i see a white truck driving opposite me
they’re on the opposite side of the valley
i wonder who is driving.
i like to imagine it’s a father with a little girl strapped in
mostly because i want to imagine it’s me
in my fathers brown chevy
it smelled like cigarettes and spring.
i mostly hope it’s the same for that little girl
and her father.
i miss my father cranking the windows down,
he would pull over to do it
because neither of us could reach.
he would go to hell and back for me.
i love him and he loves me
so why can’t we say it out loud.
now i sit on the bus with an aching back
trapped inside windows that won’t open
and i look across the valley.
i love my father so much
it took too long to realize-
the covers on us
cold walls and warm sheets,
soft light in your eyes
sweet nothings to discuss,
we'll share the spot where our hands meet.
i don't care if there's flies-
i'll never make a fuss.
let my heart stop its' incessant beat.
i might lose the best thing thats ever happened to me because im so stupid and i cant handle that rn
it may be late,
but the sun came up enough today
for it to go down.
that’s enough for me.
the dogs bark
and the caravan progresses
the children cry
but the world spins
will pursue meaning of life
fear of someday that will end
lose that human element
i’m snagged in
the hugs that don’t hug back
i’m all tangled up in
the girl who can’t be tracked
see it wasn’t hard—
the decision to rebel was easy.
i never thought i could chose free will,
and in the end i never did.
the decision to decide was no choice at all,
it was all i had left.
i don’t know freedom until it is ******
god it was easy.
literally some incoherent thoughts i may fix later but don’t feel like saving as a draft