Every time you look at me your raw soul
Comes out to consume mine.
Your sorrow acts like a plea
Tears enter my eyes, our feelings intertwine.

The irritated anger present within you;
Even vented without intent,
That also becomes my rage too.
Though perhaps yours came and went.

I watch you live bright and full.
It changes me as I come up from the deep,
The joy and happiness create a pull.
Now your momentary air of innocence is mine to keep.

As the tides are high and low,
So the sand is drawn with it.
I am the emotion of your heart overflowed,
My empathy a summit.

I miss our Fridays.
They were the one time I didn't have to share you.
You said all the right things,
Did all the right things.
Why did it have to be fake, **** it?
You made it seem like you were trying,
Trying is something people don't do for me.
I'm not a girl people miss,
Guys ask to be with,
No one ever needs to see me,
Not someone who gets asked questions,
Has someone kiss her scars.
You tried.
You made it **** well seem like you tried.
You asked to see me,
You asked me questions,
You made me think you'd kiss my scars,
But I guess you forgot to miss me.

moving on is so hard
almost numb
removing a part of yourself
breaking apart
never knowing
how you got this
far from the start

moving on is so weightless
almost numb
removing an old part of yourself
to make room
for someone else
overjoyed with the thought
of a fresh start

i am forever
being broken and shattered
and someone
with enough pity
comes and lies to me
to blind me for a while
blindness is not
a cure for madness
but rather a fuel
not many have learned
not to fight fire with fire
it is a rare few who know
the secret to be a downpour
somehow you bring one
where ever you go
it follows you
like a loyal companion
as little time
as i’ve known you
you found my secret quickly
whether it was intended or not
i never needed any
of their falseness
it only sunk me deeper
you have found out that
all i ever wanted was
to dance in the rain

I get angry and crazy
Each second
More and more
I am sweet and I am caring
Up to the moment I switch
Triggered
Crushed
Whatever it is
I'm going to try to destroy myself
While holding on for dear life
I am ready to go
I don't want to take you down with me
I secretly just want someone to save me
Save me from myself
I'm far worse than anyone else
I don't mean to frustrate you
I don't mean to scare you
I just want to feel safe again

I feel my humanity is melting into a shallow puddle.

I am waiting
For you to have enough
To be done with me
Like everyone else

Every time he says go **** yourself
I can't help but laugh at him
Not because it's preposterous
But because how could he know
How many times I've already tried

Every time I look at myself
I count up all my sins
Wishing my life were less boisterous
Wishing I had somewhere else to go
Maybe death -- I live like I've already died

dear "two a.m.,"

soon i shall leave you
we knew the day would come

but i hope you remember
and i hope you forget
there is so much with you i treasure
and so much that i still regret

please don’t think of my spontaneous outbursts towards you
i want you to recall it raining and us dancing and laughing
let my tears slip from your mind
but don't let my scars fade
they are what proved i was real

ask deep questions that startle those you are with
don’t let up, get the answers so you can learn the questions
this is the only lesson i can teach you
for i know won’t be remembered for my intelligence
but for my use of words and how often i gave them

live, love with your heart
i know now that it’s okay to stop thinking
if only sometimes
let my words and my love live

i’ve tried to make my words count
and my love strong
some words i regret, some i didn’t mean
some love was held back, i wish i hadn’t

but they are my legacy
they are what live on
what nothing can strip of me

as the clock strikes "three," just please, don’t completely forget me

~"george"

She wakes up late
With only 4 hours of sleep again
She wears only black and white
Hoping to fade away like an old memory
She starts to be sick
Why is she like this
Nothing is wrong yet
So why is she trying to cough up herself
She heads to school a cloud brewing
Over her head hatred lies
Her life it's pursuing
Can't eat all day
Lies and says she's okay
Accepts hugs
That's proof that something really is wrong
Her openly seeking physical affection
Completely out of the norm
She sees him a few times today
The boy she craves in passing through halls
And caught a brief glimpse of the girl he loves
Rarely seen nowadays
Then she sits in class with a boy she doesn't understand
The boy she truly needs was there too, all along
Never far when it matters
He gives her all she needs
She loves him so much
Come the 4th hour in
Somehow she turns around
Pain for laughter
An unknown comfort found

Do you hear me cry out your name?
I am bleeding, bleeding and in pain.
Trying to save the part that's good from the part that's insane.

