I found a bean in my room
Hope that means I'll be leaving soon
If I plant it in my carpet
And put an X to mark it

Maybe if I sow
Maybe it will grow
And have a great stock
And for a moment I'll just stand and gawk

Maybe it will grow into the sky
Past where the birds fly
Up past the clouds
Where humans are not allowed

Then like my old friend Jack
I'll pack me a sack
Then I'll start my climb
Up that big sturdy vine

At the top I wonder what I'll find
Will it be peace of mind
Will my giants all be slayed
Will I finally be unafraid

I want to be above the grind
And all of mankind
So I planted my bean and watered it well
You can see it's starting to grow and swell

The roots start to snake
Making my floor quake
But it didn't grow up, but sideways instead
I looked at it with dread

Even my daydreams
Are not as they seem
But nightmares ensues
My lovely dark muse

I found a bean in my room
Hope that means I'll be leaving soon
If I plant it in my carpet
And put an X to mark it

Maybe if I sow
Maybe it will grow
And have a great stock
And for a moment I'll just stand and gawk

Maybe it will grow into the sky
Past where the birds fly
Up past the clouds
Where humans are not allowed

Then like my old friend Jack
I'll pack me a sack
Then I'll start my climb
Up that big sturdy vine

At the top I wonder what I'll find
Will it be peace of mind
Will my giants all be slayed
Will I finally be unafraid

I want to be above the grind
And all of mankind
So I planted my bean and watered it well
You can see it's starting to grow and swell

The roots start to snake
Making my floor quake
But it didn't grow up, but sideways instead
I looked at it with dread

Even my daydreams
Are not as they seem
But nightmares ensues
My lovely dark muse

Way out here in outer space
Searching every distance place
The Moon's so cold without your embrace

I'm still here in flight
Way out past the satellite
Hoping one day we may reunite

Rising quickly is my frustration
Knowing for me there is no salvation
As I see your face in every  constellation

I can't see the silver lining
Even with all the stars still shining
Because all I can do is keep on crying

Loves resurrection is over due
So I will keep on searching for you
Just leave me a **** bread trail, a clue

Because on earth you'll never be again
My heart will never be whole, never mend
The death of everything is the wages of our sin



©Pauline Russell

Sooner or latter your numbers gonna come up
Sooner or latter you'll have to drink from that cup

That's the reason I got my phone disconnected
Maybe, just maybe I won't be affected

But death plays for keeps
It's only job is to reap
Very few get a reprieve
Death is very hard to appease

So live every day like there is no tomorrow
Don't leave behind bad memories or sorrow

Because you might not even make it through the day
So leave them all something good to say
About your life and how you lived it
Even if you lived to be a hundred, you'll have to admit
Life is to short
Sooner or latter we'll be standing in the Almighty's court

Death is down the street
Wonder if we'll meet

Death is in my yard
Looking very hard

Death is at my window
Feel like I'm in limbo

Death is at my door
Checking the score

Death is in my room
I can smell his perfume

Death took my hand
Swept me off to his glorious land

Found my favorite razor just the other day
I have a feeling it will soon come into play
As anxiety, agony, and depression on me heavily weigh

I have a wicked mind with ugly thoughts
Belive me when I say, I know the cost
But I keep thinking of all I lost

Happiness and beauty, was replaced with treachery and scars
All that I have lived through has left me marred
Now I am nothing more than flaws

So again I'll ride the crimson tide
Cut it all out nothing left to hide
I'll let it flow, enjoy the ride

I'm sinking fast, no hand to hold
Isn't that always how the story goes
Getting knocked down, blow after blow

No need to get up this time I see
Life's agony wont let me be
So I'm just gonna lay there and bleed

Till there is nothing left
Let my soul be swept
Into the great unknown, death I totally accept

Death looks very handsome today
Wonder if he'll dance my way
Hold me in his arms as we sway
To the rhythm of the dance
Maybe just by chance
At me today he'll take a glance
It would be a fine romance

Maybe today he'll give me a date
Save me from this wretched state
I patiently wait at his gate
I'm hoping he will take my hand
Lead me into his land
Where he stops times sand

