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You are poison
Hidden in the holy grail
I willingly drank
I fully submit to you

Make me bleed darling
Drink my blood
It is all yours

Suffocate me darling
Take my warm breath away
Keep it for your self

Blind me darling
Engulf the truth
I have acquiesced your will

Deafen me darling
Your sweet lies will be my music
I gave into you

You are poison
That given me pain
I gladly conceded
I am your possession
Jan 11
Earlier today
Spadille Jan 11
I breathed
And exhaled.
I closed my eyes
And felt the cool wind.
I now remember what peace felt
And saw what a calm ocean looks like.
I bathed in the pouring rain
And shed tears of gold.
I asked myself, if this is real
And immediately knew the answer.
I wished for time to stop
And savor such a rare moment
Dec 2020 · 30
Curiosity would kill me
Spadille Dec 2020
T.W: self-harm

For long I have wondered
How cold the sharp blade would feel against my skin
And how red the droplets of blood is

For long I have wondered
How painful a cut on the wrist feel
And would it be as painful as my emptiness

For long I have wondered
How rough the thick rope would feel around my neck
And if it could withstand my weight

For long I have wondered
If I get lost would they be in chaos?
And would they never forget my existence
Curiosity kills the cat
Dec 2020 · 188
Tahan sa piling ng iba
Spadille Dec 2020
Sabi nila sa iyong tahanan ka tatahan
Ngunit bakit ay luha ko'y natigil sa piling ng aking kaibigan?
Siguro'y dahil ang mga nasa tahanan ay hindi ako naiintindihan
Kaya't sa iba ako nakakahanap ng kapayapaan

Mga salitang inyong nilalabas
Kala ninyo tama nguti ito'y tumataliwas
Ito'y nakakawala ng lakas
Kaya naman gusto ko nang tumakas
Isa bang kahihiyan na sa ibang tao ako na tahan?
Spadille Dec 2020
Mother, mother
You know nothing
You do not know my darkest days
And nights driven by insomnia

You aren't aware of my self hatred
Nor my paranoia and anxiety
And how sorrow ate me slowly
As I lay in my bed silently weeping

I believed that you neglected me
Because I felt alone
I was in the ocean in the middle of the storm
High waves almost sunk my boat

You have read my poems
They were portals to my sufferings
Sorrowful words filled my work
Yet you still knew nothing

4 years of agony
My demons visit me frequently
They hunt me in my darkest nights
Not even the moon could shine

Mother, mother
You have forsaken me
And blamed me for my own sufferings
You didn't understand
Took you too long to know mom
Dec 2020 · 58
Spadille Dec 2020
Small red tablet
I am now drowsy

Small red tablet
I now forget *****

Small red tablet
I am now suddenly happy

Small red tablet
I now forgot what sorrow is
Meds... Meds... I really hate 'em. When will it stop?
Dec 2020 · 70
Spadille Dec 2020
It is almost dawn now
Can someone sing me a lullaby
And tuck me in
Caress my hair
As I close my eyes
This would be my only peace
I could drift to sleep
With that beautiful voice that sings
I now forgot what chaos is.
Thanks to the pills I now achieved peace
Dec 2020 · 48
Spadille Dec 2020
These pills that I must take,
Would they be my key to happiness?
Or would they only give temporary relief?

These pills that I must swallow,
Would it cure me?
Or would it only keep me alive?
Should I try to take all of it at once? Ugh I honestly hate taking pills.
Nov 2020 · 574
Spadille Nov 2020
Let me be your match
Light me up
And I will be your light
Thru the darkest nights
As I burn in flames
And wish my blaze will last longer
This fire will be your comfort
And I care not to become ashes
For I have given you my all
But grant me one favor
Always remember my flame.
I'd burn happily
Nov 2020 · 175
The devil is beautiful
Spadille Nov 2020
Oh how beautiful the devil is!
Piercing eyes that can lure
A nose sculpted to perfection
A smile that can fool

