her smiles shines like diamonds at the bottom of a clear cool lake.
her eyes like hazel tulips fluttering in the wind while she dances to the beat of the drums constructed by her soul

this is my last and final goodbye
as I write this I think of the times you made me cry.
with your hurtful words
and your loving smile to others
the leather belt that struck my back and left the open wounds
the hot iron on my arm when I talked back
and the fist against my skull if I did something wrong.
love me, to mom

cracked nails with peeling hands
ugly dancers' feet
endless hours of stretching, leaping, bowing, and creating straight lines with no mistakes
you destroy me but, I love every moment of it

I wanna see that look in your eyes that used to give me all the time
A look of seduction, fear, and lust.
Otherwise known as the "come hither" look.
It makes my heart beat grow faster
My palms start to bead with sweat.
It makes my insides quiver and groan for your presence.
I don't think its love,
but its **** sure not just friendship.....w.e

she dances on the soles of her exhausted feet
moving her arms with grace and femininity
she kept her balance as the beads of sweat ran down her forehead
with great posture she bowed and no one clapped, so she remained graceful and left the stage

hot white sun
toasty warm sand
seas that smile at the night sky
icy strawberry lemonade
liquor and bbq
ripe peaches and pineapples
ahhhhh...the perfect setting

I dig my nails into the filth of his mind, while he robbed me of the  innocence i once captured from my mother's womb
My thoughts seem to tick.......like the time given to me called a lifespan is running out
slowly but fast all at the same time
he grips my throat tightly telling me "you made me do this! Why did you wear that? This is all YOUR fault."
......i begin to think maybe i shouldn't have worn that.
  But than i think again i had on skinny jeans, a button up coat, and snow boots
.............SO WHAT THE **** was so **** provocative that you would break into my sanctuary called my body and rob me off my sanity

I am afraid to express myself to the world because of unnecessary judgment.
Afraid to be captured by demons but they're already inhabited inside my mind, body, and soul.
so what am I hiding from?
I'll be judged regardless.
The demons are already here and I'm afraid they know all my deep dark secrets
but shhhh.........
deep down in my spirit I feel as though there is something much more scary than a couple demons and judgment.
I think its those thing called "friends"

i scream but no one hears
i move but no one looks
i cut but no one cares
im sad but no one seemed to notice
i cried but no one wiped the tears away
now im dead and everyone says they tried to help as they lay the roses on my grave

I am glass
my heart is a chandelier
beautiful but if shattered it may become deadly
it'll hurt all that come across its path until all my remains are on the floor
begging to be reconstructed.
I'm full of broken promises and painful memories that I wished would be erased and completely deleted
my prayers would fill bottles of wine and I could drink those spirits instead..........I am a piece of shattered glass

everyone knows I'm pretty
most know I'm smart
my parents know that my voice is like and angel singing to the people of heaven
and everyone knows I'm stick thin
no one knows how hard it is to look this way.
you must weigh yourself every day
you have workout 3 times a day
and most important of all you must remember that pretty girls don't eat

im the calm before the storm.
I try to cover all my drama then bring it to you
like opening a beatifully wrapped gift to find out there was only underwear inside
but not just any underwear
ones that are torn and distressed, but not from being worn
its from being passed on from friend to friend.
I wish I had a new gift but this is all I have to offer.
maybe if I didnt always have to give the gift could stay at rest.

An ice cold heart drenched in a pool of smoke and ashes
that is visited by demons that disguise themselves as angels called "boyfriends" and "lovers"

mirror mirror on the wall, whose the fairest of them all?
break me down until I hysterically cry
call me ugly, then sing me a lullaby.
show me the beauty in what I'm not
then control my every thought.
Darken my days and turn my sky grey
Help me starve to take my pain away
mirror mirror, what do I do?
To fix the flaws you told me to.....

Let your soul shine through like the ring you thought he bought for you to propose
Like the umbrella you used when he left you stranded in a storm
Like the spots on your thighs from skydiving tears and misleading acts of love
Like the lock on your pretty pink journal that never whispers to another soul
Like the walls your heart will soon begin to build

friendship is a constant battle between too little and too much
like how much do I tell her
if we seperate will she tell
will she break my heart one day
and how do I trust her so easily

The colors from your insecurities slowly merge into a rainbow of darkness and destruction.
wind howls back at the lone wolf to stand its ground, but moves quietly with a rapid pace .
the rain washes away sins and sends memories of murdered children through the tears of their loved ones.
my skin seems to open up like a blossoming tulip with the hope of seeing the sun just knowing that it brings the gift of photosynthesis
father please forgive me the wildlife sings

