wish me away.
Wish that i would go back to where I came from.
Demote my existence.
Do not pay any attention to my pain.
Mock me with everything I say,
act like a child,
and cause me more pain then my body could handle.
Take me to the lowest parts of my mind,
yes,
make me feel inhuman.
Make me feel ******,
don't let me remind myself of my existence.
Say no to everything I ask,
and keep me in my room until I forget what the house looks like.
Give me all the responsibilities that way you have none,
and that way it is MY fault if something goes under.
Yes,
oh please make sure my family hates me.
Tell them lies about me,
making them cringe at the sight of my face.
Make me cry so hard that my head feels as it has been crushed.
Make sure I suffer in the hot sun,
and tell me it isn't okay to be happy.
Tell me that people never want to see me again,
and cover yourself up in the lie.
Don't forget to hit me with a cutting board,
and please break plastic spoons on my ***.
Make sure I see the corner as an enemy,
and the door as a murderer.
Make the family not understand
just who I am,
and exclaim
"its all his fault!"
I love it when,
my head is smacked.
Soooooo much.
Please make me go without eating
for a good long while.
Make sure,
I cannot go to the bathroom,
Yes I LOVE the thrill.
If you hadn't noticed,
I'm being sarcastic.
I never wanted you to do any of this,
but you did anyways.

Don't ask, Don't Tell.
Please don't ask me
~I wont answer.
Don't ask me
what he's done
I do not like to speak,
this is who I have become,
I am forced to overcome
this thing you call pain
Don't ask me,
so I don't have to tell you.
Please mind my wish.
I will not express everything like a *****
but I do not want to share,
this thing that is a negative flair.
Don't ask,
don't tell

"Help me, help me! My dogs gone missing"
The girl lost that dog on a foggy day,
in the dreaded street of Drury Lane.
"help us, help us! Our daughters gone missing!"
last location?
N/A
where were you?
N/A.
the man was watching in the tress,
under the house and through the seams.
He snatched that little girl,
and left her body in the fog.
What world is this?
Why did he take her?
All the kids now say,
"Don't go to the foggy red house on Drury Lane"

You cant sweep your kids under the rug.
You cant push us aside and go drinking.
After all,
You made us.
It was your night of fun, wrether intentional or not that made us.
You cant ignore us
We need you.
As much as your work ****** you off
You cant take it out on us.
Why do you think we are so against you?
Or better yet
What did you do to make us that way.
Because we...well i dont hate for no reason.
i always have a reason
Why do you hit us,
You know you wouldnt like to be hit.
Why are you so angry
I know....life *****,
But your kids will find out eventually, no need to make them learn now.
You cant butter us up
Because we arnt dumb.
Parents
Love the kids.
You made em
So love em.
Dont leave them in the dark
Because it hurts.
Dont. Leave us

When I was able to feel the pain
I went not to my mother.
My mother betrayed me.
Not my father,
My father left me.
I retreat to music.
I bury my scars and bruises in music notes.
I wait for that beat to drop,
In order to raise my heart back up.
This music numbs my pain.
I feel safe in my music,
Grab a pair of headphones before a gun
In a **** zombie apocalypse.
I am going to drown out the hurtful words,
In a tub full of lyrics.
Music,
Heres to you,
For saving my life,
More than anything ever should have to.
Safety,
If you’re lucky
Will be found.
But my safety is the drums
And the guitar.
A song for every occasion,
The rain even has a beat,
Drumming but no rhythm.

When you look in my eyes, what do you see?
Do you see my pain
the fire I felt in my muscles?
Do you see the billions of tears
that had ran a marathon across my cheeks.
When looking into my eyes,
do you see my desire
for revenge
Do you see past my eyes, and into my soul,
my restless spirit?
Do you see my wounds
that still linger beneath my scars?
In my eyes, do you see my love?
Do you see my passion for loyalty?
My deep desire to be loved?
In my eyes,
do you see my confusion
my curiosity for everything
In my eyes,
can you see that I have been in pain.
The kind of pain that is worse than physical pain.
the "****" in my eyes.
The disappointment
the failure.
*my eyes hold a lot of secrets

