Ngingiti ka na naman;
Lolokohin mo na naman ang buong mundo,
Paniniwalain ang lahat ng tao,
Uutuin maging ang sarili mo--
Na ayos ka lang,
Na wala kang problema,
Na patuloy kang lumalaban
Sa buhay kung sa’n
Ang sarili ang iyong kalaban.
“Ayos lang” ang iyong sagot sa tanong na “kamusta ka?”
At ngayon ko lamang napagtanto na palabiro ka pala.
Lahat nang ‘yan, iyong itatago sa iisang ngiti.
At sa iyong pagkukubli,
Lahat ay napaniwala.

Tatawa ka na naman;
Muling ipaparinig ang iyong halakhak.
‘Yung tipong mabibingi silang lahat
At masasabing ikaw ay masaya at tapat.
Pero ang bawat ritmo ay kumpas ng kasinungalingan
Na hindi namamalayan dahil sa lakas ng tawanan.
Itutuloy ang tawa hangga’t ang kasiyahan ay maisilang.
Pambihirang panlilinlang.
Daig mo pa ang hunyango pagdating sa pagtatago.
Lahat idaraan mo sa tawa, hindi dahil masaya ka,
Kundi dahil wala kang mukhang maihaharap.
At sa iyong pagpapanggap,
Lahat ay napaniwala.

Mananahimik ka na naman;
Mambibingi gamit ang saradong bibig.
Sasampalin ang buong mundo ng kantang walang ritmo,
Walang liriko, at walang nota.
Dahil hindi tengang handang makinig ang iyong kailangan,
Kundi pangunawa at ang maintindihan.
Mahirap bang gawing salita ang iyong nadarama?
Hirap ka bang magsabi ng kahit ano sa kanila?
Kaya’t mananahimik ka na lang
At paparoon sa isang sulok.
Aawit nang pabulong,
Rinig lamang ang iyong suntok.
At sa iyong pananahimik,
Lahat ay napaniwala.

Mangangamba ka na naman;
Matutulog na lang, sasaktan pa ang sarili mo.
Titingin sa paligid at magiisip nang kung anu-ano.
Kahit ano.
Kahit masakit.
Hanggang sa maaawa ka sa kalagayan mo ngayon
At Iiyakan ang sariling takot bumangon.
Malulungkot, magagalit
At mapapatanong kung bakit.
Bakit ganito? Bakit ganyan?
Bakit ang mata mo ngayo’y luhaan?
Minsan tulog na lamang iyong hiling,
Pero pagod ka pa rin maging sa paggising.
Mangangamba at iisipin ang lahat.
Lahat sila,
Lahat ng iyong napaniwala.

Pero hindi ako.
Ibahin mo ako,
Simula’t sapul, hindi mo ‘ko maloloko.
Hindi mo ‘ko mapapaniwala, hindi mauuto,
Dahil kilala kita,
At alam ko ang pinagdaraanan mo.
Alam kong hirap ka na sa pagsubok ng buhay.
Mistulang ang bawat araw ay pare-pareho na lamang,
Walang bago, puro tabang.
Maaaring tensionado ka, dulot ng paaralan.
O ‘di kaya’y dahil diyan sa mga tinatawag **** “kaibigan.”
Pwede ring dahil sa iyong tahanan.
Dahil sa sakit na dulot ng kung ano man.

Kilala kita.
Alam ko ang nararamdaman mo.
Alam kong gusto mo nang huminto,
Gusto mo nang itigil ang laro,
Pagod ka nang bumangon,
At takot nang umahon.
Tulad ng isang dahon na kahit kalian
Ay ‘di maibabalik sa punong pinanggalingan.
At iyo na lamang inaantay ang iyong paglanta.
Sa isang lugar, inirereklamo ang tagal ng pagkawala.
Dahil ikaw ay sawang-sawa.
Paulit-ulit na lamang.
May galit, may pait pagkatapos ng hagupit.
Babangon, sasaya, at muling babalik sa sakit.
Alam kong luha ang ‘yong nais ipabatid,
At hindi ang iyong mga tawa.
Dahil dama ko ang iyong lungkot sa tuwing ika’y masaya.
Alam kong hirap ka na.
Alam ko, alam ko.