Her lipstick is the color of the dark rich blood that runs through her veins.
she steps on crunchy orange and reddish brown leaves while making her way to her new lover's home.
breaking my heart with each quick breeze traveling behind her that carries her sweet perfume.
gripping my heart with the crisp morning air and fallen leaves
........I'll just wait for winter

Dear future heartbreak,
                                        
                                            the gel in my pen runs dry from the countless poems about how I miss you or how I'd confess my undying love and compassion. My finger swollen from gripping the pencil when thoughts of you seem to skip rocks in a river of tears I've created. you're smile is the sun that warms my universe. You swim deep in my waterfall of passion, yet even deeper in despair
......................................but you will always be the BUMBLE TO MY BEE
                                      

                                                                                        love, happily
                                                                                                   anonymous

I'll give you my all this time
I'll give my whole life line
just promise me this
remember our kiss... till the end of time
i remember when our eyes first met
and i remember the first time you held me in your arms
...promise you'll always remember it to.

we gather around the couch
with our fuzzy pajamas and fluffy socks.
singing jingles and carols while we watch the snowflakes drift off in the wind.
staring at the blinking lights on a pine tree graced by a shining star on its tippy top top.
Waiting for the little jolly fat guy..........

Looking at the mirror I saw sin run down the pretty gold frame
It was black like the depression I faced in a nightmare once
He cascaded his hands over my mouth to muffle my praises
He is everything covered in silver and gold, rubies and diamonds
.........but God is raw and trustworthy......like the soil we plant the life of this Earth in.......the rain that nourishes it........and the animals able to feast

The big cracked silver monstrosity rung
It was like a switch in the back of my mind.
My vision was clouded with hanging bodies and bleeding feet
My soul was lifted and set on fire by the devil himself
They were hanging from the olive tree branches with ropes and stones.
fingernails cracked with my bare back exposed and whipped with the whip of  my keeper.
My voice is hoarse and lost from the screams of the people in my dreams.
The glass I drink from cuts my lips
My blood ...........the color of a roses he bought me on the day of my funeral
Let my soul fly with black-winged angels that ride on dead white horses

As I opened my eyes and looked to the sky to see a sign of God
a rain drop kissed the crease of my forehead
songs sat upon clouds and drifted off like leaves in Autumn
My spirit began to break away piece by piece like chipped statues
I felt renewed......like I grew wings and light shined around my head
God gave me flight with no safety net
he said "if you believe as much as you preach......you need no plan B"
From there I flew...

If I give you midnight skies with billions of white stars
or rivers flowing with milk and honey
that lie on a fertile land with roses and tulips blossoming in the misty air
will you feel my love

the sweet warm breath on my neck
the scratches on your back
my deep moans of pleasure
and the clenching of the sheets
oh how I love the way you make love to me

let the music move your soul
and the melody caress your heart.
the beat with move your feet
and harmony tear you apart
just listen to song deep within my soul

I'm the majestic unicorn you only see in fairytales and dreams of candy lands and rivers flowing with milk and honey.
I'm the rose that blossoms in the dead of winter, while engulfed in snow.
The double rainbow that appears after an intense storm of emotions and weird feelings.
I am *unbelievable

im clenching the edge of the skyscraper called life.
you are the only thing keeping me from death.
I hear the angels call my name
and I hear the shadows whisper
I just beg you.....please dont let me go

my mommy tells me im beautiful
my mommy tells me im smart
society says im ugly
cause my thighs don't part
my mommy says ignore them
she says don't let them faze you
but the world says you are disgusting because of what
the good lord gave you.....
well which one is it?
am I strong
or am I weak?
am I pretty or ugly?
these are questions I must ask.
why does the world have to be like that

faking a smile isnt working anymore
neither is wearing long sleeves to cover the scars.
I just want to be happy
and also not have to weigh myself everyday
not have to count the calories or refuse the food I love to eat
I want to be me
but society does not allow that

dead.

our memories fuel my weakened soul...........with a concoction of sweet bliss and sorrow
I've sipped aged red wine from your collar bones
and was blessed by the touch of your skin.
when the rain poured it still didn't smear the imprint of your lips on my  cheek.
I still remember the sweet sugar glaze over your eyes when you looked at old pictures of your grandmother.
The family trips
The thanksgiving dinners and the sweet echos of laughter.
The old flower petals you kept from her funeral and the note you found that she left for you when she knew the end was near.
You used to look at me with that same sugar glaze sort of trance.
But things seem to be different.
The picture frames are broken
The trips have been called off
and the flower petals have dried and crumbled.
But there's still a hint of that sugar glaze love in your eyes......

