You flatter yourself by thinking those harsh words were about you.
You don't mean enough to me for me to set aside time to write about you, let alone think about you.

I'm sorry
I tried to see
I tried to feel
but you still told me I was wrong
forgive me, lord
im still not enough

Have you ever felt alone?
Surrounded by talking people
But you hear nothing
Only see their lips moving.
Your lips are sealed.
You can’t find words to say
The world just shuts you out.
Somehow, being alone gets to be the new normal.
Surrounded by happiness, but you never felt your own, only imagining what it must feel like to be joyful. You crave those emotions like the sun on your skin after a cold winter day.
And in this world that we live in
Expectations consume us
They change us.
They drag us as we hold on to anything, screaming in terror
Because we are noticing that we are becoming what we said we’d never be.
Trying to be more masculine
Maybe more feminine.
More tough?
As for me,
I told myself from day 1 that I’d always be unique
I’d say to my mom
I’ll never change
I’ll always be me.
But I got older,
And the world got faster.
I heard people say
You gotta be a man.
Become a muscular, strong, independent man.
Because with being a man,
You don’t cry
Tears are for the weak.
It’s a sad thing that us men choke on our own tears,
Because men aren’t supposed to show the ocean on our cheeks.
Its painful to not feel pain.
It’s almost like a blade whispers to our heart every time we try to feel something, as we try to sympathize.
We get tangled up like a squirrel in the trap that was always there waiting for it.
But we’d rather take the scars than whisper the need for help.
I feel so dead when I cannot talk about what I need too.
I feel dead when I cannot cry when I need to cry
Because even I would rather drown in my own tears rather than let them show.
These expectations of what makes a man destroy me. .
Because all they do is create ways for people to tell me what I’m not.
They say I’m just not good enough
Not man enough
Not talented enough
As most of you know,
I make music.
According to some people, I’ve become a meme for that.
Which, in all honesty, I understand.
It isn’t everyday that you see someone doing something they’re passionate about.
And through it all,
No matter how much work I put into it,
There is still people that will hate my work.
Still people that will tell me that I’m not a man for what I do.
There are some who say that my music is a direct product to daddy issues
And maybe you’re right.
But what you don’t see
Is that I’m breaking out of my mold
And becoming me.
Rather than take this hate like a man
I decide to speak against it
And tell you why I really make music.

I perform metalcore because it is me.
Because I want you to hear my emotions
Rage,
Happiness
And every emotion between,
But if you would read the lyrics
You’d know what else I write about.
Some even with happiness.
Through music
I want you to see my tears,
I want you to see my fears
I want you to see that I am human,
Not a man.
That I have desires
That I have hope
That I have pain.
That I inspire to be something big.
I look in the mirror
And I see a failure, sure.
We all see failure in ourselves.
But when I look into my own eyes,
I see someone who has seen a lot
And someone who wants to do a lot
On stage and live.
Sort of like this
But obviously,
This is poetry.
But is poetry a manly thing either?
Stereotypically no, but unfortunately, I try not to abide to stereotypes,
That was sarcasm there.
I am a man
No matter how much I say I wont,
I will still try to match what a man should be.
But what I want you to know,
Is that you should open your mind before your mouth.

for the weird ones

Act one, scene one
Decide your stance
Get a glimpse now
See us freaks
Ohhhhhhhhh!
You act like depression is a game
Two cards and a loss
Gamble the odds of life and death
We’re all a bit crazy
Hiding in the mirror,
Hiding in the mirror
You act like depression is a game
But you never took it seriously
You never took me seriously.
You doubt me, you think I’m a freak
(But you’re not wrong)
So play my game
You’ll never be the same.
But now the noose is round my neck
And I’m ready to go to hell.
You act like depression is a game
But just wait ‘till the world forgets my name.
Wanna see a magic trick?
I’ll leave the world
Give me 20 seconds and
I’ll leave the world.
You’re gonna cleanse the world from us freakshows,
But what you don’t understand
I’ve got the universe in my hands
Moving yo’ bitches like chess pieces
The freaks make it happen
We make it happen.
Oh, you were sick from the start
Categorizing all that you see
But as long as you keep judging,
You won’t know the first thing ‘bout me
Some people hide behind labels
People like me show the world.
And all your rebuttals
The things that don’t make sense
And we know
We know
We know.
The warfare that claims us all!
Middle fingers up, let’s go!
Join me, all you freak shows
Druggies and all
Sluts and all
Daddy issues and all!
Calling all freakshows.
Yeah we just want to die
We just wanna die
No one wants to fucking die!
You condemn me for what I say
You just want me to shut the fuck up
Bite my tongue off, mouth full of blood
I bite my tongue, you bite my lip
A mouthful of saliva, you can’t even handle me
Bitch, don’t speak to me
You’re obsessed with sex
And no one checks
Where’s your morality?
I take a breath, a single breath
As I feel your bones rise off my chest
What a relief it is that you’re just like me.
This is your song, little angel
Only because you’re a freakshow, too.
So as depression calls my name,
I’ll make sure you remember my name.
So bow down!
Bitch bow down!
You thought this depression was a joke
So make me happy
Make me happy
Just another bitch
Just another pitch
And just wait
Sensor, sensor
Sensor the children
Sensor your mouth
Don’t be obscene
Issues, issues
Lord knows I’ve got em.
My heads spinning like a go round’
I’ve been round
I’ve been here
Call me crazy ‘cause I dare speak
Hush my mouth, little mama, I don’t wanna speak
Call me a freak
Make me a freak
All I want to be is a freak
Freak
Freak
Fucking freakshow
So join me
Join me
Bring me your depression
Bring me your noose
Bring me your lust
Bring me your knives
Bring me your problems
And I’ll show you a mother fucking freakshow!

By me

Support is like oxygen
everyone needs it

Sometimes it just needs to be said
Im so tired

Why can’t I see?
What they want me to be
Why can’t I say?
What they need me to say
Because the more I go
The more I keep falling apart
I keep dying
Endless circles for what I’ve done
So if I keep going
If I keep falling
Will there be any hope for me?  
All I wanted to do
Was make a sound that could be heard
Not for every ear
Not for all to hear
But just to those
Who want to get through life
Who are done suffering just like me
Make me see
Just how eternal love can me
Please just fucking show me.
I go through loops and loops,
Constant hell, because I never learn
I never learn.
So will you die for me
Just so I can see
Die for me
So I can see
Cut me to show me that I bleed
This is my only need
Cut me, cut me
Cut me out!
I need this
I need this
I need this presence!
I need you in me!
Call to action
Bring the moksha.
Bring me peace.
I can’t take this
Day to day
I keep forgetting to breathe
Falling in the ocean
Failing at everything
So end this loop
And all that I know, baby
And bring me to a brand new world.
Rise me up like Lazarus
Breathe life into my bones
Recreate me,
Make me whole.
This circle of hell
Is so real that I can’t tell
What is real
What is fake
These walls keep closing in
Hold me closer, baby
Don’t let me fall
Shame is unforgiving
I know my past
What I am asking now
Is that you please, hold me up
Please, for god’s sake
Hold me up.
God forgive me
I just need this boat to float
God forgive me
I just need this boat to float
God forgive me
I just need this boat to float
Baby, help me
Make me see
Just how eternal love can be.
Make me see
Just how eternal love can be.

upcoming song.
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