The devil holds such beauty
It is simply immaculate
Easily mistaken for a face of an angel

Oh what a sinful desire
To admire the devils beauty
And listen to the sweet lies

It has mastered the art of seduction
In one glimpse of its beauty
Mortals will be down on their knees
As they let lust blind them
Nov 2020 · 225
Blue eyes
Spadille Nov 2020
Those blue eyes I see
It reminds me of the sky
And even the sea

I must admit
I'd like to stare at it
Those eyes that are moonlit

Blue eyes can be camouflaged
Into a photo of the sea that is collaged
Surely this isn't a mirage

Let me paint those eyes
So the memory doesn't dies
It will be a moment that doesn't say goodbye
Isn't it lovely to have eyes in the color of the ocean?
Nov 2020 · 126
Spadille Nov 2020
Happy birthday to me
I wish for serenity

Would you grant my wish
And then ******* a kiss
A year older... A year wiser... A year closer to death.
Oct 2020 · 64
Midnight talks
Spadille Oct 2020
Past one in the morning
Talking about our dreams
About how we wanted to go on a trip
Midnight driving with the windows down
Feeling the cold air hitting our skins
Loud music blasting from the stereo
Us enjoying our youth
As we go to unfamiliar places
Wandering and getting lost
Forgetting our sorrows
And experience never ending gaeity
Looking up to the stars
Wishing for this friendship to last forever
Or maybe just a lifetime
Cherishing the moments
Before it turns into memories
Memories that will tattoed on our souls
The dreams we've talked about
I badly want it to happen
Us four, on a spectacular road trip
Living our best lives.
To live or to die?
Oct 2020 · 37
Would you?
Spadille Oct 2020
If I write a thousand poems about you
Would you come home and read it?
If I write poems filled with happiness
Would you smile at me as you read it?
It has been a month since you left, I still think this is just a nightmare. Tell me your alright so my sorrow will be lessen knowing that you are now free from suffering.
Oct 2020 · 47
If I only knew
Spadille Oct 2020
If I only knew,
I wouldn't take time for granted
Now I can only wish,
Hope for time to be bended
If I had not been stubborn,
I wouldn't have regretted
Now I desperately hold myself,
Binding my heart that was shredded
I look up at the clouds,
Begging to grant my wish that I requested.
I took a shot in the dark,
Knowing that I wil get rejected.
Regrets, regrets, regrets. If I only knew, I would have cherished those moments. If I only knew, I would have glanced at you. If I only knew, I would have hugged you. Now, I can only reminisce the days you were still here. I can only dream of you. No amount of tears can bring you back and I can not accept that.
Sep 2020 · 149
Secrets of death
Spadille Sep 2020
People fear the unknown
That's why they fear death

No one knows what will happen
No one knows when will it happen

Death is an unanswered riddle for the living
The only way to know the answer is to die

Would anyone like to volunteer?
To know a secret that can't be shared
Sep 2020 · 52
Spadille Sep 2020
To live in perpetual filth
In exchange for a pristine city

To live in misery
In exchange for constant gaiety

To suffer in isolation
In exchange for glorious festivals

To stand in the middle of chaos
In exchange for serenity

To be kept in darkness
In exchange for daylights

To reside in hell
In exchange for heaven

To sacrifice a child
In exchange for a great Omelas
Sep 2020 · 543
Spadille Sep 2020
Dionysus I pray to you
Give me a thousand gallons of wine
So that my soul will be intoxicated

With wine, I can forget
My soul will be released from it's prison
The burden it carries will be lifted

Dionysus I beg you
Drive me insane
My mind can not go on

Drown me in a sea of wine
Let me sink into the seafloor
My heart is too heavy
Sep 2020 · 80
A videotape of me and you
Spadille Sep 2020
The red light is blinking
The camera is now rolling
A recording of me singing a beautiful lullaby
With you staring at me in the background

Those ocean blue eyes embedded in my soul
Gazing at me with a loving look
Telling a thousand words
Getting lost in my melody