You've become my latest anchor, if you didn't know.
I've made you a constant amid chaos, so please don't go.
Can I hold onto you, will you stop the blood flow?

Here I go, creeping into the recesses of my mind.
Watch me pale, fade, disappear from the world in no time.

I want.
I want.
I want.

to hold your hands

to kiss your lips

to run my hands through your hair

to lick your face

to bite your lip

to learn the taste, the feel of your tongue

to move my hands down your chest, down your body

to pleasure you, hard in my hands, make you come

to toy with you deliciously within my mouth

to have you inside of me, fully


I want to not want these things.
I want to already have them.

I wake up
To your arms around me
You're wide awake
You tell me
"I watched you dreaming."
Your eyes
Are what I dreamt of
Looking into them now
I can say dreams do come true

why do i think about you all the time
you always seem to be on my mind
i'm running in place
and falling backwards to you
i can't explain why i want you to care
and it makes me so scared
i wish i could spend hours with you
but five minutes would put me in cardiac arrest
i already feel palpitations in my chest

Embrace me, I dare you.
Hold me in your arms;
Break my walls down.

Kiss me, I beg you.
If only just once;
Pretend to pick me.

Love me, I love you.
I can’t seem to stop;
My chest is bursting.

welcome to my
nightmare
is it a wonder that i'm
so scared
spend my whole life
praying
and
waiting
for someone, anyone
to care
is there anybody
out there
if i shout will you hear
hear me
don't you see i'm
breaking
looking at you
now i'm
shaking
what will it take
to feel loved
no matter what i
do or say
no one in my life
wants me to stay
if i ran away
would you chase
after me
suppose i left you
behind would you even
blink twice
maybe one day
you’ll find
me gone
because i
wrote you a song
that you never really
listened to
and now you’re
waking up
maybe
finally
seeing all my love
but none of it
exists now
you find me in a
quiet room
everything i
ever said
all at once
shouting back at you
you approach me
with wonder on your lips
hoping for a kiss
then
you see
that i’ve
destroyed me
and you cry
screaming why
but you know
that you lost something
that you never realized
you had before

here I am
a glistening sweat
panting hot
from your touch
your hard touch
i feel you can protect me
i feel you can hurt me
and i drink it in
all of it
off of you
so hello erotica
you work of art
making me cry
cry
cry out
in sweet, fierce pain
i want more
this raw art form
to be experienced
shall we call it love
shall we call it desire
shall we call it nothing
i need it
need you
etched in me, your name
you are in my heart
you are in me
you are my breath
this is ragged breathing
our passion
one
and
one
bonds
i can't escape
your rough embrace
push me
hold me
love me
**** me

here i am.
how absurd is this,
the thought that,
happiness does exist.

we scoff
at the notion
that there might
be hope, and  

it's certainly
quite ridiculous.
to think anyone
could ever love this.

Someone who wasn't afraid

Perhaps is all I needed

Not knowing I was terrified

I pleaded with the sky
to meet me on the ground.
Begged the moon,
oh come down for a dance.
Told the rain to dry itself off
and asked the sun to cool me down.
Dreamt I received your love,
put myself in a blind trance.

How can nothing feel so heavy?

Oh that's rich
Yeah you think I'm a *****
Well have you spoken to your girlfriend lately
Her, the only one you let call you baby
She's so lovely, just a peach
Thank God she ain't nothing like me
"Loyal, devoted," she keeps public face
Faker, cheater, been all over the place

I told you everything I wanted to hear
Forgetting that
You had never loved before
I was your first
First everything
And I crippled both of us
Like a bad car crash
And I stumbled out of the driver's side
And I left you there
I left you bleeding
Clutching your heart to your chest
I told you maybe and meant never
I shouldn't have given you a ride
I meant to crash from the start

I have a room.

It is a small room.

It has no doors.

I come here often.

It has but one window.

It is too high to see out of or in.

I have no responsibility here.

I have no fears.

I lack wants and needs.


But for one.