Your eyes
As the ocean
Piercing through darkness.
My countess
Take me far away.
Take me to a place
That only contains us.
Your lips
Roses defined.
Kiss me untill
Everything falls away
And we are left
To cuddle in the clouds.
My countess
Breathe life into my soul
You are my everything
I will not fall.
You are the moon
Sitting so high,
You pierce the night sky
And fight all my demons away.
Yes its easy to say.
I love you
Now and forever
My queen,
My bae
:

Ghost Town in my ears
Cleansing my soul like it's suicide season
I hope to feel the sun once again,
this moment in time.
I see dead things.
I see the world spinning making me nauseous.
The constant whispers drive me insane.
My youth story is beginning to come to an end
my eyes opening at the sight of fear,
the smell of lust,
and the pain of shame.
This haunting will never end,
the twist and turns levitate me up
like an angel rising to the sky.
This knife you placed in my back,
makes me feel like all there is to say is:
Football season is over.
You expect me to fall to your will,
when my allegiance is to the demon who holds me down,
and through the thick smoke
I ask
"Can you feel my heart"
And the only thing you reply with is:
"You're so creepy"
So as I stare at the black moon,
waiting to be taken to the
hospital for souls,
I sit here,
chanting
*"I am the Haunted Youth"

The words I used to use
Always end up crashing all around me.
Falling lights scrape the crown away from me.
I have ever only felt broken
And I don’t want to fight anymore.
I feel like this world is always letting go.
And the sky turns to dark each day.
I’m sorry, but this is so hard to say.
I wanted to be something different.
I wanted to change the world.
But in the end, each time, I find the futility of change.
We all fall sometimes
And it hurts sometimes
And right now it is so hard to get up.
Knives poke my hands as I try to gain the strength
As I try to gather anything I can.
Everyone is laughing,
I am suffocating
No,
They won’t miss me anyways.
I am falling as hard as the rain
And my time is coming to rest.
I cannot handle this test alone.
So breathe life into my soul
Before I die alone.
Someone **** this feeling inside.
I cannot choose to reside these things.
Bring me up
Lend me a hand
So I can attempt to
…
Rise
I was never shown the way to be.
This life only proves what I can’t be.
So take a look at me
Poke at my imperfections
String me up and leave me to hang.
I cannot take much more
I was expected to be strong,
But I am cracking at the base.
I am crumbling to dust.
There was no sense of control.
I slowly feel the light fading away.
No one wants me to stay.
And if this was goodbye
Could you look me in the eye?
See the pain hidden deep inside.
I don’t know where to begin
But now I am feeling the weight of every sin.
Time always goes on
But I am stuck in the same **** cycle.
I’m sorry but I can’t handle
The weight of the world upon my shoulders.
The hurtful words that come crashing down like boulders
And I don’t want to stand.
I don’t want to become buried in the sand.
My life is so slippery
And I can’t get a grip.
I can’t breathe tonight.
I cannot sleep tonight.
But when I look in your eyes
I see past the lies
And I can’t help but see how the time flies.
So breathe life into my soul
Before I die alone.
Someone **** this feeling inside.
I cannot choose to reside these things.
Bring me up
Lend me a hand
So I can attempt to
…
Rise
These mirrors wind to destruction.
They lead to the death of the most alive.
They lead to the crack in my soul
Each time the mirror tells me
Who the hell I’m supposed to be.
Someone anyone
Save me
I’m freezing.
Lacking what I need
To continue to live.
Why has death shown me its emotions?
Why have I been chosen to lead this life?
Why can’t I breathe anymore?
Why do I feel death again?
I want to be strong again.
But I am only a mere mortal.
And the only portal is hope
And I am letting it all pass me by.
This is why
I have always ever been
So ******* dead.