Never to be sold
Never to grow old
Never to be cold

Death is looking very handsome today
I hope this is the day he takes me away

demons lurking all around
listening to my every sound
This life of mine is all up hill
My beating heart should just be still
I want to rest in deaths embrace
Unbearable pain is written on my face
Demons dance with sweet repraise
watching with there steely gaze
They lick their lips without restrain
So eager to tast all my pain
That's steadily driving me insane

Always in the demons jaws
Or in their claws
Here's the knife take a slice, take a bite
Start with innocence and all that's right
Next is the heart, cut it out
No need to shout
Bleed me dry
No need to cry
No need to try
**** the soul
Do it slow
Watch the blackness flow
Turn me into a monster
Where only anger and agony foster
The innocent little girl, I lost her

Always in the demons jaws
Or in their claws
Here's the knife take a slice, take a bite
Start with innocence and all that's right
Next is the heart, cut it out
No need to shout
Bleed me dry
No need to cry
No need to try
**** the soul
Do it slow
Watch the blackness flow
Turn me into a monster
Where only anger and agony foster
The innocent little girl, I lost her

Always in the demons jaws
Or in their claws
Here's the knife take a slice, take a bite
Start with innocence and all that's right
Next is the heart, cut it out
No need to shout
Bleed me dry
No need to cry
No need to try
**** the soul
Do it slow
Watch the blackness flow
Turn me into a monster
Where only anger and agony foster
The innocent little girl, I lost her

The demons live within my soul
I cut thin lines to let them go
They just make the memories grow
Over and over they make them show

Oh so very long ago
Within my head thier seeds they sow
Over the years They took control
They left me feeling so ******* low

My misery is thier only goal
With every punch I try to roll
The more I take the more they throw
It's really starting to take it's toll

Through my agony they just stroll
Every ounce of happiness is what they stole
They left me in the deepest, darkest hole

Silence makes the demons come alive
In the silence they just thrive
So my house is never quiet
Some times it sounds like an all out riot
My tv is alway on
So my demons do not spawn

I already have to many
Three is more than plenty
If you're wondering how I know the count
I've seen them in my house walk about

If you wonder if I get scared
My aswers, no all my houses they've shared
Even my kids no longer worry about them
It's only me the seek to condemn

But when new folks spend the night
They seem to stay up till the morning light
I guess they don't have unearthly visitors
Because in the morning they become quite the inquisitors
Like how do you ever sleep, and don't they scare you
I sleep with the tv on, and only a few times they do

But I like it better when I can see them from my bed
It means their not messing up there in my head
For only when they walk my floors
They aren't in my mind opening doors
That should stay shut
Because those memories make me cut

They are devious little basterds
They know exactly what their after
And they've almost succeeded a few times
But I'm still here, alive, on that up hill climb
But one day they'll win
And with the fishes I'll swim

Demons coming near
They whisper in my ear fear
Fight for me please dear

Sometimes depression hits me like a ton of bricks
And when that happens the blood runs thick
I'm trying to find reasons for my life story to go on
Maybe this will be my final song
Think I'll just take the razor and bleed along
I'm tired of the darkness
This might be my catalyst

©Pauline Russell

Depression claims another soul
Carried it down the rabbit hole.

Sometimes depression hits me like a ton of bricks
And when that happens the blood runs thick
I'm trying to find reasons for my life story to go on
Maybe this will be my final song
Think I'll just take the razor and bleed along
I'm tired of the darkness
This might be my catalyst

My thoughts they are provoking
The darkness that is encroaching

Do you believe in destiny
That things just have to be
Or do you think you're in control
Dericting the way your life goes

Do you think things will bend to your will
Do you have that much skill
That you can delay
Or change the way

Can you not see the hands of fate
That everything has a set date
The universe you can not sway
We all get swept away

So enjoy the ride
For you and destiny will collide
At times there will be tears
But we only have a set number of years

So laugh through the pain
Dance in the rain
Hold on to the ones that you love and that love you back
Before it all just fades to black

