build a daisy chain,
To slowly stitch the world away.

(i.r)

It's scary how much I love you.

So much I can't comprehend.

It's scary how much I need you.

And how far I am willing to bend.

I scare myself when I'm alone at night.

The world empty, alone with my thoughts.

And how I know I will always love you.

Even once my pale bones start to rot.

(i. r)

It's funny how you're the only one.
You're the one I see by my side with wrinkled smiles,

You're the one I see proposing in some painfully poetic way,

You're the one I see myself getting a little yellow house with,

You're the one I see throwing our children into the air and playing with them till the streetlights come on.

But in another sense you're the only one who scares me.

I'm scared of you walking away,
I'm scared of things getting to difficult,
I'm scared of you kissing me goodbye,
IM. SCARED.

But I've never felt more alive.
(i.r)

There's something odd about it.

How I know their names, their personalities, the jokes they tell.

How I know the plans you guys have made and the fun activities you'll all do as a team.

How I even know the costumes they'll wear and the conventions you will all go to.

And I know what I'd say in conversation with them,

How I'd get to know them better,

How I would put my best foot forward,

How I've longed to actually hear their voices so I can match them with their persona.

But that's not in the cards.
It's okay, I'm okay.

But sometimes I realize how disconnected I am from your world.

How far away and far removed I am.
And I remember that no one knows me.

None of them know my name, or my personality.

They don't know the plans we have made or activities we are planning.

They don't think about what they'd say to me in conversation, or how they'd "get to know me better".

They wouldn't need to put their best foot forward or hear my voice to match me to the rest of my persona....

Because to all of them I don't exist. I'm a distant acquaintance from a long time ago.

I am a passing name in very loose conversation every couple of months.

I am the one who knows but isn't known.

I am a ghost.

And no one in your life can see me,

Except for a very special person,

And that's you.

(i. r.)

I remember the last day very well.

How happy we were to be away from the rest of them.

How fun it was sitting in your car, and screaming out lyrics to songs we would one day want marked on our bodies.

How we happily giggled and allowed every ounce of insecurity to melt away into the air around us.

How the sunlight streamed in through my windows and covered your golden skin in a thin film of white.

How it felt to kiss your lips.

How it felt to hold you close.

How your body pressed to mine created one continuous aria of love.

How my last words were "text me when you're safe and sound"

How I didn't know I would be leaving my heart in your shirt pocket.

"Will do"


(i. r)

I promised that I would tell you,
if you ever went out of bounds
if you ever worried me
if I ever had any fears about us
if I ever doubted you
if I ever needed space
or help
or thoughts
or kisses

Well I need them now,
but you are too far from my reach.

so I will stomach the worry and the wanting
and I will make up for the kisses with pain filled guitar strings
and I will wait the two days it takes to be in your arms.

and in the meantime I will drown my anxiety with the tea I drink
and subdue my doubts with the remembrance of your beautiful eyes,

and enchanting smile.

(i.r)

That's what you always say.
"It's for a better you"

Do you realize that I love myself?

Well that is before you come around,

With your 22 inch waist
And your red painted lips
And your curly blonde hair
And your long legs.

"I'm helping you"

And just like that I rekindle my relationship with the demons in my head.

And I light a candle hoping to scare them back into the corners of my head.
(i.r)

There was something about that night
The way insomnia  consumed my skin
The way your body felt intertwined with mind
The way your chest rose and fell,
A pillow of lungs and love to rest my head.

I knew I loved you

And your comatose kisses
And your incredible eyes
And your powerful whisper
And your quivering collarbones

Still with every touch
And taste
And caress
And embrace

I knew I would be content lying beside you for eternity.

And that my heart was yours to take,

And yours to break

(i.r)

I love to watch you sing in your car.

The way you play invisible pianos and guitars.
The way you scream out all your favorite lines.
The way your face tells the story of the music.

I love to watch our hands.

When they are interlocked and unbreakable.
When they search for one another constantly.
When they run over each others bones.
When they pull our bodies closer together.

I love to watch us.

Becoming one.
Becoming something more.
Becoming better than before.