I want to be a king,
just for one day.
I want to know what it feels like
to have all power
limitless power
I would force this thing you call abuse
into the corner it originated from.
I wish I could be the man of the hour
for one day
This time will be mine.
I will sit, finally being able to show my face.
I want to emerge from depression,
rise from the black water,
and come re-done,
not undone
I wish I could lead.
I would give the peasants a life worth living,
tyranny would be nowhere seen.
In my rule,
everyone is loved,
and all are happy.
If I was a king for a day,
I would do my best
to make this world
a better place
I feel so afraid,
to be small all my life.
I want to be king,
Because I am nothing now.
nothing
at
all
I don't know what this life
has to offer  
I want this world under fire.
But not by my rule.
The leaders have brought us down.
i see the people
they Are hurting.
I want to end pain.
I see the pain.
I want to end poverty
I see the poverty.
I want to stop the people who want to **** themselves,
I want to be the all protector.
Is this bad?
No more will I be a helpless kid,
but a fearless leader.
If only I was king
*just for one day

https://youtu.be/nhhaeeAkTDQ

When i go
Do not cry for me.
i know you dont care
Dont remind me of "happy memories"
between them are memories full of abuse
Do not pray for me
believe me, i will be much better when im away
Do not offer to help
i wont need you anymore
Dont shake my hand
you've crushed it enough
When i turn 18
let me go, and dont talk to me
Because
You brought this upon yourselves.
You wont see your grandchildren
You wont know my job
You wont attend my parties
You wont hear from me at all.
You pushed everything away from me
So when i turn 18, its time that i let go of you and start a new, better life

You litte ******
Dont question  me
You little ******
Try to fight back at me!
You little ******
Get mad
Get ******!
Little  ******
Get up
Hurry  your fat *** up!
You little  ******
Clean your ******* blood off the floor
You little ******
Dont act like it hurts
You little  ******
You dont have a right  to feel sad
You little ******
Dont stare at me with your ugly ***
You little  ******
Im gonna ****  ya'
You little ******
Lets go out back
You little ******
Be lucky thats all you got
You little ******
Stop your crying
You little ******
Get up! Come on! Now!
You little ******
There aint no one to save you
You little ******
Get out of my sight
-
All things  my lovely father has said

Lieber, ist dies für Sie.
Ich möchte Sie , stark zu bleiben , und ich weiß, dass eine schwierige Aufgabe ist . nur daran erinnern, dass ich hier bin für dich, und ich werde immer hier sein. Wenn Sie das Bedürfnis verspüren, zu sterben , denken Sie daran , dass ich mit dir bin. Ich hoffe, dass Sie mich ernst nehmen , und meine Liebe ernst. Ich gehe nicht weg, und ich hoffe, Sie werden auch nicht.
Guten Morgen,
Gute Nacht.
my lover Mädchen
Von,
Bluten- Diamanten

I need to hear from you.
I just might die.
Cuz babe,
Im in love with you.
I need to hug you so tight
Cuz babe
Im in love with you.
I need you like the earth needs the moon
Baby,
I love everything about you.
You talk so sweet and
I cant stop thinking about you.
You are fresh beginings
Spurring the heat
The coolness
All combined.
Im in love with you.
I really am.
You are everything.
I know you are insecure
But baby
You are perfection
And i mean it.
I know you want to be adored
And baby
I adore you more than my life.
You are my best friend
You are my lover
You are my all.
Some day
I want to marry you.
Have a family
And be so happy.
My Queen,
Tell me
Are you just as in love?
Cuz babe
*im in love with you

that is what I have been
for 8 years.
I've been a mute.
I have been expected to take the ****
to make the impossible work,
sleep it off,
and take what i cant dish out.
Don't expect to understand me
my life's story
is really quite boring.
He  wants you to think
that I am just a perfect, quiet little church boy,
that has a demon side to him
he has lied for years,
each time pushing the mute button a bit harder.
I am a mute,
but it is time for me to speak.
He won't expect it,
he WILL regret it.
He is responsible for my scars,
and they want revenge
I'm coming for him.
I shall arrive only so soon
the dagger in his chest,
8 years of damnation
will fill his soul.
He will be muted
just as I was,
*so long long ago.

