soft petal pink lips
caramel ice cream skin
big brown eyes that say come in
and a heart that's made of diamonds

On the day of my funeral I don't want many things
except to have my family there and all that they bring.
The sky will open with grayish-blue clouds
that say the heaven are open without a doubt.
the breeze will begin to make the green willow trees sway
as my soul whispers "see you another day."
poems will be read and songs will be sung
but I will tolerate no tears because i am the one that has won.
now I suffer from no struggles or worldly doubts and fears
I fear not the people of the earth, but wipe away their tears

I hear the demons whispering
but the angel of death is yelling my name
the stairs begin to creek
while the hallway light flickers on and off
.....this time I know they're coming and wont leave without a beautiful sinner

color inside the lines of the soul that has been forgotten
while i print another copy that is quite similar but just cant be the same
shade the lighter and heavier parts of thy mind that are weighed down with burdens and deadly sorrow
take me where the butterflies sing and the trees grieve when their roots are enslaved to bare the fruits of nature, that the petty, ungrateful humans consume
and tell me to fetch the nutrients from the river of milk and honey

your kisses were warm
yet your heart was sort of chilly
when you wrapped me in my blanket you seemed to become annoyed
i tried to touch your face but you pulled away from me
what did i do?
have i disrespected you
or let you down in any way?
just let me know what i did to have you hate me anyway...

one day ill open my soul to you the way tulips blossom in the warmth of spring.
one day my walls will deteriorate like paper left in rain water
and when "one day" comes I'll love you the way you love me

here your only memory lies
from your funny stories
to your lovely lullabies.
from the times that we laughed
and the times we cried.
we went through all of this just to say goodbye.
but in my heart you will always be
till the day I die and see you in front of me

I wanna feel the warm, tiny grains of sand in between my freshly painted toes.
smell the salty ocean breeze flow with the wind.
see the majestic waves crash and turn to soft, calm waters.
and see the gorgeous sunset lie gently on the edge of the sea

short black dress
heels higher than my self esteem
burgandy lipstick
bronzed skin
running mascara
ruined eyeliner
cracked nails......
that turned ugly didnt it.
this is our relationship.
at first it is disguised as beauty and lust
but on the inside it's ugly.
abusive....
shattered mirrors
broken dishes
smeared blood on the floor leading to the bedroom.
no more hiding an ugly face behind a beautiful mask.

I simply cannot reopen my old wounds
and expose my weaken, crippled heart.
to break down these cement walls for you to just tear me apart.
the risk is way too major to just open up and let you in
how do I love when the demons are deep within

big brown eyes
full lips
rich skin tone
gorgeous white smile
intoxicating cologne
why do you do this to me?
you make yourself so desirable,
but yet I cant have you.
when you look at me your eyes don't sparkle the way mine do, even when I see a picture of you.
just like my grandmother you to sing to me:
"you are my sunshine, my only sunshine.
you make me happy, when skies are gray.
you'll never know thee, how much I love you.
please don't take my sunshine away"
please release me of the shackles of your embrace.
your personality is a fountain of gold and silver.
you light up my day better than the sun does....Wow.
why don't you love me?

im alone...
in a an abandoned factory.
with lights so dim only a cats eye could see.
I can hear the chains clicking
while the light flickers in the distance.
the air is hot and choking me
my hair's falling out and so are my teeth..
im describing my disease,
which is basically consuming me.
the scale is God
food is the devil
and I have sinned

I like to imagine flowers dying.
it explains to me that even if we were all beautiful and perfect, we would still wither and die

the morning coffee brews in a *** with scrapes and scratches
I can smell the cocoa beans and the caramel marrying each other and becoming one.
blue jays sing their harp-like songs, while the willow trees sway in a sweet smelling breeze.
the sky is opening up to me and telling me its secrets and stories.
THEN I WAKE UP
now its opposite and dreary
its raining outside
the thunder and lightning marry each other and become one loud abusive relationship.
the birds are hiding from the commotion of nature that consumes them completely.
the beat of my heart begins to slow down...
and this is my good morning

I dont feel like im worthy to go to church anymore
Lord please tell me why
your "people" have become the ones I most despise.
they judge me
speak down to me
like they're somehow on your level

The little voice whispers in my ear
"Just cry in the shower, so no one can hear"

DEMONS
DEMONS
I feel like I can hear them
but they are not whispering.
the screams are peircing my ears during the middle of the stone cold night.
their faces are horrific
but they have pretty smiles.
theyre quite big, yet they walk for miles.
I know they walk because im followed everywhere I go.
I act like theyre not there and play pretend.
the funny thing is I used to call these demons friends.

hangman is a game we all used to play
but do we know the real meaning of the game?
some words will hurt
some will be the trigger to the gun
some with be the knot thats tied in the rope
some will be the sharp edge of the blade
and some will be the death of me

they tell me my hair needs to be waist-length and
that I need to feminine with a man's strength.
that my skin needs to be crystal clear
no matter the season.
and that I must always keep my composer no matter the reason.
that I must wear heels that hurt my feet
to beat every other woman that must be beat.
that being a woman is all competition, and you must get first place.
or die alone and never feel the grace.
the grace of getting married
or grace of being called beautiful
or having an amazing family.
they tell us to have these things we must be "PRETTY"

why is the silence always the loudest
and why do people kept in  dim light shine the brightest

get straight a's they say
be **** and you wont have to pay.
straighten your hair and let it flow
wear things that cover your wrist and no one will know.
do your best to always hide
what screams on the inside

i hate you, but yet i love you
you bring me joy, but still fill me with sorrow
your presence brightens my day, but still darkens my sky
i love you more than words can say
you'll always be the highlight of my darkened days.
but when you leave so does the happiness.
the demons start to whisper
the stairs begin to creek
i begin to pop the pills
maybe those will be filled with joy.
the blades start to appear
the blood begins to drip.
maybe this will be my one-way ticket trip.
and always remember, if you don't see me again
you will always be my one true friend