The clouds are about to burst
Please don't say things can't get worse
For as soon as those words pass your lips
The universe takes it as a challenge and shoots from the hip

My life of constant sorrow
Has tainted every single tomorrow
I'm left standing in the cold black rain
This agony filled life will continue unchanged

With demons  screaming within my brain
Like others, I am not the same
For despite my desperate pleas
The universe continually knocks me to my knees

This life I feel I was destined to live
But I'm about to cave, I'm about to give
In my past life I must have inflicted a lot of pain
For in this one I live in constant cold black rain

Did you know
That in the snow
Despite the glow

Our fears
Are still there
Still holding us near

Did you know
In the snow
The fear still grows

Even when it's covered
Under beautiful snow smothered
Just beneath the surface can be discovered

Did you know
In the snow
The winds of change still blow

You can try to foget
It will still make you sweat
It will still make you pay that debt

Did you know
In the snow
The fear will still make your blood run cold

Did you know
That in the snow
Despite the glow

Our fears
Are still there
Still holding us near

Did you know
In the snow
The fear still grows

Even when it's covered
Under beautiful snow smothered
Just beneath the surface can be discovered

Did you know
In the snow
The winds of change still blow

You can try to foget
It will still make you sweat
It will still make you pay that debt

Did you know
In the snow
The fear will still make your blood run cold

Maybe I should of ran, and dashed
Grabbed your gun, when I had the chance
I'm trying to keep the burning tears behind my eyes
Trying desperately to maintain my disguise
I know you don't see what I really could be
Or loaded guns you wouldn't have left with me

My actions where becoming feral
As I put in my mouth the cold steel barrel
But this being your gun, and the blind trust you showed
You seeing me with the back of my head blowed
Pieces of me
All over the trees
Well.....I couldn't let that be
So I removed the gun from my mouth, put it away
When you came back I smiled like it was just any other day

The beast that resides within
Is scorched in sin
My heart's as cold as ice
With me it's a roll of the dice
Will I be nice, or rip you right into
Nothings really new, it's just the way I grew
Hiding all the pain
It drove me a bit insane
Cold steel runs through all my veins
I dance in the pouring rains
Of anarchy, and mayhem
I can get inside your cranium
Plant my little seeds
And make you do my deeds
I'll show you smoke and mirrors
Thing's will never be as they appear
You will love me with only fear
And a smile from ear to ear
For once you've tasted my nectar
I'll have you till the hereafter

The beast that resides within
Is scorched in sin
My heart's as cold as ice
With me it's a roll of the dice
Will I be nice, or rip you right into
Nothings really new, it's just the way I grew
Hiding all the pain
It drove me a bit insane
Cold steel runs through all my veins
I dance in the pouring rains
Of anarchy, and mayhem
I can get inside your cranium
Plant my little seeds
And make you do my deeds
I'll show you smoke and mirrors
Thing's will never be as they appear
You will love me with only fear
And a smile from ear to ear
For once you've tasted my nectar
I'll have you till the hereafter

You can't control it, that's just the deal
Sometimes you're the mouth, sometimes the meal
Fate does not care how you feel

Converging lines that do not meet
Even though we look and seek
We only find circles that do not close
It's just the way the story goes
We only ever see half a picture
We only see through our eye's stricture

If only our heart had eyes
Maybe then we'd see why
If we call someplace paradise
We condemn it to die
We can kiss it goodbye


So make the best of what you got
Don't get lost in the mayhem of your thoughts
You'll never find exactly what you sought
You must deal with what the fates have brought
Come what may, with your pants down don't get caught

You can't control it, that's just the deal
Sometimes you're the mouth, sometimes the meal
Fate does not care how you feel

Converging lines that do not meet
Even though we look and seek
We only find circles that do not close
It's just the way the story goes
We only ever see half a picture
We only see through our eye's stricture

If only our heart had eyes
Maybe then we'd see why
If we call someplace paradise
We condemn it to die
We can kiss it goodbye


So make the best of what you got
Don't get lost in the mayhem of your thoughts
You'll never find exactly what you sought
You must deal with what the fates have brought
Come what may, with your pants down don't get caught