my skin crawled with agony when the word commitment ran across his smooth lips
   the hair on my neck began to stand and salute the air, which had gone stale and silent
my hands frozen with the frost of mid-December, but sweat of the heat of July
   my heart, later to sound like African tribal drums in an important boy-to-man ceremony
why is this word death to the future
and why do i run to and away from it

Her hair flows like willow tree-tops in an autumn breeze.
Her lips are the color of fallen rose petal that have been stepped on.
Her skin is rich like chocolate in Belgium, just waiting to be tasted.

I hope our love will be like a photograph.
with still smiles and memories that last forever.
this way our love will not end, but be frozen in time

the razors were her best friends
the only source of control of the pain she endured.
her hair was falling out
her skin , pale as the snowy grounds of December.
no one ever cared
until they day she wore short sleeves and everyone got scared

i drank the nectar from a wild flower
and sang with the birds as they chirped
i danced with the wind
and ate the flesh of sweet berries
*all while i watched the sun rise

When all the petals are wilted and the skies turn from blue to gray
the birds will stop their melodies and begin to hide away
The apples will fall from the trees and rot in the sun
This is when I will know when the day has come
.......to tell you im am ready.............for love...................

there are about 140 people at this crowded after party
music is blasting .....but everything seems quiet to me.
I still feel alone when there are so many people that surround me.
its loud but the only thing I hear is silence.
I am prisoner to my mind and cruel imagination
but still I smile and try to blend in

as my soul calls to the shadows
and my mind seems to over-process
my heart cries out to Jesus and prays ill be alright
I've seen many days like this and grieved for countless hours
while laying on my bed with a bottle of tequila
hoping this will wash the sins away

red stands for the blood shed when you beat me with your bare hands.
orange is the color of my hands when I try to get the blood out of the carpet.
yellow is the color of my eyes after endless hours of no sleep because I was afraid that you'd just **** me.
green is the envy in your eyes if I dare to even look at another man.
blue is the color that I was when your choked me until I had collapsed.
and purple , are the bruises on my body
pink is now the color of that old white shirt my grandmother bought for me
but white is the color of my new life

im just a waste of space
with regrets
and no place to stay
my heart shall beat until the end
but i want to be remembered as a friend
keep me in the depths of your heart
never let the memories fall apart
ill see you at the end of time
till then in my heart you're still mine

when the clouds pour out, do you feel their pain?
when the flower dies, can you smell the crumpled petal like failures?
Sun shines but there is no light here....only shadows, the light will forever shine past you....

if I starve myself my bones will show
if I cut my thighs no one will know
theyll check your wrist for cuts and scars
but none will mend the broken heart.
ill pop the pills and die real slow.
quietly, so no one will know.

the uncomfortable straps of my bra
the struggle of getting my **** into those jeans I like
the high heels you admire but I dread
the hours spent on hair
and some minutes on makeup
the ugly monthly visitor
the cramps
the aches
the tears
the fear of thinking no ones there
trying not to fuss
and not to fight
and always making everything right
I am woman

Your words are like  honey...sticking to my bones, but rotting my teeth
I reached out my hand to save us both but you, all of a sudden, had a ladder crafted just for you
.......a ladder to climb from the depths of a howling cry filled with the remains of broken angel wings
Dreams you created, then crushed
Promises you made, then broke
Mistakes you confessed to God, then took back.
...you set the pictures on fire and placed the ashes on my pillow
from the ash I made mud, when I mixed it with my tears..
With the same hands that held you up for years, I sculpted a bird.
A bird with new wings that couldn't be broken or torn...only made stronger

passionate kisses
a warm embrace
smooth skin
the touching of the face.
this is now just a **** memory.
but it's as close as ill ever be.
every detail of your face is engraved into my mind.
your full lips
your nice hips
and the smile that never goes away.

big beautiful brown eyes that have seen too many tears to remember
her heart scarred from broken friendships and ruined relationships
everything has simply been broken
cuts lie on her wrists and thighs as she tried to let the pain escape her innocent , no longer pure body
as she sits and thinks why is this happening to me...

our love is like a sunset.
so many layers
so many colors
we can go from light to dark
or from dark to light
but in the end we'll always glow