Guess it wasn't really, we never even touched
Just words upon a screen I guess,they didn't mean that much
They did to me, I planed my life around you
Guess you was just playing me, untill you was through

I nearly forgot my broken part
Till you took a blowtorch and cauterized my heart
You devastated me, with your art

Don't think of yourself as smart
In love my brain from my heart departs
I always put the horse behind the cart

I nearly forgot my broken part
Till you took a blowtorch and cauterized my heart
You devastated me, with your art

Don't think of yourself as smart
In love my brain from my heart departs
I always put the horse behind the cart

I  nearly forgot my broken part
Till you took a blowtorch and cauterized my heart
You devastated me with your art

Don't think of yourself as smart
In love my brain from my heart departs
I always put the horse behind the cart

Life has me in a stranglehold
It's leaving me blue and cold
I'm laying here gasping for air
Wishing out there someone would care
Like a begger on the street
They just hurry past when our eyes meet

No one wants to help the lost
No one wants to pay the cost
No one wants to find whats gone
No one wants to hear that song

The wages of sin is death
It's not all mine, still I'm ******* in my last breath
This may be my dying day
I'm so lost within the fray

I have surly lost my way
In this bottomless hole I'm forced to stay
I'm so very weak
Tears constantly leak
Down my face and to my feet
Trying so desperately my secrets to keep

For one small glance at this darkened hole
Of what use to be my soul
Will make the most courageous man faint
For this life if mine would devastate
Even the most holiest saint

Lonely and withered is how I live my life
Human monsters are my gripe
They have pillaged and stole
They have ripped in me a great big hole
The wounds they've made will never heal
Pleasure of living they surely did steal

So I stay away from all mankind
For my death certificate they have already signed
They just **** me slowly, a piece at a time
One day you'll look, there'll be nothing to find

I am an outlaw like Jesse James
I'm not much for playing games
Loyalty is all I demanded
Lies I simply can not stand
Tell to me only truths
Or I'll knock out your ******* tooth
The place we're in is a high stakes game
But in the end you'll be glad you came
We'll float a boat, we'll get real high
While we're cooking, you just might cry
If you have thoughts of rolling over
You'll end up under the sweet, red clover
We're not much on floppy tongue snitches
You'll find they end up in deep dug ditches
But in our canoe you can ride all night
Smoke rolls up it's such a sight
On our boat you can ride for days
Sleep rans fast and far away
So come and play in our devilish way
We'll talk for hours, till there is nothing left to say

A stones throw from heaven
To bad they close at eleven
Guess I'll be eating with the devil again
He doesn't care about all my sin
We'll talk and laugh and drink some gin
We'll play pinochle and I'll let him win
I'll never have to worry about being cold
I won't be blinded by the street's of gold
I'll play fetch with his hound
Won't have to worry about that heavenly crown
We'll smoke a bowl and get real high
Won't have to worry about how angels fly
We'll crank the metal up till the earth shakes
No worrying about being tested till I break
I'll be there with the rest of the primates
No more worrying about those locked pearly gates

Fluffy white clouds, sailing in a sea of blue
I never knowing, no I hadn't a clue
This would be the last day I would be seeing you

Got off work, went to your home
Door was locked so around it I roam
Peeking in the windows, rapping on the glass
Please just answer me, I shout out and I ask

I seen you this morning in the dawns haze
You looked so stressed, stuck in your maze
I made you promise you'd get some sleep
I laughingly suggested counting sheep
You gave your sweetest fake grin
Gave me a hug, turned around and went in

I whispered I love you as I turned to leave
I heard you heave a heavy sigh of relief
You was in the abyss
Company you did not want or miss

You was head diving for the bottom
Your mood fit the skelton tree's of late autumn
Your emotions where laid bear
You trembled like those trees in the cold morning air
Everything you had cared about, you let fall away
Just like those tree's did, all around you at your feet they laid
Everything you once cared about was in a slow rotting decay

You never answered your door that I pounded on
You was already gone
You left everything, even your phone
You took off all alone

You left no note
No sign of hope
One minute you was here
Now your gone and I fear
I will never see you again
I fear your sorrowful life you put to an end