The wisest thing my Grandma ever told me
Is take comfort in your misery
Because sometimes that's all your gonna see
Wonder if Grandma knew
Maybe she was trying to give me a clue

That it would be all that live had in store
I'd be ripped apart at the core
That I'd live in constant ashes
Dreams and hope dashes
On the rocks of eternal sorrow it always crashes

Someone clipped my wings
So I would never sing
Someone broke my heart
It now is only art
Someone broke my spirit
So in darkness I will live it

My Grandma so very wise
She knew I'd live through many lies
And rough times ahead of me lay
And still persist to this present day
And I hope from heaven Grandma can see
I take comfort in my misery

The wisest thing my Grandma ever told me
Is take comfort in your misery
Because sometimes that's all your gonna see
Wonder if Grandma knew
Maybe she was trying to give me a clue

That it would be all that life had in store
I'd be ripped apart at the core
That I'd live in constant ashes
Dreams and hope dashes
On the rocks of eternal sorrow it always crashes

Someone clipped my wings
So I would never sing
Someone broke my heart
It now is only art
Someone broke my spirit
So in darkness I will live it

My Grandma so very wise
She knew I'd live through many lies
And rough times ahead of me lay
And still persist to this present day
And I hope from heaven Grandma can see
I take comfort in my misery

The wisest thing my Grandma ever told me
Is take comfort in your misery
Because sometimes that's all your gonna see
Wonder if Grandma knew
Maybe she was trying to give me a clue

That it would be all that live had in store
I'd be ripped apart at the core
That I'd live in constant ashes
Dreams and hope dashes
On the rocks of eternal sorrow it always crashes

Someone clipped my wings
So I would never sing
Someone broke my heart
It now is only art
Someone broke my spirit
So in darkness I will live it

My Grandma so very wise
She knew I'd live through many lies
And rough times ahead of me lay
And still persist to this present day
And I hope from heaven Grandma can see
I take comfort in my misery

I'm coming unglued
My pieces are falling

I'm coming unglued
My voices are calling

I'm coming unglued
My minds come unplugged

I'm coming unglued
I could use a hug


I'm coming unglued
Shadow Men are drawing near

I'm coming unglued
My bones tremble with fear

I'm coming unglued
Sutures in my heart are starting to fray

I'm coming unglued
I can't find my way

I'm coming unglued
Nothing anyone can do

In a comma state of mind
I look but all I find
Is the nothingness you left behind

Nothing in my head
No meaning in what you said

Nothing in my heart
You tore that all apart

Nothing in my feelings
You just left me reeling

In a comma state of mind
I look but all I find
Is the nothingness you left behind

In a comma state of mind
I look but all I find
Is the nothingness you left behind

Nothing in my head
No meaning in what you said

Nothing in my heart
You never was apart

Nothing in my feelings
Nothing to send me reeling

In a comma state of mind
I look but all I find
Is the nothingness you left behind

Death strikes from out of no where
Takes our loved ones, it doesn't care
Left to live on without them
Left to carry on without that gem
Leaves an empty space
That no amount of time can erase
Left with only memories
Sadness in diffrent degrees
Smiles and tears
Thinking back throughout the years
Flipping through old pictures
Knowing that they had made your life richer
Hoping this is not completely the end
Hoping that on some distant plane you'll see them again

Death strikes from out of no where
Takes our loved ones, it doesn't care
Left to live on without them
Left to carry on without that gem
Leaves an empty space
That no amount of time can erase
Left with only memories
Sadness in diffrent degrees
Smiles and tears
Thinking back throughout the years
Flipping through old pictures
Knowing that they had made your life richer
Hoping this is not completely the end
Hoping that on some distant plain  you'll see them again

Conceal
Don't feel

Plaster a smile on your face
Remember your place
Dance that same old dance
Happiness at first glance

Conceal
Don't feel

Happiness at first glance
Don't give them the chance
Keep them away from the fringes
Your coming off the hinges

Conceal
Don't feel

Your coming off the hinges
Blinded buy the vision
Of the misty gray
Of all your yeasterdays

Conceal
Don't feel

Of all your yesterdays
Only sorrow flowed your way
But remember your place
Plaster that smile on your face

Flashbacks of a confidant fool
Flying through life with out any rules
Headlong into danger
The adrenaline rush is an intoxicating flavor
Thoughts of past injuries are nothing but flashes
As quickly he dashes
With those famous last words on his lips
WATCH THIS!!!!

