i see a white truck driving opposite me
they’re on the opposite side of the valley
i wonder who is driving.

i like to imagine it’s a father with a little girl strapped in
mostly because i want to imagine it’s me
in my fathers brown chevy

it smelled like cigarettes and spring.
i mostly hope it’s the same for that little girl
and her father.

i miss my father cranking the windows down,
he would pull over to do it
because neither of us could reach.

he would go to hell and back for me.
i love him and he loves me
so why can’t we say it out loud.

now i sit on the bus with an aching back
trapped inside windows that won’t open
and i look across the valley.

it took too long to realize-
the covers on us
cold walls and warm sheets,

soft light in your eyes
sweet nothings to discuss,
we'll share the spot where our hands meet.

i don't care if there's flies-
i'll never make a fuss.
let my heart stop its' incessant beat.

it may be late,
but the sun came up enough today
for it to go down.

that’s enough for me.

the dogs bark
and the caravan progresses

the children cry
but the world spins

will pursue meaning of life
fear of someday that will end
lose that human element

i’m snagged in
the hugs that don’t hug back

i’m all tangled up in
the girl who can’t be tracked

see it wasn’t hard—
the decision to rebel was easy.
i never thought i could chose free will,
and in the end i never did.

the decision to decide was no choice at all,
it was all i had left.
i don’t know freedom until it is ******
on me.

falling—
god it was easy.

cheap beer will always taste
like the bars that raised me

and your lips will always taste
like the thing that saved me

the rain trickles against
my window like a crackling fire

and i remember what my father told me,
raindrops fall faster than ashes

Don’t ask questions,
it’s not true—

Please don’t make me
lie to you.

meeting you
is like reliving a memory

and loving you
is forgetting the worst ones

the sun flew down
just to hit my bare feet,

they stung from the cold
and the rocky beach.

i built a rock tower today.
on the edge of the lake,

and before i warmed up
the wind blew it down.

that same wind that blew hair from my face
and air deep into my lungs—

and i smiled.

it should never have been there
in the first place.

is this all that is?
all that ever will be?

i will never be his...
so i fade as you see

my life is just a
countdown to sobriety—
and i’m feeling great.

I only really get like that for things i genuinely care about—
I don’t care about poetry,

but i do care about you.

And a lot of other people.
So when i speak genuinely it comes off that way

i want a love that is selfless
a love that make you hate yourself
because of how good they are

i want a love that is warm
that you can sink into
where getting up is a foreign concept

i want a love that is an orange
split between two without thinking
deep under the tree it grew

and lastly i want a love that is easy
a love that happens slowly
and a love that is unnoticeable

be the vines,
exist slowly. cautiously.

crawl up, looking for any
footholds to expand your reach.

exist violently.
tear down the bricks of
the building you conquered

and above all else—

rise to the top of what you hate the most.

a man crested his hill, he viewed the world around him. never before had he seen such ferociousness.

he was viewing something no souls had ever encountered. he was, for the first time in his life, the first.

he fell to his knees— water crashed below, as the tangles of pine closed in on his frail form.

he believed the world built this view for him, and only him. only— the world built this view for no reason.

the serendipity of the hill he collapsed on was marveled by the man. he wept. alone, in a world only he would ever see exactly as is.

cries to the heavens were silenced. his own drive to rise again fell off the cliff face. he simply watched.

vines creeped up his torso. snakes nestled under his legs. his hair melted with the spring thaw, then washed away with the rain.

his eyes never faded. his mind never dulled. he simply sat and waited. he waited for god to extend His hand.

what else should one do in front of the sublime?

you were the one who
smiled at me from across the room
just to keep our secret.

you were the one who drove
and drove and drove endlessly just
to show me your favorite song.

you were the one who held my hand
under the blanket we shared
in a room full of people.

you were the one who got excited
when you thought that just maybe
i was excited too.

you were the one who held me as we woke
and would do things that
showed me you felt like yourself.

you were the one who showed a small bit
of who you really are
and left me scrambling for more—

and now you are the one who never calls,
the one who never looks,
and the one who never happened at all.

who are you to me?

why must i always
uncover the unknown—
is it not enough
to follow what i know?

or are you just
unknown to me?
incapable of showing
and preferring to leave.

in your stomach, in your lungs—
what is it you’re running from?

to my core, all for the fun,
but in the end i’ll run towards your gun.

my house likes to tease
and toss around shadows
but this is in no way
a resting place for the hallowed

just because i don’t live my dream,
doesn’t mean it will never be lived...

each passing moment
i felt the scabs reopen—

running with you through the cold
if only my legs could hold.

and so i limp when i wake,
but on god you’ll never see the ache

now is when the leaves fall
and are swept up by the wind,
only to fall again
with the flutter of butterflies

I'm so into you,
I could never be into
myself that way, too

it was me
who leg go—
and i’ll always wish
i held on just one...

just one more moment

not naming names,
100 proof in my veins.
i cant be the same
when i'm drinking again

didnt know i was nostalgic
for self-reckless sadness
and if i go,
well, wouldn't that be tragic.

my legs will always have scabs
and i dont think i'll ever be alone--
but in the mystery of the tabs
i'll sing to a place you call home.

the skies have eyes
and i’ve got paranoia,
i feel this sinking vibe
just like i’m in water.

no matter what i try
i’ve still got eyes for you,
and in my lies
i’m slowly sinking towards you.

you are...
a question i cannot ask
without answering another

what to say
when words mean nothing
even to my own ears

books—
filled with bookmarks,
always line the shelves
of a dusty house...

thank you cloudless sky
and moonlit night

she is
the chill swept over
frail skin—

held dear to the summer,

the thrashing
of warm raindrops
and sand

known only to the bare—

warm throughout,
but the chill still
tickles her skin

while her blood simmers.

nighttime phantoms of birds swoop low through the breeze,
greeting bats with sweet melodies and mingling in the trees.
not only do their songs tingle the ears of few,
but they are gone with the moon and the mid-morning dew.

sometimes
putting on a ring
is a battle cry

and just like that
the buildings fall,
hundreds of hours put into
their walls...

so illegal was it
to meet in this place
the one we spend hundreds of hours
and effort can't find a trace

sometimes the trickle of
words to my own self
seeps into my veins
and leaves my heart beating

as the moon crests the horizon,
it lends its brightness
to the crystals of ice
dangling from the trees...

as fascinating as the world is,
i need a moment to explore another.

no stress—
i have cats to feed,

i won’t be long...

you’ll sit there—
smoking your cigarette by the window,
blowing smoke out your lungs
that drifts back in through the window...

and as that icy chill sweeps
your dizzy body all over,
you put your cigarette out on a quarter
and use a dead plants *** as an ashtray.

how does your tongue
flutter as does a butterfly;
silent and wind carving—
yet unmistakable on the skyline...

a small scab on my
left pinkie—

it would heal by
the end of the night,

if i had only left it
alone.

you’ll never understand
the pure bliss that is
being loved by you

love is just
an infinite amount of
conversations

i will be in love
for as long as your smile
brings my head to a boil

be warned,
you do not want to
see me grieve.

Always say hello
to the songbirds and honeybees;

You’ll never know when
they’ll say hello back.