But I'll never know
Which direction you decided to go
I hope your out living your dreams
That this is not what it seems

Dear friend I love you so
I really need to know
So out in your woods I took a stroll
Down to your favorite spot where the creek flows

But I didn't find you there
Babe where are you, you know I care
Relieved your lifeless body I didn't find
Wishing you had left a sign
Not knowing what happened to you
Is leaving ME cold and blue

Fluffy white clouds, sailing in a sea of blue
I never knowing, no I hadn't a clue
This would be the last day I would be seeing you

Got off work, went to your home
Door was locked so around it I roam
Peeking in the windows, rapping on the glass
Please just answer me, I shout out and I ask

I seen you this morning in the dawns haze
You looked so stressed, stuck in your maze
I made you promise you'd get some sleep
I laughingly suggested counting sheep
You gave your sweetest fake grin
Gave me a hug, turned around and went in

I whispered I love you as I turned to leave
I heard you heave a heavy sigh of relief
You was in the abyss
Company you would not miss

You was head diving for the bottom
Your mood fit the skelton tree's of late autumn
Your emotions where laid bear
You trembled like those trees in the cold morning air
Everything you had cared about, you let fall away
Just like those tree's did, all around you at your feet they laid
Everything you once cared about was in a slow rotting decay

You never answered your door that I pounded on
You was already gone
You left everything, even your phone
You took off all alone

You left no note
No sign of hope
One minute you was here
Now your gone and I fear
I will never see you again
I fear your sorrowful life you put to an end

But I'll never know
Which direction you decided to go
I hope your out living your dreams
That this is not what it seems

Dear friend I love you so
I really need to know
So out in your woods I took a stroll
Down to your favorite spot where the creek flows

Relieved your lifeless body I didn't find
Wishing you had left a sign
But I didn't find you there
Babe where are you, you know I care
Not knowing what happened to you
Is leaving ME lifeless and blue

Fluffy white clouds, sailing in a sea of blue
I never knowing, no I hadn't a clue
This would be the last day I would be seeing you

Got off work, went to your home
Door was locked so around it I roam
Peeking in the windows, rapping on the glass
Please just answer me, I shout out and I ask

I seen you this morning in the dawns haze
You looked so stressed, stuck in your maze
I made you promise you'd get some sleep
I laughingly suggested counting sheep
You gave your sweetest fake grin
Gave me a hug, turned around and went in

I whispered I love you as I turned to leave
I heard you heave a heavy sigh of relief
You was in the abyss
Company you would not miss

You was head diving for the bottom
Your mood fit the skelton tree's of late autumn
Your emotions where laid bear
You trembled like those trees in the cold morning air
Everything you had cared about, you let fall away
Just like those tree's did, all around you at your feet they laid
Everything you once cared about was in a slow rotting decay

You never answered your door that I pounded on
You was already gone
You left everything, even your phone
You took off all alone

You left no note
No sign of hope
One minute you was here
Now your gone and I fear
I will never see you again
I fear your sorrowful life you put to an end

But I'll never know
Which direction you decided to go
I hope your out living your dreams
That this is not what it seems

Dear friend I love you so
I really need to know
So out in your woods I took a stroll
Down to your favorite spot where the creek flows

Relieved your lifeless body I didn't find
Wishing you had left a sign
But I didn't find you there
Babe where are you, you know I care
Not knowing what happened to you
Is leaving ME lifeless and blue

Fluffy white clouds, sailing in a sea of blue
I never knowing, no I hadn't a clue
This would be the last day I would be seeing you

Got off work, went to your home
Door was locked so around it I roam
Peeking in the windows, rapping on the glass
Please just answer me, I shout out and I ask

I seen you this morning in the dawns haze
You looked so stressed, stuck in your maze
I made you promise you'd get some sleep
I laughingly suggested counting sheep
You gave your sweetest fake grin
Gave me a hug, turned around and went in

I whispered I love you as I turned to leave
I heard you heave a heavy sigh of relief
You was in the abyss
Company you did not want or miss