Flashbacks of a confidant fool
Flying through life with out any rules
Headlong into danger
The adrenaline rush is an intoxicating flavor
Thoughts of past injuries are nothing but flashes
As quickly he dashes
With those famous last words on his lips
WATCH THIS!!!!

I am the dragon, I am the fire
Hop a stride, I'll take you higher
I am the ice, I am the spike
Making you feel all childlike
I am the needle, I am the vain
Look real close it's all the same
I am the rock, I am the crack
If you leave, I'll take you back
I am the tar, I am the lid
Close your eyes, I'm where you hid
I am the snow, I am the powder
Widen your eyes, listen louder

I am that fly upon your wall
The one you never seen at all
I watched you, let you fall
Now upon your belly........crawl

Let me be, or I'll explode
I'm not a possession to be sold
Don't enter my life
Thinking you can give me strife
Don't convince your self that I can't see
The way your trying to control me
Don't think your sweet pretty words
Will make my vision blurred
That I'll over look your snide remark
Or ignore the side of you that's dark
I'm not naive to you wicked thoughts
As you try to twist emotions up in knots
So don't walk away, run
Before I bring out my gun
And shoot you down
Like a rabid hound
And leave nothing to be found.
With a grin I'll bury you in the ground
Because you think your so hard to decode
But leave me be, before I explode!!!!

Let me be, or I'll explode
I'm not a possession to be sold
Don't enter my life
Thinking you can give me strife
Don't convince your self that I can't see
The way your trying to control me
Don't think your sweet pretty words
Will make my vision blurred
That I'll over look your snide remark
Or ignore the side of you that's dark
I'm not naive to you wicked thoughts
As you try to twist emotions up in knots
So don't walk away, run
Before I bring out my gun
And shoot you down
Like a rabid hound
And leave nothing to be found.
With a grin I'll bury you in the ground
Because you think your so hard to decode
But leave me be, before I explode!!!!

Demons walk this house of mine
They do it at night from time to time
They frighten my guests
And startle my pet's
My cat just sits and stares
My dog her teeth she bears
They just push her aside
She runs and hides

They walk last night again my floors
So I got up and shut the bedroom door
Of course they do what they alway do
My door they pass right through
I tried to ignore them as on my bed I sat
But not tonight they would have none of that
They were there to chat

What do you want, I asked with disgust
They spoke with the tongues of cosmic dust
We are here to watch and savor
Your situation will soon be much graver

Three shadow men in front of me stood
Glowing eyes stared out from under their darkened hood
One pointed at the table, one at the razor, one at my hand
Time it slowed, the hourglass lost it's sand

Then they said, we are here for you our dear friend
My hand started to shake, and then extend
I gave them a determined look
And pulled my hand back although it shook

You can make me cut, you have many times before
I know it's the smell and taste of my blood you adore
You can even make me take my life
They laughed so hard at that, We only want to bring you strife
You silly human child
It's not you blood we desire

Although we do like to watch your blood flow
What we want is the pain to grow
It's just a plus to make you bleed
But it's on your human soul we feed
And your agony makes it all the more sweeter
So your life we make sure it's so much bleaker

I ordered them out of my room
I demanded they take their gloom
They swiftly moved, pinned me down and entered my head
And now I'm wishing that I was not food but dead!

Demons walk this house of mine
They do it at night from time to time
They frighten my guests
And startle my pet's
My cat just sits and stares
My dog her teeth she bears
They just push her aside
She runs and hides

They walk last night again my floors
So I got up and shut the bedroom door
Of course they do what they alway do
My door they pass right through
I tried to ignore them as on my bed I sat
But not tonight they would have none of that
They were there to chat

What do you want, I asked with disgust
They spoke with the tongues of cosmic dust
We are here to watch and savor
Your situation will soon be much graver

Three shadow men in front of me stood
Glowing eyes stared out from under their darkened hood
One pointed at the table, one at the razor, one at my hand
Time it slowed, the hourglass lost it's sand

