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9.8k · Mar 2018
Paggising sa Umaga
AnxiousOcean Mar 2018
Ngingiti ka na naman;
Lolokohin mo na naman ang buong mundo,
Paniniwalain ang lahat ng tao,
Uutuin maging ang sarili mo--
Na ayos ka lang,
Na wala kang problema,
Na patuloy kang lumalaban
Sa buhay kung sa’n
Ang sarili ang iyong kalaban.
“Ayos lang” ang iyong sagot sa tanong na “kamusta ka?”
At ngayon ko lamang napagtanto na palabiro ka pala.
Lahat nang ‘yan, iyong itatago sa iisang ngiti.
At sa iyong pagkukubli,
Lahat ay napaniwala.

Tatawa ka na naman;
Muling ipaparinig ang iyong halakhak.
‘Yung tipong mabibingi silang lahat
At masasabing ikaw ay masaya at tapat.
Pero ang bawat ritmo ay kumpas ng kasinungalingan
Na hindi namamalayan dahil sa lakas ng tawanan.
Itutuloy ang tawa hangga’t ang kasiyahan ay maisilang.
Pambihirang panlilinlang.
Daig mo pa ang hunyango pagdating sa pagtatago.
Lahat idaraan mo sa tawa, hindi dahil masaya ka,
Kundi dahil wala kang mukhang maihaharap.
At sa iyong pagpapanggap,
Lahat ay napaniwala.

Mananahimik ka na naman;
Mambibingi gamit ang saradong bibig.
Sasampalin ang buong mundo ng kantang walang ritmo,
Walang liriko, at walang nota.
Dahil hindi tengang handang makinig ang iyong kailangan,
Kundi pangunawa at ang maintindihan.
Mahirap bang gawing salita ang iyong nadarama?
Hirap ka bang magsabi ng kahit ano sa kanila?
Kaya’t mananahimik ka na lang
At paparoon sa isang sulok.
Aawit nang pabulong,
Rinig lamang ang iyong suntok.
At sa iyong pananahimik,
Lahat ay napaniwala.

Mangangamba ka na naman;
Matutulog na lang, sasaktan pa ang sarili mo.
Titingin sa paligid at magiisip nang kung anu-ano.
Kahit ano.
Kahit masakit.
Hanggang sa maaawa ka sa kalagayan mo ngayon
At Iiyakan ang sariling takot bumangon.
Malulungkot, magagalit
At mapapatanong kung bakit.
Bakit ganito? Bakit ganyan?
Bakit ang mata mo ngayo’y luhaan?
Minsan tulog na lamang iyong hiling,
Pero pagod ka pa rin maging sa paggising.
Mangangamba at iisipin ang lahat.
Lahat sila,
Lahat ng iyong napaniwala.

Pero hindi ako.
Ibahin mo ako,
Simula’t sapul, hindi mo ‘ko maloloko.
Hindi mo ‘ko mapapaniwala, hindi mauuto,
Dahil kilala kita,
At alam ko ang pinagdaraanan mo.
Alam kong hirap ka na sa pagsubok ng buhay.
Mistulang ang bawat araw ay pare-pareho na lamang,
Walang bago, puro tabang.
Maaaring tensionado ka, dulot ng paaralan.
O ‘di kaya’y dahil diyan sa mga tinatawag **** “kaibigan.”
Pwede ring dahil sa iyong tahanan.
Dahil sa sakit na dulot ng kung ano man.

Kilala kita.
Alam ko ang nararamdaman mo.
Alam kong gusto mo nang huminto,
Gusto mo nang itigil ang laro,
Pagod ka nang bumangon,
At takot nang umahon.
Tulad ng isang dahon na kahit kalian
Ay ‘di maibabalik sa punong pinanggalingan.
At iyo na lamang inaantay ang iyong paglanta.
Sa isang lugar, inirereklamo ang tagal ng pagkawala.
Dahil ikaw ay sawang-sawa.
Paulit-ulit na lamang.
May galit, may pait pagkatapos ng hagupit.
Babangon, sasaya, at muling babalik sa sakit.
Alam kong luha ang ‘yong nais ipabatid,
At hindi ang iyong mga tawa.
Dahil dama ko ang iyong lungkot sa tuwing ika’y masaya.
Alam kong hirap ka na.
Alam ko, alam ko.