You was head diving for the bottom
Your mood fit the skelton tree's of late autumn
Your emotions where laid bear
You trembled like those trees in the cold morning air
Everything you had cared about, you let fall away
Just like those tree's did, all around you at your feet they laid
Everything you once cared about was in a slow rotting in decay

You never answered your door that I pounded on
You was already gone
You left everything, even your phone
You took off all alone

You left no note
No sign of hope
One minute you was here
Now your gone and I fear
I will never see you again
I fear your sorrowful life you put to an end

But I'll never know
Which direction you decided to go
I hope your out living your dreams
That this is not what it seems

Dear friend I love you so
I really need to know
So out in your woods I took a stroll
Down to your favorite spot where the creek flows

But I didn't find you there
Babe where are you, you know I care
Relieved your lifeless body I didn't find
Wishing you had left a sign
Not knowing what happened to you
Is leaving ME cold and blue

Don't look, don't see, or you'll find
This river of tears is mine
I've been swept away in this torrential flood
Forever buried in a wall of mud
Of personal tragedy, anguish, and woe
Naked and shivering as the north wind blows
My very being had been laid bare
I lay in my bed of anguish and despair
Knowing I haven't a prayer
Living a life in disrepair

I have several poems started
But none of them want to come to completion
They all keep dodging my pen

My life is now back as it was before
Standing on the outside, as the cold rains pour
I'm battle bruised and very sore
Tired of love's slamming door
As my heart gets stomped into the floor
I loved you right down to your very core
When I asked, silence was your only roar
Your silence it spoke so much more
Guess it's time to tally the score
Seems I was just your little *****

©Pauline Russell

It's like being on the edge of having ten ideas at once
But my little pills make me dunce
It tries to chases the thoughts away
At lest it keeps them all at bay
It gives me rest from my whizzing mind
Sometimes I don't want to look, and find
The monsters that breed in my head
Some day's they don't need feed

Up, down, turn around
Please don't let me hit the ground
It's to late, you all ready missed
Feeling like I don't exist
Been laying here in my bed for days
Counting down the ways
Of how to let go, or should I stay
The number count is growing high
Of the many ways to die
The argument to stay is small
Finally at the bottom of the fall
There is no getting up again
I'm to weak within this skin
This hole is deeper than the rest
The walls slick with oil, who would've guessed
Me that's who
There seems to be nothing I can do
Not this time, not by myself
I need some help
But they all ran away, sickened by the sight
Of a twisted corpse still trying to fight
Guess I'll just lay here and try to find some peace
But that will happen after they find it in the Middle East
I'm just tired and can't carry on
So I'll just lay here till I'm gone

Up, down, turn around
Please don't let me hit the ground
It's to late, you all ready missed
Feeling like I don't exist
Been laying here in my bed for days
Counting down the ways
Of how to let go, or should I stay
The number count is growing high
Of the many ways to die
The argument to stay is small
Finally at the bottom of the fall
There is no getting up again
I'm to weak within this skin
This hole is deeper than the rest
The walls slick with oil, who would've guessed
Me that's who
There seems to be nothing I can do
Not this time, not by myself
I need some help
But they all ran away, sickened by the sight
Of a twisted corpse still trying to fight
Guess I'll just lay here and try to find some peace
But that will happen after they find it in the Middle East
I'm just tired and can't carry on
So I'll just lay here till I'm gone

Up, down, turn around
Please don't let me hit the ground
It's to late, you already missed
Feeling like I don't exist
Been laying here in my bed for days
Counting down the ways
Of how to let go, or should I stay
The number count is growing high
Of the many ways to die
The argument to stay is small
Finally at the bottom of the fall
There is no getting up again
I'm to weak within this skin
This hole is deeper than the rest
The walls slick with oil, who would've guessed
Me that's who
There seems to be nothing I can do
Not this time, not by myself
I need some help
But they all ran away, sickened by the sight
Of a twisted corpse still trying to fight
Guess I'll just lay here and try to find some peace
But that will happen after they find it in the Middle East
I'm just tired and can't carry on
So I'll just lay here till I'm gone

Deep in my brain there's a room
It contains nothing but doom
Leave that door shut
Continue your strut