Then they said, we are here for you our dear friend
My hand started to shake, and then extend
I gave them a determined look
And pulled my hand back although it shook

You can make me cut, you have many times before
I know it's the smell and taste of my blood you adore
You can even make me take my life
They laughed so hard at that, We only want to bring you strife
You silly human child
It's not you blood we desire

Although we do like to watch your blood flow
What we want is the pain to grow
It's just a plus to make you bleed
But it's on your human soul we feed
And your agony makes it all the sweeter
So your life we make sure it's so much bleaker

I ordered them out of my room
I demanded they take their gloom
They swiftly moved, pinned me down and entered my head
And now I'm wishing that I was not food but dead!

Demons walk this house of mine
They do it at night from time to time
They frighten my guests
And startle my pet's
My cat just sits and stares
My dog her teeth she bears
They just push her aside
She runs and hides

They walk last night again my floors
So I got up and shut the bedroom door
Of course they do what they alway do
My door they pass right through
I tried to ignore them as on my bed I sat
But not tonight they would have none of that
They were there to chat

What do you want, I asked with disgust
They spoke with the tongues of cosmic dust
We are here to watch and savor
Your situation will soon be much graver

Three shadow men in front of me stood
Glowing eyes stared out from under their darkened hood
One pointed at the table, one at the razor, one at my hand
Time it slowed, the hourglass lost it's sand

Then they said, we are here for you our dear friend
My hand started to shake, and then extend
I gave them a determined look
And pulled my hand back although it shook

You can make me cut, you have many times before
I know it's the smell and taste of my blood you adore
You can even make me take my life
They laughed so hard at that, We only want to bring you strife
You silly human child
It's not you blood we desire

Although we do like to watch your blood flow
What we want is the pain to grow
It's just a plus to make you bleed
But it's on your human soul we feed
And your agony makes it all the more sweeter
So your life we make sure it's so much bleaker

I ordered them out of my room
I demanded they take their gloom
They swiftly moved, pinned me down and entered my head
And now I'm wishing that I was not food but dead!

A cookie cutter version is what this world wants
So my wild messed up ways I flaunt
You can try to figure me out
As in your face I shout
I'm not like the rest, I never will be
You look but don't see
The uniqueness in me
Theres no other that comes close
No one can make that boast
They ask why can't you be like the rest
Well.....I really don't want to be secound best

A cookie cutter version is what this world wants
So my wild messed up ways I flaunt
You can try to figure me out
As in your face I shout
I'm not like the rest, I never will be
You look but don't see
The uniqueness in me
Theres no other that comes close
No one can make that boast
They ask why can't you be like the rest
Well.....I really don't want to be secound best

A cookie cutter version is what this world wants
So my wild messed up ways I flaunt
You can try to figure me out
As in your face I shout
I'm not like the rest, I never will be
You look but don't see
The uniqueness in me
There's no other that comes close
No one can make that boast
They ask why can't you be like the rest
Well.....I really don't want to be secound best

All of this torment
I did not consent
In all this suffering
There is no comforting
In all this despair
No one cares
In this grief
I get no relief
I am so spent
More than bent
In all this pain
I am not sane
In all this anguish
I just languish
It's pure desolation
If I failed to mention
With no more hope
I only cope

The shadows in my brain
That dance with all the pain
Only adding to the strain

The memories that they hold
That they crease and mold
Only leave me cold

The agony holds on strong
That it refuses to move along
Only leaving tears of all that's gone wrong

The shadows in my mind
That are so unkind
Only showing me what they find

Thoughts rambling in an insane manner
Voices mix and clamber
Between it all the static stammer

Leaving me to believe I'm not well
I wear a mask so you can't tell
That I really live in Hell

There is something going on inside my cranium
Maybe it holds to much radium
That must be why I need a ******

My thoughts bumb and scatter
Oohhh something shiny.....does it matter
Uhm I think my head has grown flatter

Pain and agony brought on insanity
Trying hard to grasp the gravity
This situation leaves me in, oh the calamity

Well my gray matter has had enough
I'm calling my life's bluff
Put the gun to my head, it was tough

Blowing that gray matter away
Still won't be enough to sway
The demons will make me stay
In a vegetative way