Kilala kita.
Alam ko ang pagkatao mo.
Hirap ka nang kumapit, alam ko.
Dahil mahina ka,
At ‘di mo kailangang magpanggap;
Alam ko ang iyong hanap.
Ngunit nawa'y maintindihan mo,
Tanggap kitang buo at totoo.
Pwede ka nang umiyak,
Pwede mo nang bitiwan ang 'yong sandata,
Pwede mo nang ibaba ang iyong kalasag,
Pwede ka nang maging totoo.
‘Wag nang magpanggap na malakas ka,
Pwede kang maging mahina.
Pwede mo nang burahin ang iyong ngiti.
Pwede kang umiyak,
Hayaan **** dumaloy ang mga luha.
Sige, isumbong mo lahat,
Sabihin mo ang lahat sa akin,
Akala mo ba’y ‘di ko napapansin?
Sumuko man ang araw at nagdulot ng dilim,
‘Di kita susukuan at mananatiling taimtim.
Patuloy na kumakapit,
Inaantay ang 'yong paglapit.
Alam kong mapapatanong ka na naman kung bakit.
Bakit alam ko, at bakit ganito.
Pasensiya kung may pagkukulang man ako,
Ngunit hiling ko lamang na ikaw ay magkwento.
At sabay tayong ngingiti at tatawa,
Saba’y tayong iiyak sa drama.
Yayakapin kita,at patuloy na uunawain,
Dahil 'yun lang din naman ang gusto kong gawin.

Sabi ko nga sa’yo, kilalang-kilala kita.
At ‘di tulad ng iba,
Hindi mo 'ko mapapaniwala.
Dahil siyempre, ako ang 'yong ina.
7.3k · Jul 2017
One Thing About The Rain
AnxiousOcean Jul 2017
One thing about the rain
It's not just water nor droplets
But bullets of different emotions
A match stick that burns your soul
In a deep, vague coldness

Some found happiness from it
I once did
And some did find something
They did not want nor expect

But a thing about the rain
You will always find something
It will always give you a thing
Even if you're not aware
And when you're not aware
Let me tell you that it's the rain

A thing about the rain
It's a door that leads to places you once went
It opens widely for a rent
More than being water, it is a memory
Although you cannot tell
If it is the same place
You once longed to be
We cannot say that the door is safe
Nor is it free

Some were trapped
Some managed to escape
Some managed to smile
And I managed to fear
I fear that rain would prolong and
Would bear a fruit
But it didn't
It just plucked up a great root

How wonderful the rain could be
How it crashed to ground a resilient tree
How one could change with a single memory
And how rain triggers my anxiety
5.0k · Apr 2017
I, a Murderer
AnxiousOcean Apr 2017
I am innocent

I swear I'm not responsible
For any damage she's had
I swear I'm not the reason
Of her tears at night
And I swear I did not intend
To hurt and scar

I am guilty

I'm guilty for being weak
And guilty for being a kid
Guilty for committing a mistake
And for the actions I make