Kilala kita.
Alam ko ang pagkatao mo.
Hirap ka nang kumapit, alam ko.
Dahil mahina ka,
At ‘di mo kailangang magpanggap;
Alam ko ang iyong hanap.
Ngunit nawa'y maintindihan mo,
Tanggap kitang buo at totoo.
Pwede ka nang umiyak,
Pwede mo nang bitiwan ang 'yong sandata,
Pwede mo nang ibaba ang iyong kalasag,
Pwede ka nang maging totoo.
‘Wag nang magpanggap na malakas ka,
Pwede kang maging mahina.
Pwede mo nang burahin ang iyong ngiti.
Pwede kang umiyak,
Hayaan **** dumaloy ang mga luha.
Sige, isumbong mo lahat,
Sabihin mo ang lahat sa akin,
Akala mo ba’y ‘di ko napapansin?
Sumuko man ang araw at nagdulot ng dilim,
‘Di kita susukuan at mananatiling taimtim.
Patuloy na kumakapit,
Inaantay ang 'yong paglapit.
Alam kong mapapatanong ka na naman kung bakit.
Bakit alam ko, at bakit ganito.
Pasensiya kung may pagkukulang man ako,
Ngunit hiling ko lamang na ikaw ay magkwento.
At sabay tayong ngingiti at tatawa,
Saba’y tayong iiyak sa drama.
Yayakapin kita,at patuloy na uunawain,
Dahil 'yun lang din naman ang gusto kong gawin.

Sabi ko nga sa’yo, kilalang-kilala kita.
At ‘di tulad ng iba,
Hindi mo 'ko mapapaniwala.
Dahil siyempre, ako ang 'yong ina.

I am innocent

I swear I'm not responsible
For any damage she's had
I swear I'm not the reason
Of her tears at night
And I swear I did not intend
To hurt and scar

I am guilty

I'm guilty for being weak
And guilty for being a kid
Guilty for committing a mistake
And for the actions I make

Misdemeanor; such ******
I slaughtered the feelings
We had for each other

Loving is a crime
And I am afraid
Of committing it again

City lights above
Piercing through the darkest night
I don't want to sleep

Hi
I want you to know
That I miss you so much
I miss you, us, the moments
We’ve shared
Everything
I miss doing things
With someone I trust
Someone with whom
I am comfortable with
I just miss you so much
And I'm tired
I am tired of missing you
I’m on my bed both
day and night
Yet my mind is tired
of overthinking
I’m tired of drowning
To the past
Where you were there
With me
or is it how
I wish It could be
I’m tired of pretending that
I’m happy
Yet deep inside it kills me
I’m tired of accepting things
But I know it’s the only
medicine that I have to take
I’m tired
Yet I want you to know
When you come home
No matter how far
I was here
Waiting
Drowning
Dying

Flowers breathe and wilt through you
Rainbows envy the tint you go through
Even night was lost in your eyes
Depths of ocean were drowned as you rise
Cannot utter what you really think
Eh?
Lucidly, a vast mystery.

these barriers offer isolation
these boundaries provide protection
these walls put everything in chain
because attachments often lead to pain

A new face
A stranger
One that can resurrect a withered flower
My eyes were stunned
It’s more like I’m dreaming
Please don’t wake me up
This feeling’s overwhelming
I think I’m in love
But I do not know exactly
Is this love at first sight?
Why does time run slowly?

I was jealous of everyone near you
You have hurt me unconsciously
I manage to come near you
And finally, I was with victory

Lots of things happened
More on pain than love
I became selfish
I just wanted to be with you
But it turned out
That the love I offer is not true
Nothing’s wrong with you
It’s about me
I thought I was in love
I thought it was love that I felt
I thought you were perfect

But I was wrong
Love’s not about perfection
It’s about accepting flaws
And every single thing
All I had was infatuation
Nothing
But a deep, deep thing
Now I’ve realized things
I’m sorry for all the damage
All the troubles
And mess

Don’t worry, for you,
Promise, I will learn to love

I hear you in the early birds' song
a moon's amity in a scorching firmament

I smell you as the flowers tilt from wilt
fragrance that stops time from running

I taste you by the waters of the deep
thy tears drench the stars as they fell

I feel you through the breeze of midnight
your embrace incinerates the numbing cold

I see you from the brink of the past
one from a million yet the best memory ever

I was reading a book
I was Indulging the smell of its old pages
my imagination was ignited
as I ate every mere word it has
my eyes were healed
my mind was quenched
I was not me when I was walking the journey
and it’s a story that I hoped would never end
its covers conceal fragility
and the book sheltered me from reality
I was focused
I was bound to the book

lots of things had happened
and I was unaware
it was already afternoon
the flowers poured the summer’s snow
fogs devoured the pearls of the ocean
trees have lost all of its leaves
the bookshelf fell and got broken
my coffee became cold
and many more had happened
everything happened
I did not know
I was too busy
I was reading a book
and that book was you

pain is with him
they never drifted apart
not even once
the sun knows the truth
and so does the moon
yet everyone knows not
because every time he bleeds
all he bleeds is ink

I'm tired
I'm tired of everything
I want to cry
I want to shout
I want to explode
I want to stop
I want to do something
but I'm tired

I want to curse people
I want to curse myself
everything, and everyone
who caused me
to feel like this
to feel lost and alone
so vague and so drowned
to feel so tired