I take care of everyone and then some
When will my turn come
Will anyone ever take care of me
They just float on the breeze
The weight of the world is on my shoulders
I'm getting wore out crawling over the boulders

Just hang me on a hook
Everyone has already took
Hang me with the other tools
But please, don't mistake me for a fool

I really didn't mind
Giving to others my time
For when you look, you'll find
It's the ONLY thing that's worth a dime

There really wasn't a day
That I didn't give pieces of myself way
I tried, I did all I could
Never caring I'd be misunderstood

I really was quite amused
When others thought I was being used
I don't regret how my time was spent
Or those that came and went

This is the saddest day
I can give no more of myself away
Now I'll just sit and wait
See what is in my fate

Will others let me drink from their cup
Fill my spirt back up
Fill the pieces in
Let me sing again

Or will I hang on this hook and rust
Slowly turning to dust
I don't care either way
I fought for every single day

I stumbled, often fell
Ran into walls as well
But I always fought, gave it hell
I tried to spend my time well
On things that truly mattered
I was thought of as crazy like the Mad Hatter

They just didn't know
The meaning of life, how it goes

Don't be selfish with yourself or your time, joyfully give it away
Walking into future with faith and hope someone, someday
Will give pieces of themselves to you
When your season is due.

Why am I doomed to live in the dark
Without even a single spark
Not even the light of fireflies to soften the night
There is no way I'll win this fight

I can not see my demons, or when they do attack
So how can I fight back
Can't see a hand in front of your face, not in this inky black

The light will never find me in this I have no doubt
Some times I want to cut, and let it all bleed out

My eye's are so a custom
I'm sure the light would blind them
So reside myself to being a creature of the night
And only roam around when there is no moonlight

They just keep gnawing on my bones
They're glassy eyed they look like drons
With a persistent chewing grinding away
It goes on all night and day
Teeth scraping on bone the sounds unnerving
They think my bones they are deserving
They just keep gnawing, and bitting through
But this is nothing very new
Teeth on bone, crunch crunch, crunch
Gnawing on me again for lunch

On the outside I'm hard as a rock
You can't even hear the thud when I drop

On the inside I'm a crying little *****
Like a kid whipped with a switch

On the outside no emotion at all
You can't even tell I'm in a fall

On the inside a quivering mass
Fearing the final die has been cast

On the outside I'm hard as a rock
You can't even hear the thud when I drop

On the inside I'm a crying little *****
Like a kid whipped with a switch

On the outside no emotion at all
You can't even tell I'm in a fall

On the inside a quivering mass
Fearing the final die has been cast

I was born a step out of time
One verse short of a line
One word short of a rhyme

With this world I do not jive
A worker bee without a hive
And all I hear is lie upon lie

I'm not sure exactly where I belong
I hope my life will not be prolonged
Untill that day I'll just keep singing my sorrowful song

I won't need to rehearse
In human kind I've seen the worst
And my life seems to be cursed

One cut, two cut, three cut, four
Watch my blood spill on the floor
Five cut, six cut, seven cut, eight
Isn't this life just ******* great
Nine cut, ten
Here we go again

One cut, two cut, three cut, four
Sinking every day a little more
Five cut, six cut, seven cut, eight
Future is up to chance and fate
Nine cut, ten
This ****** up game I'll never win

I cut myself for you tonight
Maybe I'll fit inside your box
I cut myself for you tonight
Slicing pieces of me off
I cut myself for you tonight
I'll let my blood just flow
I cut myself for you tonight
For love you never show
I'll cut myself for you tonight
Giving you what you sought
I'll cut myself for you tonight
I know it's what you want
I'll cut myself for you tonight
1,2,3, I'll make them deep
I'll cut myself for you tonight
I'll go to that eternal sleep

I'm a cutter can't you see the scars all in their lines
Can't you see the signs
It just means my life is less than bliss
And happiness is what I miss
I don't want your sympathy
It's more like let me be
I'm not gonna cover them
Much to your chagrin
If you don't want to see, don't look
But I won't dangle from your hook
I won't set upon your shelf like a book
I am who I am
Hope you understand