So you are bringing me pain
I tear at my face
Hoping the flesh will mold itself
Into something
better
I look like a zombie tonight.
Im tired of executing this fight.
I thought i could do this 'till i die
Truth is all I wanted to do was chase you.
And in the end the question is what did you even amount to?
I was willing to give up my skinny jeans,
Aviators
And band shirts
In turn for your attention and love
But you took me and made me a fool.
"All in the name of love"
I tried to be what you wanted
But what you wanted was a swimsuit model and a load of ca$h.
Im sorry,
But im not saying sorry to you.
Im apologizing to myself.
I was willing to wash myself away
For a girl.
And it seemed like my body and heart was shot at with an rpg.
But know,
I wish you
A very special
********

When an electronic glitches,
just stops working.
We
Can
Refresh
The
page.
I wish I could
refresh
my life
I wish things could just start to
work
when things go down.
I wish when things just don't go the way they are intended to go,
refresh
I wish I could make everything
Go the way I want them to
Got a bad grade
refresh
Had a breakup
refresh
I wish I could refresh my life.

anger.
such a powerful emotion.
But I beg of you,
don't let anger control your life.
Don't let it make you do things you would regret
Don't let your anger take action.
Be wise.
Don't let anger win.
Take the time,
to calm down.
Anger is not the answer,
because anger leads to hostility,
and hostility is for fools

Just...
*******

life
rendered in time.
Made for those who could only see it through next November.
if you wanted,
I would hold you,
'till the stars in your eyes shine.
Please,
hold on
everything will be alright.
Just remember,
if there is no one to love you,
I will be there to tell you that I do
I love you, ***.
Just hold on.
Make something begin in your life.
Make something *work
Your heart is so precious,
suicide will not win you, my queen
Just remember to open your eyes.
Life was made for you,
I was made for you.
So just let me love you,
I will love you
for ever and ever
Let me think of you everyday,
and the life we have
together
Long live
*my queen

This one is for my followers.
Each one of you have hit that "follow button"
you read my poetry.
I have read yours,
each and every one of you,
I have read your poems.
Believe me, or not.
But I have.
Each and every one of you
are beautiful
You read my words,
you come into my world,
and for that
I thank you
You are reviving me.
Saving me.
Keeping me alive.
101 followers.
I feel so grateful
for you all.
Don't ever say
"No one cares about me"
I do
I care,
and I see your emotions
through your poetry
Thank you for reading
Bleeding Diamonds poetry
But that is just a username
this is from the boy behind the words.
This is Zach
thanking you
thank you
my 101 followers
=)

My name is *zach

I was so foolish to believe
*you actually loved me

I hear  your  words,  dear friend.
I hear your  pain
Frustration
The  need for imancipaton.
I know that you are tired
im sorry
I wish  i could be there  to help you.
I wish i could be right by your side
Being the shoulder  you need to lean on.
I wish i could be whatever you need me to be
So i will be.
In any and every way i can

You are worth it to me
You are so much to me that i genuinely worry about you.
Im tired too.
Im tired of being forgotten.
Im tired of my thoughts being forbidden.
Believe  me,
i know
But trust me, I'm  here with you
for when you need me
And when you dont
I will stand with you because you would for me.
Please remember i am with  you.
This poem is for you.
Dont forget im here.
I always will be.
Hold on.
We're  in this together.
Though different situations,
Enough  is the same
For me to
advocate
**for you

the perfect word to describe me.

you tell me you are just like everyone else.
and yeah, maybe you are
You tell me that you aren't the only one to yell.
also true
But what you fail to realize:
1. Most people do not torture their children
you have
2. Most people do not demote existence
you have
3. Most people think that injustice is real
you dont
4. Most people care about their family, and their emotions
you never have
5. Most people care about equality
you do not
6. Most people appreciate what they have
you think people owe you everything
7. Most people know what abuse is
you think everything is justified
8. Most people support their family
you have only brought us down
Look,
I know you can't be perfect.
But you have gone so far down.
You have shown me
how to be better than you.
You swear that when I have children,
I will be "just like you"
However,
my patience is more,
my love is more,
my passion is more.
You have taught me how to be nothing like you.
your own daughter,
says I am better than you.
Well,
maybe so
What you fail to realize:
**I am nothing like you

I am me.
You can't take that away from me,
my individuality.
I am me,
and I will continue to slit my wrists,
to bleed diamonds,
I will write poetry,
so you can read my words,
I will do all of this
for you

that little kiss you stole
It held my heart and soul

Take a deep breath
In and out
Don’t let them see the real me
In and out
Don’t show your smile
In and out
My chest is rising
In and out
Until I reach the point when I say
In and out
Stop acting like everything is okay!
Put on your sunglasses and hide your ugly little eyes
Kind of like the way everyone tries to hide their lies.