Him. With me.

frustration,
anger,
nothing,
every emotion,
numb.
the thought that your heart
no longer deserves to beat.

you try to rip it
out of your chest,
the blood pools
at your feet.
feels warm,
running down
your skin,
the first real thing
you've felt in weeks.

stroke your own skin,
hug yourself,
pretend it's someone else.

cry.

She wakes up late
With only 4 hours of sleep again
She wears only black and white
Hoping to fade away like an old memory
She starts to be sick
Why is she like this
Nothing is wrong yet
So why is she trying to cough up herself
She heads to school a cloud brewing
Over her head hatred lies
Her life it's pursuing
Can't eat all day
Lies and says she's okay
Accepts hugs
That's proof that something really is wrong
Her openly seeking physical affection
She sees him a few times today
The boy she wants in passing through halls
And caught a brief glimpse of the girl he loves
Rarely seen nowadays
Then she sits in class with a boy she doesn't understand
The boy she needs was there too all along
Never far when it matters
He gives her what she needs
She loves him so much
Come the 4th hour in
Somehow she turns around
Pain for laughter
Unknown comfort found

Let me tell you this,
Your eyes boy, they're the perfect blue.

I don't see it often
But your smile makes my heart soften.

I want to hold your hand in mine,
I want to lie with you at night.

I wake up thinking of you,
Wishing my dreams were true.

*******
And your adorable floppy hair
And your intoxicating brown (green!) eyes

*******
And that guitar that made me see you differently
And your ****** singing voice

*******
And your constant sickness
And your warm arms

*******
And **** me
Because all I've ever wanted was you

There are too many emotions
and words to put to paper it seems.
He consumes all of my thoughts
and fills all of my dreams.

I feel completely inadequate,
hopeless, trying to put into words
my heart beats, the notes my soul sings,
it feels absurd.

I want to write him something to
make his day, make him smile;
show him he makes me feel
something I haven't in a while.

You whisper into my ear at record pace
I could walk away but it would only start a chase
I whimper as you grab me and pull me back by my hair
Desperately I cast sideways glaces to avoid meeting your stare
I feel you pressing against me
Cocking
Your head in time with your gun
I hate how you always get me
Soaking
Trying to drown out my hearts thrum
Casting my thoughts to the angry tide
Needing to avoid your wild rides
Your highs too high and your lows bottomless
It's been years and I don't see a way out of this
You huff a laugh against the column of my throat
My mind within an ocean praying for a line or a boat
The cuts have been too deep
Your blood's mixed in with mine
I wish I could find peace through sleep
But you're still there behind my eyes

Tick...
Tick...
Tick...
I am wrapped in duck tape
And C4
Tick...
Breathing feels dangerous
Or would be, if I could anymore
Tick...
My eyes are trapped open
Though I wish desperately they would shut
Tick...
I'm torn between panic
And not giving a ****
Tick...
Moving even an inch
Is horrific enough
Tick...
So I'm stopped by fear
That I'll blow everything
                                                 up.

here I am
a glistening sweat
panting hot
from your touch
your hard touch
i feel you can protect me
i feel you can hurt me
and i drink it in
all of it
off of you
so hello erotica
you work of art
making me cry
cry
cry out
in sweet, fierce pain
i want more
this raw art form
to be experienced
shall we call it love
shall we call it desire
shall we call it nothing
i need it
need you
etched in me, your name
you are in my heart
you are in me
you are my breath
this is ragged breathing
our passion
one
and
one
bonds
i can't escape
your rough embrace
push me
hold me
love me
**** me

I look in the direction I know you to be
Though I cannot see you
On the opposite shore of this sea

I lay looking at stars and wonder
Do you see them too
Or are clouds all you're under

In my mind, daily I call, I write
In reality I sit captive here
In the dark unable to fight

The wind tangles my hair in knots
When I go for a walk
Near the coast, skipping rocks

If I am still and listen long enough
The water speaks it's wisdom
Giving advice, voice smooth and rough

It begs me to walk across to you
Through a wild sea
Sinking into cold greys and blues

I heed the call, waves flooding overhead
Following the letters I never sent
And cry out from my sweat-soaked bed