Misdemeanor; such ******
I slaughtered the feelings
We had for each other

Loving is a crime
And I am afraid
Of committing it again
3.9k · Mar 2020
Stargazer (Haiku)
AnxiousOcean Mar 2020
City lights above
Piercing through the darkest night
I don't want to sleep
1.9k · Apr 2017
Elegy for myself
AnxiousOcean Apr 2017
Hi
I want you to know
That I miss you so much
I miss you, us, the moments
We’ve shared
Everything
I miss doing things
With someone I trust
Someone with whom
I am comfortable with
I just miss you so much
And I'm tired
I am tired of missing you
I’m on my bed both
day and night
Yet my mind is tired
of overthinking
I’m tired of drowning
To the past
Where you were there
With me
or is it how
I wish It could be
I’m tired of pretending that
I’m happy
Yet deep inside it kills me
I’m tired of accepting things
But I know it’s the only
medicine that I have to take
I’m tired
Yet I want you to know
When you come home
No matter how far
I was here
Waiting
Drowning
Dying
1.5k · Apr 2017
Who were you?
AnxiousOcean Apr 2017
Flowers breathe and wilt through you
Rainbows envy the tint you go through
Even night was lost in your eyes
Depths of ocean were drowned as you rise
Cannot utter what you really think
Eh?
Lucidly, a vast mystery.
Just an ordinary poem for someone.
1.2k · May 2017
Read If You Dare
AnxiousOcean May 2017
If we can read between lines,
then why can't we read behind smiles?
1.1k · Mar 2017
Letting go the pain
AnxiousOcean Mar 2017
It is fun to be with shadows
Yet, staying long can make you hollow
Sometimes you have to rise from the rain
And start seeking for the rainbow
1.1k · Aug 2018
WALKING WITH WALLS
AnxiousOcean Aug 2018
these barriers offer isolation
these boundaries provide protection
these walls put everything in chain
because attachments often lead to pain
Because what if Rapunzel wasn't locked up by a witch in a tower but she chose to isolate and protect herself from everyone.
1.1k · Sep 2017
I thought it was love
AnxiousOcean Sep 2017
A new face
A stranger
One that can resurrect a withered flower
My eyes were stunned
It’s more like I’m dreaming
Please don’t wake me up
This feeling’s overwhelming
I think I’m in love
But I do not know exactly
Is this love at first sight?
Why does time run slowly?

I was jealous of everyone near you
You have hurt me unconsciously
I manage to come near you
And finally, I was with victory

Lots of things happened
More on pain than love
I became selfish
I just wanted to be with you
But it turned out
That the love I offer is not true
Nothing’s wrong with you
It’s about me
I thought I was in love
I thought it was love that I felt
I thought you were perfect

But I was wrong
Love’s not about perfection
It’s about accepting flaws
And every single thing
All I had was infatuation
Nothing
But a deep, deep thing
Now I’ve realized things
I’m sorry for all the damage
All the troubles
And mess

Don’t worry, for you,
Promise, I will learn to love
my cousin asked me to write a poem about infatuation, sadly I don't think I've given it some justification, because for me, it's more of a story than a poem. anyways, enjoy reading! :) God bless
997 · May 2017
The sense of living
AnxiousOcean May 2017
I hear you in the early birds' song
a moon's amity in a scorching firmament

I smell you as the flowers tilt from wilt
fragrance that stops time from running

I taste you by the waters of the deep
thy tears drench the stars as they fell

I feel you through the breeze of midnight
your embrace incinerates the numbing cold

I see you from the brink of the past
one from a million yet the best memory ever
962 · Sep 2017
Pluviophile
AnxiousOcean Sep 2017
there is a grey mist hanging from the sky
behind miles of its skin is a raging war
a calm firmament, but peace is yet so far
it is weak, and so, it yearned to die
roars were heard, and light brought the bath
the war is already won, sing an aftermath
We are asked to write a poem with a ABBACC rhyming scheme. I am actually not so used with the use of any rhyming scheme, so here it goes. :> Enjoy! God Bless!
900 · Nov 2017
Blood and Quill
AnxiousOcean Nov 2017
pain is with him
they never drifted apart
not even once
the sun knows the truth
and so does the moon
yet everyone knows not
because every time he bleeds
all he bleeds is ink
I'm sorry if I did not give my poem any justification, but all that I want to say is, everytime I feel pain, I write a poem instead of telling them directly that I am in pain. Because I am so sensitive. and I feel so sorry for being sensitive. God Bless
889 · Apr 2017
A Man's Best friend
AnxiousOcean Apr 2017
Nothing's better
than the breeze
of night sky
as you gaze the stars
that give light
to the way of lost souls
together
with the brightest star
that light your way,
your bestfriend