Be careful what you say
Don't look at me that way
Just keep on walking
I need none of your talking

You know how to get the soda out of the can fast
You shake it up and let it blast
Don't jar it loose
Don't drink the juice

Don't light the fuse
Just let it snooze
This is your last warning
Or there'll be mourning

Just hang me on a hook
Everyone has already took
Hang me with the other tools
But please, don't mistake me for a fool

I really didn't mind
Giving to others my time
For when you look, you'll find
It's the ONLY thing that's worth a dime

There really wasn't a day
That I didn't give pieces of myself way
I tried, I did all I could
Never caring I'd be misunderstood

I really was quite amused
When others thought I was being used
I don't regret how my time was spent
Or those that came and went

This is the saddest day
I can longer give any more of myself away
It's all gone, only little bits are left
In my life's path so many was in need, piece of myself away crept
Now I'll just sit and wait
See what is in my fate

Will others let me drink from their cup
Fill my spirt back up
Fill the pieces in
Let me sing again

Or will I hang on this hook and rust
Slowly turning to dust
I don't care either way
I fought for every single day

I stumbled, often fell
Ran into walls as well
But I always fought, gave it hell
I tried to spend my time well
On things that truly mattered
For that I was thought of as crazy, the Mad Hatter

They just didn't know
The meaning of life, how it goes

Don't be selfish with yourself or your time, joyfully give it away
Continue walking into the future with faith and hope someone, someday
Will give pieces of themselves to you
When your season is due.

You dont understand me!! You dont and can't see!!
Just how deep the darkness dwells
Just how much the pain it swells
How very little else is left How very scary it is for myself
I know how hard it is to simply live with me
I know it won't take long before l have to set you free You'll be one more scar
one more pain
You'll be one more thing
Yes everyday life seems a little darker
Yes everyday to live through it gets a little harder Sometimes I get lost in the swirl
Sometimes everything becomes a blur
This feeling of already being dead
This feeling of nothingness is filling me with dread.

You dont understand me!! You dont and can't see!!
Just how deep the darkness dwells
Just how much the pain it swells
How very little else is left How very scary it is for myself
I know how hard it is to simply live with me
I know it won't take long before l have to set you free You'll be one more scar
one more pain
You'll be one more thing
Yes everyday life seems a little darker
Yes everyday to live through it gets a little harder Sometimes I get lost in the swirl
Sometimes everything becomes a blur
This feeling of already being dead
This feeling of nothingness is filling me with dread.

It doesn't matter how the world sees you
For the world is quite subdued
It set's the limit of what is acceptable
What is regrettable
What is transposable
What is disposable

All that matters is how the people in your life view you
Are you loud, are you crude
Are you brazen,are you rude
Or are you the voice that soothes

Do you do your very best
To make other's feel blessed
Even though your more than stressed
With your own life a ****** up mess

Do they see your strength, does it show
Even through your hope was gone long ago
Do you still brave each day
Fighting there, in the gray

Can they find the hope you lost
Do they see you go on, no matter the cost
Do they love you anyway
Even when your in the hole, do they stay
Stand beside you night and day
Love you, even when you're in the sway

When depression takes your hand
Leads you to it's lonely land
By you then, do they still stand
Do they hold you close, do all they can

Or do they scatter
Leavening you to feel you don't matter
Making you out to be the Mad Hatter

Can you take off your disguise
Will they think you unwise
Not to continue your "happy" lie
Can they withstand the agony and sorrow in your eyes

If you do, and they can't
There will be no need to feel bad and rant

For when you drop your mask you'll find
You simply had friends of the wrong kind
Then you can leave the others far behind
As new friends start to unwind

It doesn't matter how the world sees you
For the world is quite subdued
It set's the limit of what is acceptable
What is regrettable
What is transposable
What is disposable

All that matters is how the people in your life view you
Are you loud, are you crude
Are you brazen,are you rude
Or are you the voice that soothes

Do you do your very best
To make other's feel blessed
Even though your more than stressed
With your own life a ****** up mess

Do they see your strength, does it show
Even though your hope was gone long ago
Do you still brave each day
Fighting there, in the gray