How long will it take,
Before you realize this life isn’t fake.
I wished everything away too soon.
When I was young
I wanted the perfect family,
And a brave courageous father
But we can’t always get what we want, can we?
See I feel like my life is on a script,
Everyone knows me better than myself
And why?
Because I have closed myself off from the world.
Trapped myself in a box and I want out
But I cant!
you see
Its not up to me,
This life, this world,
Its scaring me.
I wanted it to be that when I fall
Angels catch me before I hit the ground,
But instead I am greeted by an alarming thud.
How many people have to die before you realize
That I will not compromise with who I am.
See people with depression are too busy trying to learn ourselves
And everyone else expects us to learn our content
Like a good little boy.
Don’t you see,
This life means everything to me,
You cannot prescribe me pills and medication
To change who the hell I am.
I am proud of me,
So what I get a little sad sometimes,
So what I wonder why I am here.
And all yo
u want me to do is hush
And breathe in and out.
No need for me to shout.
I am nothing
Sike!
I am everything!
depression does not control me
Depression is my cocoon
And I have emerged,
I am ready
To accept who I am,
Do not try to change me,
If you think you can love me than go ahead and try,
But please don’t make me cry,
Depression has a strong grip,
It doesn’t allow me to live,
And makes me feel like I want to die,
This is real.
The more I hide behind a smile
The more I realize that I am not okay.
And yes this poem is strange,
Call me a ******.
But don’t treat me like a mistake, like a typo.
Don’t turn your head when I say I need someone.
I hold out my hand,
But nothing happens.
I bleed out my heart,
Nothing happens.
And all you want me to do is disappear,
There is no one standing in front of the mirror.
So let me write a letter have it start like this,
Depression,
You will not win.
You will not remind me of my past sins.
Depression,
I am greater than you
Depression
You are under my feet
I am in control of my life,
I am helping others no matter the cost,
And how you ask?
What if I told you this poem is for you?
All of you.
Everyone with depression
And even those who don’t have it.
Depression will not win,
It is an outsider and not welcome in my life.
I forbid depression,
I kick it out.
Do not challenge me,
I am the challenger.
When you face me,
You better do it with a smile
This,
Is my time.
I will live my life,
And depression,
You will end.
How you ask?
I will breathe in
And out.

suicide.
It seems like its a hot topic around here.
Around there.
Really, around everywhere.
The sound of it makes some sick,
but it also makes some grin.
See, what i think,
is what if I did it.
Would I be missed?
Would anyone notice that I am gone?
because, it seems like no one notices me anyway.
If I **** myself,
how would people find out?
would they hear the truth,
or would they be told a silly little lie.
After all,
I wouldn't be around to prove it's a lie.
If I died today,
who would point fingers at who?
Who's "fault" would it be?
The abusive father?
The dismissive mother?
The supportive girlfriend?
Who would they blame?
How big would it get,
OR
how small would it disappear?
How would my fellow poets know?
Would they notice that I stopped writing?
I'm afraid to see,
what the world would be like
without me