This is such a wonderful memory
I have loved every second of it
Not because of my serenade
But because of you
Sep 2020 · 95
Sinful Desire
Spadille Sep 2020
Love is such a sinful desire
It blinds the eyes
Deafens the ears
Numbs the body
Controls the soul
Kills the heart
It widely opens the gates of hell
Welcoming the blazing fire
Awakening the devils
Befriending Satan
And disappointing God.
Sep 2020 · 256
A poem for the stars
Spadille Sep 2020
The stars knew my battles and pain
They gave me comfort

The stars saw my river of tears
They wiped it away

The stars heard my rants
They eagerly listened

The stars became my company
Loneliness temporarily left

The stars sparkled in my darkest night
It gave me a glimpse of hope

The stars aren't always present
Sometimes they are covered by clouds

The stars doesn't know everything
Yet they still gave support

The stars that I knew
Are the ones that I dearly loved
The stars are my friends. If I win the war that I'm dealing with, I will give credits to the stars. They are one of the reasons why I won and survived. On the other hand, if I grew tired and gave up. I want the stars to know that they've done their best,
Sep 2020 · 66
Spadille Sep 2020
A worn out soul
With a weary smile
Calling out to the heavens
Voice filled with despair
Begging God for rest

"Oh Lord, please grant me peace" it cried
As it began to crumble
A woeful plea to the gray sky
Exhorting Him
Sanity slowly slipping away

Numerous futile attempts
Praying to be saved
"My God do not forsaken me!" It yelled
Shedding tears of blood
Holding on to a thin string of hope

Then It snapped
Taking matters to it's own hands
The soul left
Now walking on the path to Utopia
Where it can rest for eternity
Sep 2020 · 90
Spadille Sep 2020
A detective woke up from a deep slumber
To only get a glimpse of his wife
Bathing in her own blood, lifeless
It was truly a ghastly sight

Stunned by what he saw
It took him a long time to comprehend
And when he did
He weeped and mourned
He ought to bring her justice

A million questions
A thousand interrogations
Hundreds of suspects
Numerous clues

Time passed by
And the culprit hasn't been caught
Fraustration ate him
And he screamed curses into the abyss in vexation

The day finally came
He now knew who it was
He knew who the monster was
He miscalculated everything

The culprit is starting at his soul
With ****** hands and a devilish smirk
"Good job" it whispered to him
As he started at the reflection of himself
Sep 2020 · 104
Not just a folklore
Spadille Sep 2020
Let me tell you a story about a woman
A woman who stood still when the earth shook violently
A woman who didn't drown when she swam a wave filled ocean
A woman who had her feet flat on the ground even when she was at the middle of a hurricane
A woman who was given many reasons to give up but still decided to go on and hope

This woman is my mother
The mother that I dearly admire
And I forever will be fascinated by how steadfast she is
Aug 2020 · 492
Spadille Aug 2020
The law is only for the poor
To discipline the poor
To punish the poor
It was made only for the poor

The law is a Labyrinth
Made by the king
To entrap his slaves
Depriving them from liberty

The law is an earthly hell
Created by the demons
To punish the sinners
A lifetime of sorrow

The law is a boot
Wore by the privileged
To step on the needy
Crushing their hopes and dreams
Aug 2020 · 120
Behind the poems
Spadille Aug 2020
My poems are a portal to my heart
A pathway to my universe

It is where my demons live
It is where my fears reside

My sentiments reside in this realm
And my deepest desire dwells in it

And I open my door for you
With welcoming arms

For I want you to get a glimpse of it
To get a glimpse of my heaven and hell
Aug 2020 · 49
Be Brave
Spadille Aug 2020
Two words that's written on my wrist
Words of encouragement
A reminder to myself
A reminder to keep moving forward

Be brave
These words written in blue ink
Words that are embedded in my mind
Serves as a temporary relief
Aug 2020 · 118
Spadille Aug 2020
Sleepless nights
Breathless days
Tear filled eyes
Drowning minds