But now she's gone
the night sky fell
your way's unlit
but hers has light
by the stars in the sky

Yet when I miss you,
I will always look up
in the night sky
and gaze at the stars
For I know
that they will guide you
and will lead you
to the right way,
to HIM

Farewell, my friend
I have a dog, she's more than a pet to me, She really is my bestfriend whom I shared my tears with. And today, April 24,2017, God took her. It is painful. But I guess, I'm used to losing someone. Yet I had the best memories with her. God Bless :)
881 · Mar 2017
Smile Screams
AnxiousOcean Mar 2017
I am not a mask
Masquerading is not my task
I am not a decor
To hide a sinister horror
I am not a make up
Worn to cover up
I am not a thing
Used to conceal something
879 · Apr 2019
Doubtless Dauntless
AnxiousOcean Apr 2019
the next time you doubt yourself,
don't; it would be pointless.
from doubts and pressure, free thyself;
for you are made to be hopeless.

you are not good, you will never be;
thy value shall always be unseen.
that's why you shall love yourself truly,
because of being a needy you've been.

just play the music and sing along,
until you reach the other half.
you are not weak, you're strong;
but you are not strong enough.
...
875 · Oct 2017
Bibliophile; lover of books
AnxiousOcean Oct 2017
I was reading a book
I was Indulging the smell of its old pages
my imagination was ignited
as I ate every mere word it has
my eyes were healed
my mind was quenched
I was not me when I was walking the journey
and it’s a story that I hoped would never end
its covers conceal fragility
and the book sheltered me from reality
I was focused
I was bound to the book

lots of things had happened
and I was unaware
it was already afternoon
the flowers poured the summer’s snow
fogs devoured the pearls of the ocean
trees have lost all of its leaves
the bookshelf fell and got broken
my coffee became cold
and many more had happened
everything happened
I did not know
I was too busy
I was reading a book
and that book was you
Swim for deeper meanings
842 · Oct 2017
Loved birds
AnxiousOcean Oct 2017
I once descried chained feathers in the sky;
they swim from the swift breeze, so high.
Wings do falter, yet one still went by.
Ensnared on a garden; I yearn to fly.
834 · Jul 2017
Exhalation
AnxiousOcean Jul 2017
I'm tired
I'm tired of everything
I want to cry
I want to shout
I want to explode
I want to stop
I want to do something
but I'm tired

I want to curse people
I want to curse myself
everything, and everyone
who caused me
to feel like this
to feel lost and alone
so vague and so drowned
to feel so tired

I felt suicidal
thinking death could end it all
but I don't know
I've been overthinking so much
and my mind is tired
my heart is tired of pain
and it's palpitating with grief and hatred

I'm useless, so worthless,
nonsense
I felt nothing
no one

and despite all of these
all I want is someone
someone to support me
someone who will care
someone who will be there
because I'm tired
but no one dared to
no one attempted to
and no one did

that is why I'm tired
828 · Sep 2018
A Pen
AnxiousOcean Sep 2018
I couldn't write a poem.
I couldn't make an art.
Those things I once enjoyed doing
have faded and become nothing.
Just like when a pen falls...
it starts to lose its ink.
-
some downfalls affect us negatively
802 · May 2017
The Yacht
AnxiousOcean May 2017
Y-acht walks around the blue sphere
O-nly yearns, not just to wander
U-ntil it finds a place sung home

D-eep it goes above the water
O-n the welkin filled with flier

N-ever ceases crawling in
O-h, home, so far, where you've been?
T-ill it meets the amity within