You will have to excuse me
This will definitely not be my best work.  
I was sort of blindsided.
This poetry café is not normal,
And as you could imagine
I had a hard time writing something hype
This was unexpected.
But sometimes the best things come out of unexpected moments.
A faint cheer in a cloud of fear.
Sometimes there are times where you can’t expect a thing.
So I guess this poem is supposed to be about believing we can do it.
I think we all know we can.
But sometimes even the strongest people fall.
Confidence is great, but ignorance is not.
We are not indestructible.
In fact, failure is inevitable.
The bigger picture is often obscure.
But if one is lucky enough to prevail
It seems as if they sail,
While the rest watch wondering,
What happened to us in which we couldn’t go that far?
We all have a jealous part of us.
We all have those feelings in which we are not proud.
Humanity is sometimes just as evil as it is beautiful.
If we look at history,
It seems to be crowded with pain and unfathomable mistakes.
But pain is not what it takes.
Don’t get me wrong
Life is no fantasy.
There is no magic.
No genies to make our dreams come true.
Instead we have to work hard for the things we get
And sometimes more often than not, we lose what we work so hard to build.
And I know, I know
I can hear it
What the hell am I talking about?
I’m not hitting the theme at all.
And I’m not, or am I?
Because yes we are going to fail
It is impossible not to.
But in fact when we fail,
We have just as big a chance to make a comeback.
Yes that failure leaves us cussin and fussin
But in reality that big picture that once looked obscure
Becomes just a bit clearer now that we have failed.
We cannot go on living life thinking we know everything because there is no room to learn.
If you want to believe that you can do something
You have to prove it to yourself before you tell others.
It starts with you.
You are the beginning of your story,
And you will be there to see the end.
You are present through all of your story.
That is important.
So you know how if you get into an argument
And you say, “You don’t know me”
Well who does know you?
No one truly knows you but yourself.
So you are the only one who can take you where you want to go.
So if you want to go far
You have to get yourself there.
And to get yourself there
You have to be willing to put in the work to get there.
So it’s up to you whether or not you can make it.
It’s your choice to believe that you can do it.
Because in the end
You will be the one to fly, or catch yourself when you fall.
I can stand here and tell you cliché
Don’t do drugs and never smoke,
Or I can simply tell you that the choice is yours.
An inspiring pep talk is only a pep talk
This poem is just a poem.
It’s up to you if you listen to me and what I’m saying
It’s also up to you to criticize my every word.
You can do anything.
But anything can be good or bad.
It’s your choice.
No one is stopping you,
And if they do,
Who cares?
Because they don’t know you, right?
It’s up to you.
Choose to succeed or fall
Either way,
*You can do it.

Like a bird in the sky,
I want to fly high.
I want to soar and just
see the world.
I want to see it for it's beauty
and not for its infamous demoting

dressing up,
not giving a ****,
we drive deep into the heart of the night,
'cause this day is gonna be tight.
The big 18,
at last.
Dressed up in the finest clothes,
going on a hit in the town.
Going wherever the **** I please.
I don't know who didn't tell ya,
but I'm done giving a ****.
I'm going, music pumpin' through the speakers,
the smoke rollen deep in my lungs.
I can't take the life anymore,
so i leave it behind.
I'm here
I'm out
ready to start again.
Its me and the tux,
a friend or two,
and we ride off in the summer city lights.
So,
sorry, sorry
I've left my place,
I'm never going back,
job in lace.
**** me, or let me live,
I'll have fun either way.
I've waited 18 years for this,
***** I'll do as I please.
Too bad,
I'm only 15.
I can dream.
I can Imagine.
Leaving This Place.
It will be tuxedo friday,
cruising away,
and leaving this past life
*behind

Prepare yourself,
this gets interesting












Have you ever imagined how a hanging body sways.
Back and forth
A human pendulum
The physics between each swing.
The noose,
The body
potential to kinetic energy
Over
And over
And over.
welcome
To the dark side of my brain,
The dark side of my art we call poetry.
This is the side not many see.
Because this side of me craves a bullet between my eyes,
My delicate blood to be splattered as artwork.
This is the raw side of me.
That i dont show people
This is terrible you could be thinking
Or...
You could be thinking
ive heard worse
And maybe so
But nothing is worse to me than wishing for ******* death,
Rather than looking at a ******* abuser one last ****** time!
ive had enough
And
I know im crazy.
But every human snaps...
Kind of like the time he snapped my arm
a slight pop
And
Ouch
A world of pain.
But stop,
And you could be thinking...
now what the actual **** am i reading
Allow me.
You are reading a lonely 15 year old boy's crazy side.
A side he can easily hide,
But has decided not too.
This is the thought of letting my inner self free just once
Letting my suicide revolver speak only in poetry just once
No,
If you actually care
Dont worry about me.
Im fine.
Im not gonna guzzle bleach
Pop a bullet
Or go for a physics lesson.
Nope im gonna keep living
And writing crazy **** like this.
Let my imagination, though dark it may be, run for a bit.
Heres the truth.
We all have a bit of this side in us.
We all have those thoughts.
Those whispers.
And i resist them, yes.
Because truth is,
its my inner brilliance
The fact that i let myself ease in to the darkness,
But refuse to let it controll me...
Its a true gift.
And i hide it
Behind a thin veil of happieness.
Because in the end,
Only a true lover can make these thoughts mend.
(Wait what the ****!?! Is this a **** love poem)
Ha!
Nope.
Well maybe a bit
Its just me
An average guy
Telling you,
Im lonely
Depressed
Insecure.
And i hope there is someone
To come with me
To be with me
To love me
To hold me
To make me feel whole again.
*do you believe someone could love such a wreched person like me?