And when you reach for me in the dark of your car, singing out the words of one of our songs, just to find me missing.

Know that I am saturated in the lyrics you scream, and the fingerprints on your window.

(i.r)

I feel as though I am losing you to a snake.

One who's venom has the ability to warp your mind.

I feel as though I am losing your heart to its bite.

A strong overpowering sensation of pure manipulation.

I feared that when I awoke this morning you would no long be mine, but in fact hypnotized by every scale and slither.

And while you are still resting soundly, arms wrapped around me,

She whispered in your ear last night.

(i. r)

You are what you love
You feed off of it
You yearn for it
Your desire for it is never ending

You and your masochistic mentality that eats at your heart.
My dear, do you not realize you're dying this way?

Not what loves you back
The part of the phrase which you cannot except
The thing that keeps you from trying
The part of life that you're afraid of

You and your emptiness.
My dear, I never wanted to see you this way.

Your sorrow and your beauty once combined,
can create nothing but wickedness.


But you crave the pain that comes from that emptiness.
You *need it.

I wouldn't have anyone else.

Just your beautiful star-clustered soul.

(i.r)

Maybe I'm just a hopeless romantic.
But I trust the way I feel.
A sense of satisfaction,
A pair of lips that truly heal.

Maybe my mind is up in the heavens,
But I'm certain there I'll find,
That perhaps at once I knew you,
In a world long before time.

I kiss your hands which hold me,
I praise your brilliant mind,
I hope you still adore me,
I hope you remain kind.

Every poem I write is of you.

I write of your chiseled jaw and cheeks.

I write of your collarbones, from whose depth I could drink wine.

I write of the bed of stars you laid me down upon.

I write of your golden skin under the soft white sunlight.

I write of your eyes which remind me of the moon.

I write of your spine which resembles the solar system.

I write of my love and of my man, whose entire soul resembles the composition of the universe.

And I can only hope I am a galaxy within it..

(i. r)

I do not like this phase of a heart break.

When you purposely avoid love songs,
Or sometimes you play them just to make yourself feel like your hearts still pounding.

When the person you loved and hid from every waking soul is brought into a conversation.
Or when he isn't.

When you see other lovers who have made it years without the cruel hand of fate ripping their love from them.
Or when you see they haven't.

When you notice him writing you smaller, casual messages when they use to be breathtaking and beautiful.
Or when he doesn't write at all.

When I ask you if I am pushing you away and you say no.

"Alright, happy birthday! Text me later tonight?"

"Will do"

When every hidden goodbye ends with those two words. And my broken, belittled heart.

(i. r.)

Drag me by my bloodied ankles,
beat my body with such vigor.

Remember my face before you twist it,
look into my eyes as you pull the trigger.

To me you were the closest of friends,
you helped me up when I was low.

But here I am at your mercy,
and instead of love I recieve hard blows.

Little do you know however,
that the blood you draw will heal.

My skin will seal itself again,
and my life you will never steal.

(i.r)

You are my favorite shade of sin.

The darkness of your car,
The paleness of my legs,
A blush I can't control,
Because only love remains.

You are my favorite taste of sin.

The lips that lock on mine,
The sweat drenching your hair,
The salty taste of skin,
The way you pull my hair.

You are the one that consumes my mind,
Who's heaven sent, who's heart I hope is mine.
But why make your love a simple possession?
I spend my nights drenched in our sins.

(i. r)

She always seemed so synchronized,
To the thoughts that crossed his brain.

Picking up her feet to dance,
To distract him from the pain.

She kissed his worried temples,
Wiped his tears away like rain.

All the while still syncing with the
Thoughts inside his brain.

He wondered why she danced there,
And focused on his thought's.

"Maiden don't you think that there
is something you've forgot?

You spend worry on my brain waves,
you dance around and sing.
But don't you forget fair maiden,
that your thoughts can also ring."

She stood a while and faced him,
and focused on her thoughts.

"No my dear it's clear that you
are something I am not.

Your thoughts they never linger,
they come and then they go

And unlike me the bad ones
never stay and never grow

So yes, I'll dance about you,
and I'll kiss your temples pink.