B-ut, home is near yet it is distant
E-ven afar from land, and near to alone
L-eft is regret, a yacht of uncertainty
O-h, why do I belong not?
N-owhere, do I belong in?
G-uess, because I'm just a yacht
for the nowhere-to-be-found out there
789 · May 2019
Sigh
AnxiousOcean May 2019
Here I am again,
feeling what I feel,
thinking what I think.
I have tons of emotions inside,
tremendous storms, as they may.
but never could I ever find
the words for me to say.
ewrewfhtyrtyertewrwq?!??!?!!??!
774 · Mar 2017
Once Upon a Dream
AnxiousOcean Mar 2017
I know you; I walked with you once upon a dream
Your eyes reflected like a shallow stream
I gave you everything even my fragile trust
Not knowing that you can easily break it into dust

You stole my wings thought no longer can fly
But I rose and reigned and I still went by
Hatred filled me and I hunger for vengeance
Now it’s my turn, be ready with my ambiance

But I fell in the cliff of my own curse
A trap where I cannot even traverse
But this deception is what I need
In order to continue, in order to proceed

I had wings once they were stolen from me
And now I’m taking back my property
The one you stole without a scream
The one you stole once upon a dream
Maleficent Inspired
734 · Apr 2017
The Rescued
AnxiousOcean Apr 2017
Finally, I’m rescued
Saved through the hands of love
Now I’m free with my refuge
Soaring like a winged dove

No longer the person I was before
I'm changed. I became different
I was made for something more
My existence was no accident

Joy is not enough
It can’t free you from sadness
Through it, you smile
But still chained in madness

I used to seek for Joy
But it was Love who found me
It was love who rescued me
It was love who set me free

When the oceans rise
In trouble times
Be still and call
In the name of Love

For love does not bring you Joy
Love brings you home
734 · Aug 2017
This time
AnxiousOcean Aug 2017
This time I'll change
I can't, but I will
I do not know exactly how
but I'll make sure
that they will see me bow
It's like reaching a star without a ladder
going somewhere
but you do not know how to get there
yet the ending's all worth it
so I will risk my all for it
let's discover how change occurs
for I've been stuck with my old endures
I'm tired of everything in my past
it's time to get my future vast
that's it
I've had enough
my old's gone
not even a half

I'll be stronger, braver and even better than you remember
I'm no longer a kid
no longer a child to fear
and I do hope
that you do the same, dear

I'll start to care not
I will start to fear not
I'll start to stay not
I will start to change a lot.
730 · Mar 2017
NONSENSE
AnxiousOcean Mar 2017
Because I've been lying to everybody
I even lie to myself
I tell lies that they believe
I tell a lie that I would believe

I know you really don't care
None of you do
Well, guess what
Neither do I

I'm okay
I really am
Express pain in a shorter way
And yes, it's a lie, anyway

You won't understand me
You'll drown
I am more complicated than this poem
You don't even know that this is a poem

I'm alone in a small crowd
Drowned in deserted drought
Blurrier than a vague hope
Weaker than a decrepit old skyscraper
Deeper than the depths of a core
No one
Nonsense, eh?

Well, yeah.
Okay is enough
No weird things to understand
Nothing to elucidate
I'm okay
Just okay
Okay?
719 · Apr 2017
End
AnxiousOcean Apr 2017
End
Everything ends
Nothing lasts forever
Nothing's ever built to last
It will all end

Yet in the end
Another book shall be read
Chapters be unfolded
New story to be ended

If I live happily ever after
How was it called
a happy ending
If it is the end of everything?

~Ends~
659 · Jun 2018
Go fly
AnxiousOcean Jun 2018
I fell from a tree with a familiar feather;
I left our nest with memories and laughter.
It saddens me, but we have to grow.
I yearn to look back, but I need to go.
Do you know that feeling when you need to be separated from your friends because you need to grow? I miss my classmates so much.
655 · May 2019
Dry Storm
AnxiousOcean May 2019
Pain makes people wage a storm.
Most would release the beast in any form
without hesitation, without fear;
without minding the damage,
they wouldn't even mind the effect they manage.