We are the hollow men stuffed with straw
Dancing around on this great big ball
The ball just keeps on turning
We just keep on whirling
Dancing in our madness
Of a world full of sadness
The dance goes on, we spin and twirl
Till our rages have come unfurled
We come unstuffed, we fall
Right off this ****** hellish ball

Can't you see the tiny storm cloud
With it's thunder cracks so loud
Feeling the gentle rain caress my skin
A thousand tiny kisses felt so deep within
To pirouette between the drops
Quickly losing all the agonizing thoughts
Spining and changing with the wind, a tango of prefect grace
I taste the rain upon my lips, as the lighting splashes light across my face
An exceptional balance of beauty and the beast
Absorbing the fierce energies release
Dancing in the storm's sweet rain
Relieving the searing pain

Can we transverse this tragedy
That happened once to you , to me
Of broken hearts and shattered dreams
Can we stifle our deafening screams
For nothing is ever what it seems
Do we have it within, do we have the means
To sidestep the pain
That still rattles in our brains
In our hearts
Even though they're torn apart
Do we dare to even start?

The sun was shining very bright
In my very darkest night
The stars' they misaligned
The moon I simply couldn't find
Left frozen on that August day
A blizzard of emotions in the way

Amongst the pain and agony
I found myself on bended knee
No longer able to stand
Buried in your life's sand

So now on my belly I'll crawl
Banging my head against the wall
Knowing I'll never see the light
This situation I can not fight

For you see our darkest hour
That leaves us all to cower
Rarely ever comes at night
It attacks when the day is bright
So sleeping with that gun under your pillow
Won't stop the winds of change that billow

©Pauline Russell

Is tonight the end
Of another friend
Will his candle blow out
I so want to shout
Does he know his pain I feel
And that pain is very real
We've never meet in a place
Nowhere here but this space
But a friend in depression sealed
With the darkness so steeled
Please don't let me lose
Another one to the darkest muse

The darkness spoke and I did listen
His kiss upon my lips still glistens
It held me tightly within his shroud
Of himself he was proud
For I fell,I crumbled
I got tripped up, I stumbled
I had tried to fight but my life was to jumbled

He then told me why "For you have lived all your life in my essences
Always was my stark dark presence
it's all you've ever known
You tried to be strong but weak you have grown"

With that he gave his most devious smile
Than begain to spew more rancid bile
"I will forever keep you in my frozen clutch
Look around you'll see it's such
Of those little pills you took to much
I came to you in a rush"

I looked around and I could see
There was no going back for me
I had already passed deaths threshold
My body upon the bed was blue and cold
My soul from my body had been ripped
With that single kiss, that still lingered on my lips

Everyone has a dark side
A secret that they keep
Everyone has a dark side
One they hide so deep
Everyone has a dark side
So child you must seek
Cuz one day you just might reap
The Demons that they keep

Let me take you to the dark side of the woods
All that dies here is the good
Let me show you that spot
This is where I fought
He had me tied, I could go no where
I was terrified and scared
He did his deed
And left my soul forever to bleed
It will always seep with rage and anguish
Part of me will always remain and languish
There in the dark side of woods
That day all that died in me was the good

Let me take you to the dark side of the woods
All that dies here is the good
Let me show you that spot
This is where I fought
He had me tied, I could go no where
I was terrified and scared
He did his deed
And left my soul forever to bleed
It will always seep with rage and anguish
Part of me will always remain and languish
There in the dark side of woods
That day all that died in me was the good

I found a bean in my room
Hope that means I'll be leaving soon
If I plant it in my carpet
And put an X to mark it

Maybe if I sow
Maybe it will grow
And have a great stock
And for a moment I'll just stand and gawk

Maybe it will grow into the sky
Past where the birds fly
Up past the clouds
Where humans are not allowed

Then like my old friend Jack
I'll pack me a sack
Then I'll start my climb
Up that big sturdy vine

At the top I wonder what I'll find
Will it be peace of mind
Will my giants all be slayed
Will I finally be unafraid

I want to be above the grind
And all of mankind
So I planted my bean and watered it well
You can see it's starting to grow and swell

The roots start to snake
Making my floor quake
But it didn't grow up, but sideways instead
I looked at it with dread

Even my daydreams
Are not as they seem
But nightmares ensues
My lovely dark muse