I felt suicidal
thinking death could end it all
but I don't know
I've been overthinking so much
and my mind is tired
my heart is tired of pain
and it's palpitating with grief and hatred

I'm useless, so worthless,
nonsense
I felt nothing
no one

and despite all of these
all I want is someone
someone to support me
someone who will care
someone who will be there
because I'm tired
but no one dared to
no one attempted to
and no one did

that is why I'm tired

I couldn't write a poem.
I couldn't make an art.
Those things I once enjoyed doing
have faded and become nothing.
Just like when a pen falls...
it starts to lose its ink.
-

Y-acht walks around the blue sphere
O-nly yearns, not just to wander
U-ntil it finds a place sung home

D-eep it goes above the water
O-n the welkin filled with flier

N-ever ceases crawling in
O-h, home, so far, where you've been?
T-ill it meets the amity within

B-ut, home is near yet it is distant
E-ven afar from land, and near to alone
L-eft is regret, a yacht of uncertainty
O-h, why do I belong not?
N-owhere, do I belong in?
G-uess, because I'm just a yacht

Finally, I’m rescued
Saved through the hands of love
Now I’m free with my refuge
Soaring like a winged dove

No longer the person I was before
I'm changed. I became different
I was made for something more
My existence was no accident

Joy is not enough
It can’t free you from sadness
Through it, you smile
But still chained in madness

I used to seek for Joy
But it was Love who found me
It was love who rescued me
It was love who set me free

When the oceans rise
In trouble times
Be still and call
In the name of Love

For love does not bring you Joy
Love brings you home

This time I'll change
I can't, but I will
I do not know exactly how
but I'll make sure
that they will see me bow
It's like reaching a star without a ladder
going somewhere
but you do not know how to get there
yet the ending's all worth it
so I will risk my all for it
let's discover how change occurs
for I've been stuck with my old endures
I'm tired of everything in my past
it's time to get my future vast
that's it
I've had enough
my old's gone
not even a half

I'll be stronger, braver and even better than you remember
I'm no longer a kid
no longer a child to fear
and I do hope
that you do the same, dear

I'll start to care not
I will start to fear not
I'll start to stay not
I will start to change a lot.

Everything ends
Nothing lasts forever
Nothing's ever built to last
It will all end

Yet in the end
Another book shall be read
Chapters be unfolded
New story to be ended

If I live happily ever after
How was it called
a happy ending
If it is the end of everything?

~Ends~

Pain makes people wage a storm.
Most would release the beast in any form
without hesitation, without fear;
without minding the damage,
they wouldn't even mind the effect they manage.

As they release their storm,
they thought they could also release their pain;
but little do they know,
that they actually pass on the pain.
Instead of having it ended,
it continues to grow;
resurrecting, from one to another soul.

But mine is different--pain makes me silent.
There's this huge hole within my soul
which I couldn't even detect.
There's this heavy atmosphere
that prevents me from breathing.
I would like to wage a storm, but I couldn't.
I would like to release my pain, but I couldn't.
All that I could do is feel it.
Endure it.
Suffer from it.

Silence is all that I could offer the world;
not a storm, not a beast, or anything
that would cause some damage to others,
but silence that only brings damage to myself.

At least I wouldn't be able to hurt others;
the pain would just end within me.
Or so I thought it would end.

plain dark yet I see thousand skyscrapers
emptiness filled with nothingness
and my pocket bleeds the word I spit
my eyes get drowned from its sweat
everyone is nowhere
and so are my emotions
like an old shell left because it's weak
heavy enough to be lifted up
silent, but not peaceful
wildfire slowly tearing down every walls
yet I hear happiness from the other side
it's far, but I know it is meant for me
they're happy when I'm alone
they're happy that I am alone

but it's fine
it is fine with me
it is fine with everyone who gets used to reality

beg for love
beg for care
beg for something
that won't ever be there

beg for attention
beg for some ears
beg for something
that won't help with your tears

beg for assurance
beg for permanence
beg for something
that causes emotional violence

beg them to stay
beg for a friend
beg for someone
who will leave you in the end

Sa isang patak,
Ito ay bubuhay;
Sa isang dagat,
Ito'y pumapatay.

Mamutawi man ang takot
Sa bawat pag-agos,
Mamumutawi naman ang saya
Sa bawat pagbuhos.

O kay gandang pagmasdan
Mula sa pampang.
Ngunit sa taglay nitong lalim,
Mananatiling mangmang.