Can they find the hope you lost
Do they see you go on, no matter the cost
Do they love you anyway
Even when your in the hole, do they stay
Stand beside you night and day
Love you, even when you're in the sway

When depression takes your hand
Leads you to it's lonely land
By you then, do they still stand
Do they hold you close, do all they can

Or do they scatter
Leavening you to feel you don't matter
Making you out to be the Mad Hatter

Can you take off your disguise
Will they think you unwise
Not to continue your "happy" lie
Can they withstand the agony and sorrow in your eyes

If you do, and they can't
There will be no need to feel bad and rant

For when you drop your mask you'll find
You simply had friends of the wrong kind
Then you can leave the others far behind
As new friends start to unwind

It doesn't matter how the world sees you
For the world is quite subdued
It set's the limit of what is acceptable
What is regrettable
What is transposable
What is disposable

All that matters is how the people in your life view you
Are you loud, are you crude
Are you brazen,are you rude
Or are you the voice that soothes

Do you do your very best
To make other's feel blessed
Even though your more than stressed
With your own life a ****** up mess

Do they see your strength, does it show
Even though your hope was gone long ago
Do you still brave each day
Fighting there, in the gray

Can they find the hope you lost
Do they see you go on, no matter the cost
Do they love you anyway
Even when your in the hole, do they stay
Stand beside you night and day
Love you, even when you're in the sway

When depression takes your hand
Leads you to it's lonely land
By you then, do they still stand
Do they hold you close, do all they can

Or do they scatter
Leavening you to feel you don't matter
Making you out to be the Mad Hatter

Can you take off your disguise
Will they think you unwise
Not to continue your "happy" lie
Can they withstand the agony and sorrow in your eyes

If you do, and they can't
There will be no need to feel bad and rant

For when you drop your mask you'll find
You simply had friends of the wrong kind
Then you can leave the others far behind
As new friends start to unwind

©Pauline Russell

If you really don't love me would you tell me now
While I'm only a few miles off the ground
Tell me if my love you disavow
I have never felt a love this profound

Your love has taken me to new dizzying heights
And I really don't mean to fear
This love feels so real so right
It's the voices in my head that makes it so unclear

I'm sorry I'm so ******* jaded
And that I'm so worried my heart is lying again
What I mistook for love before was just hate, or need shaded
But your actions and words are slowly reaching my brain

To finally feel true love is a wonderful scary
So please forgive my doubts
I know with all my heart, it's you I want to marry
I know you love me, I can hear your soul scream it out
I'm so sorry babe for my days of doubt!!!

To the left or to the right
Do we become a beacon or do we become a blight
Do we glow dim or do we glow bright
Do we run or do we fight
Do we smolder or do we ignite
Do we become rude, or do we become polite
Do we starve or do we take a bite
Do we keep quiet or do we write

To the left or to the right
Do we become a beacon or do we become a blight
Do we glow dim or do we glow bright
Do we run or do we fight
Do we smolder or do we ignite
Do we become rude, or do we become polite
Do we starve or do we take a bite
Do we keep quiet or do we write

I am made of sand
I'll slip right thru your hands
I am not time
But in eternity I might let you stand
I only come out at night
But I always stay out of sight
I'll send you to your dreams for a fright
You need me in your life
Or your brain will turn to mush
Always on it will turn to slush
I bet you know my name
So I'll stop playing this game

I am made of sand
I'll slip right thru your hands
I am not time
But in eternity I might let you stand
I only come out at night
But I always stay out of sight
I'll send you to your dreams for a fright
You need me in your life
Or your brain will turn to mush
Always on it will turn to slush
I bet you know my name
So I'll stop playing this game

I have my demons they dragged me through hell
I said good bye to the memories but they still dwell
They are ingrained in my soul
I so just want them to go
But they never will this I know
My demons use them to condemn
They love to show me all of them
My memories are where all my depression stems
And with pain, regret, and agony I'm filled to the brim
And I can no longer swim
In this torment I can't stay within
I'll get me a gun and blow them away
Then my demons will have nothing left to say