In so many ways
i was counting on you
Like the last draw of a card,
i needed you to be the one
But,
As all things do
You passed on,
Your love went from me to the next
And you
Just left me to be forgotten.
I
Was counting on you
To be the one to end my loneliness.
And
For a short time you did.
But as all things do,
You passed on.
You went away,
Down the rabbit hole
To continue to feed your lustful nature.
You used to love on me.
you were a fire *******
But as all things do,
Yes
Yes
As all things do
You passed on.
I wasnt insane
Im not
Really!
Dont argue!!!!
Stop!
These voices
They tell me
As all things do,
You passed on.

have you ever notice
how things just shift?
Plate tectonics shift,
moods shift,
cars shift,
schedules shift.
Everything shifts,
and I love it!
Its something so simple,
i know.
but I felt like my life
needs to shift.
I want my life to shift to something knew,
because for about 7 years now,
I've been doing the same old things

When...
It first started.
I got to admit.
i was scared
I didnt know what i was doing.
In fact
I didnt know who i was
Who i belonged with.
I was lost
I continued to wander in self realization.
But you came.
I was already crushing ******* you.
I didnt know a thing about you
but
I liked your lips.
I liked your eyes
I liked your voice
I liked your hair
I liked the way you carried yourself.
I liked everything i saw about you.
And then
I found out
You
Liked me too.
*******-****.
****.
Now i was super scared.
Supernova inside my heart.
I didnt want to **** anything up.
But then
you asked me
And here we are.
Today
Tomorrow
forever
...
**who the **** says magic doesnt exist?!?!

It’s amazing,
The places you learn to navigate
*in the dark

I feel
like a **** spectator
I see things happen,
but I'm scared to do a thing about it.
I am scared that I will die.
That I won't do something good.
I feel
like the fallen soldier,
on call of duty,
who watches other people
fro the spectator screen.
I hear that she just cut,
yet I cannot stop her.
I cannot hold her.
I am only a spectator.

I cannot win
I am destroyed.
Built back up
Then recked again like a stack of bricks.
I am suffering.
Can you tell?
I know you see it.
My mood shifting hour  to hour.
Dont ask me if im okay.
I nevr asked for you to pretend like you care.
Dont ask me what i want to do
Because honestly
I wanna  run far away.
Dont treat me like i matter
We both know i dont
you've  shown me that
I am suffering.
Is it  that hard to see?
I write  to ease my mind
But it ends  up ignighting flames.
I have a storm in my heart.
Anger due to loneliness.
Whats wrong with  me?
Why doesnt anyone love me
(Or if  they  do, tell me)
???
Tell me why the **** i am this way.
Why is  everyone  happy but me.
I want change
That's  not over my horizon,  is it?
Why am i always alone.
Alone is a captive audience.
Listening to my disparity   just to matter
To someone.
My tears run  dry.
Then  streak down
Because they  were forgotten.
What if i told you there  was no tomorrow for me.
*** someone help this kid.
Because suicidal thoughts are the telling point of need for help.
Are you ******* kidding me?!?!
You should know i need help from the day you notice bruises.
Not  by the day i say i want to end it all.