As they release their storm,
they thought they could also release their pain;
but little do they know,
that they actually pass on the pain.
Instead of having it ended,
it continues to grow;
resurrecting, from one to another soul.

But mine is different--pain makes me silent.
There's this huge hole within my soul
which I couldn't even detect.
There's this heavy atmosphere
that prevents me from breathing.
I would like to wage a storm, but I couldn't.
I would like to release my pain, but I couldn't.
All that I could do is feel it.
Endure it.
Suffer from it.

Silence is all that I could offer the world;
not a storm, not a beast, or anything
that would cause some damage to others,
but silence that only brings damage to myself.

At least I wouldn't be able to hurt others;
the pain would just end within me.
Or so I thought it would end.
i couldn't use any rhyme this time. this is more like my raw thoughts without any drop of creativity. yeah well I just need to release something, sorry.
603 · Sep 2017
Moon Chaser
AnxiousOcean Sep 2017
Because I haven't smiled lately;
I've waited long enough
till the sun gets tired.
Ye all say the day gives hope and warmth,
but I am awake for the whole night.
I see stars smiling on the edge of clouds.
A lovely moon hanging on the wide sea
and yet, I feel complete.
Since then I'd often sail through the night
and be delighted by the moon.

But...

It's not really the moon,
but the memory it has.
That was when I met someone
who's fond of the moon.
A great friend;
one that most would envy.
A caring one, a loyal one.

Everyone has a memory.
Everyone is a memory.
All of us are memories,
But you are the sweetest of them all.
I do not want you to remember me.
I want you to know
that you will always be remembered
for you're the best memory I have.

When you are sad,
look for the moon.
Look at the moon.
For the moon whispers memories,
short glimpses of happiness,
everything that was done.
Shared moments; past.
The moon remembers.

A reminder that you were not alone
and you will never be.
I made this poem for my friend who is celebrating her birthday today,
September 14, 2017. :)
592 · Nov 2017
Troubled Water
AnxiousOcean Nov 2017
plain dark yet I see thousand skyscrapers
emptiness filled with nothingness
and my pocket bleeds the word I spit
my eyes get drowned from its sweat
everyone is nowhere
and so are my emotions
like an old shell left because it's weak
heavy enough to be lifted up
silent, but not peaceful
wildfire slowly tearing down every walls
yet I hear happiness from the other side
it's far, but I know it is meant for me
they're happy when I'm alone
they're happy that I am alone

but it's fine
it is fine with me
it is fine with everyone who gets used to reality
Sorry for my nonsense
584 · Mar 2017
Selfish Love
AnxiousOcean Mar 2017
Love is not selfish
Not jealous
Not boastful
Not proud
But kind
Patient
And loud

You said you love me
Yet you envy me
Come think again
Is it really love?
1 Corinthians 13:4
578 · Nov 2017
...
AnxiousOcean Nov 2017
...
I'd love to write a poem
but I can't find my words.
I can't. I want to express myself. I want to tell everyone. Spit words. Inspire. Ask for help. But I can't, because I'm tired.
569 · Oct 2017
Truthful Lies
AnxiousOcean Oct 2017
you’re the best song that ever drenched my ears
a story filled with wines and tears
the umbrella that kept my rains from my lips
a moon that lights beyond an eclipse
pain that is worthy to be felt
a mistake that I’d commit till I melt
you are a past where I have been
the present that cannot ever be seen
a future that I will never have
and the memory that shall be always loved

I better get out of the woods
560 · May 2019
Beggar
AnxiousOcean May 2019
beg for love
beg for care
beg for something
that won't ever be there

beg for attention
beg for some ears
beg for something
that won't help with your tears

beg for assurance
beg for permanence
beg for something
that causes emotional violence

beg them to stay
beg for a friend
beg for someone
who will leave you in the end
i beg u
558 · Jun 2019
TUBIG
AnxiousOcean Jun 2019
Sa isang patak,
Ito ay bubuhay;
Sa isang dagat,
Ito'y pumapatay.