It is an eternal winter
Or a thousand year darkness
Perhaps a never ending storm
It is every bad thing that can happen

It is hard to not feel hopeless
It is hard to not doubt
I have no assurance
I could only hope

Hope for spring to come again
Hope for sunrise and daylight
Hope for a clear, blue sky
Hope for the best

But for now,
I have to feel the coldness of winter to appreciate the blooming flowers of spring
I have to be in dusk to see the sunrise and feel its warmth
I have to bathe in the rain to get a glimpse of ocean blue sky
I have to experience hell
To be in heaven
Aug 2020 · 73
Envy or yearning?
Spadille Aug 2020
I envy those who have found there passion
I envy those who are drunk with passion
It makes me wander into space
As uncertainty circles around me
As I grow sceptical about achieving it
Aug 2020 · 234
Spadille Aug 2020
My beautiful moon,
I want to tell you that
You have tamed my raging currents
You have ruled my wildest waves
You have calmed my ocean

And every night I stare at you in awe
Never wanting to look away
Wishing for perpetual darkness
To see you shine the brightest
I will choose you over the sunrise
Aug 2020 · 165
Spadille Aug 2020
You are my anchor
Preventing me from drifting away

Securing me in place
Making me feel safe

I fear nothing now
Not even the harshest winds or currents

With you I am invincible
With you I can never go astray
Might contain some grammatical error
Aug 2020 · 70
Best or nothing?
Spadille Aug 2020
I can do things but it can never be as good as others
Compare me with them, you'd be disappointed
My works and skills were always average
I am best at nothing

Questions fill my head
And self doubt consumes me
I can't seem to find my passion
Or maybe I lost it
Might contain some grammatical errors, English is not my first language. I'm open for corrections and constructive criticism, It will help me improve.
Aug 2020 · 68
A penny for your thoughts
Spadille Aug 2020
A penny for your thoughts, he asked
It's a wasteland here
And I don't want it to be discussed
For you can not bear
It will stay masked

I don't want to overwhelm
And leave your mouth agape
By the things I would tell
Things that can frustrate
Might contain some grammatical errors, English is not my first language, I'm open for corrections and constructive criticism
Aug 2020 · 134
I'll see you soon
Spadille Aug 2020
I vividly remember the day we brought you home
And the ecstasy I felt

We would always play
I'd pet you endlessly
I grew up with you by my side

Things changed and I have regrets
Time passed by, we grew older
Time flew by us
And the next thing I knew,
You have already bid farewell

I can never forget
You are embedded in my soul
You've been the best
You can now rest
Might contain some grammatical errors, English is not my first language. I'm open for corrections and constructive criticism, it will help me improve.
Aug 2020 · 49
Spadille Aug 2020
I longed for someone to talk to
As my mind is filled with worries,
But there is nothing new.
It has always been like this,
And I eventually got used to it.
But it doesn't mean I'm not tired of it

I try to vent out but I remember I only have myself
All of this is bottled inside of me,
And I fear that I might explode
Nobody knows what I am going through, For I am forsaken

Everynight I battle with my demons,
And it whispers into my ear
Reminding me that I am desolated
No one to guide me.
No one to scream my frustrations to
No shoulder to cry on

And as the night deepens, as the air gets colder.
I find myself getting lost into the abyss
Frightened by the darkness
Praying for a miracle
Might contain some grammatical errors, English is not my first language. I'm open for corrections and constructive criticism, it will help me improve.
Aug 2020 · 60
Spadille Aug 2020
I found a way to temporarily quell my raging thoughts
I have made my own little world that I have full control of
I daydream of things that bring me happiness
It is my Utopia, it is where I can find euphoria
It is a falsehood I tell myself

An escape from reality
A breath of fresh air, the daylight in my darkest night
A safe haven I made for myself
A detachment from my problems
A fantasy where I am fine
Might contain some grammatical errors, English is not my first language. I'm open for corrections and constructive criticism, It will help me improve

— The End —