And dance about you daily,
just to hear the thought's you think."

(i.r.)

He: What're you afraid of?
12:38am

She: Losing you.
Because I don't want to lose you. And if I lose you I know that I will feel empty for years after. And I don't want that incompleteness. I just want you.
12:41am

I hope you wore a sweater,
in your favorite shade of blue.
It gets cold in late November,
(it gets darker faster, too)

I hope the shoes you wore fit snugly
(even if your socks don't match)
I hope your last day wasn't ugly,
I hope the pain was over fast.

I'm sure you felt your sadness deeply,
I'm sure you felt your heart ache too.
When you took a walk when all were sleeping,
in your favorite shade of blue.

I wonder what it felt like,
to pick the perfect tree.
To end your painful heartache,
snug shoes on dangling feet.

But my most pressing question,
that I would ask of you,
is where did you lose your earbud?
(you're wearing one, not two)

They moved you to the metal table,
(the one that tilts down at an angle)
They cut the sweater off you too,
your favorite one in midnight blue.

They make their notes:
your weight,
your height.
They check your shoulder width and write:
"He will fit a standard casket"
(they carry on with their assessment)

"Rope indentation - on the neck
Eyes and fingers - blue and red
Socks mismatching
Nike shoes
One earbud gone"
(that's all I knew)

Tell me why'd you take that walk?
I know the road ahead looked bare.
Tell me how you chose a song.
Did you brush your teeth and comb your hair?

Did it happen on a school night?
(your file says you were in 12th grade)
Did you tell your mom you loved her?
- with your mind already made.

So to the boy with just one earbud,
I'm sorry this world felt so wrong.
I hope you're in your favorite sweater,
and you're listening to your favorite song.

I missed the taste of you.
And the way your lips pressed to mine so lovingly and filled to the brim with affection.

I missed the way you watched my movements.
As if I was a rare animal in the wild, which both fascinated and inspired you.

I missed the way your hands felt.
And the way they curled into mine, fitting as if they were destined to be there.

I missed the way you made me laugh.
The most honest smiles I have ever made were in your presence.

And I knew we'd make it.

My perfect constellation.
My greatest adventure.

My love.

And even in the midst of those who say "NO" and "NEVER", we find ourselves surrounded by love and determination. A little home built for our hearts. And a triumph like no other.

(i. r)

8:28am
I awoke to your words, or rather texts
Written from late night thoughts,
And exclaims of affection.

But it's funny really,
How I could sense them there,
On the table right behind my head,
As if my heart knew your words lingered just beside my brain.

Waiting|Wanting|Hoping*

For sleep to leave me and for your words to puncture my skin.

(i. r.)

8:12am

You slid your leg between my thighs.

Were you kidding? Yes.

Did I want you?
                  




                                         ­              Undoubtedly.

(i. r)

I don't mind the long drives home
And I don't mind holding his hand
His eyes are a soft encounter
So much power in a tiny glance

Every kiss is like a cigarette
Every word is like a bee
Addicted to the taste of nicotine
And dying from a tiny sting

Lay your love on me
Send your venom through my veins
I'm stealing all of your cigarettes
But I ain't hearing no complaints

Speaking my mind to a cup of coffee
Watching each day that walks on by
Until the moment I can finally see you,
Your hypnotic smile and your large brown eyes.

(i.r)

Everything you've ever said to me,

Told to me,

Swore to me,

Sang to me,

Whispered to me,

Confided in me,

Promised me,

Cried to me,

I have repeated in my mind a thousand times. Committed it all to my memory.

And never looked back.

(i. r)

At the end of all this,
When your spines bent
And when I have arthritis,

When our wrinkled and spotted fingers reach out for each other,

When we still kiss eachother goodnight every single night,

When our grandchildren grab at our faces and question the meaning of life,

When we are wrapped up in eachother on our bed just as we did sixty years before,

We will look back,

And our old pale cheeks with blush with color,

And our blurry tired eyes will brighten,

And we will have the most vivid memory of how it happened,

And our time-worn old souls will be woven into a perfect pattern,

Just as the universe had woven our lives.
(i. r.)