Mamutawi man ang takot
Sa bawat pag-agos,
Mamumutawi naman ang saya
Sa bawat pagbuhos.

O kay gandang pagmasdan
Mula sa pampang.
Ngunit sa taglay nitong lalim,
Mananatiling mangmang.

Sa bawat pagbuhos ng ulan,
Sa pagbukas ng gripo,
Magbuhat man ng sakit o sustansya,
Mananatiling tubig ito.
****: Ikumpara ang iyong sarili sa isang bagay at gawin itong isang tula.
555 · Apr 2017
The Rescue
AnxiousOcean Apr 2017
I adore sadness
It visits without a reason
It yearns to stay
but I fear to drown to poison

I said go away, on sombody's mind
I’m tired, I want to be happy
It uttered “no”, joy will not come
But if it does, it will eventually leave me

Did not listen
will only heighten desolation
I miss happiness and the old me
Now I’m trapped in isolation

Love came down and rescued me
It embraced me and set me free
It unchained me from melancholy
and released me from the arms of misery

It calmed my seas from raging
It saved me from drowning
It stopped the storm from roaring
Without it, I’d be forever missing

It wiped tears from my eyes
I didn’t speak a word or two
It embraced me tightly and
Yes indeed, a simple hug will do
535 · Apr 2019
Time's Fool
AnxiousOcean Apr 2019
I waited for the storm to stop,
for the promise of a rainbow on top.

I waited for the trees to grow,
so I could reap the fruit I sow.

I waited for the flower to bloom;
perhaps it may brighten my room.

I waited for the sun to set,
for the view helps me to forget.

I waited for birds to sing;
their song starts the morning.

I waited for the summer,
for my bed is getting colder.

I waited for the rain,
because rain calms the pain.

I waited for the stars tonight;
they give hope, that someday, it might...

I waited for the world to sleep,
so all night, I could weep.

I waited for your love that I lack,
because you promised that you'll come back.
Promises... promises may fool one if he / she allows them to.
514 · Oct 2021
Alone
AnxiousOcean Oct 2021
To the faint moon and deep breaths,
Orange-sky nightmares and lucid dreams,
Piles of abysses eaten by hyacinths —
Even though dawn is never promised,
Recently, I’m not roaming the night alone.
513 · Dec 2020
Haven
AnxiousOcean Dec 2020
I have been writing poems
As if I am forging my own armor
Yet it seems that what I have made
Is more than just a hefty covering
But layers of sky-piercing barriers
And armies of unfamiliar soldiers
With their faces reflected in mine

Yet with all these defenses
It still won't be enough

For the words I bleed fail to nourish
The wise owl I aspire to become
And the weakest of the weak
Isn't invisible behind thick walls
Nor will he ever be invulnerable
To the crippling echoes from outside
And to the storms he sewed himself

But as I am doomed to break
I will always be bound to fall as well
Down the rabbit hole of poetry
482 · Mar 2017
God, my Heartbeat
AnxiousOcean Mar 2017
A small rhythm I hear in my cage
Beat that sings loudly when I leap page
You whisper even when I sleep
Whose noise has depths of an ocean's deep

When I'm with exhaustion, you demand for rest
With fastest song, you stop me with your best
Your music continues as long as I live
But when I'm done, you'll proceed on other's rib

You never fail to bring me heat
The heat that comes from a single beat
479 · May 2017
Phobia
AnxiousOcean May 2017
I fear.
Everyone does
I once conquered one,
the fear of being none