Mom told me she'd  be there till the end.
But the day she found out her son had severe depression,
It was like she left him completely.
I wish she could see im gone already.
Her little boy,
Her little Zachary
Has died.
The day she overlooked dad's aggression, i was left motherless.
Her son needs help.
I need help.
So i write.
And you read.
The process we've  done so many times before.
Forgive me,
Im struggling.
I know you see it.
*so,
Whats next

I've been hit again.
My mind
suddenly begins to think
how do I get away
I am cornered.
not yet I tell myself.
After the beating finishes,
(Only because they are tired now)
I walk painfully to my room.
My ***
feels like it's been shot.
My body
feels like it has been pulled apart twice.  
I sit down,
lift my mattress,
the blade lies here.
I look at it, craving its sharp clarity.
My wrists are the matching fit.
Cut cut
I think.
No one will miss me anyhow
I think.
But then
I imagine people's faces,
when they hear the news.
When they hear
how despicable the idea was
that I killed myself.
I don't lift my blade.
I let it rest.
"Till next time, friend"
I whisper to it.
I cannot speak,
my mouth has been punched in so many times,
It is as if the great pyramid rests on my lips.
My skin is raw,
carpet burn everywhere.
I tried to get out.
I really did
Like the blade,
I want to be sharp,
yet feel so dull.
Though I have not,
my heart has already killed itself.
Time
is not of the essence
anymore
No
Never again.
I will not
let them take this life.
That's my job
And quite frankly,
Im not ready just yet
So I will keep hanging on.
Just a little at a time.
I will let myself fall,
that way I can learn how
to pick myself up
all by myself.
Yes,
I do not need the blade.
I am Strong.
Strong
Strong
Strong.
*hope

His eyes,
Foul breath.
His fists
Demonstrated he was more than ******.
No lies
****,
Nothing but them.
This was supposed to be our new sunrise,
We were supposed to start anew.
Make amends, and try hard to move on.
But I can’t forget
His eyes
His foul breath
His fists pounding on my body,
His choking
His scars that he gave me.
He wants to lie to me,
Lie to authorities.
He is not granting me my right to that horrible past.
My survival is being denied.
My revival is only beginning,
But I must repair this heart,
Use two whole rolls of duct tape,
And try to recreate it’s shape.
When he hears the word abuse,
His feet still shift,
His breathing stops for a good second,
Before he continues.
He knows,
He shows,
No remorse.
Nothing that he can fix.
It is his nature,
Which is why he can’t change.
Why he won’t try.
To understand why I cry.
No
Not at all at any time do I plan to forgive,
But I was willing to try to move on,
But that was denied,
A big red stamp,
******* on a contract,
The thing that was supposed to repair us.
He wants to watch the world burn,
**** us.
His fists shall beat him through another day,
Until it comes time,
To watch his façade burn.

Be the person to leave a mark
not a scar

My To Do List:


1. Wake up to face the day         6:00
2. Let out the dogs:  6:10 AM
3. Check the basement for any messes 6:15 Am
4. Get dressed for the day and gather materials    6:20
5. Leave for school      6:30
6. Do my best in school 8:00-3:20
7. Get home and feed the dogs      5:00 PM
8. Help prepare dinner      5:30 PM
9. Eat          6:00
10.   Rush to get a good start on homework    6:40 PM
11. Let the dogs out AGAIN           7:00PM
12. Do dishes        7:15 PM
13. Worry about being too loud   7:17 PM
14. Wash table             7:45PM
15. Re check the kitchen for cleanliness   7:50 pm
16. Rush to get back to homework    8:05 pm
17. Get ready to let the dogs out again    8:50 PM
18. Get an overview of what homework I need to finish at school. 8:52
19. Listen for a commercial to come on to let the dogs out that way I don’t interrupt the show. 8:58
20. Quickly let dogs out again 9:00 PM
21. Let dogs inside 9:10 pm
22. Wait for another commercial to say goodnight    9:20 Pm
23. Say goodnight     9:22 PM
24. Take a shower 9:25 Pm
25. Get ready to go to bed   9:45 PM
26. Repeat    6:00 AM

Stay on people's good side...they'll get you back
2. Don't be too full of yourself, people will find ways to exploit you
3. Carry a smile, people will find a reason to take it away
4. stay yourself, even if you stand out.
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