Sa bawat pagbuhos ng ulan,
Sa pagbukas ng gripo,
Magbuhat man ng sakit o sustansya,
Mananatiling tubig ito.

you’re the best song that ever drenched my ears
a story filled with wines and tears
the umbrella that kept my rains from my lips
a moon that lights beyond an eclipse
pain that is worthy to be felt
a mistake that I’d commit till I melt
you are a past where I have been
the present that cannot ever be seen
a future that I will never have
and the memory that shall be always loved

I better get out of the woods

I adore sadness
It visits without a reason
It yearns to stay
but I fear to drown to poison

I said go away, on sombody's mind
I’m tired, I want to be happy
It uttered “no”, joy will not come
But if it does, it will eventually leave me

Did not listen
will only heighten desolation
I miss happiness and the old me
Now I’m trapped in isolation

Love came down and rescued me
It embraced me and set me free
It unchained me from melancholy
and released me from the arms of misery

It calmed my seas from raging
It saved me from drowning
It stopped the storm from roaring
Without it, I’d be forever missing

It wiped tears from my eyes
I didn’t speak a word or two
It embraced me tightly and
Yes indeed, a simple hug will do

I have been writing poems
As if I am forging my own armor
Yet it seems that what I have made
Is more than just a hefty covering
But layers of sky-piercing barriers
And armies of unfamiliar soldiers
With their faces reflected in mine

Yet with all these defenses
It still won't be enough

For the words I bleed fail to nourish
The wise owl I aspire to become
And the weakest of the weak
Isn't invisible behind thick walls
Nor will he ever be invulnerable
To the crippling echoes from outside
And to the storms he sewed himself

But as I am doomed to break
I will always be bound to fall as well
Down the rabbit hole of poetry

To the faint moon and deep breaths,
Orange-sky nightmares and lucid dreams,
Piles of abysses eaten by hyacinths —
Even though dawn is never promised,
Recently, I’m not roaming the night alone.

I still fight;
yet I still cry at night.

I still sing a lullaby;
yet I still want to die.

I still bleed some ink;
'cause I still overthink.

I still feel like an elf;
for I still doubt myself.

I still am pale;
for I still can fail.

I still cause heartaches;
for I still make mistakes.

I still enjoy this tone;
but I still feel alone.

I still fill my bed with squares;
'cause I still have nightmares.

I still swim through rhymes;
yet I still drown sometimes.

I still want to hold you, dear;
because, honey, I still fear.

A small rhythm I hear in my cage
Beat that sings loudly when I leap page
You whisper even when I sleep
Whose noise has depths of an ocean's deep

When I'm with exhaustion, you demand for rest
With fastest song, you stop me with your best
Your music continues as long as I live
But when I'm done, you'll proceed on other's rib

You never fail to bring me heat
The heat that comes from a single beat

I am a friend of yours
if tears need to be dried
you need hugs or a ride
when you feel alone
and you need to be home
every time you want to smile
want to walk someone a mile
if you need a diary
or simply wants to be happy
every time you need support
and when you need comfort
whenever you need someone
I'll do my best to be that one
just tell me
because I am your friend
and I will always be your friend

oh, talking to myself again
am I thinking out loud?
pardon.

I fear.
Everyone does
I once conquered one,
the fear of being none

Today I fear a lot
I don't fear you, you're wrong
I'm just afraid to be with you
I fear attachments.
I fear moments spent with you
I am afraid I might be used to it
I'm afraid someday those moments
turn into memories
and those memories will haunt me
as I face my next fear
and that is the fear of losing you
for life is like picking a flower from a garden
handle it,
let its thorn hurt you
let it wilt
or let it go

or you can simply just fear it
and be none.

I was always the first one;
the first one to approach,
the first one to communicate,
the first one to understand,
the first one to appreciate,
the first one to apologize,
the first one to fix things up,
the first one to listen,
the first one to open up,
the first one to do something,
the first one to consider,
the first one to worry,
the first one to surrender,
the first one to care,
the first one to forgive,
the first one to value,
the first one to believe,
the first one to fight,
the first one to trust,
the first one to hold on,
the first one to fall in love,
and you were the first one who gave up...
the first one who let go.
If ever you forgot,
I want to let you know.

Anxious may the sun be when he smiles
Roaring seas stop, reflected in his eyes
Wrecking all the stars nailed in the sky
In a single tear falling from a mile
Never has he lived on this place
Deep inside his head is his space

For a moment I would stop
and gaze at the sunset;
as the sun humbles itself,
I still could not forget.

For a moment I would stop
and search for the moon;
for the night is overwhelming,
I hope it fades away very soon.

For a moment I would stop
and listen to my demons;
different voices, different tones,
they are hungry lions.

For a moment I would stop
and recall my past;
what had happened?
What was that blast?

For a moment I would stop
and realize my mistakes;
I thought they would strengthen me,
but anxiety is all they make.

For a moment I would stop
and overthink for a while;
I could not sleep,
the sheep had ran a mile.

For a moment I would stop
and do nothing, but sank;
I feel nothing, am I nothing?
'Cause I feel like I'm blank.

For a moment I would stop,
hoping that this will all stop;
because I'm too drained
for another teardrop.