Today I fear a lot
I don't fear you, you're wrong
I'm just afraid to be with you
I fear attachments.
I fear moments spent with you
I am afraid I might be used to it
I'm afraid someday those moments
turn into memories
and those memories will haunt me
as I face my next fear
and that is the fear of losing you
for life is like picking a flower from a garden
handle it,
let its thorn hurt you
let it wilt
or let it go

or you can simply just fear it
and be none.
479 · May 2017
A friend
AnxiousOcean May 2017
I am a friend of yours
if tears need to be dried
you need hugs or a ride
when you feel alone
and you need to be home
every time you want to smile
want to walk someone a mile
if you need a diary
or simply wants to be happy
every time you need support
and when you need comfort
whenever you need someone
I'll do my best to be that one
just tell me
because I am your friend
and I will always be your friend

oh, talking to myself again
am I thinking out loud?
pardon.
474 · Apr 2019
A Bit of Consistency
AnxiousOcean Apr 2019
I still fight;
yet I still cry at night.

I still sing a lullaby;
yet I still want to die.

I still bleed some ink;
'cause I still overthink.

I still feel like an elf;
for I still doubt myself.

I still am pale;
for I still can fail.

I still cause heartaches;
for I still make mistakes.

I still enjoy this tone;
but I still feel alone.

I still fill my bed with squares;
'cause I still have nightmares.

I still swim through rhymes;
yet I still drown sometimes.

I still want to hold you, dear;
because, honey, I still fear.
474 · Mar 2017
FRIENDSHIP
AnxiousOcean Mar 2017
IT IS ALWAYS
BETTER
TO LOSE
YOUR PRIDE
OVER
YOUR FRIEND

BECAUSE PRIDE
CAN'T BE YOUR FRIEND
YET A FRIEND
IS A PRIDE
470 · Apr 2017
Ocean
AnxiousOcean Apr 2017
I'm not fond of oceans
I am scared of it
The feeling of waking up in the middle
barely floating
nearly drowning
almost dying
Too scared of its depths
What lurks underneath,
the creatures that hide in every tide

Until

I became one
I became an ocean
People go near
but do not go far
They enjoy to swim
Dare not to go deep
I give life to some
and I take it from others
Shelter the needy
and drown the greedy
now they are afraid of me
as I was afraid before

There are no monsters underneath
It is just me, the ocean
461 · Apr 2018
The Early Bird
AnxiousOcean Apr 2018
I was always the first one;
the first one to approach,
the first one to communicate,
the first one to understand,
the first one to appreciate,
the first one to apologize,
the first one to fix things up,
the first one to listen,
the first one to open up,
the first one to do something,
the first one to consider,
the first one to worry,
the first one to surrender,
the first one to care,
the first one to forgive,
the first one to value,
the first one to believe,
the first one to fight,
the first one to trust,
the first one to hold on,
the first one to fall in love,
and you were the first one who gave up...
the first one who let go.
If ever you forgot,
I want to let you know.
a not-so-deep but straight to the point poem
456 · Nov 2018
Blank
AnxiousOcean Nov 2018
And then the weather changed;
from a hot, burning yesterday
to a cold, freezing today.
At least it changed,
while here I am, my feelings have estranged.
I couldn’t find happiness for me to play
nor could I find sadness to pray.
None of these have exchanged,
they all went missing.
If you could find my emotions,
I am willing to give you a cent.
This emptiness is overwhelming,
Please go travel the nations.
I want something different.
my teacher just gave me a rhyming scheme of ABBAABBACDECDE
AnxiousOcean Jun 2017
Anxious may the sun be when he smiles
Roaring seas stop, reflected in his eyes
Wrecking all the stars nailed in the sky
In a single tear falling from a mile
Never has he lived on this place
Deep inside his head is his space
446 · Mar 2017
Sky full of Lighters
AnxiousOcean Mar 2017
If
our souls
mimic the colors
of the night,
then there
won’t be stars
in the sky.
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